


The Life and Times of a SHINee Fanboy

by Jonghyunicorn



Category: SHINee
Genre: Fanboy, Friendship, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-05-17 05:04:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 56
Words: 159,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5855212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jonghyunicorn/pseuds/Jonghyunicorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a long story based on the maturation of Jonghyun from a 19 year old fanboy to a 30 year old man dating the man of his dreams. Through this time period Jonghyun experiences a number of key events in his life and matures from an insecure teen, afraid to show his true self, to a self-confident adult surrounded by friends, family and loved ones who support him as he progresses down his dream career path. Of course there are bumps in the road, however one thing is constant throughout this time: SHINee.<br/>This is The Life and Times of a SHINee Fanboy.</p><p>[Cross-posted to Asian Fan Fics]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long story based on the maturation of Jonghyun from a 19 year old fanboy to a 30 year old man dating the man of his dreams. Through this time period Jonghyun experiences a number of key events in his life and matures from an insecure teen, afraid to show his true self, to a self-confident adult surrounded by friends, family and loved ones who support him as he progresses down his dream career path.  
> This is The Life and Times of a SHINee Fanboy.

**_BlingBling_ **

_12.17am 10.08.08_

**_I'm new in town_ **

_Hi guys,_

_Since this is such a new fandom I'm_ _aware that there are hundreds of these introduction type posts. So I_ _’_ _ll try to keep mine more SHINee based than me based because, lets be honest, that's_ _why we're all here._

_Of course, I do have to talk about myself a little. Hi, I'm_ _BlingBling, you can call me Bling. I am 19, like composing and work as a barista. That's_ _basically my life. Not even kidding. I have nothing going on. It's_ _boring. See, I told you you didn't_ _want to hear about me._

_My boring life is partially why I love SHINee so much, I think. They're_ _just so fresh and new. They have clearly worked incredibly hard to get to debut and their song is really catchy. Their voices are really good too. Young, obviously (Taemin though) but really well trained and controlled for a new idol group. How many groups have a good debut? Not many. Seriously, I can think of_ _…_ _none off the top of my head._

_So yeah, they got me. I don't_ _usually do the idol thing. I never even got into idol groups in elementary and middle school when everyone else was. Even when all my friends had childhood crushes on idols I just_ _…_ _didn't_ _care, you know? Honestly SHINee is the first group I've_ _ever gotten into to this extent because I just couldn't_ _resist their charms._

_Minho_ _–_ _he_ _’_ _s so tall and, although he_ _’_ _s younger than me, he just oozes this maturity and strength. He_ _’_ _s quiet, from what I_ _’_ _ve seen but when he gets comfortable in his surroundings his unique humour comes out to play and I love that. He can be so childish but he holds himself back to be the mature one, it_ _’_ _s adorable. He_ _’_ _s so competitive too, some would say too much, but everyone has to have a flaw, right? I know I have many. I_ _’_ _ve seen debates online about how he plays it up for the camera but I_ _’_ _m not sure, he seems pretty true to himself on most shows. It might be exaggerated a little but I think it_ _’_ _s true enough. That_ _’_ _s just my personal opinion though._

_Taeminnie_ _–_ _he_ _’_ _s just adorable. He_ _’_ _s so young. I honestly envy him, he_ _’_ _s 16 and exactly where he wants to be. Here I am, a high school grad with no career progression or future plans. He_ _’_ _s making me look bad :P The kid can be a little dense,I_ _‘_ _ve noticed but that_ _’_ _s probably an age thing. His dancing is incredible though and the way he moves is impressive. I don_ _’_ _t understand how he does it, it_ _’_ _s like he_ _’_ _s made of water or something. He just flows. Like whoosh. It_ _’_ _s weird.  
__Unpopular opinion: he_ _’_ _s not as cute as he makes out to be. I reckon he_ _’_ _s way more mature than he acts on camera. Oh, he_ _’_ _s cute but he can_ _’_ _t be as innocent as he pretends. Not after being a trainee for so many years. I like to think he_ _’_ _s a devil off camera. Not in a mean way, just in a won_ _’_ _t take crap from anyone kinda way, you know._

_Key_ _–_ _his name is awesome. Seriously, take your own name, shorten it and make it English. Genius. I get it was necessary but ha, it_ _’_ _s so simple. No but seriously, it fits him in a weird way. He has opened so many doors for himself through his determination and hard work. Hence, he is his own key. Or something. Maybe I_ _’_ _m taking that analogy too far._  
His voice is super unique but still awesome. It sounds really good with the other three and it _’_ _s just overall impressive. He_ _’_ _s super fashionabletoo which is awesome. I don_ _’_ _t really know much about fashion, oh, I know what looks good but it_ _’_ _s not necessarily_ _‘_ _this season_ _’_ _s trend_ _’_ _so his knowledge in that area is completely alien to me.  
His bluntness is also refreshing. How many idols keep quiet when they clearly want ot say something? So many. How many actually do say what they want when they want? Basically none. Key is so refreshing to watch. I especially love his bluntness in contrast to how he acts like the other members_ _’_ _mother. I have this amazing image of Key in a floral apron wielding a spatula. How amazing would that be to see? Although, maybe from another room, or through a screen. That boy seems scary if angry and I_ _’_ _m sure that outfit would make him mad and I_ _’_ _m not sure I want to see that._

_Onew_ _–_ _If Key is the mother, then Onew is the father. He_ _’_ _s my ultimate bias. It might be because he_ _’_ _s the closest to me in age and the only member older than me (I_ _’_ _m old, shut up), partially. But mostly it_ _’_ _s because he just seems like such an amazing person. He_ _’_ _s so sweet and caring, so many people have said so, so it has to be true, at least in part. He_ _’_ _s adorable in every way. He_ _’_ _s so clumsy and bumbling but at the same time, so strong and self-assured. His humour is_ _…_ _strange but also charming and he makes me happy when I watch him. And his voice, oh my lord that voice. I_ _’_ _ve written so many songs inspired by that voice. It_ _’_ _s magical._

_I could go on for days, but I'll_ _stop now. Just know that I love SHINee, I love their concept, I love their voices, I love their faces. They are beautiful people and have gained a fan for life in me  :3_

_Peace out,_

_Bling_

**_StuckOnew_ ** **_  
_ ** _Glad to see another Onew lover. We should chat about how beautiful his everything is sometime. Come on the live chat, say hi =D_

**_Taeminnnnnn_ ** **_  
_ ** _Welcome Bling. Hope you enjoy your stay_

**_Jin1098_ ** **_  
_**_It's_ _awesome to see this fandom grow so fast, welcome_

**_OnlyyouOnlyme_ ** **_  
_ ** _Omg hai welcome come join the RP group? We're_ _cool people, I promise_

**_BlingBling_ ** **_  
_ ** _Thanks for the welcomes guys. I'll_ _be sure to see you around :D_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: I started this fic in December 2014 but this chapter wasn’t added onto the overall fic until around March 2015. Once this fic got long, I realized I needed some chapters to break up the arcs. Hence, some little snippets of online activity. So don’t worry, the whole fic isn’t in this format. This is just an introduction :D


	2. Chapter 1 – Closet concert hype

"Jjongie, will you hurry it up?!" Sodam yelled from the bottom of the stairs. "I swear you're like a girl sometimes. I promise, you look fine."

"Yeah, yeah." Jonghyun yelled back, "Stop nagging woman. You're worse than our mother."

"I'll tell her you said that." The girl replied, smirking smugly. She knew she had won; pulling out the mother card was a sure-fire way to win any fight in their house. The woman was the best mother anyone could ever ask for but she could be incredibly scary when angered.

"Don't you dare! You know she'll ban me from leaving the house." The short boy pouted, his bottom lip jutting out an impressive distance from its previous position and his voice becoming a child-like whine. “And I can’t miss this, you know I can’t.”

Two hours later, Jonghyun was moving awkwardly and gripping his camera tighter to his chest as he and his sister walked towards the venue. In order to better guard it from the large amount of other SHINee fans surrounding him, he wrapped his arms around the fragile device. The camera had been expensive – a gift from his mother for his last birthday – and he didn't want to break it. His sister looked over at him and rolled her eyes at his defensive stance; the teen’s eyes were narrowed and his entire posture screamed protectiveness. He looked like a mother hen protecting his chick.

"If you don't want it to get broken, don't bring it." She muttered, shooting her brother a judging look.

"I can't leave it!" Jonghyun protested. "I need to-" He cut himself off, realising he was about to admit something he didn't want to in this location, around all of these people. Looking left and right suspiciously, eying off a particular pair of girls who kept looking in his direction, he then continued in a slightly louder voice, "You asked me to take pictures of your favourite group and I want them to be the best ones I can get." He looked at his sister pointedly, his eyebrows raised in a highly exaggerated manner, "Because they're your favourite group after all."

"And the drama teacher said you were a good actor." Sodam deadpanned, her face entirely blank. "Well," She continued, her whole demeanour changing to one of overenthusiastic peppiness, "Oppa, let's go! I need to see my Tae-baby because I just love SHINee _soooo_ much." Grabbing on to her brother's arm she dragged him forward almost cackling at how easily he came along with her. She didn't know who this boy thought he was fooling with his whole 'I'm all manly and I don't like this girly music' act because it was pathetically easy to see through. The poor boy was obsessed and it was clear to anyone who cared to look. Although, a lot of people apparently didn’t have eyes because very few people had ever caught on to her brother’s love of all things SHINee.

Honestly, she only attended these shows with him still because he was so pathetically obsessed with the group that it was actually a little sad. Being the 'epitome of manliness' that he was, he couldn't be seen attending these events alone, obviously; he might be labelled a fanboy and he couldn't have that. Sodam, being his sister, could very easily have him labelled as that. She was of the opinion that Jonghyun was an extremely big fanboy and he should own it; as long as he didn’t embarrass her in the process.

Originally, she had tagged along to these shows because the group was hot and she had never been to a proper concert before. Plus, Jonghyun had paid for her ticket, as well as his own and she wasn’t one to turn down free stuff. However, as the number of events she had been forced to attend with her brother increased, she had started to get less and less enthusiastic about them. The music really wasn't her thing and even the attractiveness of the boys on stage started to get a little repetitive. However, Jonghyun remained equally as enamoured at the twentieth show he attended as he had been at the first, so Sodam had continued to tag along as a favour to him. Not to say she didn't receive anything in return. She was saving up all these small favours to combine into one large favour that her brother would owe her in the future. She would definitely make it worth her while.

She also knew that her brother needed this. He loved this group, they honestly gave him a lot of strength and inspiration – and probably wank material but who was she to judge. The boy could get his rocks off with other boys, she didn’t care. Although she did kind of wish he would choose someone attainable to crush on. His love for that clumsy lead singer was cute, and very easy to mock him for, but it wasn’t a relationship that was ever going to be realised.

Furthermore, Jonghyun’s composition catalogue had expanded exponentially after the group’s debut, her older brother finding new inspiration when it came to writing. She was almost 100% sure that every song he had written in the last few months comprised of four parts; each part tailored to one specific member of SHINee. As much as the girl didn’t find the idol group’s music to be her thing, what was important was the fact that her brother was writing. She loved his work and anything that made the boy write more was a plus in her eyes.

So, as much as Sodam loved to tease her brother, she would always attend these events with him – unless they started occurring too often or she had something else to do... ok, she would attend as many of these events as she could without impacting her own life. She really enjoyed seeing her brother happy but she wasn’t about to make herself miserable to do so.

Plus, he was clearly dedicated to this. The boy worked at a local coffee shop almost every day of the week in order to earn money and please their father, who was very insistent that Jonghyun earn his own way in life, even if he was living at home. Most of that money, she knew, was deposited straight into a savings fund he had created to save up for college. Her brother had big dreams of going to music school and becoming a composer for real – a job choice their father didn’t appreciate but if Jonghyun was putting in all the work himself, the man couldn’t really say much against it. After that money had been deposited, there really wasn’t all that much left over for spending money. For her brother to then shell out the cash for two tickets to every SHINee event. Well, Sodam couldn’t to fault his desire to attend.

She did however, hope that one day, the boy would become confident enough in himself to attend these things without her. He was the kind of person who took every comment to heart and any words against him hit him hard, even if he didn’t show it. He tried hard to disguise it, but she had been so close with him for so many years that it was clear to her.

Maybe one day the boy would allow his true self to show to other people and not just through those weird fan sites he used – yes, she totally knew about that, not that she would ever let Jonghyun know that fact.

Making their way nearer to the front of the crowd, the two stopped and found a good position to stand. Because of the T shape of the stage, there was a lot more front row space than usual so it hadn't been too difficult to find a spot – especially as Jonghyun had insisted they arrive early to ensure they were some of the first people on the floor. They were a little to the side - ok, they were as far to the left as they could possibly be - but that was fine for Jonghyun, his camera had a zoom function and at least here, there was no possibility of taller people standing in front of them. Jonghyun would forever curse his lack of height as, even though the vast majority of the people at the show were female, there were still a fair few that managed to stand taller than he did. 

Looking at his sister excitedly as the background music changed to a medley of SHINee songs, Jonghyun almost jumped in anticipation before catching himself and trying to stand in a suave and contemporary manner instead - despite him being unsure what a contemporary pose may be. He thought he had achieved something at least mildly manly before he caught his sister's gaze.

"Idiot." She muttered, too quiet to be heard by her brother but her lips were easy enough to read.

Pouting, Jonghyun shifted himself away from the girl and fixed his eyes on the stage where a couple of roadies were doing some last minute equipment checks to the screams of a group of overexcited fans. It wouldn't be long now until he could see his favourite group in action. Whether it was the first show he ever saw or the twentieth the sense of anticipation and excitement was always the same. The same tingly feeling took over his extremities, the same light headedness blurred his thoughts and he felt the same strong desire to bounce like a jack rabbit. He had mentioned this feeling to Sodam once and she had just looked at him like he was mad and told him he should probably see a doctor. Jonghyun had promptly taken the issue to his favourite SHINee message board hoping he wasn't the only one who had those feelings - sue him, he was a little bit of a hypochondriac. Once he had received confirmation that he wasn't alone, he had fully embraced the feeling, enjoying the euphoric high it brought with it.

Minutes passed slowly, the background song changed more than once and the crowd started to grow restless as show time neared. Jonghyun was no exception, he had readjusted himself against the barrier, finding the perfect position to rest his arms in order to ensure his camera would not be jostled or damaged by the constant movement of the many fans behind him and he was now impatient for the show to start. He was ready for this.

Sodam leant on the fence next to him, facing away from the stage and looking out over the sea of people behind them, twirling a strand of her hair round her finger idly. "It always shocks me how many people come to these things." She yelled into her brother's ear, struggling to be heard over the noise of the venue.

He looked puzzled for a second as he tried to decipher what she had said; conversations in these loud conditions were never easy. "They're some of the best." He replied once he worked it out and grinned proudly.

Despite it being less than a year since the four-piece had debuted, their popularity had skyrocketed. Their debut song Replay had been a smash hit and the fan base that had grown from this humble beginning was quite large and highly protective of their group. Within hours of the song's release, numerous fan sites, blogs and forums had already been created. People wanted to know more about the members, they wanted to be close to them, wanted to see them grow and evolve as people and as a group.

All four members regularly appeared on various variety shows and reality shows and sat in the panels and judges seats for talent shows and singing competitions. They all had a unique personality that they presented to the public and that the fans expected of them. They often held fan events, from concerts to smaller, more close-contact occasions.

Jonghyun had never been to one of these events. Not even a handshake event or a fan signing. Most were highly exclusive events, so getting one ticket was hard enough, let alone two, and he would definitely need two. A lone male couldn't turn up to a signing event like that and join all those fangirls. Well, they could, but Jonghyun couldn't. He wasn't confident enough in his identity as a fan to do so.

That may sound strange. The boy had been a fan of SHINee since debut. He had watched all their promotions, bought all the merchandise, been to all the shows and joined all the forums. He was clearly a fan and a big one at that. However, he had never told anyone, outside of Sodam, that he liked the group. He would never walk into a SHINee fan meet up and declare himself as being BlingBling the well-known forum regular - in fact, he had been called a female more times than he cared to admit by other forum users. No one ever assumed a fan was a male.

As BlingBling he was the fan he wished he could be in real life. BlingBling acquired high quality photographs from every SHINee show she attended, gave detailed and reasoned responses to other fan's queries and thoughts about the group, suggested songs she would like to hear the band cover or even posted short song snippets she herself had written and she always thanked the group profusely for being there and caring about the fans when they did a live web chat or a fan site event. BlingBling didn't need to hide her love for the group; she didn't need to pay for two tickets to every show so she'd have an excuse to attend. She would just turn up and own her fan status.

One day, Jonghyun would be BlingBling. He would openly admit who he was and his gender to the other fans and the band. But today was not that day. He was not confident enough for that. He was scared of being judged. Already, he could see several girls looking at him strangely. A couple had looked at him and then scanned the girls around him as if trying to work out who he attended with.

Shifting closer to his sister, Jonghyun gripped his camera tighter. "Five minutes." He murmured after checking his watch. Feeling the vibration of his sister’s response through his chest, which was pressed against her back, as opposed to hearing her speak over the din of the crowd, Jonghyun shifted a little closer to the barrier to set up his camera. He couldn't wait for this show to start.

As the lights dimmed and the screams started, Jonghyun felt a grin spread, unbidden, across his face. In the dark, only the lights of the stage illuminating the room, no one cared about Jonghyun. SHINee was much more important than determining if some random guy in the crowd was a weird fan or not. In the dark he was as close to BlingBling as he could get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I wrote this, I hadn’t been to a kpop concert (although I had been to plenty of rock concerts). I have now been to two (BTS and Big Bang!) and luckily, it seems kpop shows don’t differ from any other shows by too much. There’s more light sticks and more dancing but otherwise it is mostly the same. I’m glad, since changing the entire chapter isn’t something I wanted to do.  
> Set-up chapters are always a little awkward, to write and to read. Bear with me guys.


	3. Chapter 2 - Post Show Blues

Jonghyun looked out of his bedroom window and sighed. It had been two weeks since he last saw SHINee in concert and his life had returned to its usual, dull routine. The rain outside was relentless and strong, battering against his bedroom window in a loud and unerring beat. He had fully intended to go outside and take a run this evening. His shift at the coffee shop had been fairly easy; there were no excessively difficult customers and even the after work rush had been slightly lighter than normal. Thus, he had more energy than usual and had fully intended to burn it in a productive way. After all, his developing muscles were something he was very proud of.

Sadly, now that the rain had started and didn't look like it was going to stop, Jonghyun needed a new plan for the evening. He could do many things but he felt too twitchy and amped up for most of them. His body was all prepared to exercise even if his mind knew that it wasn't possible any longer.

Most days, after work, he would sit and compose but with his hyped up thoughts he wasn't sure he would be able to come up with anything good. Composing took focus and patience which he didn't think he possessed right at that moment.

There were many other things he could do: he could study his finances and see how much closer he was to his goal of attending a music college, he could watch TV or he could do some more self-study on music and composing. However, he couldn't bring himself to do any of those at this moment. Groaning in frustration and stretching out the muscles in his shoulders and arms, Jonghyun tried to gather enough focus to do something at least mildly productive. Standing up, he paced the room absently. Jonghyun ran one hand over his largest SHINee poster, he mused for a few seconds at how beautiful the men (boys) really were. Shaking his head, he moved away from the wall once more and looked around the room hoping to spot something that could occupy him for an evening.

Throwing himself down on his bed, the young man huffed in an annoyed manner and pulled his laptop towards himself, flipping it open as he did so. Screw productivity, he was taking the day off. Typing in his password quickly he waited impatiently for the machine to log him in, his fingers tapping absently next to the track pad. Kicking his legs out behind him, the teen moved to lie on his stomach like a child. He navigated to his favourite website; it was one he had wasted many an hour perusing. So much so that many other users of the site had come to recognise his online pseudonym, ` _BlingBling_ `, and he had held long conversations on the live chats and the forums alike with many on regular occasions. However, not a single person on the website knew his true name or even his true gender. There was a reason for this, of course, and that was the man's fear of judgement for being a SHINee fan.

The site, a SHINee fansite, was one of the most popular forums and blogging sites dedicated to the kpop group around. There were many other sites, of course, but none had lasted as long or accumulated as many members as the one Jonghyun most liked to frequent. It hosted many of the fandom's most well-known members, from fan site masters to fanfiction writers, and there was nearly always activity in the live chats and forum posts.

Jonghyun had been a member from almost the beginning, ever since he had decided his admiration for SHINee wasn’t a passing fancy and was, in fact, here to stay. He had done a lot of research on the group and, after finding the forums through a fan site master’s blog, had silently lurked for a few weeks before he even considered making an account. Sadly, male members were not common on the site; on any kpop fan site. This was mostly due to the fact that male SHINee fans were far outnumbered by female fans. Jonghyun would freely admit that he wasn’t especially confident in his identity as a fan. He was scared of the judgement that may follow any admission he would make. Admitting you were a fan of an all-female idol group was one thing; although among people his age even that was considered a little strange. Most people were of the opinion that once you graduated high school you were too old for idols. Admitting that, as a male who had already graduated high school, you were a fan of an all-male idol group, now that was another thing entirely. Many would label him as weird and, not wanting to deal with that, Jonghyun had decided not to disclose his identity online in any way. Thus, whilst many members of the site created regular blog posts about themselves and their lives, Jonghyun never had. He stuck mainly to the general forums and the live chat, talking only about the group and his admiration for them. The closest he ever got to talking about his own life were his occasional posts about a concert had attended or his reviews of a song or show. Even then, everything was focused around SHINee and very little was said about himself.

Deciding to avoid the forums today, wanting the speed of live communication instead of having to wait for forum replies, Jonghyun navigated to the fan site. Logging in to his account quickly, the teen first scanned the brightly coloured home screen to ensure there was no vital SHINee news he had missed. Seeing nothing of importance, he clicked the live chat link.

Shifting slightly as he waited for the chat to load, a process that sometimes took a while, Jonghyun rearranged himself on his bed. Sitting up once more, he rearranged his bed pillows until he had created a nice padded area of wall to lean against. Placing his laptop down on the side of the bed, Jonghyun sat back comfortably before pulling the device back over to himself and placed it in his lap.

Happily, he saw that he had successfully logged into the chat system and already people were greeting him. It always made him feel good that the people on this site truly liked BlingBling. BlingBling was still him; his personality, his thoughts, his opinion. Despite not being open about his life, people still liked BlingBling as a person and therefore, liked Jonghyun as a person. It was a nice feeling.

He had friends offline, of course. There were people at work who he enjoyed speaking to. His boss was especially nice to him and he enjoyed their regular conversations about life, the man’s daughter, school. He was also still in contact with a few people from high school. It was a little difficult to keep those relationships considering most of the people from high school went straight into the military or to university and most of his peers had vanished completely from Jonghyun’s life following graduation. Those few that had remained he did not contact overly often. They were also not aware of a lot of facets of Jonghyun’s personality. He was unwilling to risk alienating them by admitting he was gay or loved idols. However, he still considered them friends. They were just different from the people he spoke to online.

**_BlingBling has logged in_ **

**_StuckOnew_ ** _Heya Bling!_

**_LockandKey_ ** _Welcome_

**_Juri99_ ** _wass up bling?_

**_BlingBling_ ** _Hi all. How are we?_

**_StuckOnew_ ** _Good._

**_StuckOnew_ ** _Actually_

**_StuckOnew_ ** _Help us solve a debate. Who's the best member of SHINee?_

**_LockandKey_ ** _KEY! Always Key_

**_Juri99_ ** _Minho_

**_BlingBling_ ** _That's just a question of bias. There is no best member._

**_LockandKey_ ** _KEY_

**_BlingBling_ ** _if you asked who my bias was that would be easy. But best member is not really fair. They all play their roles in the group and all of them are the best in some way._

**_StuckOnew_ ** _always so logical Bling. So boring_

**_BlingBling_ ** _Oy! I’m not boring :P_

**_StuckOnew_ ** _so who is your bias?_

**_BlingBling_ ** _Isn't that obvious by now? Do you know me at all? xD I'm a total Onew fan._

**_Juri99_ ** _but hes soooo boring hes like the worst one_

**_StuckOnew_ ** _that's not really fair. He does as much or more than the others._

**_BlingBling_ ** _he’s basically perfect though_

**_Juri99_ ** _ugh whatever you guys suck anyways_

**_Juri99 has logged out_ **

**_BlingBling_ ** _well she was just a ball of sunshine, wasn't she?_

**_StuckOnew_ ** _Shining brighter than any_

**_StuckOnew_ ** _so, why Onew. Let's see if our reasons are the same :P_

**_StuckOnew_ ** _if my bias wasn’t already obv_

**_StuckOnew_ ** _You know, because of the usernam_

**_BlingBling_ ** _Beware, I can talk about this for a long time_

**_StuckOnew_ ** _I'm prepared_

**_StuckOnew_ ** _because so can I_

**_BlingBling_ ** _Ok you have been warned._

**_BlingBling_ ** _Well, I guess the first thing is I love his strength. He is the leader of one of the most popular groups around and that can't be easy._

**_StuckOnew_ ** _omg yes and it's got to be twice as hard with such different personalities in the group_

**_StuckOnew_ ** _like imagine all the fighting with the others_ _Taemin would do. He’s_ _a kid, kids do that they_ _get all argumentative and stufff_

**_BlingBling_ ** _right?_

**_BlingBling_ ** _But at the same time, I love how gentle he is. I've never seen him say a bad word to or about anyone. No matter what._

**_BlingBling_ ** _I just respect that_

**_LockandKey_ ** _even I have to admit thats awesome and I love key for his honesty and bluntness_

**_LockandKey_ ** _I need more key in ma life_

**_LockandKey_ ** _but sometimes you need a little Onew_

**_LockandKey_ ** _because nice guys are the best sometimes_

**_BlingBling_ ** _i know what we see on tv and stuff is all controlled and scripted and whatever. But so many people describe him as gentle and nice that it has to be based on truth._

**_StuckOnew_ ** _it has to be. I refuse to believe it isn't._

**_StuckOnew_ ** _I agree with everything you said btw. But can we talk about his voice._

**_BlingBling_ ** _the voice though_

**_StuckOnew_ ** _it's like sex in my ears_

**_LockandKey_ ** _sounds messy and painful_

**_BlingBling_ ** _xD gross_

**_BlingBling_ ** _But ahh it is magical. I love how he isnt afraid to sing old trot songs and how he nails them every time_

**_BlingBling_ ** _and his voice compliments the other members' perfectly_

**_StuckOnew_ ** _he looks drop dead gorgeous in the group photos too_

**_StuckOnew_ ** _I drool every time_

**_LockandKey_ ** _bet thats embarrassing in public._

**_StuckOnew_ ** _you bet_

**_StuckOnew_ ** _but it’s worth it for Onew_

**_BlingBling_ ** _I understand the feeling. He is gorgeous. I want one of my own :p_

**_StuckOnew_ ** _you’ll have to fite me for him_

**_BlingBling_ ** _Ill win. I’m stronger than I look_

**_LockandKey_ ** _are we done with the Onew fest now?_

**_StuckOnew_ ** _never!_

**_BlingBling_ ** _haha don't get me wrong. I love all of the members. They're all amazing and it wouldn't be SHINee without a single one of them. I just don't know. There's something about Onew._

**_LockandKey_ ** _ok ok we get i_ _t. You want Onew as your boyfriend. Now what about Taemin on th_ _at variety show? You know the one with the guy. Damn, what was his name…_

**_LockandKey_ ** _The comedian guy. Come on guys. You know what show I mean._

**_StuckOnew_ ** _I really really don’t_

**_LockandKey_ ** _bleh, you suck_

**_LockandKey_ ** _either way, Tae’s hair was… not cute. It looked kinda odd on him. I hope they fix it soon_

Jonghyun blushed as he read the boyfriend comment. Looking up at his wall, where a large poster of the group held centre stage he couldn't help but contemplate the idea. What if Onew was his boyfriend?

The barista had long since come to terms with the fact that Onew was basically his ideal type. However, he had never really considered the idea that they could date. For one thing, they would probably never meet and if they did it would be for mere seconds at a fan sign event. Jonghyun would probably just blend into the crowd of other fans, all there to meet the idol and many of them so much more interesting than Jonghyun. Another reason was, Onew probably wasn't gay. Jonghyun knew not all the celebrities that claimed to like women really did, it was just improbable that they were all telling the truth and information on sexuality was extremely tightly controlled. However, the chance that his one bias was actually gay was so slim it wasn’t really worth considering. Not to mention that, even if Onew was gay and he did meet Jonghyun, they possibly (probably) wouldn't be compatible any way. Why should an idol like Onew settle for a simple barista like Jonghyun? It was just too unlikely a thing to happen.

Banishing any further thoughts on the subject, the man turned back to the chat room. In the mere seconds Jonghyun had been distracted the conversation had turned to recent TV appearances by the idols. This was a conversation Jonghyun was able to and always willing to get involved in.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> StuckOnew is one of my favourite characters to write. Has anyone seen Monstar? I sort of based the character on the character Shim Eun Ah from that show.


	4. Chapter 3 – There’s a chance

Opening his favourite fan site one evening, a few weeks later Jonghyun almost choked on his own saliva. The news section on the front page usually featured important details about SHINee’s activities: their most recent variety show appearances, live performances, future releases and anything else they were doing that was considered important by the site admins. However, today, a large banner ad took up most of the space. This was unusual, the front page was usually a set layout and this ad definitely didn’t fit with the theme at all. It wasn’t the ads presence that most shocked the teen however. It was the contents.

The ad had clearly been copied from the official SM Entertainment site and it advertised a competition. A very interesting competition.

Many competitions had been hosted by SM over the years; ranging from art to dance and anything in between. The prize was usually a one on one with your favourite idol or a chance to audition at the company. Jonghyun ignored most of them, not having enough confidence in his singing or dancing to get out there in public. Despite enjoying the music SM Entertainment artists created, Jonghyun had no interest in auditioning for the company himself.

There _had_ been that one misguided month when he was fourteen and was convinced he could be an idol. He had spent four weeks singing and dancing around the house, much to the chagrin of his family who had to put up with him. He had continued with his misguided notion until one fateful Tuesday when his sister had caught him in their mother’s make-up drawer; his lips a deep rouge and his eyes looking like he had been punched. Sodam still liked to imitate the scream he gave upon being discovered. So that dream, if it had ever been a dream at all, had died a rather dramatic death to the sounds of his mother’s yells of anger when she discovered her expensive eyeliner nothing more than a crumbled mess on the floor.

Nowadays, the boy was far more interested in his compositions, creating songs for others to perform, than being the one on the stage himself.

It was this interest that made this competition so enticing. It was a song writing contest and the winning song would actually feature in SHINee's upcoming album and be performed by the group on national TV. For an up and coming composer like Jonghyun, this was an amazing opportunity. There was no mention in the contest fine print - following an in depth analysis of the guidelines by the man - of an ongoing contract with SM Entertainment. Further analysis of the guidelines revealed that all rights to the song, bar his name being shown as the author, would be purely SM Entertainment's. There wasn't even a chance for royalties. The rules were all very thorough and well thought out; it was proof of SM Entertainment’s large team of lawyers. However, it was a fantastic opportunity for the teen to get his name out there in the composing world. Instead of being some young kid with no professional experience, he could become a young kid who wrote a hit song for a massive idol group – he refused to believe that any song performed by SHINee could ever be a failure. Winning this competition could be nothing but a boon to his future career and would probably make the college application process a lot easier. After all, a high school graduate who worked as a barista wasn’t that interesting but a high school graduate who worked as a barista and had one of his compositions selected by one of the largest entertainment companies in the country, if not the world, well… that was a lot more interesting.

Not to mention, he'd be writing a song for SHINee! His favourite group could be singing and performing a song he had written and composed!

He supposed it was only a benefit that, since the debut of his favourite idol group, every song the barista had created was in four parts. If two of those parts happened to be mostly rapping and the other two were more complex singing parts, well that could only be a good thing. He supposed it was also a good thing that he had gotten into the habit of creating instrumental breaks in his more upbeat songs that could be used for a dance break. It was also, likely, a benefit that he tailored every line to the aesthetic of a certain all-male line up and his lyrics were all family friendly and acceptable for performance on television. I mean, probably.

Reading over the rules one final time, Jonghyun navigated to his composition folders and began sorting through all his pre-created songs. He wasn't sure yet if he would create a new song entirely for this competition or if he would rework an older piece. However, he was absolutely certain that he was entering this competition. Pushing his dark hair back from his face and smiling determinedly, Jonghyun got to work. It was a month until the deadline and he was going to make use of every free second he had.

-

Three and a half weeks later and Jonghyun felt he was almost ready for this. He was certain his sister thought he had become a recluse and his mother was probably plotting to get him checked out if he didn’t start coming out of his room soon. None of that mattered to the teen, none of it at all. After many hours of work and effort, he had finally finished his song.

Over the course of the last three weeks he had written, composed, reworked and scrapped a lot of works. He had drawn inspiration from all aspects of his life; from his one disastrous dating experience (with a girl, which was likely the reason it was disastrous), to the cute older couple that frequented the coffee shop, to his bosses marriage woes, to the book he was currently reading (very slowly). He had, more than once, caught himself humming melodies as he showered, worked or walked down the street. He had even woken up humming once. It had been a good tune too. It was a shame he had forgotten it by the time he had fully woken up and scrabbled around his bedroom for a sheet of paper and a pen.

This competition had really done wonders for his creativity. In three weeks he had created two entirely new songs, from melody to lyrics, and completely reworked another. Not to mention the many short snippets he had created but never fully formed into songs. Honestly, he felt that these were some of his best works yet. Usually, pressure made Jonghyun work slower as he found it difficult to concentrate when his mind was occupied, but, for some reason, that wasn’t the case this time. It may be because this was a song specifically written for SHINee to perform; he had always worked better when the four-piece group was involved. It may be because he finally had a purpose and a direction with his work. Or, it may be because he had just overcome the extreme composition block he had been suffering from. Whatever it was, he wasn’t going to complain. He hadn’t been this happy with anything he had created for a long time.

However, no matter how proud he was of his work, Jonghyun had never felt so nervous about the click of a single button in his life. For weeks he had been preparing for this, never feeling a hint of nervousness as he composed. Now, as he sat at his computer staring at the submission screen, he was feeling all the fear that had been missing during the composition process.

That little red `submit` held the potential to change his life entirely.

He wasn't nervous because he wasn't confident about his compositions. In fact, out of everything in his life, his music was something he was always, always confident in. Even his less well-crafted pieces were things he held dear because, between the poor melody and cheesy lyrics there was always something worth taking away. A single lyric that's exquisite, a short melody only heard in the background of the original song could become a chorus of another, the bass line could be the best one he's ever created but is drowned by the other sounds. Every song was created with his heart and soul and therefore, with a little work, everything he composed could become a work he truly loved, even if the final song sounded nothing like the original piece. Jonghyun had tried to explain this concept to his sister once, when she complained about him filling yet another portable hard drive with songs. She had insisted he delete the songs he didn't like and didn't seem to understand that he couldn't do that because he honestly liked every single one.

Even if others disliked his work, Jonghyun didn't care. It was a personal thing. It was something he had been working on and improving for years. If other people enjoyed the music he created, that was fantastic but what was important was that he, himself, enjoyed it. Each song he wrote brought back memories of the time it was written. From the instruments and melodies he had used he could tell exactly how the Jonghyun of the past was feeling as he wrote the song. From the changes in the writing style in the lyrics, he could track his maturation and his growth through his teenage years.

Every so often, on a free day, Jonghyun found himself exploring the many files, he would go through his back catalogue, listening to the many songs he had created and marvelling at how much he had improved over the years. Some songs were finished, some were not. Yet, each one inspired him in some way, gave him motivation to keep going, to keep improving. It reinforced the idea that his dreams to work as a composer were not merely false hopes and made him remember just why he loves the process so much.

So, Jonghyun was nothing but confident in his skills, but this, this tiny, insignificant button was terrifying. The song he had decided to submit to this competition was an old one. He had written it just after SHINee`s debut with the group in mind. He had spent many countless hours crafting it; both when he first wrote it and again following the competition announcement. He had tried hard to ensure that each member was featured equally and each idol had a section in the overall song which highlighted their individual strengths and guarded their weaknesses. He had also tried to stick to the image the group portrayed to the public. There was no point submitting a dark, brooding rock song because that wasn't fitting with the idol’s image and would never be selected as the competition winner. SHINee were light and poppy, yet original and creative. They were a shining light amongst the other kpop groups; at least, in Jonghyun’s opinion.

The original melody and lyrics were something he was incredibly proud of. In his opinion it was probably his best work to date. The other two songs he had written post-competition announcement were also stellar, well he thought they were. However, his selected song was just a step above the rest and he was incredibly proud of it. He felt he got his meaning across well and he hoped the judges appreciated the feelings he had poured into each line and each note. He truly felt it was a song that represented both himself as a composer and a SHINee fan, and SHINee as a group. 

Scanning over the online entry form once more, Jonghyun checked everything necessary was present. His name and contact details, a copy of the sheet music, an audio recording of the song that he had created through the merging a backing track created in a cheap (slightly terrible) downloaded music program and a recording of his own singing and his idea for a song title, `Juliette`.

With all that checked over – for the twelfth time – and with it, once again, all being correct, Jonghyun had no more reason to postpone his submission. Steeling himself he took a deep breath in and reached his arms out in front of him to stretch out the muscles in his shoulders, enjoying the way they clicked audibly, before shaking himself out thoroughly. Preparations complete, he reached for the mouse with his right hand and clutched the edge of the desk with his left as he navigated the pointer over to that tiny, terrifying button. Taking a deep breath once more, Jonghyun pressed his finger down on the left mouse button.

As the computer loaded the completed submission screen, the short boy let out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding and ran his fingers through his hair in relief. He knew he was probably grinning like a loon but he couldn’t care less. He had done it. What was done was done and now all he had to do was wait for the results.

At that moment, he didn't even care too much if he won. Ok, that wasn't entirely true. He really did want to win a lot but he was realistic. Why should he, a nineteen year old cafe worker, win when there are so many other talented and dedicated people around?

He was sure, when the results were released and he wasn't he winner he would be disappointed. He also knew that, no matter how much he would try not to, he would judge the winning entry harshly. He couldn't let just any song be sung by his idols, especially not some sub-par submission that didn’t deserve to win. That isn’t to say he wouldn't be happy for the winning composer. They would probably be equally as psyched as he would be to win but there would always be a hovering disappointment there. A feeling that maybe if he’d tried a little harder it could have been him.

Standing up and forcing himself away from the computer, Jonghyun aimed to distract himself from getting his hopes up by staying busy. He had heard Sodam muttering about the kitchen being filthy earlier, so he headed downstairs to see if he could make any headway on that mess. At this point, he was willing to try anything to take his mind off of his doubtful thoughts. For the next few months he would try incredibly hard not to think about the competition at all. It was probably best that way.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: SM holds composition competitions, ok? No? Well, they do now :P


	5. Chapter 4 – Did it actually happen?

Jonghyun was practically vibrating in place due to his nerves. The results of the SM Entertainment music competition were going to be posted today. As much as he had tried to convince himself over the last couple of months, that the results of this competition did not matter to him and he was proud to have just submitted his piece, he was so anxious at that moment.

All day he had been garnering odd looks from people – both those he knew and those he didn't. When he had headed downstairs at 7am, two hours earlier than necessary for his 10am shift at the coffee shop, his sister had looked at him like he was insane. He had tried to sleep through to 9am, as usual, but after waking at 6am he was unable to roll over and get back to sleep. He had tried, breathing deeply and even to tried counting sheep to relax himself and convince his body to shut down once more. He tried desperately to think of other things, boring things: work, his desperate need for new shoes, that boring crime show his mother so loved to watch. However, every train of thought drifted back to the ever approaching results announcement.

He had given up after forty five minutes of counting. The sheep had stopped jumping the fences half an hour before and were instead staring blankly at him, as if he was being ridiculous trying to sleep. Thus, Jonghyun had agreed with the sheep and had got out of bed, not even bothering to change out of his sleep wear. Quickly booting up his laptop he checked the SM Entertainment website, hoping that maybe they had shifted the announcement up a few hours without informing anyone. Maybe someone would have loaded the post early by accident, giving him a reprieve. Ok, it was a long shot, but there was always a chance. He was getting desperate at this point.

His mother had looked so very proud that he was awake and cooking breakfast when she had come downstairs at a little before 8am. Jonghyun hadn't had the heart to break it to her that this probably wouldn't be a regular occurrence. Although, to be fair, he had not mentioned the competition to her at all. So, to her and the rest of the family, it probably looked like there was no reason for this unusual behaviour other than a desire to better himself. Or something. Jonghyun wasn't a mother, he wasn't sure how they thought but it was probably something along those lines.

After bumming around the hose until approximately 9.30am, Jonghyun scrambled to get to work. Ok, so maybe it was closer to 9.45am, Jonghyun may have woken up super early and spent most of the morning being bored but he still somehow managed to almost be late for work. He was pretty sure his boss would have a heart attack if Jonghyun’s arrival wasn’t a dramatic run through the door less than ten seconds before his shift was due to start. The man seemed to live for those dramatic entrances. He was always present in the front of the coffee shop, waiting for the teen to arrive and often had an indulgent smile on his face as he watched the door.

Jonghyun was lucky his boss was an easy going person. The teen really owed the man a lot. He had hired him when he was nothing more than a high school student with no experience; he had even offered him flexible working hours so he could work around his schooling and had kept him on the staff ever since. He indulged him a lot, having taken a liking to the aspiring composer, he even allowed Jonghyun to take vacation days slightly more short notice than the official time scale. Jonghyun was pretty sure his boss knew about his secret obsession too - if the side eye the teen received every time SHINee’s faces appeared on the small TV that was constantly playing in the corner of the café was any indication. 

In fact, that thought was pretty much confirmed when Jonghyun raced into the café that morning. His boss was lounging over the counter, his arms stretched in front of him and his face smushed onto the cool surface.

“What’s up, boss man?” The teen grinned as he exited the break room, having dressed himself in the appropriate apron and hat combo and stored his bags for the day.

Receiving only a grumble in response, the teen chuckled and got to work, setting up the coffee machine and arranging all the cups and condiments how he liked them. Café arrangement was an ongoing battle between him and one of the other employees – he hadn’t worked out exactly who it was who kept changing his organisation system yet. He suspected it was Minhee, the two teens tended to have shifts immediately following each other and they both liked their work station arranged a certain way. Luckily, there was rarely a time where two employees were manning the machines at the same time, so arguments were minimised. Which was probably a good thing for Jonghyun. Minhee was one feisty girl and the teen was sure he was sure he would lose in a battle of words (and probably fists) if it ever came down to that.

Looking up from the counter top, the boss watched Jonghyun’s progress as he shifted the syrups around to his taste.

“What’s got you so keyed up today?” The man asked, as his employee moved slightly more sporadically than normal, at a time when he would normally still be moving pretty sluggishly. Having worked with the boy for years he was well aware that Jonghyun was not fully capable at work for at least half an hour after his arrival when doing a morning shift.

Looking up from where he was now shining the front of the coffee machine, having abandoned all the syrups, Jonghyun uttered an eloquent “Huh?”

“You’re all jittery. Something on your mind?” His boss said, standing up from the counter fully and turning slightly to face the boy. As he turned, the man noticed something on the small TV screen. It was just an advert for a fried chicken company, but the idol group advertising it jogged his memory. “That’s the group you like, ain’t it.” He said, gesturing at the TV absently.

It wasn’t really a question and Jonghyun didn’t really need to answer. The way his eyes were drawn to the screen as soon as the group was mentioned and the look of focus that came across his features gave everything away. “Yeah.” He answered, absently.

“Oh!” His boss exclaimed, “I heard about that competition thing they’re doing. For the song writing thing. Did you enter?”

“I...” Jonghyun looked at the man in shock. How did he hear about the competition? As far as Jonghyun knew it hadn’t been publicised on any media network that his boss was likely to watch.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that. I have kids, you know. My daughter’s into this idol stuff. I was looking on their website for information on that girl group she likes.” Jonghyun nodded his understanding.

His boss’ daughter was a cute girl of eight with a strong love for everything Girls Generation. This likely stemmed, in part, from the fact she shared her name with one of the members. Jonghyun had been regaled with many a tale of how cute and pretty and wonderful they were when the little girl came in to the cafe. Quite often, during the school holidays, his boss would set her up in the corner of the room with a laptop, some colouring books or her homework and would check on her periodically through the day – or, more often than not, send Jonghyun or another employee to check on her. The little girl, Sooyoung, loved Jonghyun to death. She thought he looked just like an idol, for some reason Jonghyun couldn’t fathom, and loved that she could talk to him about all things kpop and he understood. She was, in fact, one of the few people who knew how much Jonghyun loved kpop.

“Wait.” Jonghyun said, his brain catching up with what the man had actually said, “How do you know I entered?”

“You actually did enter?” His boss asked, smiling. “I’m glad. This could be your big break.”

Jonghyun just stood there, cleaning rag hanging limply in his hand and mouth open. “But...” He started, staring blankly at the man, “How did you know I write music?”

“Come on kid,” His boss said, patting his shoulder gently. “How long have you been working here? You mention music school often enough. I make it my job to know at least the basics about my employees.” Seeing Jonghyun was still in slight state of shock and was unlikely to say anything any time soon, he continued. “So, how do you think you did?”

“Good,” Jonghyun said faintly, still not quite over the fact that his boss apparently cared for him more than he had realised. He should probably get the man a gift or something; he really owed him a lot. This man had been nothing but supportive, even when he didn’t need to be – Jonghyun was just an employee after all. His boss wasn’t obligated to care. “I worked hard on my submission.”

“I’m sure you’ll do great.” His boss beamed, clapping his employee on the shoulder. “Invite me to your first event as a famous man, will you?” He chuckled, “Now get back to work.”

-

Seven hours later and Jonghyun’s shift was over. True to his boss’ wishes, and his own work ethic, he had worked diligently through his entire shift. Honestly, he probably worked a little harder than he usually would, hoping that the focused work would make the time pass faster. It didn’t but it had certainly impressed his boss.

“Good luck!” His boss yelled, giving a thumbs up, as Jonghyun walked out of the small cafe.

The teen chuckled as a business man, here for his after work coffee and a diet-cheating slice of cake, jumped in shock as the man’s loud voice sounded behind him.

“Thanks, boss.”

Jonghyun’s casual stroll home lasted until he was about half a street down from the cafe, before he gave up travelling so slowly and broke into an excited run. He had to get home. Technically, he could check the results on his phone but, he wasn’t sure why, that didn’t feel like the right thing to do. He had to check them on a large screen. So, here he was, sprinting to his house, the wind whipping his hair and his bag – containing the remainders of his lunch – slipping from his shoulder and smacking against his legs.

Rushing through his house, only taking the time to slip off his shoes as he entered, Jonghyun barrelled up the stairs to his bedroom. His mother called to him as he ran past her and he gave an affirmative grunt in answer to her question – “Good day at work, dear?”

Dropping onto his bed dramatically, the teen dumped his bag on the floor and grabbed his laptop from his desk. As he waited for the machine to log him in, Jonghyun chewed on the side of his thumb anxiously. He had pretended for so long that he wasn’t bothered by the announcement but, now it was actually time, he wasn’t sure he was ready for this.

Taking in a deep breath and wiggling slightly on his bed to get comfortable, Jonghyun prepared himself for the big reveal. Logically, Jonghyun knew that, out of the thousands of people who entered the competition (many of which were probably professional composers) his chances were slim. However, that didn’t stop the wistful part of his mind, the same part that had made him antsy and nervous all day, from believing he had a shot. He thought his work was good, he hoped others would think the same.

Navigating to the SM Entertainment website, Jonghyun watched as the news reel scrolled past important events that were happening within the company before finally hitting the thing he wanted. Clicking the artistic image of sheet music, announcing that it contained the winner of the composition competition, he felt his nerves increase tenfold.

As he watched the page load he felt his heart start to beat a rapid tattoo behind his ribs. He was far too wound up about this. Taking a deep breath he calmed himself a little before he began reading. The initial statement was a general overview of what the competition was and he scanned this impatiently, not really caring what it said. There were more important things to worry about.

Scrolling down further, the blonde boy felt his hand shaking as he neared the line of interest. It was clear which line it was that held the information he was seeking, it was separated from the rest and bolded. Steeling himself, he squinted his eyes at the line, cracking them open a little at a time to slowly reveal the text.

_We are pleased to announce that the winning entry is ‘Juliette’_

Jonghyun gasped, not quite believing what he was reading. Breathing deeply to try to control himself he scanned the rest of the sentence.

_Written and composed by Kim Jonghyun._

Ok, it was official. He was dreaming. He hadn’t slept enough last night and now he was paying for it. There was no way this was real. He couldn’t have won, could he? He was just a nineteen year old barista who dabbled in composing in his spare time. He wasn’t good enough for this. It didn’t make sense.

Quickly opening up his email, he almost choked when he saw a message from SM Entertainment inviting him to an interview in a week’s time in order to do some necessary edits to his song. Coughing harshly he tried desperately to get enough air in his lungs as he tried to process this. He couldn’t believe it.

Grabbing his laptop, he sprinted into his sister’s room, almost tripping over nothing as he ran. Rushing haphazrdly into her room, ignoring her protests as she turned to him annoyed, he grinned enthusiastically. Dumping his laptop on her bed, ready to be used as proof later, he tackled the girl dramatically babbling nonsense.

The girl grunted as she was hit with the full weight of her, although short, pretty heavy, brother. “Jonghyun! Get your fat ass off of me. I was doing something. What is wrong with you?!”

“I did it!” he practically yelled in her face. “I did the thing and I won the thing and SHINee and I did it Dam! I really did it!”

“Did what? Idiot. I have no idea what you’re saying.” Sodam said, sounding annoyed, as she worked to extricate herself from underneath her brother. However, her face showed no annoyance at all. In fact, if Jonghyun had taken the time to look, he would have seen a look of happiness mixed with confusion. The girl didn’t see her brother this happy very often so something exciting must have happened.

“So…” Jonghyun said, finally giving in to her and allowing himself to be moved to the bed. “You know I entered that composition competition thing?”

“Yes...” She said, not quite getting it. Then she stopped and really thought about it. “Wait!” She squealed, excited, “Are you telling me that you-?!” Seeing his nod she squealed, “Oh my god! That is so amazing.”

The two siblings danced around the girl’s bedroom for a while before they settled down on her bed to discuss what was going to happen next.

“So, you’re going to be my big famous brother now? Oh God, don’t do anything embarrassing. Don’t be yourself.” Sodam fretted. She was incredibly proud of her brother, there was no denying that and she loved him to death but he could be incredibly embarrassing sometimes. In fact, many of her friends had initially had crushes on him, because according to them he was damn fine, but soon snapped out of it when they were around him for a little while. His personality was not what most people expected. They all expected the big, strong, protective man who was into sports and would spoil his girlfriend. And, ok, that last one was possibly true, if Jonghyun was into women. But the rest was about as far from the truth as you could get. Jjong was the most emotional person she knew and his favourite things were not exactly the epitome of manliness.

“I’m not going to be famous,” Jonghyun said, leaning back against his sister’s headboard. He stuck his tongue out at her as she glared at him for knocking the teddy bear that was by her pillow onto the floor as he got comfortable. “It’s just one song.”

“I know.” She said, giving up on glaring at the boy, it clearly wasn’t working. Settling herself down comfortably, cross-legged at the end of her bed, she faced her brother, her expression becoming more serious. “So, what _does_ it mean?”

Jonghyun looked at her and took a deep breath, preparing to explain this to the girl, “Ok, so first, I have a meeting to discuss the edits that need to be done to my song to make it sellable or whatever. I think it’s almost unnecessary for me to be there, I probably won’t get much say in how it is changed. But whatever, I’ll do what they say.”

“So, they’re changing it? I thought it was your song?” Sodam asked, confused.

“Well yeah,” Jonghyun agreed, ruffling his hair with one hand as spoke, “but my song was written in my bedroom, it’s not really polished enough for SHINee.”

“So they want to make it more SHINee?” Sodam asked, before snickering to herself. “Polished, SHINee, get it?”

Rolling his eyes, Jonghyun kicked his foot at the girl, not really looking and blindly hoping he would hit. Judging from the surprised yelp from the end of the bed as his foot impacted something solid, he did. “Yes. Basically.”

“I thought you wrote it with SHINee in mind, though.” Sodam asked, confused. She had no idea how the music industry worked, it wasn’t really her thing, but she did know that her brother had spent many hours on all his songs. He always tried to make sure his compositions were perfectly suited for the idol group.

“I think it’s the backing track and stuff, mostly.” Jonghyun mused. “I don’t know the email didn’t really say.”

“So after that, what happens?” His sister asked.

“Dunno, it gets released I guess. I know I have to be interviewed for a TV show about SHINee at some point.”

At that statement, Sodam lost it. Falling forwards on the bed, dramatically, she snorted with laughter. “You-“ She gasped, “On TV!”

“What’s so funny?” Jonghyun pouted, his lower lip sticking out dangerously far.

“Nothing, it’s just...” She trailed off, not sure how to say this without insulting him. “You are really awkward in person, imagine yourself on camera.”

“Oh god.” Jonghyun muttered. As if he hadn’t considered that possibility, which knowing him, he probably hadn’t. “I’m going to embarrass myself.” He covered his face with his hands, overdramatically, drawing another snort of laughter from his sister. Then he stopped his overdramatic motions and gasped, looking scared “Everyone will know.”

“I was just kidding, you’ll do great. As much as I hate to admit it, you’re hot. People’ll love you.”

“No, you don’t understand, people will _know_.” Jonghyun said, his voice taking on a slightly hysterical edge as he clutched at the duvet under his hands tightly, his knuckles turning white with the pressure.

“You’re right.” Soda, said, sensing the conversation had suddenly turned serious and moving across the bed to her brother, gently moving his hands and releasing them from their clenched form. “What’s up Jjong, you were so excited a second ago?”

Looking at his sister with wide eyes, Jonghyun said softly, so Sodam could barely hear his voice. “I’ve never told anyone I like SHINee before. I’ve never shown anyone my songs before. What if people hate me?”

Moving across the bed to sit beside her brother, Sodam hugged him tightly and stroked his hair gently. Trying her best to convey all her feelings to her brother she began to speak. “Have some confidence, Jjong. Your music is incredible. So that isn’t something to freak out about.” Sensing him relax very slightly beneath her fingers, she continued to speak softly, “As for liking SHINee, you should be proud. You’ve been a fan for so long and now you’re getting such a special experience. It’s like a reward for your dedication.”

Pulling away from the girl’s hands, Jonghyun looked up at her face, seeing nothing there but her belief in what she was saying. “But what if people hate me?”

“Who gives a crap?” Sodam said, deadpan. “You are a fantastic person and if people hate on you, they’re just jealous they don’t have your talent or looks.” Seeing his look of disbelief, she continued, “The people who will judge you aren’t worth your time, Jjong. They are petty and small and get off on insulting others. Have some confidence in your identity as a fan. I don’t get it. The whole idol thing confuses me. But I absolutely understand that you are passionate about this group and anything that makes you as happy as those boys do, can’t be a bad thing. So go out there and own it, like the bad-ass I know you can be.”

“Bad-ass?” Jonghyun chuckled, not giving any signs of wanting to move out of his sister’s hug, but clearly a little calmer than he had been. “Do you know me at all?”

“Oh come on, those muscles can’t all be for show.” Sodam joked, poking at her brother’s left bicep which was on full display due to the tank top he was wearing.

Sticking his tongue out at his younger sibling, Jonghyun pulled out of her arms and stood up, flexing exaggeratedly. “I’ll have you know, these babies are 100% real and will 100% allow me to kick your ass.”

Sodam let out a high pitched squeal as her brother launched himself at her once more, arms outstretched. Knowing he was going in to pin her and tickle her – a thing that happened more often than she would like – she fled quickly, standing on the opposite side of the room to him and eyeing him warily. The two circled each other, occasionally making a fake lunge at one another and eliciting screams from the other party as they did so. Their impromptu war only lasted five minutes and sadly, neither side won. A third nation, in the form of their mother, had interfered and told them to keep it down whilst she was trying to watch her dramas.

As Jonghyun moved back to his bedroom to do whatever it was he usually did in there, Sodam smiled in triumph. She hoped she had calmed the boy down enough that he wouldn’t completely freak out when it came to his interviews and the reveal he was a SHINee fan. Maybe this experience would be good for him and he would gain some confidence, which would be a fantastic result.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: Sodam and Jonghyun’s interactions are some of my favourite things to write.


	6. Chapter 5 – SM Entertainment is big

Jonghyun was sure he had never been this nervous before in his life. Shifting awkwardly in the waiting room chair, he pulled at his tie, needing something to do with his hands. He felt like a weirdo - wearing a suit, when everyone else in the building appeared to be wearing more casual clothing. Well, some people were in suits, he supposed. However, all the people his age appeared to be wearing trendy casual clothes or strange mixes of fashion that most people would not be able to pull off. To add to his humiliation every single one had looked at him and smirked as they walked past, as if they knew why he was there in the building. They probably assumed he was some sort of desperate auditionee or someone here to beg for a job.

The rest of the people passing through, mostly older men and women, walked around in business wear, much like Jonghyun himself. However, they walked with a sense of purpose and belonging – most clutching a stack of papers or an electronic tablet to their chests as they strode past. Jonghyun had a sense of purpose, he knew exactly why he was here, but belonging was definitely something he lacked.

Looking at the clock for the fifteenth time in as many minutes, the young man sighed once more and stretched out the cramping muscles in his back. He had had to switch out his shift at work, in order to make this meeting. Monday morning was one of the shifts the teen had held since he had graduated high school and this was one of the first times he had ever missed it. Luckily, his boss had been fine with him taking the day off – even with such short notice – and had scheduled another employee for the day.

Unfortunately, his shift switching had led to him having to work his least favourite shift in order to bulk up his hours. The Sunday night closing shift was always hard work as, although the boss ensured his establishment was always clean, he scheduled a weekly deep clean that took place every Sunday night after closing. Thus, Jonghyun had spent the night before this meeting bent down and scrubbing cabinets, appliances and the floor. That, unfortunately, meant that Jonghyun was a little stiff this morning.

His scheduled meeting, arranged purely by SM Entertainment with the expectation Jonghyun would arrange his schedule around it (which he totally did), was meant to occur at 10am. The teen had gotten ready in record time that morning – to the confusion of his mother – and travelled across the city to the SM Entertainment Head Office with a bounce in his step and a grin on his face. However, when he arrived at the imposing building at 9am, he realised that, although being early was a good thing, this early was probably pushing it. So he had headed to a nearby coffee shop to grab a drink and a bite to eat in the hopes of wasting some time and calming his frazzled nerves.

As he ate, he unfortunately, had a lot of time to think and the more he thought, the more nervous he became. He had already won the competition. In his mind, he knew this. The directors and producers had clearly liked his song and they wanted him to attend this meeting. However, that didn’t stop his mind from conjuring up many thousands of bad scenarios: What if they suddenly decided they didn’t need a new song at all? What if he hadn’t won and they just wanted to tell him how bad his song was? What if they had showed his work to SHINee and they had hated it?

It had taken him a few seconds and a large swig of still scalding coffee to jolt himself out of that last train of thought. He knew, logically, that SHINee had probably already heard his song and probably even had input on the outcome of the competition. Even if they hadn’t yet heard it, they would likely enjoy it purely because it was a competition entry. He also knew that his win had already been announced, so to retract their decision now would look bad for SM Entertainment – although they could just produce a statement saying he cheated, or something. Jonghyun shook his head vigorously to dislodge those thoughts. He may have garnered a few odd looks from the other patrons of the café for his actions but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He wouldn’t allow himself to head down that line of thinking. He had won and his song was going to be sung by SHINee. He should be excited, not sitting here psyching himself out.

Sitting in the waiting room of the SM Entertainment building (he had arrived and checked in at 9.45am after finishing his coffee and breakfast roll) was not helping things. The large room was empty, except for the occasional worker passing through on their way to the lifts and, Jonghyun assumed, their offices. It had only been ten minutes so far and Jonghyun was getting antsy; not that he hadn’t been antsy to begin with.

Jonghyun had given up on his uncomfortable seat by 10am and was instead wandering round the waiting room, observing the strange, abstract art on the walls and generally doing everything he could to distract himself from his nervous thoughts. This was how he was found by Mr. Song, the man in charge of the competition and the man who had initially contacted Jonghyun about this meeting.

If anyone were to ask the young man what happened when he met Mr. Song, his answer would be ‘he came and collected me from the lobby’. However, if anyone were to ask Mr. Song how he met the competition winner he would answer: ‘the poor kid looked like he was going to wet himself. I think I surprised him, he actually let out a quiet squeak when I tried to get his attention.’

Once he had overcome his initial embarrassment and Jonghyun had calmed himself to the point he didn’t look like a human tomato, Mr. Song (who refused to be addressed as anything other than Mr. Song), escorted him up to the third floor and into a small meeting room.

“Mr. Kim,” Mr. Song began, as he settled into a chair, gesturing for the boy to sit on the opposite side of the table.

“Jonghyun is fine.” The teen assured as he too sank into a chair, shifting uncomfortably as he tried to find a good position.

“Jonghyun, then.” Mr. Song continued, his lips quirking only a little in what was possibly an attempt to calm down the nervous looking boy in front of him. Sadly, the man’s face was not built for comfort. The stern set of his eyebrows and the harsh lines of his jaw did not allow for soothing facial expressions and his voice would always be on the more commanding side. The man presented a rather imposing figure, overall. If Jonghyun had been less nervous, he would have considered why this man was in charge of public relations. He looked like the sort of man who told you what to do and you did it. Although, if he had considered it – which he hadn’t – this was likely a good trait for a man working in public relations to have; especially when idols and their many fans are heavily involved. Jonghyun knew well just how intimidating some kpop fans could be. Of course, Jonghyun was currently busy freaking out over the fact he was in SM Entertainment’s headquarters and he was so close to getting his song performed by his favourite idol group ever. So he didn’t consider anything other than the immediate. “As you are aware, you have won the composition contest.”

Jonghyun couldn’t prevent a small smile from working its way across his face as he nodded eagerly, leaning forwards in his seat, “Yes, thank you so much for choosing me.”

“The choice wasn’t all on me, Jonghyun. “ Mr. Song said, “There were a lot of very strong entries to this competition. However, the board especially liked yours. They felt it truly fit the group’s aesthetic, more so than the other entries.”

Jonghyun’s grin grew even wider as he heard the compliment, his eyes lighting up as his absolute favourite topic came up. “I’ve been listening to SHINee since their debut and I tried really hard to create a song that would highlight all their individual talents. I’m glad it worked.”

“It did.” Mr. Song agreed. “And I can see that you know the group well from your entry. I’m a glad SHINee has such loyal fans.” The man’s voice was so deadpan, it was difficult to tell if he was sincere in his statements or not. “Now, in a little while, a music producer and one of SM Entertainment’s most important composers will arrive and do some edits on your song, to make it more marketable.” Waiting for Jonghyun’s nod of understanding, the man continued. “We will first have you sign some forms releasing the song to our ownership and allowing us to use it as we wish; with your name as composer, of course.”

“These’re the stipulations outlined in the competition rules, right?” Jonghyun asked, already sure he was right.

“Ah, good. You read those. Many people do not.” Mr. Song said, sounding thankful. “You have, in essence, already agreed legally to these terms by entering the competition. This is more a formality to ensure you understand your legal rights and for our records.” Pulling a sheaf of papers out of his briefcase, Mr. Song passed them over to Jonghyun.

“Thank you, sir.” Jonghyun muttered absently, already scanning through the document under the watchful eyes of the stern public relations manager.

It took him a good ten minutes to read through all the paperwork. Jonghyun may not have understood every word, there was quite a lot of legal jargon in there, but he had understood enough to get the gist of each document. It helped that he had already read through the similar information outlined in the competition rules before he submitted his song; it meant that what he read was not too much of a surprise.

He would not receive any royalties from the songs release and SM Entertainment were allowed to edit, remix or modify the song as they wished, as well as allowing other groups under the SM Entertainment label to perform it. This all sounded rather negative but, the fact that he, a nineteen year old barista with no formal song writing training, would have his name listed as the writer and composer of a SHINee song that would be published in their next album and performed live by the group themselves on national TV was more than enough. Signing the document was an easy choice. He had been writing for SHINee for years, even if they would never hear any of his other songs, and to actually have them perform one, even if it only happened once, was beyond fantastic.

The signing of the document also brought a large sense of relief to the teen. The second his name was on this paper, SM Entertainment absolutely could not pull out of the contract. Unless, of course, Jonghyun broke any of the rules (which were stipulated on the third page) and luckily, he had not and did not intend to in the future.

By the time this process was complete and the signed documents returned to the public relations manager, Jonghyun and Mr. Song only had to wait a couple of minutes for the producer and composer to arrive. Those minutes had passed in awkward silence because Mr. Song did not seem to be the type for small talk and Jonghyun was too nervous around the stern man to say anything.

The producer was an eccentric looking man in his mid-thirties, with a large mane of dyed red hair and a suede suit in a worryingly bright shade of blue. He had bounded into the room with enthusiasm, greeting Jonghyun with a firm, if a little over enthusiastic, handshake and professed loudly how much he loved the song. The composer, on the other hand, was the complete opposite. His short stature – on par with Jonghyun himself – was made even more unassuming by his meek manner and dull grey suit. However, when he saw Jonghyun, who was still looking a little dazed after the hurricane of a producer – “Call me Woo, kiddo!” – he smiled warmly and greeted him with a firm handshake and a soft pronouncement of “You may call me Sungkyu.”

“Now, shall we get down to business?” Mr. Song asked, once everyone had taken their seats. Jonghyun watched with interest as Sungkyu set up his laptop and connected it to the meeting room’s projector screen. The display loaded slowly, revealing his song, already open on music editing software. Honestly, Jonghyun was a little jealous. This was high-end software. The barista had written and composed the entire song using the cheap, battered keyboard in his bedroom and an incredibly rudimentary free music creation software that allowed him to create basic sounds and tunes. Maybe, one day, he would be considered skilled enough in this field to gain access to this software, or even be able to afford it himself. He was sure the subscription fee was more than he would earn in year at his current job.

“Of course!” Woo agreed, reaching into his messenger bag to pull out a notebook. “So I made some notes about your song. All good, I assure you.” He reassured, turning to Jonghyun who was seated next to him and patting him on the shoulder enthusiastically. “I love this song. I listened to it and went ‘this is the one’. I really campaigned for you to win. The others were good but this one, it’s perfect for our boys. It’s like you truly know them.”

Jonghyun blushed at this statement, his ego swelling just a little at the bombardment of praise. “Well, I have been a fan since their debut...”

“Oooh a fan. That’s even better. It’ll look so good on the press release. So many people enter these things for the chance to get famous and don’t even know the group they’re writing for, you know? You must know.” Woo continued, his voice excited, not waiting for any sort of answer to his barrage of words before he carried on speaking. “But a fan always knows best. They know what they want the group to do and sing and they know what other fans want too. Ooh this is perfect.”

“A male fan in certainly unusual,” Sungkyu spoke up, quietly. “A male fan with your composition talent is even more so. Where did you study?”

Jonghyun looked down at the table embarrassed, “I didn’t. I can’t really afford college right now. I’m saving up.”

“Well that’s certainly impressive and actually explains a few things.” Sungkyu said. Jonghyun looked up at that statement, the pride he had felt from Woo’s praise fading, just a little. Reassuringly, Sungkyu spoke again, “There isn’t much that needs to be fixed with your song. Hence my belief you had formal training. I have a few suggestions that I will go over in a minute, just to make it flow better. But overall, it’s very good.”

“What did you mean, ‘that explains some things?’” Jonghyun asked, looking across the table to the other man. It may have sounded cheeky of him to ask but he was really curious and anything he could learn that could help him improve his composition skills was something he wanted to know.

“People who have been to music school tend to make all the same mistakes.” Sungkyu began, his voice slipping into a tone that belied his teaching skills. This was clearly a man who didn’t mind talking others through problems and teaching them new things. “Everyone is taught the same way and, even with their individual styles, the same common mistakes occur over and over again. You didn’t have any of those and you clearly have a natural ear for music and song structure but there were some small issues that anyone with a formal education would probably have had drilled out of them by the time they finished their studies.”

“Ah.” Jonghyun said. He didn’t fully understand what the other man meant but he sort of got the idea.

“And that’s all fantastic.” Woo said loudly as he reached across the table for the computer mouse, cutting off anything else the two would say, “But we have limited time here; let’s get this show on the road.”

The four men had been working in that meeting room for nearly four hours with only a short, half hour, break for lunch. Between them they worked to create a workable version of the song that they believed would work well with the concepts for the coming SHINee album as well as sounding as polished and professional as people would expect from an SM Entertainment group. The three SM Entertainment staff members had been impressed by Jonghyun’s insightful comments as well as his acceptance of constructive criticism and feedback about parts of the song that were less usable. He had, once he got past his initial nerves, tried to ask questions about why things were being edited; not because he disagreed with the men’s judgement but because he wanted to learn how to make his songs more professional and usable in an industry setting in the future.

“Ok,” Mr. Song said, a stiff smile on his face – not because he was annoyed but because that appeared to be the happiest the man could look. “So I think I understand how the backing track for this section will sound now.” He pointed out a section in the music that was very vocal heavy with a solid beat in the background. They had been working on this section for approximately half an hour, none of them quite able to pinpoint what they disliked about it but all knowing something was wrong. Finally, however, Woo had made a change that all the men in the room were happy with. “But I’m not sure how that would sound when it was sung.”

Jonghyun and the other two people in the room looked up from what they were doing and looked at where the business man was pointing. “Oh,” Jonghyun said easily, “that sounds like this.” He then proceeded to play the section in question and sing along. His voice was clear in the small room and, although untrained, it was clear that the teen had practiced this skill at least a little.

“Wow.” Woo exclaimed, “You were holding out on us, kid. Where did that voice come from? That was you on the recording? I assumed you got a friend to do it.”

“Ever considered being an idol?” Sungkyu asked, a teasing smile on his face. Through the course of the day, he had gradually opened up to the younger man and almost seemed to consider him a student of sorts, taking time to talk through certain processes and things that would be useful for Jonghyun when composing in the future.

“I did actually.” Jonghyun said, laughing nervously and scratching his neck awkwardly. “But then I realised that I preferred writing songs to singing them. And my dancing leaves a lot to be desired.”

“Whatever you say, kiddo.” Woo chuckled genially before looking back at the screen as he stretched out his tired muscles. They had been in the room for so long that all four men were starting to feel the stiffness in their necks and arms. “I think we’re almost done here, actually.”

After a few further issues had been resolved, only another half an hour had passed and they all simultaneously decided that they were finished there. Standing up and stretching out his back, Mr. Song gestured at the other three males in the room. “Well, I’ll head out first. I’ll go submit this for final checks and backing track and vocal recordings. It shouldn’t need to be changed too much before release. Sungkyu, can you escort Jonghyun out when you are done here?”

“Of course.” Sungkyu agreed, slotting his sheet music into a folder and tucking it into his bag before starting to shut down his laptop and stow all associated wires.

“I’ll go take this upstairs and get the ball rolling on music video creation.” Woo grinned, also starting to pack up the scattered sheet music across the table and a USB containing the finished song.

“Music video?” Jonghyun asked, confused. The deal had been for a song on the album. Nowhere had the competition mentioned a music video.

“Yeah!” Woo grinned. “This song is totally title track quality.”

“But...” Jonghyun trailed off, not quite sure what he was trying to say. Honestly, he was in a state of disbelief. Already, this day was too good to be true and now they were telling him there would be a music video, too.

Seeing his mental state, Sungkyu clapped him on the shoulder firmly. “You did good, Jonghyun. You deserve the recognition for this.”

Looking up at the men, wide eyed, Jonghyun could only blink and stutter out a hoarse thank you in response.

“We’ve got all your contact details, kiddo. We’ll call you when we need you again.” Woo grinned, clearly enjoying the dazed look on Jonghyun’s face.

Shaking himself out of his thoughts, Jonghyun looked at the eccentric man in confusion. “Again?”

“The interview. Don’t tell me you forgot? I thought that would be the part a SHINee fan would remember most.”

Seeing Jonghyun’s blank look, Sungkyu cut in to explain, “In order to publicise the competition, a one-off TV special will be made about the competition. It will have the group’s thoughts on the song and a live performance and now the music video teaser, I assume.” He said, looking at Woo for confirmation. “As well as a short interview with you and a meet and greet between you and SHINee.”

Jonghyun nearly choked on his tongue when he heard the last line. As he was coughing and stuttering, he looked up at the composer with questioning eyes.

“You really didn’t know that? It was on the competition details page.”

“I had forgotten. I was so swept up in the moment of my song being performed by SHINee and… yeah, I forgot,” Jonghyun said, once he had regained control of his vocal cords and his lungs no longer felt like exploding. He was glad he was still sitting down because he wasn’t sure his legs would be able to support his weight after that bombshell.

“I’ll call you and let you know when we need you, kiddo.” Woo grinned, as he headed out the door. “It’ll just be short interview, no more than ten minutes and it’ll probably be cut shorter for TV. Nothing to freak about. See you next time, yeah?”

Jonghyun and Sungkyu were then left alone in the meeting room together. The older man looked at the shell shocked teen next to him and chuckled aloud. “Come on, let me escort you out.”

Jonghyun stared at him blankly for a few seconds before visibly shaking himself out of it and nodding his assent. Standing up to leave, he only almost tripped over a chair once and he was ten percent sure the other man didn’t see it. The two men walked out of the room together with the professional composer making small talk about Jonghyun’s life and composing experience as they walked.

“This was the ... I don’t know, fifteenth full song I’ve written for SHINee. Not to mention all the song fragments and little things I’ve written. They’re huge inspirations for me and I always found it easy to come up with ideas when I wrote with them in mind.” Jonghyun gushed, having gotten over his apparent shell shock from earlier and having grown comfortable with the other man over the span of the meeting.

“You’ve written other songs?” The composer asked. “Could I maybe listen to them, some time?”

Jonghyun looked at the composer – a little happy he didn’t have to look up at the man due to their similar heights – and smiled, “I would be honoured.”

“Great.” Sungkyu said, softly holding out a business card, which the teen took with reverence. “Here’s my details. Just email any songs you are willing to show me, I’d love to take a look.”

“Could you...” Jonghyun hesitated, not sure he was confident enough to ask this. It seemed a little upfront of him to ask this of the composer. He had only met the man today and he was about to ask him to spend major amounts of time helping someone he barely knew, “Could you possibly teach me some things? You know, help me improve my composition.”

“I’ll give you some feedback on every song you send my way. If you would like.” Sungkyu agrees. “I can also suggest some good resources that may help you improve. I probably won’t be as good as an actual teacher would be but I will try.”

“That would be great.” Jonghyun grinned, as the two stepped out of the lift on the ground floor. “Thank you very much.” Bowing low in thanks, the teen bid the older composer goodbye and practically skipped out of the company foyer. He drew some confused looks from other people passing through and he was certain he heard Sungkyu’s quiet chuckle behind him but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He was so incredibly happy right now.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: I based the initial meeting on a meeting I once had with a potential supervisor for my honours year. Obviously, I studied biology and not music but one meeting is much the same as any other, right?


	7. Chapter 6 – I’m gonna be on TV?

Jonghyun’s life, post-meeting, was as uneventful as his life before the meeting.  No one even knew about his exciting day other than his sister – who had proceeded to tease him mercilessly – and his boss – who was endlessly supportive of his choices. He hadn’t even told his parents, not wanting to see his father’s disappointed look as he realised that, once again, his son was focusing on his ‘pointless songs’ as opposed to a ‘useful’ pastime. His mother would be supportive, but there was always a niggling doubt in his mind that this was too good to be true and it would never come to fruition. If that happened, he didn’t want to let everyone know and then have them laugh at him because he had really believed his song was good enough to win this competition.

Ok, he realised that was an incredibly pessimistic view. He also realised that the chances of SM Entertainment backing out now were incredibly slim. But hey, who said human thoughts had to make sense? He certainly didn’t, because his definitely didn’t 99% of the time.

In his online life he was equally as tight lipped about his winning entry. Of course, this was partially because no one knew that BlingBling and Jonghyun were the same person (or that BlingBling was even male) but also partially due to his not wanting to draw attention to himself. People knew who he was online because they liked him as a person and they actually wanted to talk to him, not just because he was that guy who wrote that one song for SHINee.

Of course, there was a lot of speculation about who this Kim Jonghyun who had won the competition was – speculation BlingBling was conspicuously absent from, even when people he spoke to asked him directly. Many netizens were angry that a man had won because there was ‘no way a guy could be a SHINee fan’ and many more were just plain curious about who he was. SM Entertainment had announced that there would be a documentary focusing on the competition and the winning song about three months after Jonghyun’s meeting and people were starting to get hyped up for that. Mainly because SHINee had been given a break before promotions began and they hadn’t had any major schedules for a few months now. Their fans, despite knowing the group needed a break occasionally, had a craving for them that needed to be sated; which, unfortunately wasn’t possible during hiatus time.

There was little progress on the documentary front so far. The teen assumed it was because they needed to get the song and music video fully recorded before they aired the TV show. Thus, until that process was complete, Jonghyun wasn’t needed for his part of the recording. However, it had been four months since his meeting at the SM Entertainment head offices and he was getting a little antsy, to be perfectly honest.

It was only his occasional emails to and from Sungkyu that reassured him that things were still moving along smoothly on the company’s end. He had emailed the older man as soon as he had gotten home from the meeting and had practically overloaded his email with songs and sound clips that he was especially proud of. He had then had a minor freak out in his bedroom because ‘what if I’m totally bothering the guy and he only said to send him things because he was being polite’. However, the older man was incredibly supportive of Jonghyun’s work and honestly seemed – from his emails at least – to like all the songs he had been sent so far.

There were some songs he had been a little critical of, in terms of arrangement or the main melody or even the lyrics, but for every single piece he would point out something he really liked and suggest something to improve. Sungkyu had also come through on his promise to provide some learning resources to help improve Jonghyun’s skills. Whether they were websites, books or even other songs with carefully written comments on good techniques and effects they had used. He had even linked the teen to a documentary on Chinese history one time and issued a challenge to write a song (no matter how short or simple) based on something in the documentary that inspired him. It was basically homework, something Jonghyun had loathed in school, but he loved it. To have the attention of a professional in his dream profession helping him out was more than he had ever hoped for when he entered that competition. The man was really becoming like a teacher to the blonde teen and Jonghyun really felt his work had improved since he had begun their email communication.

It wasn’t just professional help the composer was providing, however. He had also taken the time to get to know Jonghyun and made sure to ask about how his sister was or how his work was going whenever he would email. Jonghyun, in turn, asked about the other man’s life, his wife and what working at a large company like SM Entertainment was like.

So, on the 22nd of June, four and a half months post his initial meeting at the company, when Jonghyun received a call at work, he hadn’t been expecting it to be Mr. Song calling to schedule an interview appointment. This call, taken quickly in the break room in the back of the cafe, had resulted in a frozen Jonghyun and had required the confused cajoling of his boss to get him moving once more.

“Jonghyun, are you alive? You left Junyoung alone out there.” His boss said, hands on his hips in a stern pose as he stood above the shocked teen. However, the man’s eyes were soft and belied how much he cared for his employee and was concerned for his mental state. “Seriously, Jjong, you ok?” He asked, moving further into the small room. The lack of movement from the teen in front of him worrying him a little.

Jonghyun visibly snapped out of it and looked up at his boss before speaking in a voice so quiet the other man barely heard it. “I’m going to meet SHINee.”

Following that proclamation the other man had given a loud laugh and a “Is that all?” After giving a rousing pep talk, the cafe owner shooed Jonghyun back to work for the rest of his shift. Once the work day was over, the older man had told the kid to take the day off before his interview and prepare however he needed to. This was partially as a favour to one of his most long-term employees – and one of his most hard-working – but it was also to help himself. The kid would not be able to concentrate the day before meeting his idols. God knows, his boss knew how much that boy coveted those singers. It was clear every single time a SHINee song played on the radio; the kid practically lit up like a Christmas tree when he heard those boys’ voices.

Jonghyun’s sister on hearing the news had, as usual, teased her brother mercilessly before heading into his bedroom to assess his fashion situation. She had circled him, like some kind of predator as she scrutinised his appearance thoroughly before declaring he was passable but needed some work. “You’re my brother, I can’t have you looking gross on national TV. I’d be a laughing stock.”

This had all culminated in Jonghyun standing in front of the SM Entertainment building a week later. His hair was freshly dyed and he now sported an impressive dye job; it was blonde, but his sister had really pushed the envelope with her ideas, to the point that the hairdresser looked at her like she was talking gibberish. With a gradient of three colours, darkest at the back of his head, leading to a much lighter fringe, Jonghyun had to admit, it was an unusual style but it definitely looked good. He had always liked himself blonde but never before would he would have considered such an out there look. Without Sodam’s input he would probably have stayed dark or gone for a simple all-over blonde. The girl was irritating to a tee but she had a good heart and Jonghyun certainly owed her a lot. Accepting her bizarre make-overs was just one small thing he could do to make it up to her. Plus, she actually had remarkably good taste. So in the end, he benefited a lot more than she did.

He also had her to thank for his clothing. He hadn’t needed to purchase anything new as, in his sister’s words he was “surprisingly fashion conscious” but she had not allowed him to coordinate his own outfit for the day. She had dressed him in a pair of dark skinny jeans, high tops, a plain white t-shirt that showed off his hard earned figure and a leather jacket. It was quite warm that day so Jonghyun had forgone the use of the sleeves and merely slung the jacket over his shoulders. It was a simple enough outfit, but Jonghyun felt comfortable and stylish and he “wouldn’t embarrass his sister except through his actions” (her words).

She had even accosted him this morning with her makeup supplies. Smearing his face with some gunk that apparently made his skin super clean and smooth and smudging a little dark stuff around his eyes. If he hadn’t known Sodam so well, he would have protested but he knew, if he did, there was a high chance she would embarrass him greatly at some point in the near future. Annoying her just wasn’t worth it, especially as he owed her so much for attending all those SHINee events with him. Plus, he had to admit, it actually made him look good. It accentuated his eyes rather nicely and the weird creams made his skin feel like he had never had a spot of acne in his life. He might have to get some of this stuff for himself – without ever letting his sister get wind of his purchase, of course.

Stepping through the automatic doors of the SM Entertainment headquarters, Jonghyun took a deep breath and strode towards the reception desk. He had been here before, he was comfortable finding his way through the lobby. He just had to ask the receptionist to send down Sungkyu. He was so ready for this.

He was so not ready for this.

Jonghyun had, following a short conversation with the receptionist, started browsing the abstract art work on the walls. It was equally as confusing this time as it had been the last time he was here but it was something to occupy his time. It was either this, or freak out and he had made the executive decision that freaking out here would not be ideal.

The receptionist had phoned upstairs to get the composer’s attention, her long, acid-green finger nails clicking against the handset of her phone as she waited for it to connect. From the long suffering look she had shot at Jonghyun when he approached her desk, you would have assumed he had asked her to do something more taxing than her job. After he made his request – and totally didn’t stutter or look at his feet as he did so – she flicked her long hair over one shoulder dramatically and dialed the number much more violently than was strictly necessary.

Sungkyu had agreed to come down and meet the blonde, however, he had requested Jonghyun wait around ten minutes. So, here Jonghyun was, wasting those ten minutes observing a painted scene that he thought was probably a mountain view but may also have been a cuttlefish. Abstract art confused him.

“Look who scrubs up all nice and fancy.” A voice said from behind Jonghyun, making the blonde whirl around in shock to stare at the slightly taller man. “Hair and make-up will love you. You’ve made their job easier.”

Jonghyun blushed, looking down at himself. “It was my sister’s idea. She refused to let me outside without a makeover.”

“Ah, Sodam, yes?” The composer asked, “She sounds like a strong willed girl.”

“And some.” Jonghyun muttered, drawing a laugh from the older man.

“Shall we head upstairs?” Sungkyu asked, gesturing towards the bank of elevators. “I’ve been assigned your guide for today. Junghoon, that’s Mr. Song, decided you’d be more comfortable this way.” Leaning closer to the short teen he whispered conspiratorially, “Personally, I think he just wanted me to do his work for him.” Standing up straight once more, he gestured for Jonghyun to enter the elevator that had just arrived. The composer continued as he pressed the button for the correct floor. “I don’t really mind, though. I’d love to chat with you a little more about your compositions. And I’d love to have your input on a few things.”

Looking up at the man, Jonghyun grinned, “That sounds great.”

“That’ll be after your interview and meet and greet, of course.”

“Oh God.” Jonghyun muttered. The other man’s arrival had managed to take his mind off of his impending meeting with SHINee but that one statement managed to make all the overwhelming feelings flood back at once. Staggering slightly, the blonde used the wall of the elevator for balance as he tried to breathe.

“Were you this dramatic last time we met?” Sungkyu chuckled as he rubbed the teens shoulder in mock comfort.

“No. Yes. Maybe. I don’t know.” Jonghyun protested. “This is different to all the other times. I’ve seen them but I’ve never met them before and-“ He broke off before he rambled any more. He knew, even in his nervous state that, once he got started on his favourite topic, it was hard to get him to stop and it often annoyed other people.

“You’ve never met them?” Sungkyu asked, surprised. “From your emails you struck me as a super fan. I assumed you’d been to all the concerts and fan-signings.”

“I have.” Jonghyun said, as he unsteadily stepped off the, now stopped elevator, and followed the composer down the hall. “Well... all the concerts at least. I never went to the signings.”

“May I ask why not?” The composer said, holding open a door for the blonde and heading down, yet more, corridors.

All the corridors Jonghyun had seen in this building so far looked exactly the same. He didn’t want to imagine what would happen if he lost his guide. He might be stuck in the labyrinth of dull browns and greys for the rest of his life.

“I never really...” Jonghyun trailed off, trying to think how to phrase what he wanted to say. “I never felt like I fit in with the other fans. They were all...” He hesitated, once again and continued speaking after an encouraging look from the older man. “They were all, well… girls. And I didn’t fit in with that. The concerts are ok but even there I get strange looks. I don’t know. Maybe I just need to deal with it.”

“Just be confident.” Sungkyu grinned, clapping the shorter man on the shoulder and steering him into a room full of people. “Be yourself and don’t be afraid to express your love for something. If people judge you for it, who cares? You are doing something you love and that’s always worth it.” Seeing Jonghyun’s posture straighten, ever so slightly, the composer hoped his pep talk had given the boy the push he needed to make the most of this day. Nudging him gently towards one of the many women in the room, he smiled gently, “Subin will be doing your hair and make-up, just sit down and let her do her thing.”

“Ok.” Jonghyun agreed, looking up at the man from under his fringe. “And thank you.”

“Come along, sweetie.” The woman, probably around five years older than Jonghyun himself, said, gently. “Someone did a good job on you today, don’t need to fix much. I’ll just make you a little more camera ready.” She said, gathering an array of tools in front of her and selecting a fine-toothed comb which she brushed through Jonghyun’s fringe and used to style the hair artfully across his forehead. “I adore this colour. Whoever did this did an amazing job.” She said, making small talk, trying to calm the still slightly nervous teen down.

“Thank you.” The boy said, softly, looking down nervously, before having his head moved back up by the stylist as she continued to fiddle with his newly-coloured locks. “It was my sister’s idea. I just let her and the hairdresser have free reign. It was easier.”

“Your sister has good sense. She ever considered going into hair design?” The woman said, grinning as she fluffed out the teen’s fringe with a round brush.

Jonghyun couldn’t help but let out a loud snort before blushing as he realised how uncultured he appeared. He may not be interested in women, per se, but that didn’t mean he was willing to look like a pig in front of them. “No, not at all. She’d probably yell at the first argumentative customer she had.”

“Such a shame,” The stylist said, continuing to tease and spray certain sections of Jonghyun’s hair. The front section now swooped nicely across his forehead, neater than he would ever have been able to achieve it personally and the back had a lot more volume than he was used to. Turning his head slightly, as the stylist moved away to collect some more tools, Jonghyun couldn’t help but admire the style. Everyone was right, his hair did look good like this.

After getting his make-up fixed and somehow being on the receiving end of a lecture on the best products to use for his skin type, skin colour and his style from the enthusiastic Subin – which Jonghyun would never admit to listening intently to as he planned to utilise the information later (his eyes had never looked more mysterious and alluring, okay?) – he was finally camera ready. Around five minutes of waiting later, the teen was herded out of the room and into another, larger room by Sungkyu.

“Now, you don’t need wardrobe.” The man was muttering, “They want you to look like yourself.”

Jonghyun looked at him in confusion, “I just had my hair and makeup done...”

“Yes, yes. Yourself but fixed.” The man said distractedly. “What else were we meant to do? I am not cut out for this people management thing. Give me a song book and I’m good. But no,” The man continued muttering to himself as he paced back and forth along the edge of the small room.

“Uhh, sir?” The blonde asked, getting a little worried for the man. They had become quite close over the last few months, however, Jonghyun wasn’t sure he wanted to see the moment the man had a breakdown and he definitely wasn’t sure he could handle it. “Are you ok?”

“Hmm?” Sungkyu asked, looking up from the floor, despite his feet still carrying him in his continued pacing. “Yes, sorry. I just can’t remember our next destination and pacing helps me think.”

“Ok,” Jonghyun chuckled, “just don’t think too long. I don’t want to be late for my interview.”

“Interview.” The composer agreed, before stopping pacing and looking at the teen in triumph. “Before the interview you have to see the music video! That’s it! It’s this way.” He said, probably the most enthusiastic Jonghyun had ever seen him, as he dragged the teen out of the small room and down yet more creepily identical hallways.

Eventually they reached a closed door. The older composer opened it silently and stuck his head in to check it out before beckoning for the teen to follow him inside. Sitting comfortably in two of the arranged chairs – claiming two in the middle of the room for themselves, directly facing the large projector screen on the wall – the two males got comfortable and waited for the screening to begin. They didn’t have to wait long, according to Sungkyu, they were only waiting on Woo who was apparently looking forward to showing off his work.

Not five minutes later, the exuberant man slammed the door open, “Kiddo! Welcome back. I hope you’re ready for this because I think it is a show-stopper.”

With little more conversation, the screening was underway and Jonghyun was completely astounded. If he hadn’t spent so many hours working on his song, to the point that it was practically burnt into his brain, he wouldn’t have recognised it as his own work. The professional treatment had done wonders; changing the fake electronic sounds of his computer program into slick beats and nice sounding backing music. And the group’s singing, it was beyond incredible. If he wasn’t afraid of sounding hedonistic, he would have declared this to be his favourite SHINee song of all time. The group had taken his work, already tailored to each member’s original talents and quirks and still managed to make it uniquely theirs in ways Jonghyun hadn’t predicted. The singing was smooth, the rap was punchy and the high notes were to die for. It was official. Jonghyun was even more in love with SHINee than he had initially thought.

After that experience, Jonghyun had been waved off by an excited Woo and escorted to another room by Sungkyu. The new room was a little different from the meeting room’s Jonghyun had previously seen. This room was larger with a fake homey backdrop set up and a set of plush couches placed in front of the mock peaceful scene. The whole set-up faced a bank of cameras and a whole host of people were bustling around trying to get things set up. The overall atmosphere of the room was completely separate to the relaxed setting they were clearly trying to portray.

Jonghyun was a little overwhelmed as he slowly trailed after Sungkyu, into the maelstrom of busy people. Seeing him fall back a little as he looked around the large room, the composer grabbed the teen’s wrist and guided him gently through the crowds, sitting him down in a chair near the set and telling him to wait there whilst he found the person in charge.

Jonghyun did just that as he was half afraid he would be swept away if he so much as took a single step away from his current position. This was a world he had never experienced before and a world he had never thought he ever would experience. It was all a little overwhelming to be honest. Leaning forward in the seat, Jonghyun looked around the room trying to spot his composer mentor which was easier said than done considering the organised chaos surrounding the blonde. Giving up after a few minutes, he settled back in his chair and entertained himself with trying to work out what was going on around him. This was both interesting and had the added bonus of taking his mind off the fact that, any minute now, Sungkyu would return and Jonghyun would be interviewed for national TV. What if he made a fool of himself? Did he get to veto any cuts he didn’t like? He gulped and shifted lower in his seat, trying not to attract the attention of any of the many people working on the set.

He wasn’t ready for this.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: SHINee next chapter, I swear. I like all the Jonghyun backstory but I’m sure some people are antsy for the rest of the boys to make an entrance.


	8. Chapter 7 – Not freaking out

Jonghyun shifted uncomfortably on the plush leather couch, the lens of the camera looking incredibly large and intimidating in front of him. Looking just above the lens at his interviewer – a petite woman named Minji who wouldn’t be appearing on camera herself – and Sungkyu, Jonghyun saw the composer gesturing for him to straighten up and to smile. The teen, still nervous but wanting to give a good impression to the many people in the room, did just that.

“Ok.” Minji began, “Let’s get started shall we?” Looking at the crew, who all gave her affirmative responses she turned back to Jonghyun and received a thumbs up from him too, before he settled back in his previous position. He looked nervous but overall pretty professional on camera. For a teen who had no training he was trying hard and he certainly had the look. He wasn’t quite the usual pretty boy idol type but there was definitely a flower boy charm there that the interviewer could appreciate. She, and Mr. Song, who had come to speak to her following his initial meeting with the boy, were very happy with this. A good looking man was less likely to receive backlash from the fans than a less attractive person, no matter how talented. Some fans were fickle like that.

Already there were some murmurings in the fan community that they were keeping an eye on. Some fans didn’t seem to appreciate that a male had won the prize. Many were speculating what kind of person he was and Minji – and everyone else involved – all hoped the boy would give off a good image on camera. It would certainly help with dealing with the aftermath. Luckily, from reports from Mr. Song and Sungkyu, the teen in front of the camera was a SHINee fan and that was definitely a benefit. It meant they could angle this as ‘superfan wins competition’ or something similar. Hopefully, the other fans wouldn’t hate on one of their own.

To be perfectly honest, Minji expected hate no matter who won. There were always those fans that wouldn’t accept anyone other than themselves as the winner of a competition. It was a fact of life. Minimising the numbers of these fans was their best bet. Honestly, they were used to it. As an entertainment company, hate came with the whole package and, although they worked hard to prevent any potential scandals, it wasn’t their job to control the fans unless they got completely out of line and aimed to harm one of their artists or employees.

“Congratulations on winning the composition competition, do you want to start with a small introduction?” She asked, professionally. There was a high chance all her speaking parts would be replaced by on-screen subtitles in the final cut of the documentary, however, she had to record it as if she would be heard to allow the show creators to do as they wished with the footage.

“Hi.” Jonghyun chirped happily, waving at the camera. He had been told to relax and act as he usually would. So, receiving an encouraging smile from Sungkyu behind the camera, Jonghyun tried to do just that. “My name is Kim Jonghyun, I’m nineteen years old and I work as a barista, have done since I graduated high school. In my spare time I write music and I aim to go to music school one day.”

“Awesome.” Minji said, looking to the other workers around her, “Looks like we don’t need another take of that. So let’s get into the interview proper.” Clearing her throat and composing herself, switching on her interview voice once more, “Jonghyun, what made you enter the SHINee composition competition?”

“I am a massive SHINee fan,” the boy said, looking a little nervous as he first spoke it aloud but, seeing no judgement from the many people in the room, he continued, gaining more confidence as he spoke. “I’ve been writing songs for SHINee for ages. They are a huge source of inspiration for me. I never intended to ever show them my work but when someone posted the competition link on a fan site I use, well, I took my chance.”

“So you are a big SHINee fan?”

“Huge,” Jonghyun grinned, “I saw their debut and just... there was no going back. The amount of money and time I have invested in SHINee related things. It’s not even funny, really. I just appreciate them a lot. They work so hard and it inspires me to be better, too. And they don’t seem to care what others say about them. I take too many things to heart so I’ve been trying to learn from them. I...” He trailed off, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. He was probably completely messing up his hair and his stylist would be angry with him, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. “Yeah, I’m a big fan.”

Minji chuckled, breaking her professional persona. Her sweet laugh wasn’t judgmental and it soothed Jonghyun a little. It was starting to dawn on him exactly what he had said. It was embarrassing. Everyone would know he was a fan. Not just a fan, a super massive, over the top fan. However, he had literally just said, he was working on accepting himself better. Maybe this was the time to start. Minji clearly wasn’t judging and Sungkyu already knew about his ... slight obsession so maybe others would react the same way. Taking a few seconds to compose himself before the interview continued, he then signalled to Minji to ask the next question. “How did you feel when you entered the competition?”

“It was terrifying.” Jonghyun said, slumping back on the sofa dramatically, pointedly ignoring the snicker he heard from Sungkyu at his action. “There are so many people who are better composers than me, out there. I basically taught myself, so I’m not the best. But it also felt freeing, like I was finally taking my first step towards the career I wanted.”

“Could you explain the inspirations for your song?”

Jonghyun grinned and began to relax. This was an easy question to answer. He was always willing to talk about his work, with anyone who was willing to listen – as long as they wouldn’t judge him for his likes and dislikes – and right here, on this set, he had a crowd of people who wanted to know his story. Or at least, they wanted him to say it so they could use it in the show. He had been informed before filming began that, no matter how much he talked, he would likely only get five to ten minutes of airtime in the documentary. He was also informed that he was better off talking more, as it allowed the show-makers to choose the best shots for use. The more shots of him they had, the less likely a truly embarrassing one would be aired.

Minji had been incredibly encouraging before they began. As she coached him in the best way to sit, pose and act on camera, she had been nothing but supportive of him. She had not heard his song but, from the sounds of it, she had interviewed a large number of stars and normal people alike before this and, according to her, Jonghyun was a lot easier on the eyes than many of them. After coaching him for approximately ten minutes, she had declared that the boy was ready. When he had looked at her in fear she had grinned and clapped him on the shoulder informing him that he was good-looking and had a cute personality, he would be fine.

After a further ten or so questions – some specifically about his song (How long did you work on it?) and some more inane (Who is your bias?) – and some gentle prompting from Minji when Jonghyun wasn’t giving quite the answer the crew desired, the interview was over and Sungkyu stepped forward to guide Jonghyun to the next location.

“That wasn’t too bad, was it?”

“No.” Jonghyun agreed as the two men strode down the hallway. “It wasn’t bad. I was actually less nervous than I expected.”

“You were really good on camera. Maybe you should have gone for that idol thing.” Sungkyu teased, winking at the blonde boy. “You’ve got the voice, the look, the presence.”

Jonghyun chuckled, “I’ve already said that’s not for me. I’m not sure I could deal with everything else that comes with being famous. I’m happy doing composition.”

“So, we have an hour or so to play with, before you’re meeting with the boys. We can grab a bite to eat if you wish. I would also love your input on a song I am writing.”

Grinning up at the man, glad for any opportunity he could present to get the teen’s mind off of his impending meeting with his idols, Jonghyun nodded. Gesturing down the hallway, Sungkyu led the way to the cafeteria. The blonde’s nerves were still apparent, even after the success of the interview. His walk was a little more erratic than normal and his hands were constantly moving – wringing together, picking at his nails, clenching and unclenching. It was clear that, despite trying to act unaffected, the teen was incredibly nervous and excited for this meeting.

As much as he was hoping to calm the boy down a little, Sungkyu was also truly interested in the teen’s input on the song he was working on. Jonghyun would occasionally suggest unusual ideas that often seemed to work in the context of the music he was writing and Sungkyu was always willing to accept input, no matter the source. So, guiding the boy to his office, the composer began to explain his concept and a little on the type of group he was writing it for – although not divulging specific names. Due to the nature of the company, there was always possibility that his song would not be going to the group he believed it would anyway and instead be given to someone else entirely. It had happened before. So, genres and general music styles were probably safer to say than specific group names, anyway.

It seemed that their quick lunch, as lackluster as the cafeteria food was, and their discussion had aided in soothing the blonde’s nerves, at least a little. He was no longer so jittery and he wasn’t jumping every time a new person approached them any longer.

“You did well,” Sungkyu smiled, reassuring the teen once again, as the pair walked through the many similar hallways to Sungkyu’s office, “You looked like you were made to be in front of the camera.”

“No way!” Jonghyun protested, “I was such a dork. I can’t believe how embarrassing that was.”

“You were great. People like it so much more when they are watching someone be genuine and you were nothing but genuine out there.” Seeing Jonghyun’s disbelieving look, Sungkyu laughed aloud and spoke once more, “Ok, so your genuine is a little over-enthusiastic but it’s cute, people will love you. I know Minji did and I think you charmed Subin, too.”

“If only they were men, then that would mean something.” Jonghyun muttered quietly, before catching himself before he said anything too incriminating.

“What was that?” Sungkyu asked, stopping walking for a second to look at the teen, “I didn’t catch that.”

“Nothing.” Jonghyun squeaked, “Nothing at all.” Cursing his large mouth, the teen walked into the elder composer’s office quietly, not wanting to bring more attention to himself now. He had almost outed himself and that just wasn’t a thing he wanted to do. Sungkyu was a great man and he would most likely support Jonghyun in this, but it wasn’t a fact Jonghyun wanted spread around, so not telling anyone was his plan of action. He couldn’t believe he spoke to himself aloud. He would have to stop that habit before he got into trouble.

“Ok,” Sungkyu said, settling into his desk chair and gesturing Jonghyun into the one on the other side of the desk, seemingly not noticing the uncomfortable look on the blonde’s face, “So we’ve done two out of three things we had to do today. Now we have a little time until your meeting with SHINee. We could have gone straight there but I assumed you’d need a minute to come to terms with what’s coming next without hundreds of staff staring at you.”

“I appreciate that.” Jonghyun agreed absently. His mind already miles away as he thought about what was about to happen. He was going to meet SHINee.

Sungkyu, as much as he claimed he wasn’t a people person and would rather just write songs, was actually incredibly good at getting Jonghyun to relax. Maybe it was because he knew the teen, so knew what topics to talk about to take his mind off of the upcoming meeting. Or perhaps it was just his genuinely nice and kind personality. Either way, his mere presence aided in Jonghyun’s mental state big time.

The blonde didn’t want to imagine what his nerves would be like if he was with Mr. Song. The older man was not comforting in any way and would most likely just leave Jonghyun to stew in his own thoughts until the meeting time. Jonghyun shuddered as he imagined how awkward it would be to sit in the manager’s office. The silence would be oppressive.

“Right!” Sungkyu exclaimed, after approximately fifteen minute had passed. Some of those minutes had passed in a content silence, others contained inane small talk (mostly about music) but, all round, the composer’s aim to keep the teenager in his office as relaxed as possible seemed to have been achieved. “Let’s get you back to make-up to fix everything up and then you have a meeting to get to.”

Jonghyun, despite that vital calming time provided by Sungkyu, could honestly not tell you what happened in the following twenty minutes. His memories skipped from being in the man’s office to being sat in yet another film set – this one was a little bigger, with a couple of large squishy couches and a slightly brighter decor. His make-up was, once again, immaculate; all smudges and smears that had been obtained in the time since it was first applied were removed. His hair was also back to its perfectly styled state. He had messed it up during his interview as he had a habit of fiddling with it when he was uncomfortable, much to the chagrin of Subin who had to fix it all up again.

Shifting nervously on the too-squishy couch, Jonghyun gulped nervously as one of the staff announced that they would begin rolling tape as SHINee were due to arrive soon. Standing up slowly – something that took a lot of effort considering the way the couch seemed to be trying to eat him with its squishiness – Jonghyun smoothed out his clothes and tried in vain to look a little less like he was freaking out like a school-girl about to talk to her crush (a more apt description that he would ever admit to anyone).

Jonghyun was sure his facial expression when the door opened and a man who he recognised to be SHINee’s manager walked in would be in the documentary. He was never very good at keeping his feelings from showing on his face and, at that moment, there were a lot of feelings all battling it out simultaneously. Top of the list was excitement and extreme happiness, two emotions that were very similar, then there was nervousness, awe and a little fear. There was a lot going on in his mind. However, the second the first member of the idol group walked in the room, every single thought in his head miraculously evacuated and he was left with an inability to say or do anything for a few seconds.

He was snapped out of his shock when Minho approached him – _the_ Minho, the tall, handsome Minho that seemed even taller in person (curse Jonghyun’s short height) – and greeted him warmly. He wasn’t sure what exactly the other man said and he was sure his response was embarrassing, if the tall boy’s smirk was any indication but he had made it through one introduction alive. Only three left.

Those went well too, although meeting Onew was almost too much for the blonde, who babbled his appreciation of the group’s music and personalities and looks at the bemused leader. Onew, for his part, was gracious about the whole thing, guiding the blonde to the sofa and sitting him down, taking a seat next to him.

Sitting down seemed to snap Jonghyun back to himself and, blushing heavily, he looked at the assembled group members properly for the first time since they had entered. They all looked good, very good in fact. Ruffling his hair subconsciously, Jonghyun bit his lip lightly as he looked at the assembled idols and muttered a soft “Hi.”

“I think he’s broken. He stopped talking.” Key grinned, poking at the blonde’s arm, enjoying the way the other teen looked down at his finger in confusion. “Did we break you?”

“No?” Jonghyun said, although it came out as more of a question than a statement.

“Leave the poor guy alone,” Onew chimed in from the blonde’s other side, “He’s probably just overwhelmed.”

“That’s one word for it.” Jonghyun said, looking at the people around him once more. “Sorry, I never expected this to happen.”

“Never expected what?” Taemin asked, leaning towards Jonghyun from his seat on one of the other couches in the room. He was exactly what Jonghyun had expected him to look like in person yet also, somehow, more. They all were. They were in casual clothes, yet each outfit had clearly been carefully selected by a team of professionals. They appeared to have minimal make up on, yet what they did have was immaculately applied and emphasised their best features. They were all looking at him like he had short-circuited when he didn’t answer the question.

“This.” Jonghyun said, shaking himself out of his thoughts and gesturing around the room full of staff and crew as well as the idols themselves. “I just wanted to make music; I never really expected to make it, well, here.”

“Your music is good.” Minho said, his calm voice doing wonders for Jonghyun who was still slightly freaking out. “I can’t wait for our fans to see it. I think they’ll love it.”

“It was like it was written specifically for us. I remember reading somewhere that you wrote it before the competition was announced but, I don’t know, it still seems like it’s for us.” Taemin grinned, talking when the silence after Minho’s statement went on too long. They were being filmed for the documentary after all and they needed to give the crew a lot of clips. Also, he genuinely wanted the other teen to talk to them. He wanted to get to know him. Meeting their fans, especially one on one like this, could be a really interesting experience. There were such varied pasts and stories there, it was fascinating to hear about.

“That’s because it was.” Jonghyun said, blushing slightly, looking down as if he could hide behind his hair. He couldn’t believe the SHINee members had been told the specifics about his song. He had casually mentioned it to Mr. Park, Woo and Sungkyu in their editing meeting but hadn’t expected the information to go any further than that.

“It was written for us?” Onew prompted.

“I did edit it for the competition.” Jonghyun stated, getting more comfortable due to the kind looks on all the idols’ faces. “But I wrote that song about six months after you debuted and” he trailed off, embarrassed, “yeah, it’s sorta written for you not just edited.”

“You’ve been a fan since debut?” Onew asked, smiling at the boy next to him. “That’s awesome!”

“Of course he was.” Key chimed in. “We’re fantastic, everyone should love us.”

Onew laughed that loud, unabashed laugh of his that Jonghyun loved so much. “Shush you.” He grinned, leaning across Jonghyun to swat at the sassy idol – an action that pressed him incredibly close to the blonde. The teen was glad his expression was blocked by the leader’s body because he was sure it was mortifying. “It’s unusual for us to have male fans. Especially those that admit they are fans.”

Jonghyun blushed once more, not sure how to admit this without letting down the leader somehow. “I sorta didn’t admit it to anyone – except my sister. She had to know so I could force her to come to your concerts with me.”

Taemin laughed loudly at this. “Let me guess, you pretended she forced you?” At Minho’s odd look, the youngest member explained himself, “It’s what I would do.”

Minho was still looking at the youngest like he had said something weird. When Jonghyun admitted “That’s exactly what I did.” The main dancer stuck his tongue out at the taller.

“See, my logic makes sense.”

“No, it doesn’t.” Minho argued. “You’re both just insane.”

“Hey!” Taemin and Jonghyun protested simultaneously.

“It makes perfect sense.” Jonghyun argued, becoming a little defensive. Because the conversation had now morphed into a more natural chat, Jonghyun felt far less nervous than he had done before and the righteous indignation allowed him to overcome any underlying worry he may have had. “I went on some SHINee fan sites and saw some people weren’t receptive to fan boys and my friends at school definitely weren’t, so I hid it. My sister was the perfect cover. Not that she liked it very much.” He muttered the last sentence with a chuckle.

“You and Taemin are strangely similar.” Key said, directing his statement to the blonde fan.

“No way!” Jonghyun protested. “I could never handle being famous like you guys and he’s way more,” he trailed off, not sure what he was trying to say and settled for gesturing at Taemin as a whole.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” The dancer grinned.

“It was meant to be.” Jonghyun smiled back, happily.

“You went on fan sites?” Onew asked. “I’ve never really been on them. It always seemed like pushing the boundaries too much.” It was a statement clearly meant to move the conversation on to other topics before they strayed too far into unusable territory, footage wise.

“Yeah.” Jonghyun said, turning to look at his bias. “Well... one fan site. I still use it, actually.”

“I thought you said they don’t like fan boys.” Key asked, genuinely interested now.

“Not don’t like. More, don’t understand?” Jonghyun said, a little unsure himself. “I never gave away my gender. So no one judges BlingBling.”

“BlingBling?” Onew asked curiously.

“Oh, damn... probably shouldn’t have said that on camera.” Jonghyun said, looking down at his lap and playing with the edge of his shirt due to nerves. “It’s my online persona.”

“It’s ok.” One of the staff called from behind the camera. “We’re filming a lot more than we need, so we’ll cut that bit. Just relax; a lot of this section will have music over it and a muted audio track anyway.”

“Oh,” Jonghyun said, his mouth opened wide. “Cool.”

“So just relax,” Taemin grinned at the older teen. “We aren’t scary.”

“You are a little.” Jonghyun laughed. “Well, more intimidating than scary.”

“I’m intimidating?” Onew gasped dramatically, clutching at his chest in mock hurt. “Key I can see being scary. Even Minho. But me?”

“I’ve looked up to you guys for over a year.” Jonghyun said, the tone of his voice getting all the gathered idols to focus on him only. They had previously been messing around but it was clear now that the conversation was straying into more serious topics. “Since your debut, you have inspired me so much more than you know. I was struggling before. I had this dream to go to music school but I had no way to achieve that and I was starting to think I would never make it. Then you debuted; you were near my age, you had worked hard for what you dreamed of and you were having fun doing it. It was...” He hesitated, not sure how to continue. An encouraging pat on the shoulder from Onew made him finally look up from his lap. The supportive and proud look on the singer’s face allowed him to formulate what he wanted to say and he continued, “It was the push I needed. I started to write seriously again, something I hadn’t done for a while. I became happier in my life. You guys reinforced why I was doing what I was doing. Working a dead-end job – that I love but isn’t going anywhere – still living with my parents, being mostly penniless because I invest everything into my college fund. It was all because I have a dream and you guys all helped me remember that. This competition,” Jonghyun took a breath, composing himself slightly, “This competition was just an added bonus, something I hadn’t planned for and certainly hadn’t planned on winning. So once again, you have provided me with something great. You are so much more than singers and performers. You are an inspiration. I hope you know that.”

The idols all had different, yet similar responses following that speech. Minho was smiling softly at the blonde teen, looking incredibly touched. Taemin looked equally as touched, his mouth stretched into a small smile as he leaned against his fellow group mate, receiving a pat in the shoulder from Minho for the action. Key didn’t smile, although it was clear he was pleased with what the competition winner had said and his posture became slightly more relaxed – he had been in the same poised position since he had sat down in the room and, although he had been laughing and joking around had never seemed fully comfortable. He was clearly comfortable in front of the cameras, however, he was still guarded and a little defensive.

Onew’s reaction was the most intense. His eyes were glazed over, a sheen of happy tears blurring his vision. Leaning across the couch, he pulled a startled Jonghyun into his arms. The blonde lost his breath the second SHINee’s leader touched him and as the singer’s arms wrapped around him, he felt his heartbeat speed up dramatically.

Pulling away, Onew looked the teen in the eye and spoke quietly, his words holding incredible meaning. “Thank you. You don’t know how much that means to me. Thank you.” Jonghyun went to answer and was cut off before he could say anything. “Just...” the leader said, breath stuttering slightly, “I became a singer because I love to sing. I love music and I love the buzz I get every time I perform. But one thing I didn’t realise I would love so much is people like you. The fans that give us so much of themselves. It’s because of people like you that I continue to give my best even on my worst days. So _you_ are an inspiration, Jonghyun. And I hope you remember that.”

“What he said.” Minho said, his deep voice displaying all his feelings clearly as Taemin nodded happily from next to him.

Jonghyun looked up at the leader, his own eyes misting over slightly. Rubbing his arm across his face and laughing softly with embarrassment, he smiled softly at the older teen. “I will.”

The meeting became a little more relaxed after that. It was like the release of emotions allowed Jonghyun to completely relax and get over his nervousness around the other teens. The idols, for their part, moved the conversation on to lighter topics following that deep part of the conversation. For the rest of their meeting they talked music, hobbies and work.

As Jonghyun walked out the SM Entertainment headquarters that evening he turned around and stared up at the large building, a big grin on his face. Raising his arms to the sky – irrespective of the people around him – and spun around once before he turned to face the train station and practically skipped to the platform. His day had been nothing short of fantastic.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: SHINee! I tried to base Jjongs feelings on my feelings when I went to interviews with employers and stuff as well as my feelings when I met people I look up to. Those are some hard emotions to put into words. I hope I did it justice.


	9. Chapter 8 – Livestreams + SHINee = yay

**_BlingBling has logged in_ **

**_TaeminOnly_ ** _hi bling, you been gone a while_

**_BlingBling_ ** _Yeah, sorry bout that. My life got hectic_

**_BiggestFan23_ ** _You have a life? Shocking_

**_BlingBling_ ** _Yeah yeah, tease all you like. It’s true. I had some interviews and stuff_

**_TaeminOnly_ ** _ooh getting a job_

**_BlingBling_ ** _I already have a job but... this is kinda like a job I guess._

**_BiggestFan23_ ** _sounds boring_

**_BiggestFan23_ ** _oMG did you hear about that composer that won the thing with SHINee?_

**_BiggestFan23_ ** _Did you hear it was a dude?!_

**_BiggestFan23_ ** _Like omg male shinee fans exist? Thats so weird_

**_Keytar_ ** _Is it weird?_

**_TaeminOnly_ ** _unusual not weird_

**_TaeminOnly_ ** _good for him tho i wanna see what hes like_

**_TaeminOnly_ ** _maybe he uses this site_

**_TaeminOnly_ ** _can you imagine_

**_BiggestFan23_ ** _As if. No men use this site_

**_BlingBling_ ** _you’d be surprised_

**_Keytar_ ** _something to tell us Bling?_

**_BlingBling_ ** _I was just thinking there’s no way everyone on this site is female. That’s all._

**_Keytar_ ** _y’all ready for the livestream later?_

**_TaeminOnly_ ** _HELL YES. I AM SO READY_

**_BiggestFan23_ ** _my body is ready i need some Minho in my life_

**_Keytar_ ** _T minus 3 hours_

The SHINee fandom had been in uproar for days, the SHINee boys, in celebration of their album launch were doing a livestreamed Q and A session. Even those that never used the streaming service in question were scrambling to create an account in the hopes that their idols would maybe, just maybe, address them directly.

Of course, Jonghyun was no exception. Before meeting the band he would have been excited and scared in equal measure and, ok, Key was still a little scary to him, but post-meeting them he was feeling pretty good. They were all so nice, especially to fans – the fans were the people who supported them after all, it just made sense. So Jonghyun knew that tonight was going to be great for everyone involved. Great, but hectic.

So, after telling his parents and his sister that he had something important to work on and not to bother him – eliciting a grumble of ‘those songs are a bloody waste of time’ from his dad, which he promptly ignored – Jonghyun had escaped to his bedroom and shut the door for the day.

It had been a couple of long months since Jonghyun had met SHINee and he was sad to say he had had no further contact with the group. He hadn’t expected to, of course, but somewhere, deep inside, he had had a dream that maybe, just maybe, he would.

This livestream was a celebration of everything that was happening with SHINee at the moment. Their music video – Jonghyun’s song! – had been released the day before and the SHINee documentary was soon to air as well. The fans had been ecstatic that SHINee were back on their screens and the group seemed more than happy to remain there for a little while longer.

Loading the livestreaming website, Jonghyun watched as a stream of comments went through the chat box, despite the video not yet being live. Jonghyun didn’t join in the conversations himself. He was planning to ask a few questions to SHINee but he didn’t see any reason to get involved in the maelstrom of comments currently spamming the chat. Many of them were just people freaking out over the fact  that SHINee were doing this and many more were people wondering when it would start.

The blonde grinned widely as his favourite people in the world appeared on the screen, looking happy and composed. The fiour of them were sat at a plain table in a clean, white room. The only decoration was a large poster on the back wall which depicted the jacket photograph of their most recent album. It was a simple set but, Jonghyun supposed, this was probably all that was necessary for a live stream. As long as the SHINee members themselves were present, this event was almost guaranteed to be a success.

“Hello everyone, we are SHINee!” They chorused, smiling into the camera.

Taemin leant forward from his place on Minho’s right, dislodging the taller boy’s arm from his shoulders as he moved and grabbing onto Onew’s thigh for balance. This action wasn’t visible on screen, due to the presence of the table, however, the movement of his arm gave it away well enough. “Hi guys and welcome to our celebratory live stream, thing!”

Rolling his eyes at the youngest member of the group, Onew took over speaking as Key, who sat on the far left, started looking at something on the laptop placed on the desk in front of him – prompting a flurry of ‘I LOVE YOU KEY’’s to flood the chat for a moment. “So, this live stream is a celebration of our new album release. Because this album was so influenced by the fans, we thought this would be a fun way to show our appreciation for all of you.” He said, smiling genially and making Jonghyun’s heart flutter. The other man was still so enchanting. Jonghyun had thought the feelings that had arisen post-meeting the singer in person would have faded a little by now but that apparently wasn’t the case. If anyone had asked the blonde what any of the other members were doing whilst Onew was speaking, Jonghyun honestly wouldn’t have been able to say. “Today, Key has volunteered to read through the questions and select the ones that seem interesting. So if he doesn’t read yours out, it’s all on him.”

“Hey!” Key protested. “You guys told me what sort of questions you prefer, it’s on you as much as it’s on me.”

“Also be aware,” Onew continued, ignoring the complaining of his group mate and the snickers of the two youngest from his left, “that the chat is being monitored by a team of moderators that will ban you if you spam, ask inappropriate questions, or are judged to be in any way not beneficial to the overall live stream.” The group leader finished, with a serious look on his face before he grinned, his eyes shrinking to small crescents in a way that Jonghyun found incredibly cute. “Now that boring stuff is out the way, shall we start?”

“Obviously.” Minho agreed, from the end of the row. “Should we introduce ourselves, in case people don’t know us?”

“Hi!” Taemin chirped, cutting off anything further Minho may have been about to say, “My name is Taemin and I am the youngest member of SHINee and the main dancer.”

Rolling his eyes at the younger boy, Minho spoke once more, “As I was saying before _someone,_ ” here he side-eyed Taemin in a way that was sure to be gifed several hundred times in the next few days by many a fan and shared around by many more, “interrupted me: My name is Minho and I am the rapper of the group.”

“’ _The_ rapper’,” Key mimicked the other boy’s deep voice in a remarkably accurate imitation, “what am I, a fish?”

Scratching the back of his neck awkwardly, Minho grinned at the group’s diva. “Sorry.”

“Whatever, loser.” Key scoffed. Though, to any fan that knew SHINee quite well it was clear he wasn’t serious. “I’m Key and apparently I’m a fish, now.”

Onew snorted ungracefully before he took over speaking, chuckles making their way into his speech in a way that made Jonghyun internally squeal – he had reached new levels of creepy fan here, he was aware, but as long as no one was around to see it he could pretend it hadn’t happened later. “I’m SHINee’s leader, Onew and we’re here today to promote our new album, Romeo, and to answer any burning questions you guys may have.”

“Talking about questions,” Key chimed in, “This might be a good one to start with.” Clearing his throat dramatically and sitting up straighter, he began to speak in what Jonghyun could only assume was meant to be a professional manner, “’Did you ever expect SHINee to become so big?’ I paraphrased obviously. _Keyholic_ – love the name by the way – your text speak is hard to read. That’s a note to everyone else here too,” The diva of the group said, his hand perches on his hip as he leant towards the camera in mock sternness, “proper sentences are more likely to be read out.” The man winked at the camera as he finished his sentence.

“Nope.” Taemin said, ignoring Key’s little aside and answering the question directly, popping the p and leaning back cutely in his chair he played absently with his hair as he spoke. Jonghyun rolled his eyes at the younger man; he was really playing up the cute angle today. He was smart, he knew what worked for him and what would make the fans happy. However, after meeting the group, Jonghyun could say with confidence that his belief was right. He truly believed that, although their on screen personas were mostly accurate to their real personalities, there were many occasions where they played up a certain angle to please the fans. It was necessary, he realised, and he actually really appreciated the effort they put in. Even if they were having a bad day, they still presented a happy side of themselves to the cameras. It must take impressive self-control for them to do that. Jonghyun knew that when he was in a bad mood, everyone else was too. He wasn’t good at hiding his true feelings, at all.

 “A little.” Minho said, quieter than the teen next to him, his voice serious and his eyes focused on the camera. “In that naive way all kids think they’re going to be famous. But as I got older, I guess I still don’t know how it actually happened and I lived it.”

“Me either.” Key agreed, looking away from the laptop screen as he spoke.

“I’m just glad I got to this point with so many wonderful people.” Onew said, looking around at his group mates and then meaningfully into the camera and presumably behind it to the cast and crew. “Without the staff or you guys, we would be nothing. This is as much your achievement as it is ours. I am so thankful every day that you are here with us and support our dreams the whole way.”

As Jonghyun listened to the other man’s impassioned speech, he realised once again exactly why he had fallen in love with this man. Not as a fan, as he had initially believed, not as a celebrity crush as he had tried so hard to convince himself, but as a person and a man. The man had such a pure heart and was honestly thankful for everything he had and received. He was the most beautiful thing in the world to the blonde.

The chat moved quickly, with many questions flashing across the screen every second but Key did a good job of keeping up and managed to dig the good questions from the heap of mundane or just plain odd ones. He also somehow, managed to select Jonghyun’s questions every single time. Jonghyun didn’t ask anything too deep or meaningful, merely little things that he had always been interested in knowing, yet the sassy rapper would read each and every one out.

The first question of Jonghyun’s that Key read out almost caused the blonde to faint – if he had been of weaker constitution he probably would have. As it was his heart began to race as he heard his online name pass the lips of his favourite idols.

“Here’s one from BlingBling.” Key chuckled, winking at Onew in a way that both confused and excited Jonghyun. The way he put emphasis on his screen name and the pointed look he gave SHINee’s leader had to mean something, right? “He asks, what are your ideal room arrangements in the dorm?” Key read and, as the others legitimately looked to be thinking about it, he rolled his eyes before continuing to speak, “Well, clearly ideal would be a room each. Taemin snores,” He began, counting off on his fingers as he mentioned each member, “Onew sleeps too much and I don’t want the job of waking him up every morning and Minho has this weird thing of going to the gym at stupid O'clock in the morning. So my own room would be heaven.”

“I don’t know,” Onew said, softly, “I don’t mind sharing. I don’t know who would be best to share a room with, though. Minho, maybe, he’s quietest in the morning.”

“Except when he’s kicking us as he walks past,” Taemin grumbled, crossing his arms and pouting. “I’d wanna room to myself too.”

Minho just shrugged. “Taemin, I guess.”

“Maknae room!” Taemin cheered, exaggeratedly, hugging the second youngest member of the group. This prompted Minho to push him off, so he could regain his personal space. In response, Taemin resorted to the childish act of sticking out his tongue.

That question and the responses had seemed rather inane to most people – although many appreciated the 2min interaction and several enjoyed the embarrassed looking Onew that resulted when Key whispered something that was apparently scandalous into the leader’s ear as the two youngest spoke – however, several people did notice the familiarity with which the band said the person’s screen name and the fact that they had clearly stated that BlingBling was male. That probably wouldn’t have been a big issue and would likely have blown over as a slip of the tongue or the group just getting comfortable with their fans, however, Key brought every one of BlingBling’s questions up to the group and made a point of mentioning his screen name almost every time.

Jonghyun didn’t notice any of this. He was far too excited by the fact that the group were talking about him – albeit his online persona – and were answering his questions. His inner fanboy was in heaven and he was loving every second of this.

The questions kept moving on and soon someone asked one that Jonghyun found himself incredibly interested in hearing the answer to – for purely selfish reasons: “’What was the inspiration for the album name Romeo?’

“Juliette.” Onew said, clearly thinking how to phrase his answer but probably just confusing the audience with his strange proclamation. “That’s quite interesting actually. You all know that there was a competition to write a song for us, yeah? Well the submitted song was called Juliette. There were other songs already written for the album and the submitted song fit really well with all of these thematically –part of the reason it was chosen, I guess. It is a really good song, too. There wasn’t even meant to be a music video or anything but it was just that good.”

“What this guy is rambling about, is that the submitted song was called Juliette and everyone involved in the making of the album liked it so much we sort of stole it and built our concept around it. Romeo and Juliette.” Key summarised, chuckling. “So thanks for that Jonghyun. We owe you one.”

Jonghyun internally celebrated; his pride in that song was still at an all-time high and having it mentioned in a live chat like this was really gratifying. Although all four of them had told him they liked it before, it was nice to have it recognised in a public setting like this.

Following that, for a little while, the questions were nearly all about Jonghyun. Many were innocent questions like: “Are you still in contact?” (Jonghyun was very sad the answer was no, although Key’s ‘not really’ had caught his attention as it didn’t sound entirely definite – that may just have been wishful thinking on his part, however). Others were about him being male. Even more were about whether his claiming to be a fan in the documentary were real or not.

The group were very good at answering those questions diplomatically. They didn’t say a single thing that shed Jonghyun in a bad light, in fact they praised him a lot more than he felt he deserved, and they were 100% positive about the experience.

Soon enough, however, the questions moved back to the group, the fans caring more about their idols than some fan who won a competition. Since this was such a rare event, the fans present in the chat were not going to let this opportunity to ask their favourite people all the burning questions they had. Even Jonghyun, once the talk about him had died down – a part of the stream he stopped asking questions in because that’s just awkward – went back to asking simple questions about favourite foods and other such things. Jonghyun paid far more attention to Onew's answers than any of the other members, as was the nature of biases.

Soon enough, two hours had passed and the group were done for the day. They all looked willing to keep going, however, it was clear that the behind the scenes crew wished them to wrap up. The way Onew kept looking behind camera and nodding was a clear indication that something was happening back stage. So, wrapping up a few final questions, the group wished their fans goodbye.

“Thank you so much for coming to listen to us ramble for two whole hours,” Onew grinned, his eyes once again becoming little slits with the force of his smile. “I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did and I hope you consider buying our new album. We put a lot of work into it and I think it’s really good.”

“Yeah!” Taemin cheers, grabbing onto Minho and Onew’s arms and linking with them, “We tried really hard to make this or best album yet and I think we managed it, so I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed making it.”

“Until next time,” Minho grinned.

“We are SHINee!” The group finished off, doing their signature pose as they introduced themselves.

From there the screen went blank and the number of viewers started to rapidly decrease now the event was over. Jonghyun grinned to himself. That was everything he had imagined it would be. He couldn’t have been happier to see the group again, even if it was through a screen. Due to their recording, they hadn’t been doing shows or signings recently, so Jonghyun had barely seen any signs of them since he met them in person three months ago and he was starting to miss their faces. They had been a constant in his life since they debuted and it was strange that, since getting closer to them – in the smallest way – he had actually seen less of them since then.

Reclining back on his bed and placing his laptop beside him, Jonghyun grinned sappily as he thought about how fantastic all the members looked and how nice they all were. If his thoughts strayed to one certain leader more than they did to any other member, well, that was just a fact of life. He wasn’t going to regret that in any way.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: I really like writing SHINee. They’re fun characters to play with. Especially Taemin.


	10. Chapter 9 –Arc 2 begins

**_TaemintToTheMax_ **

_10:36am 16.09.09_

**_My review of the Juliette documentary_ **

_Oh. My. God. Guys!_

_Did you see the new SHINee documentary yet???? It was so amazing to see the oppa’s again. They haven’t been on my TV in so long. I didn’t realize how much I missed seeing their faces until I saw them again and just... ahhhh!!!! I basically flailed the whole time I watched it. So of course, I had to watch it again to actually take in all the details. That’s basically how I watch anything SHINee thow. Once for freak out and then again for the deets._

_So on to the actual review:_

_So, the beginning. It was awesome. The behind the scenes of their recording and music video filming was amazing. I don’t really watch other idol stuff so I haven’t seen the process much before. I was shocked at how much effort goes into the filming, you know. The amount of work  they all put into it all was inspirational. They put more effort into singing one line of a song than I have ever put into anything in my life. Plus, they looked so damn cute._

_Ok, so onto the important stuff. The new song and video. Juliette is probably one of my favourite SHINee songs so far. I know a lot of people disagree with me and say that Replay is better and stuff but... Juliette. It gets me. It’s so sweet and it showcases their voices a lot more than any of their previous songs. I have never heard Minho sing in the higher register before and it surprised me how well he can do that. Although, the interview made it look like he really didn’t like how high it was xD_

_Their stylist is insane, I’ll admit that but it just works. They all look so good in clothes that would make anyone else look insane. Taemin in glasses tho. Rainbow skinny jeans!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and rainbow shirts and glasses with stuff stuck to them. Fluffy shirts. Teh fluff. It looks like shirt beards. I don’t understandi t but I love it. Onew and Key with lighter hair, omg. Taemins fluffy hair. It’s so cute and so much better than the bowl. I love it . I want it I want him (I’ll stop here before I bore you with my flailing about Taemin :P)_

_The dance it cute too. I like the triangle pointy way they stand so one person gets most of the attention. The dance takes so much skill. Like how tothey move their legs like that? I’ll admit I don’t know dance (or singing or musical anything really) but I thought it was freaking great!!!!_

_And now onto the part a lot of people are probably skipping through to find. My opinion on Kim Jonghyun. Before I wrote this review, I saw a post that said he was just pretending to be a fan. But, I don’t know it didn’t seem like that to me. He seemed like a genuine fanboy. And I know those are rare but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. What are the chances that a fan boy is a composer... same as any other fan being a composer, I guess. Did you see his face when he met SHINee for the first time, he looked completely starstruck. A poke would have sent him sprawling. It was cute... and ok,_ he _was cute, in a rough, unpolished sort of way. His hair was amazing, jsut as an aside, I kinda want that for myself._

_His interview made him seem super down to earth and just nice. His little embarrassed look when he admitted he was a SHINee fan was adorbs but it also made me kind of sad. Sad because he isn’t allowed to admit that he loves something without extreme judgement. Because people won’t let a guy like typically ‘girly’ things._

_But heavy stuff aside. He clearly loves SHINee a lot. When he went into that cute little rant about how SHINee inspired him. Aww, cutie. And when he said all that stuff to SHINee themselves. Double aww. So cute. I loved Onew’s face during Jonghyun’s speech. Seriously, watch his face as Jonghyun talks, he looks so thankful and so damn happy._

_Absolutely one of my favourite shows ever. That might be my total SHINee bias because I need more shine in my life but I loved every second._

_TL:DR SHINee are adorbs. New music video is one of my new favourites. Jonghyun is a cutie and a total fanboy_

**_KEYOPPA  
_ ** _I agree with everything you said. Except Taemin’s galsses being cute. They were just not. At all. Your blinded by your love. They were uuuugly_

**_StuckOnew  
_ ** _I appreciate how fair you were with your review. I’ve seen a lot of hate on Jonghyun because he’s a man and he’s ‘not a real fan’_ _or he’s ‘gay’ or ‘_ _weird’ for liking SHINee. I think he’s a super brave individual with a lot of talent. His song is amazing and SHINee clearly like it too. Everytime they talked about the song they seemed genuinely happy about it, it was awesome._

**_Jinyoung95  
_ ** _As if he’s a fan. Nope. He’s just using shinee. Shouldve gone to a real fan._

**_Iluffyou  
_ ** _I **** hate that song it isn’t even good i cant deal with thatone being the one that was chose!!_

**_MrsChoi  
_ ** _OMG HES SO CUTE THO BUT HES GOTTA BE TOTALLY GAY_

**_KEYOPPA  
_ ** _I don’t think he has to be gay.He’s just a fan like us._

**_Taemindreamin  
_ ** _‘like us’ suggests gay. Dont tell me you don’t like then at least partially because theyre hot :P_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: And this is the start of what I like to call arc 2. I know my arcs aren’t really true arcs. But it was just an easy way to categorise the different sections of this fic in my head. It makes it easier to process when I'm editing.  
> Also, I'm sorry it's short. The non-segway chapters will all be over 2000 words but these ones are usually not quite as long.


	11. Chapter 10 – Moving on up

Jonghyun stretched languidly in his seat, his arms reaching out behind him and his feet brushing against the seat in front. His hip bumped against the small fold-out table that extended from the arm rest of the chair as he shifted back into a sitting position. If he had had papers on it, the actions would have knocked them all to the floor – something that occurred all too often during lectures. Those tables were far too small and sloped far too much to be safe to leave rounded objects, such as pens, on for extended periods of time. This was especially true when the lecture was as boring as the one Jonghyun had just attended. Such lectures often involved the aspiring composer shifting a lot to prevent himself from falling asleep which, more often than not, jostled the tiny lecture theatre tables. 

“Wow, Jjong. People would assume you had a hard life.” The boy next to him chuckled, ruffling his shaggy, dark hair and simultaneously pushing the loose strands out of his eyes.

“Harder than yours, loser.” A long haired girl chuckled from the other side of the male. She growled playfully as the boy swatted her pen out of her hand before bending down and snatching it up from the floor, continuing to pack her bag like nothing had happened.

“I had work late last night and then I got inspired, I didn’t get much sleep.” Jonghyun said, his speech distorted by a large yawn.

“Woo,” The boy uttered dramatically, falling backwards into his seat. “The life of a big-name composer.”

“’Big-name composer’?” Jonghyun laughed, “I’m a student the same as you.”

“And the only person in this room to have a published song.” The boy countered.

“Jiwoong, we’re the only people in this room.” The girl said, deadpan. Grabbing the boy, Jiwoong, by the arm and pulling him upright, she started dragging the resistant male from the room. “We’re going to be late for our next class.”

“See ya, suckers.” Jonghyun grinned, saluting lazily. It was his free-period now. His friends were taking an art class – one being an art student and the other literature student who wanted something ‘fun’ to fill her schedule – and Jonghyun just didn’t have any talent in any art related area other than music.

Standing up and stretching lazily, the blonde meandered out of the lecture room and headed towards the library. He had a few assignments due and was planning on spending the next few hours working on them. There was one in particular he wasn’t looking forward to working on. He was supposed to write a referenced essay on peoples’ reactions to music and how music affected the psyche. He sort of understood the basis for that assignment – understanding how people listened to music would aid in better music writing, in theory – however, he wasn’t a psychologist and had barely passed even basic science classes in high school so he was prepared for this to take a while.

-

In the first six months after the release of the documentary very little about Jonghyun’s life had changed outwardly.  Most of the changes were subtle and to the casual observer there was no clear change at all. However, to those closest to the issues, it really had. Sodam had commented more than once about how he was now much more open about his status as an idol fan. He still kept it toned down but, if she had a friend round he wasn’t afraid to make a casual mention about things only a fan would know – whereas before he would keep quiet even if it was clear that he wanted to join in the girls’ conversations. He had also gone to the record store to buy the new SHINee album on day of release. This wasn’t unusual on its own as he always went to buy them on the first day. However, he had never been to the record store alone before. His sister always acted as his security blanket, being forced to attend with him and to make the actual purchase. Sodam had looked confused when she caught her brother just as he walked out of the house, his bag slung over his shoulder and his blonde hair styled a little more than normal. On probing he had revealed where he was heading and she had squealed quietly, looking proud. She wouldn’t have to pretend to be interested in a group she didn’t care much about anymore – besides caring because her brother liked them – which was great for her. However, the best thing was that her brother was finally, finally, starting to become more comfortable with himself and admitting things he liked.

Jonghyun’s relationship with his father had also changed. For the first time in his life, Jonghyun’s old man seemed to accept his son’s choices about his future career. It hadn’t changed quickly and it hadn’t changed dramatically; his father was a cold man and he wasn’t one to change his opinions quickly. However, he was slowly coming around to the idea that Jonghyun was going to pursue music as a career. Jonghyun was pretty sure the man had already accepted it, in some way, but following the documentary, the man seemed to realise that his son could actually make a living out of this thing that he had previously only considered to be a hobby.

Jonghyun hadn’t even told his parents about the competition until the day his documentary aired. Although, technically, he never actually _told_ them. His sister had collapsed heavily on the living room sofa one Saturday evening and taken the remote from their father’s hand. Jonghyun – who was walking through the living room on his way to the kitchen – couldn’t stifle his chuckle at the shocked look on the man’s face. Sodam, although strong-willed and mouthy at times, was not usually one to disrupt their father when he was relaxing in the evenings. The man was cranky without his nightly dose of bad television and no one in the family wanted to deal with that.

Sodam had proceeded to flip the channel from the comedy rerun his parents were watching to the channel the SHINee documentary was being aired on. His father had not been impressed and he had proceeded to lament about the fact that his daughter was going to become obsessed with those ‘girly looking singers’ just like his son was. Jonghyun hadn’t been aware that his father knew about his love for the idols and, in a strange way, it made him happy that the man had even noticed. It meant his father cared enough to pay attention to the things his son liked. Ok, so he didn’t agree with many of Jonghyun’s choices and the two men often didn’t see eye to eye but the man was never too confrontational about it. When Jonghyun had broached the subject of music school the man hadn’t told his son he couldn’t go, he had just said Jonghyun had to fund it himself. There were a few other choice words in there but there wasn’t all that much bite behind them.

“Oh, shush, dad. You weren’t even watching that show.” Sodam berated their father playfully. “And I need to watch Jjongie doing his thing.”

Jonghyun had frozen in the doorway, a glass of water in his hand. He wasn’t sure he wanted to see his parents’ reactions to this.

“Jonghyun’s on TV?” His mother asked, confused.

“Yeah, he wrote a song for SHINee.” Sodam explained, shooting a look over her shoulder at her brother. “It’s totally awesome that his music is getting recognition.”

Jonghyun smiled lightly, leaning against the door frame. He was still slightly scared of his parents’ reactions but he now understood what his sister was doing. Instead of watching this show online or recording it for later, she deliberately watched it now, with their parents in the room. She was trying to help their parents understand. To help them realise what Jonghyun’s music meant to him and to realise that, despite what anyone said, he was going to do this his way and make the music he so loved to create.

He stayed in the back of the living room, near the door to the kitchen for the entire hour and, despite parts of the documentary being incredibly embarrassing – especially his little fan freak out about meeting SHINee – he was pleasantly surprised to see a slight smile on his father’s face when the music video played and his mother’s happy smile as she bopped to the beat.

As his dad walked out of the living room, he saw Jonghyun’s position in the door way, clapping his son on the shoulder as he walked past he said, not looking at his son, “I don’t get that pop music stuff but it wasn’t terrible.”

That sentence, as unsupportive as it may sound to anyone else, was one of the most important things his father had ever said to him.

Then, after weeks and weeks of nothing major happening, Jonghyun’s life had really started to look up, all at once. All because of one, quiet producer. Not that his life was bad pre-Juliette and its subsequent popularity but it had become a little stagnant and repetitive. Honestly, writing that SHINee song and meeting his idols had been the best thing that had ever happened to the male. Meeting his idols probably ranked up there as being one of the best experiences of his life. Those that knew him always asked if he was still in contact with the four-piece and there were occasionally forum posts about what had become of him. As much as Jonghyun would love to say ‘yes, absolutely’, that would be a total lie. He hadn’t seen or heard from the singers since he recorded for the documentary and honestly, he hadn’t expected to – why would he?

He also wasn’t getting recognised in the streets or treated like some kind of celebrity. He had had a five minute segment in an hour-long documentary which, due to being about a single, fairly new, idol group, had a limited audience to begin with. He had been recognised a few times by hard-core SHINee fans but nothing ever came of it. They usually greeted him and began asking questions about SHINee, not even caring about the boy in front of them.

However, from the whole experience, he had acquired a firm friendship/mentorship with Sungkyu. The older man had definitely taken the blonde under his wing and was always willing to talk, usually via email, although Jonghyun had called him more than a few times to sing him a new piece whilst he was inspired. He still gave amazing advice and had even edited a few of the blonde’s songs personally to make them more marketable (not that he intended to sell these pieces, but it was good practice) and teach him the most common types of feedback he would receive.

The man had been horrified when he learnt that Jonghyun wasn’t applying to music schools for the current intake year and had basically forced the application form upon him, even signing off as a reference and scouting out scholarship opportunities for the teen himself. It was via these scholarships that the boy had managed to achieve a place, his savings able to cover the remaining fees that weren’t covered in the stipend and his work at the cafe covering any living expenses. The composer had been integral in Jonghyun’s enrolment and the young man was endlessly thankful and had told the man so ever since, regularly.

In fact, as the boy reached the library and settled himself comfortably in a study booth, setting up his laptop in front of him and pulling out his school books, he decided to email the man. He had recently received an email and a sound file from the composer that he hadn’t yet found time to check and since he had no other classes and only his essay to do, he decided to take some time to listen to it now.

Navigating to his email window and downloading the file, he read through the email and gasped in shock.

_Jonghyun,_

_I have had an idea floating around my head for a few months now and it is finally coming to fruition. As you are probably aware, I hold you and your skills in very high regard. Although you are still untrained, your musical talent and ability to compose original and marketable music is fantastic._

_Therefore, I approached the higher-ups in SM and asked their permission to collaborate with you on my newest project. They were initially hesitant however, I persuaded them that you would be nothing but a benefit. I feel that you will be great but I also feel that, without constant stimulation, you might lose that individual flair that makes you such a talented composer. Thus, I arranged this project – mostly for your benefit but also for mine. I too like to challenge myself and this will improve my work, also._

_Unfortunately, this will have to be a royalty-free role for you. Although, you will receive an initial composer’s payment, partial due to the limited work you will do. However, I believe the experience will be more than enough payment. The publishing of your name as co-composer on a track that should hopefully become well known is also a boon. As your lecturers have probably already informed you, your network is one of the most important things in your career and this will aid in its growth._

_So, more about the project, if you choose to accept. I have attached my initial idea for the music for the chorus, take a look when you have time and feel free to inform me if it is unsuitable or you have any improvements to suggest. This will be a joint project so don’t be afraid to tell me something is bad, I am not the superior here, we are on equal footing for now._

_More background for the song: it will be for SHINee and I know you know their previous work well, so I don’t need to brief you for that. Their new album will be a mixture of pop and slightly more ballad-oriented songs so we can play around a little and come up with a range of genres._

_I understand this may seem daunting and you may be too busy to accept my proposal but I feel this could benefit you and I greatly._

_Regards,_

_Sungkyu_

This email was followed by an official looking SM Entertainment signature block which declared Sungkyu’s full name, job title and contact details. His usual emails to Jonghyun did not normally contain this feature and, when he had first opened the email, Jonghyun had been a little confused by its presence. However, now he had read the contents, it made a lot more sense.

Jonghyun probably sat staring blankly at his screen for a full ten minutes. Although he couldn’t be certain of the time because his mind was filled with static noise. He was in shock, he knew that Sungkyu liked him and he knew that the man held him in high regard but he had assumed it was as a student who still had a lot to learn. For the man to offer him a co-composer role was nothing short of incredible. Any other student in his school would jump at the opportunity and Jonghyun was no different.

Setting his essay to the side for now – he would finish it tomorrow – Jonghyun played the attached sound clip, writing notes on a blank notebook and drafting potential ideas for tunes, rhythm and lyrics to accompany it. His mind was already swirling with ideas and he had already mentally catalogued all the songs he had already written which could be taken, in part, and modified to fit the theme. 

So here he was, Kim Jonghyun, almost a year after the submission of his song to the SHINee composition competition. A year ago he had been working long hours in a cafe with big dreams of going to music school and maybe writing for the stars. Now, he was sat in the music college of his choice, penning a second song for one of the largest idols groups in South Korea. He had friends and family who supported him and a mentor who wanted him to succeed. His life and his future had never looked so bright. So, no matter how long the hours, no matter how tired he was after a day of lectures and a night working at the cafe, he didn’t care. He was exactly where he had always dreamed he would be and he was going to make the most of it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: Jjong the university student. I imagine the university Jjong went to is basically my university and all his classes are basically like mine. Which makes zero sense because he’s doing an arts degree with all his music courses and I studied science. Also… Australia. But hey, people say to draw from your own experience.


	12. Chapter 11 – Graduation day

 “Hurry up, nerds!” Eunji called into the boys’ apartment from the open doorway. She had a smile on her face despite the exasperation that was clear in her voice. “I thought it was women who’re slow to get ready.”

A deep chuckle came from behind the literature major, making her visibly jump. “They still not done?” Her boyfriend asked as he walked up behind the girl and wrapped his arms around her waist.

“No,” she grumbled, brushing down the front of her dressy skirt to remove any wrinkles that the man’s unexpected hug had created. “They’re being slow.” She said, raising her voice deliberately so it would carry to the two boys still inside the apartment.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming, woman.” Jiwoong laughed, still tying his tie as he strolled out of one of the bedrooms.

“Took your time,” Eunji muttered, ignoring the fact that the man hadn’t even tied his shoes and was now attempting to fix his hair in his phone screen. “Where’s big-shot?”

“Where do you think?” Jiwoong laughed, “He’s doing his hair.”

“He’s worse than you,” Eunji’s boyfriend chuckled, gesturing towards his girlfriend.

“I resent that, Youngho.” Jonghyun stated, walking out of the bathroom, completely put together and looking photoshoot ready. Gesturing to his entire self with one hand, he posed dramatically, “I take exactly as much time as I need to, to look this good.”

“Up yourself.” Jiwoong coughed into his hand dramatically, his phone now safely in his pocket and his shoes securely on his feet.

“You’re just jealous because you can’t pull off white blonde.” Jonghyun teased, sticking his tongue out at his roommate. “I saw you eyeing up my hair dye.”

“Yeah. Cool. Great. Manly pride. This is cool and all.” Eunji said, amused but also harried. “Let’s go, we’re going to be late.”

Youngho looked at his watch before placing a hand on his girlfriend’s shoulder in a placating manner, “We don’t need to be there until 2pm, we have plenty of time.”

“You do, we don’t!” Eunji protested. “Graduating students have to be there half an hour early.”

“Well... damn.” Jonghyun cursed. “Sorry, guys.” He ruffled his hair awkwardly before catching himself with an annoyed look. He stopped himself from ruining his hair style any more but he knew the ruffled strands were now going to annoy him all day. He was pretty sure that the SHINee documentary – and his sister - over three years ago had been both great and terrible for his self-image. Great, because it made him realise that he could be more out there with his image and overall look. Terrible, because he now spent a lot more time getting ready before he left the house than he ever had before, even in his awkward pimply phase in middle school.

Eunji let out a groan of frustration before spinning on her heel and striding down the hall. Youngho watched her walk away and looked at the other two males, shrugging slightly, before following his annoyed girlfriend. Her hair did this really appealing bouncy thing when she was flouncing angrily and Youngho could really appreciate that.

The remaining two males also walked down the hall way and out of the apartment building at a hurried pace. They had a graduation to get to.

The conversation in the car was stilted initially, with the only girl in the car pouting behind the wheel, her driving a little more erratic than usual. No one brought this up to the woman herself. All that would achieve was a greater level of road rage in the end and that was something no one in the car wanted to deal with.

Each male in the car dealt with the angry silence in their own way: Jonghyun zoned out completely, listening with half an ear to the radio that was pumping quiet pop music into the car and tapping his fingers to the rhythm. Jiwoong was fidgeting, awkwardly shifting in his seat next to Jonghyun, his fists clenching and unclenching in his lap. The artist was not used to staying silent for such long periods of time and it was making him antsy. He was a very outgoing person and the quiet of the car was not something he found comfortable. However, the university graduates all knew that if the girl didn’t calm down before the end of the journey, they were going to have to put up with her pouting all through the ceremony too. Thus, speaking and aggravating the girl more was guaranteed to be a bad idea.

Youngho did not have to worry about any of that. As a builder who had skipped the college experience, he was merely there as a one man cheer squad for his girlfriend and her friends. He kept up a continuous stream of quiet, inane comments throughout the drive, his hand resting gently on his girlfriend’s thigh. As he spoke and the journey dragged on, the tenseness in Eunji’s shoulders gradually drained away and by the end of the journey she had even began to joke back occasionally.

By the time the car pulled into the car park for the graduation venue, the girl was completely calmed down and even shot a smile at Jonghyun and Jiwoong as they stepped out of the car. The group rushed quickly into the venue, with the graduates heading straight to the robing room and handing over their robe rental forms. 

Once they were fully robed, the three felt a little more at ease. Shooing her boyfriend, who was still hanging around, towards the audience, Eunji followed the two boys as they headed towards the other congregating students, all of whom were milling around and fiddling awkwardly with their robes as the heavy material started to slip from their shoulders from their movements.

“See, we made it on time.” Jiwoong said, ignoring the sharp glance Jonghyun shot at him, hinting heavily that he should shut his mouth. “There was no need for you to worry.”

Eunji actually growled at the boy, her previous stress returning full-force, “Not worry? We are ten minutes late Park Jiwoong! We’re only fine because the staff are running late, too.”

The art major actually gulped and took a step backwards. The girl looked terrifying, with her simple make-up highlighting the fire in her eyes and her long hair flying behind her as she flicked it out of her face.

Jonghyun backed away slowly and left the two to it; the girl needed to let out her stress somehow and Jiwoong really did present a great target. Moving through the crowd of other graduating students, greeting those he knew happily and exchanging several high-fives on the way, Jonghyun made it out the other side and looked out into the audience. He smiled as he spotted the small group waiting for him.

It had taken him a lot of effort to acquire the four tickets he had. The university was very adamant that it should be family only and limited to two tickets per person. Thus, his parents had been easy to get tickets for. However, when he had wanted to invite Sodam and Sungkyu, there had been a few issues. Luckily, bonus guest tickets had been released at the last minute. It really wouldn’t have felt right to graduate without two of the most important people in his life present. Honestly, it would feel more wrong not to have them there than his parents. At one point, he had considered giving the tickets to the two. However, he could imagine the look on his mother’s face when she found out and that was something he couldn’t handle. Even theoretically.

He hoped his family were being nice to Sungkyu. They were each a completely separate part of Jonghyun’s life and therefore hadn’t spent much time together in the past, only meeting in passing once or twice. With Jonghyun’s father’s opinion of the music industry, things could get awkward fast. Luckily, Sungkyu didn’t take offence easily and Sodam was highly adept at deflecting people’s attention.

Waving to the group briefly, Jonghyun smiled when he received an exuberant wave from Sodam in return. The adults didn’t even notice him, continuing their conversation. From the smiles on all their faces they all seemed to be getting along. Even the male Kim looked interested in what the composer was saying. Jonghyun laughed aloud as his sister rolled her eyes dramatically and raised her arms to the sky when gesturing at their parents and Jonghyun’s mentor. Apparently he’d been worrying for nothing. Shaking his head, the music student headed back into the crowd of graduates, as the staff arrived and began to try to get their attention.

After a few brief announcements – all requesting audience members and graduates make their way to their seats – the students all sat down ready for the ceremony to start. Jonghyun looked up and made eye contact with Jiwoong who was seated five seats down from him, winking. Eunji was too far away from him for him to make eye contact with her, her student number being dramatically different to his and Jiwoong’s but he was sure the woman knew he was happy for her.

As the man on the stage started to talk, Jonghyun settled down in his seat, ready for a long period of sitting as he waited for the actual presentation part of the ceremony to begin.

Jonghyun was 100% sure he was going to trip and fall on his arse in front of several thousand people. His feet weren’t working right and he felt all light headed. He shuffled forward in the line, listening to the announcement of names with half an ear as he focused on moving his feet one in front of the other.

Stumbling up the steps, luckily managing to keep his balance and prevent himself from tripping, he moved across the stage, the clapping from the crowd muffling into background noise as he headed towards the Dean of his university and reached out to claim his certificate. Holding the rolled up paper in one hand, he grasped the older teacher’s hand with the other, shaking it firmly and grinning happily at the man. The man smiled back, looking proud yet also bored. Jonghyun, if he had been conscious enough to think at that moment would have understood why that was, hundreds of students had already crossed the stage that day and there were many more to come.

Finishing his walk across the stage – and not falling on his face – he turned and waved to the audience before practically bouncing down the steps and towards the area where his friends were seated, throwing a small salute in their direction. He smiled to himself as they each saluted back, Jiwoong’s a lot more dramatic than Eunji’s and drawing snickers from the students seated around them.

He had done it. Years of time and a lot of effort and he had done it!

-

“Congratulations to all the graduates!” Sodam announced to the table, raising her drink and resulting in a wave of other people at the table doing the same. A loud cheer of congratulations rang out for the three college graduates.

The restaurant was loud, their table consisting of friends, family and anyone else related to the three college graduates contributing much of the noise. All the people were eating, drinking and being generally happy for the three and the mood was light. Most of them had known the students throughout the entire process and knew how much time and effort had been put into their newly acquired qualifications.

Youngho grinned and nodded along with the younger Kim’s words. Standing up himself, he took over the speech giving role, ”Congratulations, you all worked hard and deserve this. I wish you luck in your future endeavours and hope you all have bright futures. Especially Eunji, who I have to support because she’s my girlfriend... who I love very much.” His last line and his quick defence drew laughs from the entire table and a huff of amusement from the girl in question.

“Especially those of us who don’t have a job already nicely laid out for them.” Jiwoong chipped in, raiding his glass and shooting a mock glare at the platinum blonde seated next to him.

Preening exaggeratedly, Jonghyun winked at the art student, “Your jealousy is showing.” Taking a casual sip of his drink, Jonghyun feigned indifference. However, the corner of his mouth was twitching into a proud smile and his excitement was not well hidden.

“Yeah, whatever. Just know I respect you, bro. You’re far better composer than I will ever be.” The boy muttered, scowling playfully.

“Maybe because that wasn’t your major.” Jonghyun said, rolling his eyes in amusement. “Go play with your paintbrushes.”

Jiwoong puffed up in real annoyance this time, looking a little like a startled hen. “’Play’!?”

“Wait,” Mrs. Kim said, sounding confused, “Our Jonghyun got a job already?” Her question successfully distracted the artist and stopped him from taking his revenge on the newly graduated composer. Jonghyun was a little surprised that information hadn’t come up in conversation before the ceremony started but he supposed Sungkyu planned to leave it as a surprise – or assumed Jonghyun had already informed his family about the job offer.

An average looking middle-aged man spoke up then, his voice soft but easily travelling to everyone at the table, “I am hiring him as a composition assistant with a pathway for a solo-career once he gets comfortable.”

Jonghyun grinned at his mentor, “And I owe you one, Sungkyu.”

The man smiled softly, “No, you don’t, Jonghyun. You earned this. You worked hard.”

“But...” Sodam said, looking at the man, sounding shocked, “Don’t you work for SM?”

“I do.”

“Congratulations, Jjong!” The girl practically screamed, ensuring that everyone on the table who wasn’t listening to their conversation definitely was now. “That is awesome. I knew you and Sungkyu pow-wow’d occasionally but to be a permanent employee!”

“Congratulations.” The boy’s mother echoed, along with a firm nod from his father who looked a little uncomfortable in the restaurant with all these people but otherwise happy for his son. “You have worked hard for this.”

“Thank you,” Jonghyun said, bashfully. He looked down at the table in front of him, getting embarrassed at all the attention focused on him. “I hope I can do a good job.”

The conversation quickly moved on, thanks to some socially sharp members around the table who sensed his discomfort. Soon a series of individual conversations had started once more and laughter was prevalent. From directly across the table, Sodam made eye contact with her brother and grinned at him, her gums on full display. “You did it, nerd.”

“I did.” Jonghyun agreed.

“Can’t believe my nerdy older brother got such a rad job.” Jonghyun pouted at this statement, looking conflicted as to whether he should take this comment as a compliment or an insult. “Oh my gosh!” She exclaimed suddenly – but not so loud as to gain the attention of the entire table once more, “You got a job because of SHINee! Who knew your little obsession would be so useful.”

Jonghyun blushed and glared at his sister. “Sodam!”

“What?” She asked, completely oblivious to her brother’s sudden discomfort – or maybe she knew and just didn’t care, it was hard to tell with that girl sometimes “It’s true. You wouldn’t have met Sungkyu unless you were SHINee obsessed.”

“Wait, is that true?” Jiwoong asked.

Jonghyun groaned, dropping his head onto his arms. His friends knew he was a fan of SHINee; Jonghyun hadn’t been able to hide it once they had moved in to the same building as each other and, in Jiwoong’s case, the same apartment. However, he had never explicitly mentioned how much of a fan he was. Neither of his friends or their significant others (when Jiwoong actually managed to keep a girlfriend for more than a month) were fans of the idol scene and hence, although they knew of Jonghyun’s song writing past, did not know many details.

“Sungkyu was the composer in charge of fixing up my competition entry for commercial use.”

“Whoa, cool.” Jiwoong exclaimed, “Plus, you’re basically famous already.”

“As if. Name a single famous composer.” Jonghyun challenged.

“It’s not my major, remember. Name a single famous artist.” Jiwoong countered, tapping his friend on the nose like he was a child.

“What are you, seven?” Eunji said, gently cuffing the artist over the head in amusement and judgement.

“Yes.” Jiwoong pouted, crossing his arms and stamping his foot before bursting into laughter.

Eunji rolled her eyes, muttering “boys” making eye contact with Sodam. The two girls weren’t close but, from the few times they had met, they got along well enough. Sodam occasionally came to visit Jonghyun now that he had moved out of home and the two girls talked, usually commiserating about the useless males in their lives.

“Oi!” Jiwoong protested loudly.

“Oh, shush you.” Eunji said, rolling her eyes at the overdramatic artist. “Now, Jjong. You better tell us this story in detail.”

“Ooh, I can help.” Sodam grinned. “I’ll dish all the juicy details he would leave out.”

“Don’t you dare!” Jonghyun warned his sister, pointing to his eyes then to her in an ‘I’m watching you’ gesture. Then he launched into the story, doing exactly what his sister said and not mentioning the more embarrassing parts. Unfortunately, the girl didn’t take his warning and chimed in occasionally with a humorous comment about Jonghyun’s teenage self – usually the incredibly humiliating kind. The blonde’s friends found his past obsessive love for the lead singer of the group especially hilarious. Jonghyun didn’t feel the need to tell them that he still considered the male his ideal type and harboured a huge crush on the man. Thankfully, Sodam – who totally knew – didn’t divulge either. 

Jonghyun was just glad the only people listening were his two friends, and Youngho. He did not want to imagine what his parents’ (or Sungkyu’s) reactions to that information would be.

An hour or so later, Jonghyun looked at all the gathered people, smiling softly. The conversations had all drifted to different topics and, for the time being, the boy was happy just to sit and listen to the merriment around him. Today had been everything he had dreamed of.

If you had asked him when he was in high school what he would be doing in five years time, well, he would never have thought it would be this. Since graduating high school he had been working tirelessly for this moment and here, today, those hours of work, the continuous penny-pinching, the countless hours studying and losing sleep were all worth it. Here he was, a music school graduate with a job already lined up for him, several songs already performed by famous artists and the best friends and family anyone could wish for.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: At the time of writing this, I hadn’t graduated myself. At the time of editing, I had. Hence, there were a lot of small details to change in this chapter. Luckily, there was nothing integral to the plot that I needed to change.


	13. Chapter 12 – SM Entertainment is still terrifying

Jonghyun fiddled with the cuffs of his suit jacket as he looked around the lobby nervously. This moment was bringing back many of his memories from three years ago. The last time he had been here, he had still been a teenager. Merely nineteen years of age and anxiously waiting to meet his favourite idols. He vividly remembered feeling like he was going to embarrass himself thoroughly and, at the time, he honestly believed he had done so. More recently, he had been able to be more objective. He had even rewatched the SHINee documentary in which he appeared, not too long ago. He had been enthusiastic, there was no avoiding that fact, however he hadn’t been that embarrassing, not really. Sungkyu often brought up those first meetings he had had with the boy – both at the song editing meeting and the documentary recording date. He had commented more than once on how quiet the boy was, often followed by light-hearted mocking of the now much more outspoken man.

Now, Jonghyun was twenty three years old, a recent university graduate possessing an arts degree majoring in music theory, dressed in a snazzy suit and waiting in the lobby of SM Entertainment for Sungkyu to come downstairs.

Jonghyun was nervous. The job was already guaranteed, according to Sungkyu. Jonghyun was apparently already well-known amongst the SM composers (and if that wasn’t intimidating, Jonghyun didn’t know what was). However, the managers and upper management wanted to meet him to discuss his future role in more detail. Jonghyun knew he had to make a good impression or there was a chance, no matter how slight, that the job opportunity would be rescinded and he would be thrown out on the streets once more (figuratively, of course). All of which was all beyond terrifying.

The seating in the lobby was still more uncomfortable than anything called a ‘seat’ had the right to be. The artwork was still extremely abstract, although someone had had the job of updating the room’s furnishings at some point in the last few years. The chairs were now abstract, red acrylic things which were probably meant to be artistic shapes but ended up looking more like the plastic melted in the heat. The artwork now depicted what looked like the life cycle of a butterfly, if you squinted a little and used a good dose of imagination. However, after five minutes in that lobby, observing these features, the room itself did little to distract the fidgety blonde; instead, leaving him to stew in his own nervousness.

The receptionist was staring at him from behind her desk, her long nails tapping infuriatingly on her keyboard. She had been doing so since the composer told her the reason he was there. The woman had looked at him condescendingly and rolled her eyes in disbelief when he had explained he was an employee. When he had asked for her to call up to the offices and mentioned Sungkyu by name – and the woman had then confirmed that the blonde was, in fact, an employee at the company – her expression had cleared up a little. That didn’t stop her from asking him snippily to present his badge before she would call upstairs for him, however. His claim that he didn’t have one yet, since this was his first day, only resulted in a raised eyebrow and an unimpressed look. It was then that he had given up on politeness. He was a little ashamed to admit that he had snapped a command for her to ‘just do her damn job’. His excuse, what little there was, was that he wound up due to his nerves and he hadn’t slept too well the night before for the same reason. His annoyance had worked out for him when the woman had immediately called the composer for him and had sounded incredibly miffed when the man had said he would be right down. That didn’t stop her from staring Jonghyun down for the remaining time he was in the lobby and it definitely wasn’t helping his nerves.

Speaking of Sungkyu, he was currently walking slowly across the lobby towards the blonde, his figure as unassuming as ever. Smiling widely, nerves forgotten for the moment, Jonghyun jumped up from his seat. Walking towards his mentor, as fast as was appropriate considering the still glaring receptionist, Jonghyun greeting him happily and received a small smile in return. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t partially paying attention to the receptionist and he would be lying more if he said he didn’t enjoy the way her expression slowly shifted from annoyance to smugness to shock. Turning around and giving her a little wave might have been a little much but Jonghyun couldn’t bring himself to care too much at that moment. Sungkyu had merely rolled his eyes and placed a hand in the small of his protégé’s back, guiding him away from the lobby entrance.

“Your receptionist doesn’t like me.” Jonghyun mentioned, as the two men walked together into the lift.

Sungkyu pressed the button for the correct floor and chuckled. Jonghyun sent the man an unimpressed look as he recognised that laugh. It was a laugh that signalled the man didn’t believe Jonghyun’s innocent act, not even a little. What he said then confirmed that notion, “And you didn’t say or do anything to make her dislike you, at all?”

“She didn’t believe I was an employee.” Jonghyun pouted, looking younger than he had in years. When he pouted, his entire face seemed to reduce in age and he looked just like a petulant child.

“Technically, you haven’t signed all the paper work yet.” Sungkyu pointed out, patting the blonde’s head patronisingly.

“Aww, Sungkyu. I thought you’d be on my side. Dagger to my heart.” Jonghyun teased dramatically. He was still nervous, as evidenced by the slight shake in his voice even as he mocked his mentor. However, just the presence of the older man was calming to him and he felt himself breathing a little easier, despite the seriousness of the day.

Stepping out of the elevator, Sungkyu raised an eyebrow at the young blonde. “Come on, Mr. Overdramatic. I need to show you your space before we have a meeting.”

“I get a space?!” Jonghyun asked, also stepping out of the lift and following the composer down the familiar hallway leading to the man’s office. Jonghyun wasn’t sure if the hallway was familiar because he remembered visiting there before, during the Juliette meetings, or whether it was just that every single hallway he had seen in this building looked exactly the same. He could see himself getting lost many times in the coming months.

The two men passed many offices on their trek, most with their doors closed and very serious sounding voices leaking under the doors. After turning twice and walking through one nondescript doorway, they also passed a small break room. The room, oddly, didn’t look very well used – judging by the pristine state of all the work surfaces – and Jonghyun couldn’t work out why. That was, until he heard the incredibly loud yelling from the office next door. The woman shouting had a very high-pitched voice that managed to pierce through the walls as if they weren’t even there.

“Of course you get a space.” Sungkyu said, finally answering his protégé’s exclamation. Opening a door which seemed to be lacking any sort of nameplate or identification. The door lead to a small area that was filled to the brim with cubicles and desks.

“Your desk is over here,” Sungkyu continued, gesturing to a vacant desk on the far side of the room. The work space was set-up with a computer, a laptop and even had a small amount of shelf space, “you can do what you like to your area, within reason.” He said, gesturing to the area grandly. He said the final part with a small chuckle. 

“Sweet!” Jonghyun said, gathering the attention of the few other employees in the room. Catching himself, he schooled his features into a more demure expression and bowed formally, greeting the room as a whole, “Hello, I’m Kim Jonghyun. I’ll be working here from now on. Please look after me.”

The other people in the office, three males, all older than Jonghyun by at least ten years, and a woman who was old enough to be his mother, all smiled at him and gave greetings in return. One man, a proper looking business man of around thirty five with a strongly starched suit and his shirt cuffs buttoned tight, addressed Sungkyu directly, “This one your boy, Sungkyu?”

“I’ve been mentoring him for a few years, he’s got talent.” The composer said, sounding proud. Jonghyun smiled softly at the man, he really appreciated the composer’s support through the years and he was even more appreciative that the man still had faith in him, after so long. It felt really good. Turning back to the blonde youth, Sungkyu continued his induction of the boy, “So, most people in here work in purchasing, particularly office supplies and the like?” One of the male employees made a sound of agreement with the demure man’s words. Sungkyu sent him a small smile of thanks and continued to talk, “I’m sorry I couldn’t get you a desk with other composers, there was no space with them and this was the only office with free space that was near my own office. In fact, we should go there now, it’s just next door.”

Scanning the room one final time, Jonghyun bowed shallowly to the people in there once more before leaving. He really wanted to make a good impression on these people, even if they weren’t working in composition like he was, they were still his co-workers and he didn’t want to get into sticky office politics if he could help it. Not that they necessarily looked like the kind of people who would get all spiteful and mean if Jonghyun didn’t do things exactly to their specifications, but one could never really tell. It was easier to be diplomatic for now and he could always relax his behaviour once he had ascertained how nice they all really were.

Following behind Sungkyu, Jonghyun walked the short distance to the man’s office. It really was right next door. Stepping into the room and closing the door behind him, the blonde sat down in the chair opposite the desk as Sungkyu sat heavily in his own seat. Jonghyun fiddled with his cuffs and looked down at his fidgeting hands feeling inexplicably nervous once more. This was Sungkyu, he knew the man, he knew the man liked him and appreciated his talent. He knew that Sungkyu wouldn’t wish Jonghyun any ill will at all. Yet that didn’t stop the new SM Employee’s (after he signed the contract, of course) brain from shorting out a little and sending multiple bad scenarios shooting through the forefront of his mind.

He startled when a sheaf of papers were shoved under his nose, blocking out his vision of his hands. Looking up, he made eye contact with Sungkyu who was looking at him with an understanding expression on his face. “Everyone will like you. They enjoyed your previous work. Many, many people have asked after you since the first time we collaborated. You’ll be fine.”

“I know.” Jonghyun protested loudly, his mind not liking the slight against his confidence. “I know.” He said, much quieter as his conscious mind caught up with what was said. He knew that he would be fine, he did. He swore he did. “But my brain doesn’t seem to.”

Sungkyu laughed, his voice ringing clear through the small office. “Sure, kid. Now those papers need to be read and signed. I’ll be working over here, ask me if you don’t understand anything.”

“Ok.” Jonghyun agreed, placing the papers on the desk. He started to scan the first document before finding something he was unsure of. He looked up at his mentor, mouth already open to ask a question. Sungkyu was sat there, looking back at him with an eyebrow raised and a pen in his hand. Smiling sheepishly, Jonghyun took the pen and continued reading, realising that his question was answered within the following paragraph.

Sungkyu chucked quietly and if Jonghyun had been looking at him he would have seen a proud smile on the man’s face. The boy in front of him had worked so hard and grown up so much since they first met years ago. In the past three and a half years, he had really blossomed as a composer and a person. His work was now much more mature and, although it was never bad, had greatly improved. He really looked forward to seeing this boy grow and mature even further.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: Sungkyu is the mentor I always wanted to have. I’ve had some supportive teachers and supervisors before but, once I graduated/finished/did my work, they left my life. I’m kind of jealous of these people who make deep emotional bonds with theirs.


	14. Chapter 13 – Sungkyu must die

Jonghyun was late. Jonghyun was really late. Jonghyun was so late he was honestly terrified he would be fired because of how late he was. He had only been working at SM Entertainment for a couple of weeks and he’d barely settled into his role, he wasn’t sure he could face clearing out his office so soon.

Sprinting down the many hallways of the SM Entertainment building Jonghyun felt his jacket button pop open but was unable to stop to fix it. The fabric flapped behind him as he ran and his messenger bag smacked heavily against his thighs in a way that was actually rather painful. He was glad he had taken some time over the last couple of months to learn the confusing layout of the building. He was currently three floors lower and multiple hallways across from his own office yet he could have sworn he just ran past the break room only a few doors down from the purchasing department. Everything here looked exactly the same. The only real differences between the hallways were the pictures hanging on the walls – however their artful, over-produced look made a lot of them look very similar so even they were not the most ideal landmarks.

Jonghyun turned yet another corner, doing a small pirouette in order to stay upright as he almost ran into a startled office woman. He bowed apologetically as he jogged down the hallway backwards, not able to stop moving or he’d be even later. The woman huffed at him, sweeping her hair behind her ear and stalking off imperiously. Luckily, the close shave didn’t slow his speed all that much and the composer spun around once more and continued down the hallway, running past multiple identical-looking doors and garnering attention from the few people who ventured outside of their offices.

If he had had time to look properly he would have noticed the various reactions he was receiving from those office workers. Many people, mostly older people with overly starched suits and permanent scowls on their faces, looked disapproving, their eyebrows meeting in judgement and their tongues clicking against their teeth in disapproval. In contrast, many of the younger staff looked at him in understanding. The high-stress entertainment industry often had people rushing about in a panic and it was usually the youngest employees that got given the jobs that required such breakneck speeds when traveling across the building. At one point, he had sprinted dramatically past another young employee doing the same thing in the opposite direction. He and Jonghyun had made brief eye-contact, a look of understanding passing between them, before the other man fumbled the large tray of coffees he was carrying and had to look away in order to balance them once more.

Jonghyun, at twenty three, was one of the younger employees at the company, excluding the talent, and was well-known on his own floor. He had overheard some of his office mates talking a few weeks previous and learnt that Sungkyu was a highly regarded composer – a fact Jonghyun already knew, it was fairly obvious from his extensive composition credit on many of the best SM Entertainment artists’ albums. However, he hadn’t known that, over the years, many people had tried to get the soft-spoken man’s attention and many a new composer had applied to be his intern in the hopes of gaining network connections with the man. It had made Jonghyun feel incredibly warm and fuzzy inside to know that the man had seen something in him, Kim Jonghyun, and had taken him under his wing without Jonghyun needing to resort to begging – or even officially applying.

However, right now, all those warm feelings were non-existent and he didn’t care for the man all that much. Jonghyun skidded to a stop in front of a large set of double doors and took a few seconds to compose himself. Breathing deeply in an effort to regulate his heart beat and compose himself a little, the blonde smoothed out his shirt before rebuttoning his jacket and straightening his bag on his shoulder. Taking one, final, deep breath, he pushed open the doors to the large filming set, still cursing Sungkyu in his mind.

As one, every single head in the room turned to look at him as the traitorous door creaked loudly at his entry. Bowing deeply, partly in respect and apology and partly the hide the blush he could feel spreading up his neck, Jonghyun hoped he wouldn’t get in too much trouble.

“I’m sorry for the disruption.”

The man in charge, a tall, imposing man in a severe pinstripe suit that only served to highlight the severe set of his brows, directed the young composer to the bench seating at the far edges of the room.

“Sit there and stay out the way.” He ordered, receiving a sharp nod from Jonghyun in return.

Sitting down on the hard seat, happy that he hadn’t tripped over his own feet in his haste to get out of the man’s way, the blonde composer made himself busy finding his notebook and pen in his bag. The staff members around him were all looking at him, some judgmentally, some questioningly and even more with annoyance at his interruption. Sungkyu was so getting it when this shoot was done.

“Right!” The severe man in charge announced, “Back to your positions. Let’s get this done.”

Sungkyu had informed him, after the shoot had already started, that he was to be writing a song for an upcoming girl group and that he should check them out as they were filming a selection of introductory videos, downstairs. Doing that made sense. It was always easier to write a song when he knew the group he was writing for. Even Sungkyu, as an experienced composer, needed a basic outline of what the group he was writing for was like before he wrote a song for them. Otherwise, the composer ran the risk of creating a song that sounded completely wrong when sung by the group in question.

Apparently, the upper management wanted to test him as a solo entity. His previous work had all been undertaken with a co-writer, usually Sungkyu although he had worked with a few other composers. Hence, every song produced was not solely his. This test was to write a song, alone, for a newly debuted group. He wouldn’t be writing the title track or anything that ground breaking but it was a good opportunity nonetheless. He already had a few pieces he had previously written that he was considering taking elements from, depending on how the girl’s presented themselves in this filming session – it was surprising how much pre-planning one could do whilst sprinting through the building.

It would have been nice if he had been informed of this ahead of time, however.

The girls were cute, he acknowledged; in a young – incredibly so – bubbly, happy sort of way. They were currently getting into position for what seemed to be a dance medley. As the girls started to dance, Jonghyun wrote notes. Often just general observations, such as how the second girl from the left was more comfortable dancing to light, poppy songs whereas the girl to her right was clearly better suited to more sexy concepts. However, sometimes he was more specific, such as the exact shade of the shortest girl’s hair or the way the light reflected off one girl’s pearlescent eye makeup.

Jonghyun continued to write notes as the girls transitioned into a chat segment and answered those pressing questions everyone wanted answered: such as favourite food and if they had any pets. By the end of that segment, the composer had filled three notebook pages with general information on the girls’ styles and multiple other facts that he could incorporate into his creative process. To most people, this information would probably look inane and useless however, Jonghyun had long since learned that anything, even the most inane detail, could inspire an entire song.

As a break was called, Jonghyun stretched out the kinks in his back and neck. The seat he was sat on was hard and unforgiving and his buttocks were well and truly asleep. The girls had been filming for over an hour already, not including the ten minutes Jonghyun had missed due to Sungkyu’s late information, and weariness was written across their faces. The break was scheduled to be an hour long, as an opportunity for people to grab lunch and relax before the filming session continued. Jonghyun had considered bailing on the rest of the shoot, having gained some good information already, however, he had heard mention of a singing challenge so he decided to hang around. Knowing exactly what the girls sounded like when singing – not just talking – would definitely be useful to him. He also wasn’t sure he could handle the disapproving look he was sure severe-suit-man would send his way if he tried to sneak out of the room.

Standing up and slinging his bag over his shoulder – all notebooks and writing utensils stashed away neatly inside – Jonghyun moved around the edges of the room, planning to grab a bite to eat from the catering table. He wasn’t sure if he was technically supposed to eat the food on display, since he wasn’t technically part of the filming crew, but he wasn’t one to let potential free food go uneaten

Brushing past a small gaggle of what looked like writers, all young women who giggled high-pitched giggles as he passed, Jonghyun moved towards the main food table. Grabbing a napkin and a paper plate, the blonde composer spooned some rice onto his plate before grabbing himself some salad and a small amount of meat. The task of acquiring food was a little harder than one would expect; apparently camera crew members got pushy when food was involved and more than once Jonghyun had to react quickly in order to prevent his food from escaping the confines of his plate – as it was, a few tragic grains of rice gave in to their cruel fate and ended up on the floor, crushed under dozens of feet.

His food acquired, Jonghyun retreated to the edge of the room once more, stopping near a quiet group of what looked like boom operators. One member of the group, a small male who looked to be in his early thirties, smiled at the composer and offered a greeting around the bread roll he was eating.

“Hello.” Jonghyun returned. “I’m sorry for interrupting earlier.”

“No issues,” Another man, much larger than the first with a large face and a loud voice, assured. “You were lucky. A few ticks earlier and you would’a got ‘em in the middle of the shoot.”

“Don’t look so startled, kid.” The final man, a geeky individual with large, round-framed glasses perched on the end of his nose. “Nothing bad happened, you’re good.”

“I’m glad.” Jonghyun chuckled. Shifting slightly on his feet, he tucked into his food and the other men all did the same. Out of the corner of his eye he saw another group gathering close nearby. The group of writer-women he had brushed past earlier appeared to have grown and many women were stood around, chatting and eating their food nearby. Sensing one of the women looking at him he turned his head a little and smiled at her, nodding in greeting. She blushed brightly and hid her face behind a curtain of hair as she bowed slightly in response.

“Popular with the ladies?” The large man chuckled, winking at the composer. “Wish I could say the same.” The man laughed loudly, patting his large stomach as if to illustrate his point. Seeing one of the other women in the group looking at him, his voice easily loud enough to have travelled to the females, he winked and chuckled as the woman scowled in response. Shrugging, the man turned back to his food, eating a large spoonful of rice.

“So what are you down here for?” The glasses-wearing man asked, pushing the frames up with one hand as they slipped down his nose slightly.

“Inspiration.” Jonghyun said, seeing the blank look on their faces he chuckled and elaborated. “I’m a composer. I’m meant to write a track for the girls.” He said, gesturing towards the soon-to-be idols who were sitting secluded from the staff as they ate their meagre lunches.

“Tha’s why the girls like you.” The loud man guffawed. “You got that sensitive musician shit. Chicks dig tha’.”

Jonghyun just shook his head and chuckled at the man’s words. “If you say so.”

The blonde turned back to his food, almost done with his salad. Behind him, the girls’ conversation had become louder, with many happy sounding exclamations and laughs coming from the group. Smiling softly at the sounds of happiness, Jonghyun tuned in to the three boom operators’ conversation once more. They now appeared to be discussing their work.

He didn’t understand a word they were saying. It may as well have been English for all the sense it made to him. That is to say, he understood the occasional word and even a simple phrase here and there but the specifics of their job made no sense to him. He thought they were discussing the fuzzy things that covered the mic and he hadn’t been aware that the material they were constructed from was so vital to the sound quality before today.

A couple of minutes later the call for a return to stations was announced. Giving a quick goodbye to the boom men and flashing a smile at the group of women as he passed, Jonghyun headed back to his bench, disposing of his plate along the way. Situating himself on the hard wood, Jonghyun pulled out his notebook once more, starting a fresh page ready for some useful information about the girls’ singing voices. Hopefully he’d be able to work out what song style would suit them best and tailor each specific part to the right girl for the job.

-

Stretching languidly, Jonghyun stood from his bench seat. Stretching out his back, relishing the stretch and pop of his spine, he was glad the afternoon filming was over. He had gained a good amount of information that would aid in the writing process however, his body was paying for it. Who knew sitting was so bad for you? Jonghyun certainly didn’t. His body was stiff all over from that uncomfortable seat.

After offering his thanks to the still-assembled staff and the stern man in charge, Jonghyun made his way back upstairs, still periodically stretching out his back and his neck. The trip was a lot slower on the way back than it was on the way there, for obvious reasons, but it was a lot more peaceful. Plus, it gave him adequate time to plot Sungkyu’s murder in his mind. Several hours may have passed since Sungkyu had set him up for embarrassment but Jonghyun hadn’t forgotten the feeling of walking into that room. All those eyes looking at him and judging him. All because of one little man who didn’t think to inform him of things ahead of time.

Stopping outside his mentor’s door, Jonghyun knocked loudly. After a few seconds the older composer called out a ‘come in’ and Jonghyun pushed the door open before sitting heavily in the chair opposite the man’s desk.

“You look wiped.” The older composer laughed, looking up from his computer screen.

“And whose fault is that?” Jonghyun grumbled, shooting a look at the man.

Sungkyu looked at his pupil, the picture of innocence and placed down his pen on top of his notebook. “What did I do?”

“I wonder.” Jonghyun rolled his eyes, leaning forwards in the chair and grabbing a paper weight off the man’s desk and tolling it from hand to hand. “Maybe it was my mad dash across the entire building this morning that’s got me all wound up. Or maybe it’s the embarrassment of almost disrupting an entire shoot as I turned up late.”

“Maybe you should have been more punctual then.” Sungkyu suggested, looking at Jonghyun like he was confused.

Jonghyun hissed in annoyance, his hands stopping in their tossing of the paper weight and instead he gripped it hard, using it as a way to prevent himself from getting mad.

“Maybe I should have.” He agreed, with forced calmness.

Seeing how annoyed his pupil really was, Sungkyu raised a placating hand, reaching across the desk to pat the boy on his shoulder. “I really am sorry. It completely slipped my mind. I hope it was useful at least.”

“It was and that’s the only reason you’re still sat there.” Jonghyun said, his tone much lighter than before. However, there was a sharp warning reflected in his eyes. He may be young and he may be the pupil but he wasn’t about to be made a fool of.

It was lucky he and Sungkyu were so close - although, maybe luck wasn’t the best definition. If they weren’t so close Jonghyun would never have dared to speak to the man like this. Sungkyu was his boss and he couldn’t afford to annoy the man. However, way back when the pair had first begun conversing, the older man had extracted a promise from the younger that, if the experienced composer ever did something unacceptable, Jonghyun would call him out on it. The deal went both ways. In fact, over the years, they had each told the other off on numerous occasions – of course, Jonghyun was usually the one getting into trouble, he could act cocky and headstrong at times and he often took things too far; Sungkyu, despite usually being a quiet man, was not one to stand for such behaviour.

“I’m glad it was useful to you. I’ll arrange a meeting with you for next week to go over what you have so far, Tuesday ok?” The man asked, looking at his computer screen and presumably looking at his calendar to find a day that was good for him.

“Sounds good. I have a few pieces already that might be able to get some useful stuff from and today gave me a few ideas I’ll work on before the meeting.”

“Good, good.” Sungkyu said, typing something quickly – likely noting down the meeting in his calendar – before turning back to the blonde. His whole demeanour changed then, going from his work persona to a more teasing personality.

Jonghyun looked at the man nervously, that look often meant embarrassment for the younger man “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“It seems you gained some fans today.” Jonghyun’s mentor chuckled.

“Fans?” The blonde asked, confused, the paper weight now hanging limply in his hand as he stared blankly at his mentor.

Turning his computer screen towards the other male, Sungkyu navigated from his calendar to a web page which was displaying a Twitter. Clicking through a few links and eventually ending up on the twitter feed of what looked like a young woman he began to speak, “This is Jimin. She’s a writer for SM and was at the same shoot as you today.”

Leaning forwards in his seat to get a better look at the screen, Jonghyun scanned the text reading about a woman who also worked in the building. It was a typical bio, simple, covering her name, age and her place of employment (and that all thoughts and opinions were her own and did not reflect the company’s views) as well as her love for ‘cute things and pretty men’. Leaning back, Jonghyun looked at the man opposite him, “Ok, and?”

“She has quite the following on social media. She has access to many areas of SM that people don’t often see and often tweets about company life. Strictly monitored, of course.” Jonghyun nodded, it wouldn’t do to have any SM Entertainment secrets getting out. Often people were barred from social media accounts in the workplace but clearly, SM Entertainment considered this woman to be good marketing. “Today she tweeted something very interesting.” Winking at his pupil, Sungkyu navigated through the webpage a little more and opening a single tweet.

@Jimin27508

_Hot composer crashed shoot for inspiration. I’d give him a little ‘_ _inspiration’, if you know what I mean ;P_

Attached to the tweet was a picture that showed Jonghyun himself. It was clearly taken during the lunch break and apparently from behind him as he turned, making him realise that the culprit, this Jimin, was probably in the crowd of writer-women who ate near him. The picture showed him turning and smiling at, what looked like the camera, though was most likely just a woman nearby as Jonghyun definitely didn’t see any cameras at the time.

Seeing a large list of comments below, Jonghyun quickly scanned those too.

@HotLipsXOXO   
_@Jimin27508 OMG he is gorg, I need 10_

@smarticusmaximus  
_@Jimin27508 why do you get to work at SM and with these hotties?! Not fair_

@SHINieeLyff  
_@Jimin27508 isn’t this that guy who wrote Juliette by SHINee????????? Looks like him_

@Taemin0nmyface   
_@SHINieeLyff @Jimin27508 It totes is! He said he wanted to be a composer._

@SHINieeLyff  
_@Taemin0nmyface @Jimin27508 I thought so!!!!! He got in at SM tho like OMG_

@Mags1114   
_@Jimin27508 I will inspire him for dayz. My lord above._

Jonghyun chuckled, the comments were both amusing and flattering at the same time. Many of the comments were about how hot he was and how lucky this Jimin was to work in the same building as him. Many more were begging for a job at SM Entertainment and a small subset were truly vulgar and about the unholy acts people wished to do with him. He wouldn’t inform them how very, very unlikely that was to happen. That would be cruel – and also draw attention to himself that he honestly didn’t want.

He was actually surprised that some SHINee fans still knew of him. It had been over three years since he had filmed that documentary and he had thought that the time had changed his features a little. However, he obviously hadn’t changed that much as some fans of the group were apparently still able to recognise him.

Turning back to Sungkyu he saw the mirth on the other man’s face. Rolling his eyes, Jonghyun chuckled and said good-naturedly, “Well, I always knew I was hot.”

“Brat.” Sungkyu laughed. “Min from accounting sent that through to me, I thought you’d find it amusing.”

Jonghyun stood, still laughing slightly, “I did. Doesn’t mean you’re off the hook for embarrassing me earlier, though.”

His mentor merely clicked his tongue at him, repositioning his computer monitor to a more usable position. “Get back to work, you. You have a song to write.”

“Yeah yeah.” Jonghyun agreed, moving to the door and pulling it open. Turning back, just before he left the room, the blonde looked at his mentor and pointed two fingers at his eyes and then at his mentor in a clear ‘I’m watching you’ gesture.

The call of ‘go you brat’ followed him out into the hallway as the blonde strolled back to his own desk, ignoring the looks he was getting from one of the men in the office as he sat dramatically in his desk chair and spinning round once, before turning to his computer.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: Jonghyun would totally get all the ladies. Also, the hallways of SM are based a little on the hospital where I once worked. All the hallways looked the same, it was so confusing.


	15. Chapter 15

**_BlingBling_ **

_15:32pm 30.05.2013_

**_SHINee airport fashion_ **

_So, I_ _’_ _ll start with a personal thing. Feel free to skip if you don_ _’_ _t know me/don_ _’_ _t care._

_Sorry I_ _’_ _ve been gone so long. If you didn_ _’_ _t know, I got a new job straight after graduation from college. Since starting I_ _’_ _ve been challenged like I never have before and have also been busier than I ever have before. Unfortunately, my ability to stay up to date on SHINee comings and goings has been impacted (tragically) and thus, mt online presence has been a little sparse._

_Ok, so onto the actual post._

_Airport fashion is my favourite fashion. Some people (coughKeycough) take it seriously and others take it less so. It_ _’_ _s so interesting to see the stars_ _’_ _more personal style and it lets you know more about their psyche._

_See this: Image credit to Minhominutes_

_[/image of Minho at the airport]_

_This shows me that Minho cares about style but also cares about comfort. He clearly isn_ _’_ _t super into fashion, as indicated by the simple style he_ _’_ _s rocking. The shirt and jacket aren_ _’_ _t anything groundbreaking. The way he_ _’_ _s styled himself is nothing new nad many a stylist has dressed him in very similar looks. But overall, he looks good, he looks suave and there is nothing to criticise him for here. The large amount of black is a little drowning and I kinda wish he would lighten it up a little. But overall, it_ _’_ _s a good look. I like the scarf too. It looks fluffy and warm._

_[/image of Taemin]_

_Image credit: Instataemin_

_This kid confuses me sometimes. Half the time he_ _’_ _s all adorable maknae and dresses like a Hollister reject then you get this. The rock band shirt paired with the red plaid is pretty sweet. Sadly, not a style many can reproduce themselves. Imagine yourself or any dude you know wearing that, theyd look like a slob. Then again, not many dudes wear pants as tight as Taemin does, so maybe that_ _’_ _s part of it._

_I_ _’_ _m also jealous of his hair. It always looks so smooth and silky. Plus, I_ _’_ _ll admit I_ _’_ _m glad the Sherlock locks (ha) are gone. They worked for the shoot but Taemin clearly wasn_ _’_ _t comfortable with them and that_ _’_ _s what_ _’_ _s important when it comes to style._

_[/image of Key]_

_Imagecredit: SHINeeblog_

_Do I even need to say anything. That shirt should be gaudy as all heck... but on Key it isn_ _’_ _t. A baseball cap always looks lame... except on Key.That bag would be too feminine on anyone... except Key. I really have nothing to say, Key slays but then again, Key always slays._

_I heard Key does his own makeup for the airport, that true? If it is, that_ _’_ _s rad. My skills are not great so I_ _’_ _m jealous. Although to be fair, I rarely wear makeup and I only got introduced to it a few years ago (my sister forced me, declared I didn_ _’_ _t pay enough attention to my appearance). Shit_ _’_ _s hard._

_[/image of Onew]_

_Image credit: OnlyOnew_

_I saved the best for last ;D_

_Everyone who knows me knows Onew is my bae. However, even I have to admit this look is a little lazy. A hoodie and skinnies. Hey, props for wearing skinnies at least, those things get crampy on long flights but overall its a super laid back look._

_Not saying that_ _’_ _s bad though. He looks adorable. (I want to squish his face) His hair is all long and cow lick-y too and just ugh. So cute. But my freaking out is not hte point of this post. This post is airport fashion. Bling,_ _focus._

  1. _Grey hoodie that everyone one of us probably owns a replica of just because it_ _’_ _s so plain and bleh. Still cute on him and guaranteed to make a flight comfy and warm._



_Black skinnies, fit him well. Not too loose, not too tight. Perfectly highlight his ( ~~ass~~ ) figure. It_ _’_ _s good._

_Not much else I can say tbh._

_So yeah, there_ _’_ _s my review of the latest airport fashion. Feel free to talk to me in the comments, I wanna get more active again now I_ _’_ _m certain I_ _’_ _m not gonna lose my job any time soon (as long as I don_ _’_ _t mess up :P)_

_BlingBling out_

**_Keybum  
_ ** _Hey, baseball caps are cool. Don_ _’_ _t diss._

**_StuckOnew  
_ ** _Welcome back Bling. Missed ya on the live chats_

**_KEYkeyKeykeYkEy  
_ ** _Key looks so adorbs in this photo ahhhh!!!!!_

**_onlyyou_ ** _  
_ _I like this review. It was cute and a compilation of images is always nice. Easier than searching through fan pages myself. I appreciate_

**_WnaBJpnse  
_ ** _Hw cyute du thy look asdfgkhj_

Scanning through the rest of the comments and taking time to reply to a few of them, Jonghyun was happy. He hadn’t had much free time since starting work at SM Entertainment. Even his weekends had been filled with composition practice and the limited free time he did have was spent rereading his lecture notes, trying to glean extra information from them that may aid him in his work. That wasn’t to say he hadn’t enjoyed it; he loved his job and he wouldn’t trade it for anything. However, he did sometime wish he had a little time to himself.

This weekend was the first weekend he had had that he had completely free. He had submitted his piece, with edits following rigorous scrutiny by Sungkyu, for the new girl group’s album and he was pretty sure it wouldn’t need much more work. Thus, he had given himself the entire weekend off. There would be no studying, now work and no composition of any kind.

He had spent the previous evening watching cheesy TV shows and had even managed to catch a SHINee documentary about their recent Japan tours that he had been meaning to watch. Jiwoong had teased him mercilessly when he had first switched the channel – as the artist always did when Jonghyun displayed his love for SHINee in any way – but Jonghyun was used to it by now and countered by teasing the boy about his crush on Min from Miss A. It was too easy to get his roommate all flustered and uncomfortable. Therefore, a little teasing was all that was required to make the man back off when he got obnoxious. He had even persuaded his roommate to watch some of SHINee’s music videos with him once, the other boy had walked away scoffing but had, not even under duress (ok, a little duress), later stated that their music wasn’t too bad. Jonghyun considered that a triumph.

Standing up from his bed, closing the SHINee forums, shutting down his laptop and pushing it away from himself as he did so, Jonghyun stretched out the kinks in his neck. It was 11am and he hadn’t moved from his bed since 9pm the night before so he was a little stiff. Scratching an itch on his neck he headed to his wardrobe, aiming to find an outfit for the day. He was meant to meet his sister for lunch at the cafe where he used to work in a couple of hours.

-

Walking into the building was a little nostalgic. It had only been a few months since he had stopped working there, yet it felt like far longer as he walked in the door. The café hadn’t changed at all, the layout and decorations were all exactly the same; even the TV in the corner was still playing the same channel it usually did but it somehow felt different. Waving to Minhee behind the counter as he approached, Jonghyun joined the small queue waiting to order. His sister didn’t appear to have arrived yet so he aimed to grab drinks for the both of them and claim a table before she got there. They could make a second order for food in a little while. It was only 12.30pm so they still had a little time until lunch proper.

“Hi Minhee,” Jonghyun greeted the harried looking staff member as he reached the front of the queue. “My usual and a flat white, please.”

Handing over the cash, after minimal interaction with the girl, he moved to an empty table near the counter and waited until the girl came to deliver his drinks – Jonghyun and Minhee had never really gotten along well, they worked well enough around each other but socially had nothing in common so conversation had always been a little stilted between them.

After his drink arrived, Jonghyun sat waiting for a little longer, idly observing the other patrons. Sipping his drink Jonghyun gasped at the heat and, putting his cup down quickly he began to rapidly fan his tongue with his hand. It felt like he had burnt off all the skin and there was a strong twinging pain spreading through his mouth.

“Smooth as ever, kid.” A voice from behind him remarked.

Jonghyun spun around in his seat rapidly with a very unattractive expression on his face, he was sure. Behind him was his old boss, the man smiling widely at his former employee. Grinning, ignoring the dull pain that was still lingering on his tongue, the blonde leapt to his feet and bowed briefly to the man in greeting.

“What’s up old man? I missed you.”

“And the cafe missed you too. The coffee machine is missing your gentle touch, no one cleans ‘er like you do.” The cafe owner joked.

Jonghyun sat down in his seat, gesturing the man to sit with him. “I can’t say I miss it.” Jonghyun laughed, “I have a new love now.”

“I heard you got one of them music jobs you wanted.” The man said, smiling at the young man, kindly.

Jonghyun was suddenly struck by the similarities between this man and his mentor, Sungkyu. The two had helped him when it wasn’t in their best interests and both had done so purely to help Jonghyun get forward in life. His ex-boss did not need to hire him, as a snot-nosed seventeen year old, and he definitely didn’t need to keep him on or give him a flexible schedule once his life became more hectic. Yet the man had.

Jonghyun had been really lucky with the elder males in his life.

“I did. I was so lucky to get it right out of school.” Jonghyun said, bashfully.

“I wouldn’t call it luck.” Said a feminine voice from behind him. Jonghyun turned and smiled at his sister, handing her her coffee as she sat down in one of the other seats at the table. Accepting the drink and cupping it in her hands to warm them up, the girl continued speaking, “I’d call it talent. Have you heard his music?” She asked the older man.

Jonghyun’s boss nodded. “I heard that boy group song he wrote years ago when it first came out and my daughter keeps linking me any new songs he writes.”

Sooyoung had grown rapidly. The girl had been only six years old when Jonghyun first met her and he had become close to the girl when she was around eight years of age and finally emerged from behind her father’s legs. The girl had often talked to him about her favourite kpop group, Girl’s Generation, and loved that he understood all of the references she made and could join in her conversations in a way her father never could. She was now eleven years old and still loved Jonghyun to death. Her love of kpop had only grown, exacerbated by Jonghyun himself, and he had even managed to get her into SHINee – mostly because she liked Key and desperately wanted to dress just like him.

“I haven’t seen her recently, I miss her.” Jonghyun smiled, seeing his sister a small smile of approval.

 “She’s always bragging to her friends about her friend Jonghyun who’s the best composer in SM. She’s a right little fan girl.” The man chuckled. “Be sure to visit your fans more often, she misses you too. Shame she’s at a friend’s place today.”

Hearing the mention of fans, Jonghyun groaned, earning a strange look from his sister. “What’s with that reaction?” She asked, sounding hopeful, like she was waiting for something to tease him about.

“Nothing against Sooyoung,” Jonghyun assured his ex-boss. “But I had a brush with fan girls.”

“I hear fan girls of SM artists can get scary.” Sodam laughed.

Jonghyun shook his head, taking a quick sip of his coffee, glad that it had now cooled down enough to drink. Taking another gulp, he thought about how to approach this without giving his sister too much ammo to tease him. “At a recent shoot I went to, a writer girl apparently found me hot.” Ignoring the snort his sister let out, Jonghyun continued, “And she posted photos of me on Twitter. She has a lot of followers too.”

“Aww, is little Jonghyun overwhelmed by his popularity.” Sodam teased, “Poor baby is too attractive.”

“Shut up, loser.” Jonghyun shot back. “I was just answering the question.”

“Be nice to your sister.” His ex-boss said, slightly reprimanding but clearly amused.

“Yeah Jjong, be nice to your sister.” Sodam parroted, her tone mocking.

“Sodam, be nice to your brother.” The man said, standing up from his seat. Ignorant to, or ignoring, the tongue Jonghyun stuck out at his sister and the answering rude gesture from the girl, the man bid his goodbyes, “I have to get back to work, come visit us more often, kid. I wanna hear how your new job’s goin’.”

Looking away from his glare battle with his sister, Jonghyun grinned up at the man, “Will do boss man. Stay classy.”

“I’m always classy,” the man said, tipping a fake hat. “Want me to grab you the lunch special? On the house.”

“I would love you forever.” Jonghyun said, staring up at the man, his sister nodding vigorously next to him, their previous petty argument forgotten.

After the man left, the two siblings got right into discussing how their lives had changed recently. They had not seen each other for over a month so there was quite a lot to cover. Sodam filled Jonghyun in on all the comings and goings of college life. The girl was studying literature and English language and was thoroughly enjoying her life post high school. Jonghyun filled her in on all the SM Entertainment gossip he had gleaned as well as the comings and goings of his roommate who always provided a wealth of anecdotal fodder – his most recent escapade involved him running out of underwear and sneaking next door to steal a pair from Eunji (Jonghyun had already threatened to castrate him if he stole his one more time). It had all culminated in Jiwoong sprinting down the hallway in only pajama pants and wearing a pair of panties on his head.

The two talked for hours, long after they had finished their food and the plates had been cleared. As much as they fought, they were still incredibly close as siblings and they enjoyed spending time together. Plus, Jonghyun was just glad to be out of his apartment, it had been far too long since he had just done something for himself like this.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: All work and no play makes Jonghyun a dull boy. He’d probably go insane without chapters like this :P


	16. Chapter 15 – Arc 3 begins

**_CJK1989_ **

_10.52am 09.06.2013_

**_Identifying a sneak in the fandom_ **

_Hello all,_

_I am writing this post today to address a very important issue. That issue is someone is using SHINee as a way to further their own career and fame. This is, obviously, not acceptable and we, as a fandom, should not accept such actions. SHINee should be enjoyed and not used for your own selfish gains._

_Who is this person in question: Kim Jonghyun, also known as BlingBling._

_Kim Jonghyun or BlingBling, known as Kim from here on out, first appeared in 2008 when they made a post about their_ _‘love_ _’ for SHINee. If you read the original post, linked here: [/link to BlingBling’s first post] you will see that Kim_ _’s love of SHINee comes across as suspicious._

_There are two possibilities with this post, which I will detail now._

  1. _Kim is merely pretending to like the group in order to become indoctrinated in our fandom for future nefarious reasons, probably to embarrass us in some way._
  2. _Kim is a depraved individual who likes other males in a way that God did not design._



_I believe either option is possible and both are equally deplorable._

_For those who are not yet convinced, I have more evidence of Kim_ _’s use of the fandom for his own desires._

_[/image of Kim from the SHINee Juliette documentary]_

_Some of you may recognize this. This is Kim himself. In 2008, not too long after Kim joined our website, a competition was posted by SM Entertainment with the prize being SHINee performing one of your songs as well as a meet and greet. Now, Kim would not have known about this competition in advance, however, he did mention a penchant for composition in his initial introductory post. Thus, when it was posted and Kim saw potential to get out of a dead end job, he likely abandoned any plans he had of spying on or humiliating the SHINee fandom and instead decided to participate._

_When the winners announcement was posted, in early 2009, Kim must have been thrilled. Not only had he gotten himself a way to further his own career, he had also managed to steal the prize from a legitimate SHINee fan. Someone who had been dedicated to the group from the start and actually cared about more than themselves._

_Just before the release of the Juliette Documentary, SHINee hosted a live stream for their fans._

_[/link to YouTube video of the stream]_

_During this livestream, fans were allowed to ask questions live via web chat. Every single question asked by BlingBling aka Kim was answered. Multiple other people asked questions that remained unanswered yet Kim_ _’s questions, which all had been answered before or were inane, were covered in detail. I like to believe that SHINee can tell a sneak however, due to their innocence at the time, I doubt they did. Kim likely fed them a sob story and made them feel sorry for him and, in their own way, they tried to cheer him up by answering his inane questions._

_His physical appearance in the documentary (see above) indicates a vain man who cares deeply what others think. The hair is flashy and meant to draw attention to him, as well as away from the SHINee members, and he is wearing more makeup than is necessary. This vanity could be due to his status as a homosexual, or further evidence that he is in this only for the attention and cares not for the group who allowed him it._

_Post documentary release, Kim gains a modicum of fame. More than one person met him and recognized him in this period._

_[/link to meeting description 1]_

_[/link to meeting description 2]_

_This second one describes his as brusque and curt. They attribute it to tiredness due to a long work day however, I see it as him not wanting to deal with a fandom he dislikes._

_Following this initial feeling of fame, Kim continues to post in these forums regularly over the next few years. He clearly saw the benefit of remaining on the fandom_ _’s good side. However, he never identified himself as Kim. BlingBling and Kim Jonghyun remained two separate entities, suggesting he had further plans._

_[/link to post 1]_

_[/link to post 2]_

_[/link to post 3]_

_Of particular interest to me is post 3. More than once, in the progress of this conversation, Kim responds to feminine pronouns. No self-respecting man would respond to those without correcting them unless he had something to hide. Take from that what you will._

_During this period, it has been confirmed that Kim started undertaking a music course at a local university. BlingBling also made a post talking about starting study and asking for advice at this time._

_[/link to post]_

_Multiple student accounts have suggested that Kim got accepted due to his previous writing credit_ _–_ _Juliette_ _– as well as by a letter of recommendation from a well-known composer. It is not too much of a stretch to assume that this composer is Lee Sungkyu, who was credited as an editor on Juliette._

 _Lee Sungkyu is a powerful player in the composing field. He is employed full-time at SM Entertainment and has been involved with the_ _music of almost every artist to come out of the company in the last 10 years._

 _[/Link to Lee Sungkyu_ _’s LinkedIn account]._

_It can be assumed that Kim met Mr Lee following his competition win and managed to persuade the man with some made up sob story._

_On graduation, Kim went straight into a job at SM Entertainment. This is a ridiculous job to get straight from school with many composers working for many many years at smaller companies or free-lance before they are even granted an interview at SM Entertainment. Therefore, it can be deduced that again, Kim used Mr Lee_ _’s influence to get his own way._

_Recently, a tweet became known among kpop fans. It was tweeted by @Jimin27508, a writer at SM and a well-known blogger and tweeter among kpop fans due to her insider knowledge._

_[/link to tweet about_ _‘_ _hot composer_ _’_ _]_

_This tweet clearly shows an image of Kim, comfortable in his environment and, reportedly, he even turned up late to the shoot. This blatant disregard of the other people involved in the work as well as his complete lack of remorse, shows a man who does not care for others and merely wants to further himself. His pose suggests a cocky attitude as well as a belief that he is attractive. I doubt Jimin asked his permission before snapping a photo however, Kim is posed like this occurs regularly._

_And once again his hair is obnoxiously dyed. He looks like an idol reject and clearly this is a call for attention from Kim._

_So, in recap. After creating an account on this website, either due to his dirty desires or, more likely, in order to ridicule the legitimate members, Kim discovered and entered a competition to write a song for SHINee, stealing a prize from a deserving real fan, blackmailed or convinced a well-known composer to get him a place at a music school as well as a highly sought after job at SM Entertainment and blatantly enjoys the attention and prestige that brings him._

_I doubt this man cares at all about SHINee. All the evidence points towards him being nothing more than a con artist who is using being a_ _‘male SHINee fan_ _’ as a way to further his career and become more well known. So, if you ever see him online or you ever meet him in person, be sure to tell him just how you feel._

_This man has committed the ultimate betrayal and has spoilt the name of the SHINee World and we should not stand for this!_

_**LockandKey**  
_ _OMG I talked to htat asshole. Gross.  
I cant believe he managed to stay among us for so long without us realizing. That_ _’s so creepy. I hope he gets what he deserves and loses his job soon._

 ** _StuckOnew  
_**_Are you kidding me with this post? This is the most disgusting thing I have ever read. BlingBling has been nothing but nice and more than once we have talked for hours about all things SHINee. That man knows his stuff, he isn_ _’t some_ _‘fake fan_ _’ who doesn_ _’t care. He is a true fan who has worked incredibly hard to get to where he is now. **  
** I didn_ _’t know anything aobut him before this post, I didn_ _’t even know he was a he. In fact, I wish Ididn_ _’t know any of this. This is an online environment, people keep their secrets online for a reason. I_ _’m sure Bling had a reason for not telling us who he was and, judging by this post, I can understand why. ****  
I hope no one else gets sucked into your crap. Kpop is about happy emotions and bonding together over our favourite idols. It isn_ _’t meant to be about screwing other people over for their personal lives or their achievements._  
So good on you Kim Jonghyun. I am glad you finally got your dream job. I remember you mentioning your wish to be a composer years ago and I am incredibly happy you made it. Just ignore the idiots on here who are just jealous because they have nothing going on in their own lives.

 _Taeminnielives  
_ _Nope, nope nope nope NOPe  
I cant believe someone so terrible was on our site. I know people who entered that competition, I cant believe they would be screwed over like that. That guy is scum_

 **_SunnySulli  
_ ** _Eww he sounds totally gay. All this stuff about plots and schemes I don_ _’t really get but he seriously sounds gay as hell. That is so wrong_

 **_199967  
_ ** _I dont think he was planning anything he justseems like he worked hard I don_ _’t get why all the hate_

 **_Minhohoho  
_ ** _Seriously? Youre accusing him of making the fandom look bad and here you are dragging one of our members through the mud with no evidence. That_ _’s disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourself. Im_ _agine if it was you that was being talked about like that_

 ** _Pegasusmagic  
_**_No way! He should be expelled from the website. lIke I never whant to se him again_ ****  
I talked to that guy and everyhig  
(he is hot tho)

 **_CJK1989  
_ ** _I found further proof for anyone that is interested._

_[/image of Kim approaching venue]_

_[/image of Kim in venue]_

_[/image of Kim after the show]_

_Here is an image from a SHINee concert from 2008. As you can see Kim is attending with a girl who is clearly a SHINee fan. The girl_ _’s relation to Kim is unknown however, they are close. Kim himself looks bored with the entire event and with her presence, giving credence to the homosexual theory which I had seriously been beginning to disregard._

_His hair is not obnoxiously dyed in this image showing it occurred between this period and his winning of the competition and subsequent appearance in the documentary. Thus, it can be assumed it was done for his TV appearance and hence, was merely to make him look good if not better than SHINee (in his opinion)._

_Inside the venue he has a camera however, not a single photo was posted by the account BlingBling. Thus, these photos are for personal use or for the creation of embarrassing images under a different account._

_After the show he still looks bored with the whole event. He is surrounded by excited people following a show and he merely looks annoyed. No true fan would look like this._

**_StuckOnew  
_ ** _Seriously_ _… stop talking. You_ _’re embarrassing yourself. These are singular images. Maybe they only caught him at a bad time. Maybe you sorted through to find the bad ones yourself. Either way, this is not_ _‘_ _proof_ _’ of anything. If anything, his attendance of shows reinforces that hes a SHINee fan._

 **_Keytar  
_ ** _I dunno, the image painted there is suspicious_ _…_

 **_StuckOnew  
_ ** _It_ _’s really not. It_ _’s a case of one guy_ _’s good luck and a fan girl_ _’s jealousy._

 **_Dibidibidisss  
_ ** _I couldn_ _’t go to any shine shows cuz it was sold out and now I see this guy went and he doenst even like shinee. No fair!!!!_

 **_SJElf  
_ ** _Omg this guy is shamelss_


	17. Chapter 16 – Antifans

On Monday morning, Jonghyun walked into the SM Entertainment building like a zombie – complete with ashen skin, tired eyes and shuffling gait. Yawning widely he pressed the button for the fifth floor and waited for the lift to take him upwards. His expression remained blank throughout the short trip and he only noticed he had reached the correct floor when the lift’s mechanical ding noise snapped him out of his reverie. Shaking his head to clear his blurred thoughts, Jonghyun stepped into the corridor and made his way past the break room to his office.

Sitting down at his desk, not noticing the concerned looks his office mates sent him when he didn’t greet them cheerily as he usually did, Jonghyun logged onto his computer, plugged his headphones into his electric keyboard and began to play a song only he could hear. His office mates each shot looks over his head, trying to work out what was wrong with the youngest person in the room.

Four hours later and Jonghyun was still doing the same thing. Now, he had a music program up on his computer and it was transcribing the notes he was playing but otherwise, his position and actions had barely changed. Usually, by 1pm, the blonde male would be starving and excited to go to lunch with the other employees in the office. However, when Junghee, the only woman in the purchasing department, had invited him to eat with her he had merely shaken his head and carried on playing the piano mournfully.

The other members of the department were getting very worried now. So, retreating to the break room, they planned out what to do over lunch. After much deliberation and several arguments (Sungho had been insistent that a slap would be the perfect solution and Youngchul was vehemently against that) they had decided to inform Sungkyu of his pupil’s state and allow him to deal with it. This was partially a decision determined by the fact that none of the office members particularly wanted to be the one to talk to the boy, not being confident in their skills to improve his mood, but also because Sungkyu knew the boy best and was far more likely to understand the source of this sudden uncharacteristic depression and lethargy.

Hence, an hour later, Jonghyun was called into his mentor’s office for a discussion.

Walking into the office after the older composer, Jonghyun slumped into the chair opposite Sungkyu with a frown on his face. Looking up at the man, he spoke for the first time that day, “Why’d you want to talk to me?”

“Because of this,” Sungkyu said, gesturing to the blonde.

“This?”

Sungkyu nodded, looking concerned. Usually the blonde would have made a comment about Sungkyu’s recent work, or the immaculate state of his desk. Even on his worst days he would give at least a small greeting as he entered. These blunt, short sentences were very uncharacteristic and the man could understand why his coworkers had come to him concerned. “The other people in your office are worried about you. They said you didn’t say a word when you came in this morning and didn’t accept their invitations to lunch.”

“Do I have to?” Jonghyun said loudly, suddenly feeling angry. Leaning forwards in his chair he practically spat his words at the other composer, “Do I always have to greet them and join them in their boring conversations?! They aren’t even composers, it’s basically useless to talk to them.” He scowled, slumping back onto the chair and slipping down further than he was before his sudden anger.

“This is exactly what I’m worried about,” Sungkyu explained, moving his hands in an aborted gesture at the blonde. He realised that gesturing at his employee, even in a placating manner, was likely to rile him up even more. “This isn’t you.”

“Of course it’s me. Who else would it be?” Jonghyun said snarkily, crossing his arms like a petulant child.

“I have known you for four years, Kim Jonghyun, and I have never seen you act like this before. Even when you were in the midst of exam stress you never acted like this,” The composer said, his tone sharp. There may be some deep underlying reason for the man to act like this – and Sungkyu would determine what it was – but he wasn’t about to stand for such behaviour. He wouldn’t accept it when the two were merely student and mentor and he definitely wouldn’t accept it now that he was the blonde’s boss. “Don’t act like I’m out of line with this.”

Jonghyun snorted and muttered something under his breath that Sungkyu didn’t hear clearly.

“I am concerned,” The older man said, ignoring the mutterings and his voice much softer, “I care for you and I want you to be well. Jonghyun, what happened?”

“Nothing,” Jonghyun sniffed, not able to meet his mentor’s eyes.

Sighing, Sungku reclined a little in his seat. “Is it something to do with the job? I know it can be stressful and I know a lot of the people that work here are intense and often cut throat but I thought you were doing ok. Your first solo piece got accepted; I thought you’d be thrilled.”

“I was.” Jonghyun said, “I am. It’s not work, I just…” He trailed off, obviously not intending to finish his statement.

It was clear Jonghyun didn’t want his mentor to know about what was bothering him. Unfortunately, Sungkyu wasn’t one to let people he cared about suffer without knowing why and without being able to help in any way. Jonghyun knew this fact and he knew the man wasn’t going to let it drop, but he was too angry to remember that.

Sungkyu sighed quietly, not loud enough for the blonde to hear, and carried on talking, “Is everyone at home ok? Sodam being a brat? Jiwoong? Is your dad being difficult again, I know he wasn’t so accepting to begin-“

“He’s fine. Home is fine. Everyone is fine.” Jonghyun cut the man off before he could finish and rolling his eyes.

“So it’s something with you?” Sungkyu asked. Jonghyun twitched a little at this, his eyes darting to the side, determinedly not looking at the older composer. Seeing this reaction, Sungkyu continued this line of thought. “I thought you were doing ok. You were excited Friday to have the weekend free. What was it you said? You were going to ‘waste your weekend watching bad TV and reading fan sites’?”

Sungkyu definitely got a reaction that time, Jonghyuns hands visibly flexed from where they were resting on the arms of the chair, releasing their white-knuckle grip before slamming closed once more. The blonde’s jaw clenched noticeably and he looked down at his lap, using his hair as a shield to avoid looking at the older man. “And it was great. Best weekend ever,” Jonghyun bit out, his tone and body language the complete opposite of his words.

Seeing that the younger man wasn’t going to speak any time soon, Sungkyu decided to change the subject. Turning to his computer, he hit play on the most recent song he was working on. He was currently working on an upbeat dance track for an all-male group and had hit a road block along the way, he hoped that Jonghyun could help him and in the process allow Sungkyu to help the blonde in return. “What do you think? Something isn’t quite right.”

Jonghyun took to the topic change like he was desperate and instantly his entire demeanor lit up. However, it was clear his change in mood was only skin deep as the dull look still remained in his eyes. It was also clear that he knew exactly what the other man was doing and knew that he hadn’t let the matter drop. The side glances he shot at the composer, looking suspicious, clearly showed his unease. Pointing at the screen he said, “See this part here, where it goes” he sang a few notes, getting a nod of understanding from Sungkyu, “I think it would sound better if it went down instead of up. Like,” he sang the part again, changing the last few notes to his preference. “See what I mean?”

Sungkyu nodded, changing the notes in the music program, “Yes, I’ll have to try it out with the rest of the backing track but that might help.” He turned back to the screen, seemingly not paying attention to the blonde still sat opposite his desk and began making a few edits to his score. The blonde had actually given him an idea that he could possibly use, “Maybe if I add this, then change this,” He muttered, as he worked, “then this bar would be a copy of this and there would need to be a rest in here…” he worked methodically, determining what each change would sound like when coupled with everything else.

However, he only payed half a mind to his work, the other half was still with his student. The blonde was still sat, hunched in his chair, his eyes once more hidden behind a blonde screen. His hands were not as tightly clenched now but their grip periodically tightened, as if the man remembered something occasionally.

Sungkyu tried to observe his employee without making it obvious he was observing him. He wasn’t sure he succeeded but the blonde was distracted enough with his own thoughts that it probably didn’t matter even if he was obvious. What he saw only reinforced all his worries and made him certain that calling him in here for this chat was the right course of action.

Finally, after what felt like hours but was probably only a few minutes, Jonghyun spoke up, “I lost my safe place.”

Sungkyu looked up from his work, not sure he heard the boy’s quiet words. “What was that?”

“My safe place, you know the SHINee fan site I like to visit? I can’t go there anymore.”

Sungkyu did know, Jonghyun was very open with his mentor about everything in his life, possibly because he had revealed the most embarrassing fact about himself – in his mind, at least – to the man on their first meeting and hadn’t been judged for it. On those initial meetings he had revealed exactly how deeply he cared for SHINee, in more ways than one – Sungkyu was many things, but oblivious was not one of them. Thus, he had apparently felt comfortable divulging more about himself. Things that were often left untold, to friends and family alike, Sungkyu knew the details of. Some things he wished he didn’t know but he also knew that the man needed it. His father, although more accepting than he had been, was not exactly the wealth of support and strength that the blonde needed. Sungkyu had realized years ago that, in some ways, he functioned as Jonghyun’s father in areas where the blonde’s own father was lacking. It wasn’t everything, the man was still, after all, Jonghyun’s father, but there were those few things about his son that the man clearly found difficult to understand. So Sungkyu didn’t mind picking up the slack. Jonghyun needed him to do so, even if he didn’t realise he needed it.

“Why can’t you?”

Jonghyun looked down at his hands, his fingers fidgeting in his lap. “They found out.”

“What did they find out?” Sungkyu asked, softly. He was finally getting to the bottom of this issue and he didn’t want to spook the younger composer now. If he did there was a chance he would never find out what happened – not from the boy himself, at least.

“Who I am. What I am. They told everyone. They all hate me. Hate BlingBling”

It took a second for Sungkyu to understand but when he did he felt a wave of anger wash over him. He wasn’t usually an angry man, his whole life he had been passive and calm, never saying boo to a goose. Yet, right now, with the boy he thought of as a son of sorts looking so small and hurt in front of him, he wanted to hurt someone. To make them realize what their actions did to people.

Jonghyun had confessed to him once, in one of their many email conversations when the boy was stressed and worried he couldn’t do this composition thing, that he was scared to be known as himself online. Sungkyu had already known about the boy’s online presence, since the day of the documentary filming when the younger had blurted it out to his idols, however, he hadn’t known about the details. The boy had confessed that sometimes, it felt really nice to be able to discuss his favourite things with other people without judgment. This forum place allowed that and the boy had finally, after years of struggling with himself, had begun to be more open about his loves in real life as well. Sungkyu knew that his friends from college knew, as well as his sister and he had even overheard the boy mention SHINee being an inspiration to one of the other office workers one lunch break.

However, he was worried all that progress would now be lost due to a few stupid little girls and their stupid little prejudices. Oh, he didn’t yet know the details, but he would find out and he would get his revenge, though in a less violent way than he had originally planned.

Sending the boy out, instructing him to go home for the day – it was already the afternoon and the boy clearly wasn’t getting any work done any time soon – Sungkyu got to work, he had people to contact. He would fix this.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: I feel bad doing this to Jjong. But sometimes such things are necessary :c


	18. Chapter 17 – Onew is unequivocally nice

_www.kpopnews.com/article/2015/06/SM-ent-release-statement-against-bullying_

_General_

**_SM Entertainment releases statement against bullying among fans_ **

_8 June, 2013 - 10:52am_

_Following a recent case of bullying among fans of 4-member boy group, SHINee, SM_ _Entertainment has released a statement._

_On the 8th of June, a representative from the company announced,_ _“bullying in any form is not to be tolerated and we are currently investigating a case where an SM Entertainment employee_ _’s personal details were released to the public with the intent of ridicule._ _”_

_They also went on to say,_ _“SM Entertainment only hires_ _individuals qualified and deserving of the position in question. All employees of SM Entertainment went through similar interview processes and were determined to be right for the role they undertook. There is no possibility of bribes or corruption in our hiring practices._ _”_

_This announcement follows the bullying of an SM Entertainment employee, Kim Jonghyun, the previous winner of a composition competition to write a song for SHINee. Many took offence to Kim_ _’s presence on a SHINee fan-site as they believed he was merely using the platform as a means of career_ _advancement_ _after_ _it was revealed that a series of events linked to his winning of the contest led to his eventual hiring at SM Entertainment._

_Source: SM Entertainment broadcast_

 

Following the release of the official SM Entertainment statement, Jonghyun had become a little more alive. The slew of positive comments from many sides had helped to buoy his mood by quite a lot. However, the release of the statement and the slew of news articles had unfortunately led to more people viewing the original post and hence, judging him. Thus, although the supporters far outweighed the nay sayers at this point, the blonde was still unable to access his favourite site in his free time die to vicious teams of ‘true SHINee fans’ trying to ‘protect’ their idols.

He had considered branching out, joining other sites and creating a new name, but it had felt wrong somehow, like it wouldn’t really be him. He knew it was a strange way to think about it, considering he never gave away any prudent personal details when he was BlingBling but he had given enough that making a new account just felt wrong to him.

Unfortunately, that meant the blonde was still without his online outlet. After talking to Sungkyu, his sister and Jiwoong (who wasn’t much help despite being a ‘comforting genius’) he had come to realise that this wasn’t as much of an issue as he had previously thought, but it still sucked. He had spent so many years checking that site whenever he got home or had some free time that it was almost a part of his life now. It felt odd to go through his days without it. He could still browse, of course, and read all the new posts, but that just wasn’t the same. Plus, there were lurking threads about fandom ‘sneaks and liars’ and the main post kept bouncing back to the top of the page periodically. It just wasn’t a fun place to visit anymore.

Thus, the blonde was still a little out of sorts.

Strolling into the office that morning, Jonghyun hadn’t expected anything out of the ordinary to occur. He had some editing and critiquing to do on a piece another composer in the company had written and he was expected to write a report on his findings. It was all part of SM Entertainment’s quality control procedures and took place with every single piece written by in-house composers. Hence, he was prepared for a busy but boring day.

Therefore, Jonghyun was a little surprised when he walked into the office and saw Sungkyu sat at his desk, playing around with his electric keyboard with a look of concentration on his face. As the blonde approached his desk, the composer looked up, smiling lightly at him and removing the headphones – Jonghyun’s headphones – that he was wearing.

“Jonghyun, I didn’t want to miss you. Please come see me after lunch, 1pm. We have a meeting.”

“We do?” Jonghyun asked, confused. He hadn’t been informed of a meeting. Usually meetings with the higher-ups were scheduled far in advance and emailed round to everyone involved and his solo meetings with Sungkyu were always arranged at least a day in advance.

“We do.” The man nodded. Standing up from Jonghyun’s chair, the man looked his pupil straight in the eye, "Don’t be late.”

“I won’t…” Jonghyun said, still confused, as the man walked out of the room, presumably back to his own office. “Why didn’t he just email me?” The blonde asked himself. Not able to think of an answer, the young composer shrugged and got ready to work for the morning.

Sitting down, Jonghyun groaned in annoyance. His mentor had adjusted his chair. It had been perfectly set to match Jonghyun’s seating preferences and now it was too high and the back was too far forward. Shifting around, Jonghyun started adjusting both settings, hoping to get them back to where they were prior to the unwelcome adjustments.

Five minutes later he had to concede defeat and sighed as he realized the settings were as close to original as he was going to get them. They still weren’t right but he could get used to them. Muttering to himself, the blonde logged into his computer and started to draft an email to his mentor that expressed his annoyance at this situation adequately.

He failed to notice the looks the other members of the office gave each other over his head. This was the most emotion they had seen from the blonde in days and they were glad he was almost back to normal. They hadn’t been informed of the situation that had led to his poor mood over the last week or so but they had been able to work it out fairly easily after the release of the official SM Entertainment statement against bullying.

Youngchul made eye contact with Junghee over the partition and both nodded to each other in agreement – they would not mention the incident for fear of making the man’s mood worsen again and would do their best to get the young man to socialize once more. It had been days since the composer had eaten lunch with them and honestly, they missed it. The blonde was an injection of youth into their otherwise jaded office and they relished his views and opinions in their discussions. Even if hedid have an unhealthy love of SHINee – in the SM Entertainment offices, surrounded by idol paraphernalia a love like that was hard to hide.

-

Following a relaxing lunch with the other office members, where Jonghyun didn’t contribute much to the conversation but enjoyed the company nonetheless, the blonde made his way to his mentor’s office. Walking in after only a cursory knock on the door, the young man stood expectantly in front of the other man.

“Sit down for a sec,” The composer said, gesturing at the seat opposite his desk, “we’re a little early.”

Jonghyun did as the man asked, sitting gingerly on the edge of the chair. “Early for what? You never said what this meeting was for.”

“I didn’t, did I?” The man mused, though it was clear he already knew the answer to his own question. “Someone in another department wanted to meet you.”

“Another department?” Jonghyun asked, leaning forwards in his chair, “Like the production department, is it about the song I wrote? Because I actually had some ideas-“

“No, it’s not that.” The composer cut off the younger man, “Though I can certainly arrange that meeting if you would like.” Jonghyun nodded eagerly and the elder man made a quick note for himself on his to-do list to arrange that later. “We’ll have to arrange to meet up ourselves before that, I’d like to hear these ideas.”

“Of course,” Jonghyun nodded. “So, what’s this meeting about if it’s not that?”

Sungkyu chuckled, the boy looked so nervous. He was sat right on the edge of his seat, his fingers twisting in the material of his trousers. “It’s nothing scary, I promise. It’s not a job evaluation or anything.”

Jonghyun relaxed a tiny amount, a little tension leaving his frame. However, he was still fidgety and nervous. “Then what is it?” He asked, his voice slightly higher in pitch than normal.

“Something we should be heading to now,” Sungkyu said after checking the time. “We need to go downstairs.”

The whole walk to the lifts, Jonghyun pestered his mentor with questions, trying to extract the information he wanted from the man. As the lift descended to the second floor, the blonde’s voice trailed off and his incessant questions finally coming to a stop. Instead the lift was over taken by silence as the younger composer sank into a contemplative silence. The walk from the lift to the meeting room, one of the many smaller conference rooms in the building, was tense. Jonghyun was still silent and his head kept turning to look at his mentor before quickly turning back to the front when the man showed any indication of looking back at him. Sungkyu chuckled, it was clear the younger man wanted to ask a lot of questions but he was too nervous to do so. He knew the blonde still considered himself the newbie and held the misguided belief that he could still lose his job at any time. Thus, any unknown situation, such as this one, tended to worry him more than they should.

Grasping the door handles, Sungkyu spoke to the boy one final time before opening the door, “You’re freaking out unnecessarily. It’s nothing to be worried about.”

Pushing the doors open, far more dramatically than was necessary, Sungkyu pushed the blonde into the meeting room and shut the door behind him with a snap.

“Easy for you to say...” Jonghyun muttered mutinously before trailing off in shock at the sight in front of him. “Holy hell!” He yelled before quickly correcting himself, “No wait, I mean. Hello” He gave a sloppy bow along with his shocked greeting and continued to mutter to himself, just staring at the male in the room “I’m imagining this, I must be. It’s the only thing that makes sense. I’m asleep and Sungkyu didn’t just. And this isn’t. And you aren’t. And I’m definitely not. It just isn’t...”

If he had been able to think clearly at that moment he would have realised how strange he probably looked. He was stood by the doorway, having frozen after being shoved through it, staring at the one other person in the room, a string of unintelligible mumbles leaving his mouth.

“I see your habit of talking when you’re nervous hasn’t changed.”  A voice, connected to the source of Jonghyun’s emotional confusion, chuckled.

Backing up to the wall, its solidarity providing comfort that maybe this situation was in fact real, Jonghyun looked at the male in front of him. He looked good. Really good. Better than the last time they had met. The other had been barely twenty back then, Jonghyun not even that, and both had still had some growing to do before he could claim to have reached full adult hood. But here, in front of him was all the evidence of the growth and maturity that over three years can bring.

Onew’s hair was currently an attractive shade of reddish brown and Jonghyun was sure that colour had a special name but, at that moment, he could barely remember his own name so it was probably asking him too much to remember specific vocabulary as well. The singer’s eyes were sparkling in amusement, free of the makeup he usually wore yet looking as alluring as ever, his lips stretched into an amused grin, the plump skin pink and slightly chapped. His frame had also filled out a little, the awkwardness of youth gone from his limbs and all the baby fat he had had (minimal as it may have been) had melted away.

It was official, the man had become as attractive in person as Jonghyun had always imagined and the blonde was still hopelessly drawn to the other male.

Standing up, an action that caused his skinny jeans to grow tight across the thighs and highlight their shape quite wonderfully, Jonghyun absently noticed, the idol approached the composer and held out his hand, “It’s good to see you again, Jonghyun.”

On shaking the older male’s hand, Jonghyun found himself guided to a seat and the two sat down opposite each other at the small meeting table. “You remember me?”

“Of course I do.” Onew chuckled, “You’re quite memorable.”

“I am?”

“Of course, how many other people have written such an amazing song for us?” The singer chuckled again, his voice soft yet oddly loud in the small room. The sound was music to Jonghyun’s ears and he allowed himself to become absorbed in the experience. He still wasn’t certain this was actually happening, that he was really in the same room as Onew once more, but he would make the most of this moment, dream or not.

Blushing slightly and looking down at the table, Jonghyun twisted his fingers together, “Thank you. I was really proud of that one.”

“As you should be.” Onew said, reaching across the table to grasp the younger’s hands, not noticing or choosing to ignore the way Jonghyun tensed at the contact and immediately stilled. “It’s a shame I came here in such poor circumstances.”

Jonghyun looked across at the idol member in confusion. It was like this day was filled with people determined to leave him out of the loop. “Poor circumstances?”

“We were informed about the...” The male hesitated, obviously unsure about how to phrase what he wanted to say, “bullying issue.”

“Oh...” Jonghyun said, looking down at the table once more. The creeping sadness that he had managed to suppress all week came into the forefront of his mind once more and he sighed heavily, “that.”

“We recorded a message for the fans, explaining how bullying isn’t ok, no matter the circumstances. I just wanted to make sure you were ok with it before we released it.” The idol explained, calmly. His face, that was previously so happy now showing nothing but seriousness.

Jonghyun couldn’t help but notice absently that this, this seriousness and intense focus, was the reason this man was the leader of SHINee. Many had questioned in the past, how someone so nice and calm could control the group. Key and Taemin were known to be quite rowdy and, initially, people were concerned that the older male would be steamrolled, unable to control them due to their strong personalities. However, over the years, the singer had proven time and time again that he could, and would, exert his strength when necessary. It was partly due to this trait that SHINee had been so successful. The leader knew when to push his members and when they would break if they kept going.

Jonghyun couldn’t help but feel a little sad at what the male had said, however. It was fantastic that the group was so willing to support their fans but Onew’s visit suddenly seemed a lot less personal. It now seemed far more like a business meeting. His euphoria at meeting his idol faded a little, the creeping sadness didn’t retreat and his afternoon started to feel like work once more.

His emotions must have shown on his face in some way, as the other male was quick to reassure the composer, “That was one reason for coming here. The other was to see how you are. I cleared my afternoon so we could just talk.”

“You cleared...” Jonghyun looked up in shock, “The entire afternoon for me?”

“Yep,” Onew grinned. “So past watching the video, which we’ll do later, we are free as birds. Figuratively.”

“But...” Jonghyun looked positively stunned, “I have work, my report-“

“Is fine until tomorrow.” Onew reassured. “Your boss, Sungkyu?” He said questioningly, although didn’t stop his flow of speech, “Arranged it so you could take the afternoon for mental health reasons.”

“That sneaky rat.” Jonghyun gasped. “I can’t believe him. I’m gonna have to buy him a bottle of wine or something now.”

Onew laughed loudly, before turning to look the other man in the eyes once more. His previous serious mood had faded and his gentle smile was back on his face. “So, update me. How’d you get here? You were a barista before.”

Jonghyun gaped, the other male remembered him. Not in that cliche’d ‘of course I remember you’ way that many idols said it, but really remembered him. He remembered him enough to remember small details about his life.

“It’s because of you,” Jonghyun began, blushing and picking at the cuffs of his shirt, “and Sungkyu.” He reiterated the story of how he ended up as an SM Entertainment employee to a happy looking Onew. The other male seemed genuinely interested and pleased for the blonde, chiming in occasionally with questions and laughing in appropriate places.

“Wow, that’s awesome. Can I tell that story to other people? ‘Idol helps normal teen achieve his dreams’.” Onew said, his hands making dramatic gestures in front of him as he spoke.

Jonghyun snorted with laughter, turning his head away from the idol, not able to look at him due to second hand embarrassment. “Of course.”

“Yes!” Onew cheered, exaggeratedly, his arms in the air. “I did it!”

“Did what?” Jonghyun questioned, looking at the other male once more, almost having to look away immediately due to the dorky look on his face.

“I made you smile.” The singer said, smiling softly himself. “I’d feel terrible if I left without making you smile, since it’s partially my fault you’re upset in the first place.”

“What?” Jonghyun asked, confused. “No it’s not.”

“It is, though.” Onew said, his voice and face serious once more. Looking the blonde in the eye, he grasped his hands across the table – Jonghyun managing not to tense up this time. “You were bullied because of SHINee. Because of our fans. I want to make it up to you.”

“No.” Jonghyun said, shaking his head. “No, I was bullied because I lied.” He hesitated over the word ‘bullied’. He hadn’t yet become comfortable with admitting that was what happened and he hated showing weakness, especially in front of someone he admired. Saying he was bullied, to Jonghyun, seemed like admitting he was too weak to fight back. He let those people get to him and he should have been stronger to avoid it.

Onew looked at the other male for a long time, waiting for the young composer to meet his eyes. The silence stretched on, long but not awkward, until finally, the blonde gave in, turning towards the idol.

“You were bullied because people were jealous, because they couldn’t handle that you have done more in your life than they ever will. You are amazing, Kim Jonghyun.” Onew said, smiling supportively.

Jonghyun’s gaze faltered, as he looked down at the table, his vision becoming blurry. “No I’m not.” He sniffed quietly, hoping to stop the pressure behind his eyes and the tightness in his throat – it didn’t work. “I couldn’t attend a SHINee show on my own or buy a CD without my sister pretending to be a fan because I was scared. For years I used her as a cover. I couldn’t even admit who I was online.” He sniffed again as the pressure became too much and a trail of liquid made its way down his face. Looking up at the singer, his idol, he whispered, “I’m just a scared boy who’s scared of being judged for who I am.”

Onew reached out gently and wiped under the blonde’s eyes, removing the tears. “Aren’t we all? Aren’t we all scared at heart? I know I am. I put on a front that I’m unaffected but every negative review hurts and every mean comment makes me question myself.” Leaning forward, he spoke softly, “It’s human nature to be scared and it’s human nature to be hurt. It’s not a weakness. You are one of the strongest people I know.”

“No I’m not.” Jonghyun said, looking down at his hands which were still being gently held by Onew. The singer’s fingers gently gripped Jonghyun’s wrists, acting as a warm comfort and a source of grounding for the rattled composer.

“Yes,” The singer said, the strength of his voice causing Jonghyun to look up and meet his eyes once more. “You are. That story you told earlier, how you came to work here. That showed strength. How many people would have chickened out at the first hurdle? You went all the way, you submitted your work to a faceless panel, fully aware they would judge it. You went out of your comfort zone to attend school. You came to work at a company with a reputation for being cut throat. You did all of that.”

“But Sungkyu-“

“Merely provided the tools. You did everything else.” Onew said, smiling softly, “You are an incredibly strong man, Kim Jonghyun.”

Jonghyun felt another round of tears make their way down his face. However, in contrast to before, these tears were of happiness and relief. He wasn’t sure he fully believed the other male, he wasn’t as strong as the singer thought him to be. However, having someone believe in him, someone so integral to Jonghyun’s life, it was an incredible feeling. Wiping his eyes, he smiled softly, still not quite believing this was happening.

“Now,” The singer announced, “let’s watch that video shall we? I apologise for the kids’ behaviour. I tried to get them to be serious, but you know how they are?”

Jonghyun chuckled, rearranging his chair to look at the projector screen on the far wall of the room, as Onew set up the video on the computer. “I do, indeed.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: Onew is one of my favourites. He’s a super dork but also super nice. At least, that’s how I see him. It makes him a cutie-patootie to write :3


	19. Chapter 18 – SHINee say no to bullying

_The male, second from the left could be heard counting very quietly, if you had the video turned up loud enough. As his count reached five, the four males_ _sitting along the length of the table all moved in sync._

_“Hello, we are SHINee_ _” they chanted, their right arms raised perpendicular to the table in front of them._

_The same male who had counted before let out a quiet sigh as he ruffled his hair gently. The action left the locks in a tousled mess that completely ruined the careful styling that had likely gone into it only minutes before. Looking into the camera, he spoke, directly to the audience,_ _“I wish this video was being made under better circumstances._ _”_

_“Yeah,_ _” the youngest chimed in._ _“We could do dancing or challenges or something._ _”_

_“It's always dancing with you, Taemin,_ _” the boy on the far right snarked,_ _“and you always win those contests._ _”_

_“Because he cheats,_ _” the tallest male, sat between the sassy one and the leader said, looking pointedly at the youngest member at the end._

_“Who? Me?_ _” Taemin asked, radiating innocence. Though, if one looked closely there was a wicked quirk to the left corner of his mouth that gave away his true feelings_ _whilst the rest of his face_ _remained impressively innocent looking._

_“No the person sat next to you._ _” The sassy male snarked._

_“Onew!_ _” Taemin gasped, looking at the oldest member of the group in shock. His gasp was completely_ _fake and not even a little bit convincing. Honestly, it was lucky the boy had no intention of going into acting, unlike the tallest member._ _“_ _How could you?_ _”_

_“I meant your other side, Mr. Genius,_ _” the male teased, flipping his hair out of his eyes._

_“But there's no one there..._ _” the youngest said, confused. It took a second, a second the other members watched him avidly, waiting for it to click, but the teen finally understood._ _“Hey!_ _” He protested, his cheeks puffed up in anger._

_The two males on the right both burst into peals of laughter, clutching each other as they gasped for breath._

_Sighing once more the eldest male spoke once more, louder than before, his tone commanding_ _“_ _Key, Minho, settle._ _”_

_Both males visibly pulled themselves together and sat up straight in their seats. Key adjusted his outfit using the small camera screen before looking at his leader once more seeing he hadn't continued talking._ _“Well, go on then, Onew._ _”_

_“I was just making sure you were ready._ _” Onew said, rolling his eyes._ _“You seemed pretty absorbed in fixing your hair._ _” Turning to the camera once more he suddenly became much more serious._ _“As I said before I was interrupted,_ _” here he shot looks at the other members which they_ _skillfully deflected and acted_ _like_ _they_ _were completely unaffected,_ _“this video is being made to combat a very serious issue._ _”_

_“It's really a shame,_ _” Taemin reflected,_ _“that we have to do this._ _”_

_“Not because we mind being here, in fact it was Onew's idea,_ _” Minho clarified. The youngest member’s wording, although accurate, could be misinterpreted so he felt the need to explain properly._ _“But the fact that we need to have this discussion at all._ _”_

_“As some of you may be aware, there has recently been an issue among some members of SHINee World._ _” The leader spoke, his voice betraying his sadness._

_“As a group, we have always embraced all our fans; whether they be male, female, young, old, whatever._ _” Taemin said, his young face more serious than many fans would be used to seeing._

_“Yet,_ _” Key continued,_ _“some of our fans apparently don_ _’t think that way._ _”_

_Minho spoke next, his voice serious and deep. He looked straight at the camera, his large eyes unblinking._ _“Hurting others is not acceptable. We do not want that to be our group_ _’s legacy. We love all our fans whole heartedly but we cannot accept bullying in any form._ _”_

_“Attacking someone for something they cannot control, or for their line of work or their personal tastes._ _” The leader sighed, running his hand through his hair once more,_ _“How would you feel, if your personal information was shared online for all to see? What about if someone mocked you for being slightly different? It isn_ _’t nice and it isn’t something we want to see among our fans._ _”_

_Key took over talking then, his face serious and his eyes narrowed dangerously,_ _“I know I am disappointed and I_ _’m sure the others are too,_ _” Here the other members of the group nodded in agreement,_ _“and I hope we never need to make this announcement again._ _”_

_“Just be nice to each other, guys. It_ _’s not hard._ _” Taemin said, looking directly at the camera._

_“We know this_ _behaviour isn_ _’t from all our fans._ _” Onew said, placating. There were guaranteed to be a small subset in the fandom who, despite not doing anything wrong, would feel that this video was targeting them in some way and would get angry. Therefore, in most cases, being explicitly clear was best in order to avoid angering someone._ _“In fact, a lot of you spoke out against the initial bullying post online. This message isn_ _’t for you. This message is only for those who bully others. Please think about your actions and how they affect other people. Bullying is a major issue and people_ _’s lives can be badly affected by it. Please remember that before you press send on that scathing message or say that insult._ _”_

_“As for the rest of you,_ _” Minho said, leaning back in his chair,_ _“We appreciate you and everything you have done to support us. Thank you for these fantastic years._ _”_

_“We will continue working hard and hope you will support us in our future work too. There_ _’s some cool stuff coming!_ _” Taemin said, winking at the camera._

_“Taemin,_ _” the leader warned, shooting a look at the youngest member of the group._

_“What?_ _” The boy asked, playing innocent once more,_ _“I didn_ _’t spoil anything. We_ _’re SHINee, anything we do is cool._ _”_

_“You could never be cool,_ _” Key snarked, reaching round to ruffle the boy_ _’s hair, chuckling when it elicited a growl of annoyance._ _“Down, puppy._ _”_

_Taemin stuck his tongue out at the rapper and crossed his arms, pouting. Though, if anyone mentioned the expression on his face he would protest, claiming he only pouted when he was doing aegyo and that his expression was merely manly annoyance. He turned his head away from the sassy male, muttering to himself_ _“If I_ _’m a puppy you_ _’_ _re a cat. A feral one._ _”_

_“I heard that!_ _” Key shot back._

_Onew groaned, placing his head in his hands. Minho, seeing his leader_ _’s distress, reached round and patted him on the back in a comforting manner. Looking up at the younger rapper, Onew smiled slightly before sitting up straight and clearly pulling himself together._

_“So, we are sorry we had to say this and if you weren_ _’t involved we are sorry for wasting your time._ _” The male started,_ _“And if you were involved, even in a small way, please consider your actions in the future and remember that those words on the internet are being sent to a real person, with_ _real feelings. Thank you for watching and we hope to see you soon with better news._ _” His piece said, the male bowed to the camera, an action that was quickly mirrored by the other three group members, and waved, a smile on his face._

_“Hope to see you at our shows and please support our next comeback. It_ _’s a dream!_ _” The youngest chirped happily and, just before the camera clicked off the leader was seen turning to the boy and swatting him gently on the head in reprimand. If one looked closely it was possible to see the oldest male mutter something to himself and, a lip reader would be able to discern the word_ _‘kids_ _’._

-

Jonghyun kept finding himself looking at his phone. It wasn’t a conscious thing but, whenever his phone was in his hands and he had a little free time, he’d find himself in his messenger app, staring at the name displayed there.

Jonghyun and Onew, after watching the videos had talked for hours. The topics were generally light – SHINee’s schedules, Jonghyun’s composition, their likes, dislikes. It was a relaxing afternoon and a dream come true for the composer. It was honestly surprising how much the two men had in common and how well they got along. However, it was the singer’s actions just before he left the room that stunned the composer the most. As the two stood, Jonghyun had grabbed his phone from the table, going to place it in his pocket, but it had been taken from his hands before he could. Onew, upon seeing the phone locked, had pouted, and held it out to the blonde. Understanding what the singer wanted, Jonghyun unlocked the device and handed it back. Onew, after typing something quickly, had handed the phone back and left the room with an amused “nice background.”

Jonghyun had blushed with embarrassment because both his lockscreen and wallpaper were SHINee – the lock screen a cool fan art he had found and the wallpaper was a photo of Onew himself – before unlocking the phone himself to see what the other male had done. Upon seeing it he had been glad he was stood near the table, as he needed its support to remain upright. There, among his contacts, just above Jiwoong, was a name that wasn’t there before. Jinki.

He had the phone number of an idol. He had the phone number of his ultimate bias. He had the phone number and he would never ever use it due to embarrassment. The other male had said, during their talk, that if Jonghyun ever needed to talk he should contact him. At the time, Jonghyun had taken it as a pleasantry, an expected statement said as a mode of comfort. However, now he possessed the phone number of the man in question, that statement took on a whole new meaning.

That didn’t mean he was ever going to use the number, he was far too nervous to do that. He had no right to bother the singer. Onew had so many other things to do in his day that weren’t talking to pathetically obsessed composers.

-

It was only four days after the meeting that Jonghyun’s phone went off. He had been staring at the number during lunch, much to the confusion of his office mates – although they were pleased he seemed to be consistently more cheerful recently – when the device had vibrated in his hands. It was only then he had come to learn that, not only did the singer give the blonde his number, but he had also called or texted himself from Jonghyun’s phone.

**_Jinki 12:36pm  
_ ** _Photoshoots are so boring. Save me from this torture :c_

**_Jonghyun 12:42pm  
_ ** _I don_ _’t think I can do that, Onew. Why is it so torturous?_

Youngchul looked at the boy concerned. He had been zoned out, staring at something on his phone, for the past ten minutes and then he had suddenly tensed and started to look really nervous. The young composer had started to chew his lip, a clear sign of his nerves, and typed and deleted something multiple times on the device in his hands.

“You ok there, kiddo?” The man asked, studying his office mate and trying to discern what was wrong.

“Huh? Yeah,” the blonde said, absently, only half paying attention. “I just…” he gestured at his phone, “text.”

Youngchul chuckled and looked at the other office members at the table. In an exaggerated whisper he said, “Young love.”

Everyone else at the table chuckled, the only woman laughing out loud, a high pitched laugh that set people’s teeth on edge. Jonghyun didn’t notice this exchange at all. He was too absorbed in the latest message he had received to his phone. He didn’t even notice when the rest of his table mates left to go back to work, except when Youngchul patted him on the shoulder as he walked past, giving him a knowing smirk as he did so.

Jonghyun was glad he had taken lunch a little late today. Hence, whilst everyone else had already had their half an hour, Jonghyun still had a good fifteen minutes to go.

**_Jinki 12:43pm  
_ ** _So stiff. I thought we were becoming friends._

**_Jonghyun 12:45pm  
_ ** _I_ _’m not stiff. You_ _’re stiff._

**_Jinki 12:47pm  
_ ** _That_ _’s more like it. Banter, good progress._

**_Jonghyun 12:48pm  
_ ** _So whys the shoot so boring?_

**_Jinki 12:50pm  
_ ** _Its not my turn. Tae_ _’s going atm and I_ _’m stuck watching_

**_Jonghyun 12:52pm  
_ ** _aww is poor Onew bored?_

**_Jinki 12:55pm  
_ ** _Jinki. My name is Jinki. We_ _’re becoming friends so you should use my name :3_

**_Jonghyun 12:57pm  
_ ** _Jinki, then. This feels weird. I didn_ _’t think Id ever talk to you again less than a week ago and now you_ _’re saying you want to be friends_

Jonghyun was glad there was no one else still in the break room because a second after he sent that message he had actually flailed in his seat. He couldn’t believe he had said that. What if Onew – Jinki – was offended by what he said or decided it was weird to want to be friends with a fan. Jonghyun didn’t want that to happen.

Breathing deeply, the blonde placed his phone face down on the table in front of him. He knew if it was in his hands he would second guess himself and probably send a follow-up message that would be horribly embarrassing and he would probably regret. Grabbing his plate, Jonghyun walked across the room to the sink and began to wash it. His hands moved slowly and methodically, probably being more thorough than was strictly necessary. However, as this action was an effort to distract himself from his phone, it worked well.

As he was rinsing the plate of suds a vibration sounded from the table. Jonghyun’s fingers fumbled, the plate clattering against the metal sink loudly. Ignoring the noise and the fallen plate, Jonghyun practically leapt across the room and landed in the chair, grabbing his phone as he did so, not even caring about the water that smeared across the screen.

The device now in his hands, Jonghyun was suddenly nervous to read the response. He knew it was illogical. He had talked to the other male for hours and never once had he given any indication that he was doing it only out of obligation. In fact, the male had explicitly stated that he wanted to become friends with the composer. Yet, Jonghyun was still a little worried. How could he not be?

Inputting his passcode, the blonde squinted his eyes shut, before opening them slowly. He growled in annoyance when he realised his message app was closed and clicked on the icon, possibly more roughly than he needed to.

**_Jinki 1:00pm  
_ ** _Is it weird? I don_ _’t think it_ _’s weird for two people with things in common to want to become friends. You seem like a nice guy and I_ _’d like to get to know you a little more._

Jonghyun let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding and text the other male back, a sense of relief overtaking him. The two exchanged messages for a little longer, breaking away from any serious topics and instead discussing only lighthearted things. It wasn’t until Jonghyun received a message from the idol stating he had to leave to shoot his part and wouldn’t be able to reply so fast any more that Jonghyun realised it was 1:15pm and he had been messaging the singer for a good fifteen minutes longer than he should have.

Walking back into the office, making sure to keep his head down so as not to attract the attention of the other office workers. The composer sat at his desk and quickly put his headphones on and logging into his computer. Youngchul snickered from behind him, unheard by the youngest in the office due to the music already playing through his ear pieces.

Jonghyun’s work that afternoon was distracted and he made little progress on the song he was supposed to write – for the album of a female solo artist this time. However, he made incredible progress on a series of new pieces. If anyone had looked closely at the pieces, they would have seen that every single one was split into four parts and suspiciously fit the singing abilities of a certain boy group. Luckily, no one did see and, as he was packing up to go home, Jonghyun mused that it was ok that he didn’t get much work done on official songs, since there were elements of the new songs – half formed as they were – that could be modified or serve as inspiration on other songs. Hopefully, he would be more focused the next day.

Although, as his phone vibrated in his pocket as he was walking out of the building, he wasn’t sure that would happen.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: Can you imagine, though? Can you imagine?


	20. Chapter 19 – Jiwoong is a good friend (sometimes)

Two months later and Jonghyun had gotten used to conversing regularly with one of his favourite idols. The singer had continued to message him intermittently, often about inane topics or what he was doing that day, sometimes with questions for the composer, sometimes he just sent a single emoji. Jonghyun, after a while, had become comfortable enough to initiate conversations himself – his first text without Onew texting first was merely a simple ‘This song is frustrating me’ and had received some, actually very useful advice, in return – and eventually he started texting the idol whenever something interesting or frustrating happened in his day. Every so often, both males would have access to their phone and a longer conversation would ensue between them, often reaching multiple hours of back and forth text messaging.

Their conversations were usually light, the topics never straying into any territory that could be considered dangerous – whether emotionally or in terms of their jobs. Jonghyun never divulged what group he was writing songs for, he had been warned not to by SM Entertainment as the information was a potential spoiler risk. He was sure that Onew would never leak any spoilers, and maybe it wasn’t even a spoiler as he too was employed by SM Entertainment – he received the same stern warnings Jonghyun did and it was likely the idol already knew about the upcoming comebacks and débuts anyway – but he kept the information to himself either way. Onew, in turn, never spoke of what he was doing outside of general terms. Jonghyun was informed of photo shoots and press conferences but he was never informed of the context of these events and in many cases he didn’t even know where they were being held.

Despite this, Jonghyun could comfortably say he and Onew were becoming close friends. The two had a lot in common and conversation was easy between them. However, it had taken the aid of Jiwoong to get them to this point. If you had said to Jonghyun before the fact, that his roommate would aid him in matters involving social interaction and emotions, he would have laughed, loudly and at great length. The artist had the emotional range of a tea spoon – to steal a phrase from Hermione Granger – and had a terrible habit of saying incredibly embarrassing things, often in front of other people. However, he had proven to be a god send in this situation.

On the day Jonghyun received his first messages from Onew, the composer had come home from work in a strange sort of daze. As he clattered through the doorway, his roommate had poked his head out the kitchen – where he was cleaning his paint brushes, he was banned from cooking when no one was home – and called a greeting to the blonde. His eyebrows had pulled together in confusion when he received no response.

The artist followed the sounds of clattering through the small apartment, finding his roommate in the living room, sat on the sofa, his bag tossed by his feet and his hands clutching his phone. Jiwoong watched from the doorway, quietly, hoping for some clue as to what was bothering the man. As he watched, the blonde barely moved, his entire focus taken up by the device in his hand.

The artist found this odd. Jonghyun always had his phone on him and was always quick to reply to messages. However, he had never been the type of person to constantly stare at his phone, not like those teenagers he always saw on the train. He wasn’t even sure the composer had a social media account. He often spent time on those SHINee forums of his – although not recently for obvious reasons – but he usually did that on his laptop.

Breathing deeply and preparing himself for a potentially difficult conversation, the college grad walked into the living room, a smile on his face.

“What’s up big-shot?”

Jonghyun startled, not having noticed the boy coming into the room, “Not much.”

Jiwoong nodded lightly, not believing a word the other male said. Sitting down beside the composer on the sofa, the male arched his back, making dramatic stretching noises, “Sure? You seem spaced.”

“I’m sure.” The composer said, still staring at his phone.

Sighing, Jiwoong ran a hand through his hair in frustration; it seemed his roommate wasn’t going to make this easy for him. “I’m not sure I believe you.”

Jonghyun finally looked up from the device, looking at his roommate, who only became surer something was wrong when he saw the blonde’s expression. Jonghyun, for a while, considered keeping quiet and continuing his denial however, he knew his roommate too well to believe he would let it go. “I got a text from Onew.”

“Wait, that idol you like? The one you met the other day?”

“Yeah,” Jonghyun agreed.

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Jiwoong asked, confused as to why his roommate seemed so spaced out because of this. He would have assumed that the male would be happy about this. He knew, from three years of being the male’s friend, that the blonde was completely obsessed with SHINee and, after a little prodding, he had even managed to extract  a confession that the male had a massive crush on the leader of said group.

So this reaction to a simple text message from the male seemed strange. After meeting the idol in person the other day, the blonde had been bouncing off the walls. Now, this blank, vacant look was strange and not what he would have expected at all.

“He said he wanted to be friends.”

Jiwoong looked at his roommate in shock. He had assumed the other male had received a single text, like an apology for the bullying issue, he hadn’t considered the messages could actually be a conversation. That was huge, for a fan of the group to be asked to be friends by one of the members. This reaction still didn’t make sense to the artist, however. Surely the blonde should be thrilled.

Deciding to go with humour, Jiwoong joked with Jonghyun, hoping for a reaction. “Look at you big shot, making friends with idols. Any chance you can get me a hot girlfriend, what with all your new contacts? Girl’s Gen are pretty cute.”

Jonghyun looked at his roommate in a bemused state of shock, “What?”

“You’re talking to an idol,” Jiwoong explained, like he was teaching a small child, “idols have other idols’ numbers. Hence, you can get some hot girls’ numbers for me.”

Jonghyun gave a reaction other than blank shock for the first time that conversation at this statement. “Yeah, good luck with that. As if any girl will want your stank ass.” He joked, his hands falling into his lap and his phone screen fading to black for the first time since he arrived home.

“Better than yours.” Jiwoong shot back, jokingly.

“As if. You saw that tweet. People think I’m hot stuff.” Jonghyun chuckled, flicking his fringe out of his face exaggeratedly.

“They wouldn’t find you so hot if they knew about your little obsession with Onew,”

Immediately, Jonghyun’s expression changed. The open smile he had on his face faded, however it didn’t return to the strange blankness that was present before. He now looked pensive and a little concerned and these were emotions that could be worked with. Jiwoong considered that a success. He decided to take this chance to keep going with the important conversation, now that the blonde seemed slightly more receptive.

“So, why’s being his friend such a bad thing?” The artist asked, leaning towards the composer slightly as he spoke.

“It’s not.” Jonghyun said, speaking quickly as if to defend the singer. “It’s just…” he trailed off, clearly think about how to phrase what he wanted to say, “I feel terrible talking to him, like I’m taking up his time.”

“If he’s initiating the conversations, surely there’s no issues?” Jiwoong asked, slowly beginning to understand the issues that were plaguing the blonde. Jonghyun had loved this idol for years, to suddenly have him want to be his friends was probably a shock and his roommate clearly hadn’t come to terms with it yet.

“But… what if he’s doing this out of obligation?” Jonghyun said, looking up at his roommate. If Jiwoong was a soppier person he would possibly have called the sight adorable. The blonde’s hair was slightly mussed and his eyes were wide with vulnerability.

“Dude,” Jiwoong said, partially to restore the masculinity he felt like he had lost due to that thought, “as if. He’s super famous, he doesn’t have to talk to anyone he doesn’t want to.”

“Unless the management told him to.” Jonghyun countered, looking down at his lap once more.

“Why would they do that?” the artist asked, confused. He wasn’t sure if he was missing something but this didn’t seem like an issue to him. He had thought it was just the blonde being overwhelmed because he was speaking to his idol but it seemed he had actually created this entire strange issue in his head surrounding it. He groaned mentally, this was an issue far more suited for Eunji to fix.

“Because of the bullying thing.”

Jiwoong actually laughed aloud. “No way, man. They wouldn’t make him go that far because of that.” Seeing Jonghyun’s look of disbelief, he explained himself some more, “They released that official statement thing, yeah?” Not even waiting for Jonghyun’s confirmation, he continued, “Then SHINee did that video thing. That’s their bases covered. They did their part they can step back.” Jonghyun’s mood appeared to be improving, so he continued talking, glad this was working, “Meeting the dude one-on-one was a publicity-free thing so that was done out of the goodness of the guy’s heart. Add on him getting your number and you have one nice dude who clearly wants to get to know you. And that’s rad.”

“But…” Jonghyun said, still seeming unsure. “Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure, Jjong.” The artist grinned, patting the blonde’s thigh. “What does he call himself in these messages?” He asked, realizing something that might help persuade the blonde.

“Jinki?” Jonghyun said, looking at his roommate in confusion, “Why does it matter?”

“Because Onew is a stage name. And you aren’t talking to Onew.” Jiwoong explained, grinning, “Jinki wants to know you for you and for you to get to know him for him.”

“Wait,” Jonghyun said, looking even more confused than before, “what?”

“It’s simple,” Jiwoong said, patting Jonghyun’s knee condescendingly, “It’s like if you meet a hot chick at a bar and she tells you her name is Victoria or something. It’s clearly not a real name and she obviously doesn’t want to know you. At that point she’s talking to you for business or kicks. But if she tells you her real name, you actually have a chance there and she really wants to get to know you. You know?”

“No,” Jonghyun deadpanned. He’s gay and he rarely went out to the club, Jiwoong knew that, so of course he doesn’t know. “But I get the idea.” He stopped talking briefly, clearly thinking and Jiwoong allows him to do so, his hand rubbing soothingly on his lower thigh, “So, Jinki is talking to me because he really wants to get to know me?”

“Most likely,” Jiwoong nods sagely. “And even if he’s not, which I doubt, enjoy it whilst you can.”

Jonghyun placed his own hands over the other males on his knee and grasped the paint-stained fingers lightly, “Thank you.” He said, smiling at the artist softly, before standing up abruptly, the conversation clearly over. Walking out of the room he called back over his shoulder, “What do you want to eat?”

“I’unno,” Jiwoong replied, sinking back into the sofa cushions and kicking Jonghyun’s bag to the side with his foot, “Whatever you feel like cooking.”

He heard a noise of acknowledgement from the blonde and the clattering of pots and pans starting to be removed from the cupboards. This was soon followed by a noise of annoyance and the artist cringed, knowing what was coming. He considered hiding but the apartment was small and the only other rooms were the bedrooms and the bathroom and Jonghyun would just get madder if he wasn’t there.

Seeing the angry look on his roommate’s face, Jiwoong cowered back into the cushions, using one to shield his body, just in case – a just in case that came true when a handful of damp paintbrushes were thrown at his head.

“How many times do I have to tell you not to clean your damn brushes in the kitchen sink, I cook around there?!” The blonde fumed, stomping back out of the living room to continue his previous task, his mission complete.

“Careful,” the artist complained, “these are expensive.”

“Then don’t leave them in the kitchen!” Jonghyun called back making Jiwoong recoil, he hadn’t realised the blonde was still able to hear him.

Chuckling to himself he flipped on the TV, hoping to find something mindless to watch. The two may argue often and they may be total opposites in many ways but Jiwoong was proud to call Jonghyun his friend and he was happy to help him with his issues – no matter how inconsequential or imagined they may be. Hopefully something good came from his roommate’s new friendship. Jiwoong was absolutely ready to cut someone, even if they were super famous, if they dared hurt his friend. He would enjoy it too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: Jiwoong is one of my favourites.


	21. Chapter 20 - Friendship

Jonghyun could now class Onew as one of his closest friends. The two males now spent a lot of their spare time (as intermittent and rare as that was) together, they often just drove around in Jinki’s car, going to random places and exploring new areas of the city or they would relax at Jonghyun’s apartment, watching bad TV and sneakily breaking Onew’s strict diet.

The two friends had to be careful going out in public, which was why so much of their time was spent driving. Jinki, as much as he didn’t appear that way to Jonghyun any longer, was still famous and if he went outside undisguised things could become chaotic rapidly.

In fact, their earliest meeting had been at a coffee shop and that had not gone as smoothly as either male had hoped.

Jonghyun had been a nervous wreck. He had arrived at the small coffee shop approximately half an hour early and spent that time sitting awkwardly in one of the corner booths trying to ignore the glares the barista sent him whenever she looked up from her phone. He had informed the young woman that he was waiting for a friend to arrive and she had been amicable at first, informing him to order at the counter when his friend arrived. However, as time passed and Jinki still hadn’t arrived – for good reason as it was still too early – her expression had started to sour.

Jonghyun pointedly ignored this, looking around the small shop in interest. The two men had decided to come to this café in particular as it was out of the way of the main thoroughfare and therefore, less populated by people who may recognise the singer. The main clientele of this place appeared to be older people and business men who were all highly unlikely to be followers of popular idols and thus unlikely to recognise Onew.

Initially, Jonghyun had considered bringing his friend to the café he used to work at. However, it was too risky. That café was a popular meeting spot for high school students and there was always the risk of the boss’ daughter being there. She knew all about SHINee and he was certain she would not be quiet in the presence of an idol. She was still at that age where celebrities were gods and unfortunately, her volume control appeared to be permanently on loud when they were brought up in conversation.

Shifting in his seat, Jonghyun adjusted his position so he was facing the door more directly and could see everyone who entered the store. It was the middle of the day on a Saturday, so the business crowd was predictably thin. However, there were a fair few older women coming in for a coffee and a chat with their friends and a few older men who looked like they’d rather be anywhere but here, their wives smiling obliviously next to them. It was after the fourth group entered, and three had left with their take-away coffees, that Onew came through the door.

At least, Jonghyun assumed it was Onew. He couldn’t see any other reason why someone would be wearing a face mask, hat and sunglasses in the current weather. When the male headed towards his table, Jonghyun was certain. Standing up to greet him, Jonghyun shifted embarrassed on his feet, his fingers picking at the inside of his hoodie’s sleeves. Onew had instructed him to wear a hooded jacket today, for disguise purposes and Jonghyun was almost glad for the fabric covering his head. It gave him a little protection from his friend’s eyes even if it did make him feel like a bit of a dick for wearing it up inside.

Onew smiled widely at the blonde, only evidenced by the slight shifting of the mask around his mouth. Pulling it down he gestured to the counter, “Should we order?”

Jonghyun nodded, “The barista might kill me if we don’t.”

The idol laughed his loud, exuberant laugh, drawing the attention of the few other patrons in the café. None seemed to recognise the singer, even with the mask off although a few did send disapproving looks in their direction.

Chuckling himself, Jonghyun grabbed his friends arm and steered him to the counter. All his previous nervousness at meeting the idol again had faded. The second the singer had walked through the door it had felt as if he was in the presence of his texting buddy. The person he sent inane comments to when he couldn’t sleep, the one who sent him bad selcas when he was bored at work and the one who talked to him whenever he had free time. Strangely, he didn’t feel like the idol Onew at all. It was like Jiwoong had said (as much as Jonghyun was loath to admit his roommate was right), Jonghyun had made friends with Jinki; the real Jinki, not his polished, stage persona, Onew.

 “You’re a dork,” Jonghyun bemoaned, as they approached the counter, “now what do you want?”

Onew looked at the blonde in confusion, “Flat white…”

“A flat white and long black.” Jonghyun ordered, the woman behind the counter mumbling what sounded like a ‘finally’ under her breath as she accepted his payment and moved to make the drinks.

“I could’ve ordered?” Onew said, looking at the blonde as he followed him to the payment counter.

“Well, yes.” Jonghyun said, “I never doubted that. It’s just easier to do it in a single transaction.” Seeing Onew’s look, he clarified, “I always hated keying the drinks into the tills as separate orders, always took forever. So why not combine, since we’re here together?”

“I guess…” Onew said, still not looking convinced.

“Did I undermine your masculinity?” Jonghyun joked, teasing the singer like he would over text. It was still a little awkward in person but he was sure the idol would accept the teasing graciously and probably shoot back with his own response.

“Nope.” Onew retorted, popping the p obnoxiously, “I was merely allowing you to build some up. Heaven knows you need it.” The brunette looked his friend up and down in a pointed manner before raising one eyebrow.

“You calling me short?!” Jonghyun questioned, shocked and appalled. He couldn’t believe his friend had gone there. It wasn’t like mentioning his height was offensive to the composer, sure it had annoyed him in the past but he had grown to accept it. However, it just seemed like a cheap shot.

“Yep.” Onew smirked.

“You sir,” Jonghyun pouted, “appear to have run out of insults.”

“Or that one was just too easy.” Onew countered.

“My point exactly.” Jonghyun agreed, taking the drinks the barista was offering him with a muttered thanks and ignoring the pointed look she shot him as he walked away. She clearly still wasn’t impressed by him, even now he had purchased a drink.

Walking over to the table he had claimed earlier, the male sat himself down comfortably, sliding the other drink to the opposite side, where Onew was taking a seat. Jonghyun scanned the café once more, quickly observing everyone in there; he was amused to note that the surly barista had already returned to her phone. Otherwise the small place was mostly empty, only a single table was occupied with a pair of older women chatting over tea and biscuits and there was a lone man leaning against the wall, as if waiting for someone.

As Jonghyun was doing this, Onew was removing his disguise, just a little. The hood stayed up, a move he was sure would offend his mother horribly, but Jonghyun wasn’t one to talk, his hood was still firmly in place too. However, the sunglasses were removed and the mask was pushed further down around the singer’s neck. He still looked a little out of place in the small café, his oversized hoodie and comfortable jeans failing to completely hide the idol-ness that seemed to ooze off of him. However, he looked more ordinary than Jonghyun had ever seen him.

Sodam had looked at Jonghyun like he was insane when he had mentioned the aura idols seemed to have. She thought he was insane. To him, it made perfect sense. Somehow, even when in full disguise, with only slivers of skin showing, hundreds of fans were able to identify idols. There had to be something else that was tipping them off. He had mentioned it on the forums once and he and the other fans had come to a unanimous conclusion that it must be an aura. Not in the mystical, magical sense, but more in the sense that idols moved and just generally _were_ in a different way to the average person. Those skills they were taught for public appearances, control yourself, don’t say too much, be the idol you are, seemed to blend into their daily life and made them stand out.

Jonghyun sipped his drink contentedly, placing it down quickly when he realised it was still slightly too hot. Looking at the singer sat opposite him. Looking at him now, as he cupped his warm drink in order to remove the coldness from his fingers, that idol aura was as present as always, if a little muted by the locale.

“How have you been? I haven’t talked to you in a few days.” The blonde asked, looking at his friend expectantly.

“Yeah,” Onew agreed, scrubbing a hand through his hair, under his hood, pulling a few strands in front of his eyes. “Things got busy. We have a performance next week, so intense practices.” He sighed, “This is my only day off.”

“And you chose to spend it with me?” Jonghyun asked, his tone joking. Internally, he was actually very happy. The fact that his friend considered him important enough to see on his only free time felt good.

“I missed talking to you.” Onew shrugged, “Our manager yells at me whenever I pull out my phone, so…” He shrugged apologetically.

“It’s cool,” Jonghyun said, “you’re busy, I get that. Not everyone can have no life like me.” The composer winked, taking a sip of his drink, which was still hot but wasn’t the coffee equivalent of lava any longer.

Onew actually snorted at that. “No life? You work as hard as I do. Who blew off who the other day?”

“Aww, come on.” Jonghyun whined, though he would deny to anyone that he ever let such a sound leave his mouth, “I had a deadline.”

Onew coughed obnoxiously, “Workaholic.”

Jonghyun mimicked him, exaggeratedly, “Arse.”

“I’m sure you love my arse.” The singer joked.

Jonghyun flushed instantly, looking down at the table, pink spreading rapidly across his face. “No.” He stuttered, totally unconvincingly, “No one could love that.”

The idol either didn’t realise the effect he had had on his friend or he chose to ignore it and sniffed in mock sadness, “Forever alone because no one likes my arse. It’s tragic.”

“Whatever, loser.” Jonghyun mocked, after mentally shaking himself out of his thoughts. They were heading into directions he didn’t want them to, especially in front of the man in queetion. “You’re just jealous you don’t look this good.” He gestured at himself, ending with a flourish.

Onew actually laughed, drawing an affronted look from his blonde friend who had chosen that moment to take a sip of his drink. Taking his chance, speaking before the blonde had fully swallowed, he mocked, “What, short?”

“Will you stop that?!” Jonghyun protested the insult. His bottom lip jutted out in a – totally manly – pout and placing his coffee cup in front of him. He leant forward across the table, leaning close to the singer’s face. He ignored the puff of air that hit his cheek as the male exhaled – he was so close – and spoke lowly “I know things about you, Lee Jinki. Things you don’t want brought up and I will not hesitate to humiliate you.” His piece said, he leant back in his seat, smiling triumphantly.

Hi smile faltered a little when the singer laughed loudly, drawing the attention of the ladies at table seven who merely huffed at their actions before turning back to their own conversation, “It’s so much more fun to talk in person than over text.” Onew laughed, brushing a tear of mirth from his eye. “I always imagined your reactions to what I say but this is so much better.”

“I prefer meeting in person too,” Jonghyun said, all previous annoyance, although it was mostly fabricated, forgotten.

Onew went to say something else however, what he wanted to say was cut off by a high pitched scream from outside. Looking up in shock, the singer cursed under his breath and grabbed his confused friend by the arm.

“What’s happening?” Jonghyun asked as he was dragged through the shop by Onew.

Onew didn’t answer as he was too busy pulling his mask back up and slotting his glasses back over his eyes. However, he didn’t really need to as the small crowd of teenage girls outside the window were pretty self-explanatory. Onew pushed open the café door and strode past the group, hoping against hope that they would be too nervous to approach him allowing him to just get out of there before more people turned up.

“Oppa,” He cursed mentally, before turning with a smile on his face, releasing Jonghyun’s arm as he did so. “Can you sign this?”

“Of course,” He smiled. However, Jonghyun could see that the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.

Jonghyun stood to one side, completely ignored by the crowd of girls, as Onew signed multiple autographs and posed for photos. Then, as soon as the last girl had had their photo taken he took his cue. Onew had been sending him looks that were clearly translates as SOS for the past five minutes and Jonghyun sort of understood why. In the SNS generation, these girls would have informed the world about Onew’s current whereabouts. In fact, the source of this crowd was likely due to the same reason. The barista had shot the pair some weird looks before returning to her phone and, in retrospect she was probably trying to identify Onew accurately around his disguise.

“I’m sorry ladies,” Jonghyun apologised, “We have an appointment now.”

The girls groaned in response and several pulled out their phones and started typing rapidly. Onew shot the blonde a thankful look as he gave one last girl his signature.

Bowing at the assembled crowd, the singer smiled a soft smile. “Thank you for supporting me,” he said, “and I hope you continue to support SHINee.”

This caused the gathered girls to erupt in a chorus of whispers and quiet squeals and one girl even appeared a little faint, clutching on to her friend happily. Onew grabbed Jonghyun’s arm and, under the guise of walking casually, steered the blonde away from the café and towards where the car was parked.

“There are more coming,” he hissed under his breath. “We need to get out of here before they arrive.”

Jonghyun nodded in agreement and the two began to walk faster down the road. They ignored the squealing crowd following them as they ducked into a side street and through a side entrance to a multi-story car park. Once out of sight of the girls, Onew grabbed Jonghyun’s hand and ran, full pelt towards his car.

Jonghyun allowed himself to be dragged along, feeling a little shocked at this turn of events and trying to control his feelings and his breathing simultaneously. He had not sprinted for a while and he clearly needed to focus on those muscles more when he worked out. Running like this was going to make him sore tomorrow.

Halting in front of the car, Onew directed Jonghyun to get in quickly with a hand gesture and hopped into the driver’s side himself. The car was already pulling away as Jonghyun closed the door and by the time he had gathered his wits enough to buckle his seat belt, the car was already out of the car park and heading down the road.

The blonde was glad the windows were tinted as they drove towards the group of girls. There were more now, than there had been initially. The new additions looked upset or angry and he was pretty sure the girl with the long pigtails had just stomped her foot like a child. Pulling down his hood for the first time that afternoon, Jonghyun turned to look at the group as they drove past, chuckling at their response to meeting an idol. He knew he couldn’t judge them for their reactions. His reactions to meeting his idols were equally as cringe worthy. However, it was an amusing sight from an observer’s point of view.

"Damn it,” Onew cursed ten minutes later as the car cruised down the road, “I didn’t get to finish my coffee.”

Jonghyun laughed, doubling over in his seat, one hand clutching the dashboard. “Next time we’ll go somewhere less public and you can have all the coffee you like.”

Onew smiled at him, looking away from the road momentarily, “Sounds good. Got anywhere in mind.”

Jonghyun faltered, he hadn’t really considered that. Thinking hard, he came up with an idea, though it might be ridiculous. “We could,” He said, looking at the singer from under his fringe, “my apartment is available. I’m sure Jiwoong won’t mind.”

“Jiwoong is the roommate, correct?” Onew asked, a strange note in his voice that Jonghyun wasn’t able to identify.

“Yep,” Jonghyun agreed, still a little nervous as the singer hadn’t yet agreed to his suggestion. “He’s not bad, except for all the paintbrushes he leaves around and he’s super loud when he actually manages to get a woman to meet him.” He spoke, rambling a little, a habit he had come to associate with his nerves.

Onew smiled, the previous strange tension seemingly dissipating a little for reasons Jonghyun couldn’t identify. “Your apartment sounds great,” turning from the road once more to shoot the composer a smile that made Jonghyun's stomach erupt in butterflies, “let’s do that next time.” 

The first visit to Jonghyun’s apartment had been a nightmare. Jonghyun had been twitchy and nervous all day; his nervous energy had even forced him into cleaning the apartment meticulously. The kitchen had never been cleaner but, annoyingly, that hadn’t helped his nerves at all. Luckily, Onew was able to read the situation and had acted in such a way that Jonghyun, over the course of the day had calmed down. Thankfully, as with the texting situation, Jonghyun had felt more at ease each subsequent visit and eventually the singer was almost at home in Jonghyun’s apartment as he was in his own dorm.

Jiwoong wasn’t impressed but he never openly told Jonghyun not to invite the male round. Jonghyun knew him having his friend round limited Jiwoong’s social interactions, as he couldn’t bring friends to the apartment without the obvious ‘what’s an idol doing here?’ questions coming up. However, the male seemed happy for Jonghyun and therefore, dealt with any annoyances he may have. In fact, much of the time, he just left the apartment for a few hours, giving Jonghyun and Jinki a little time to themselves to hang out and for that Jonghyun was thankful. Not that he’d tell his roommate that directly – he’d be mocked mercilessly if he did – but he showed his thanks in other ways. The blonde knew the artist had appreciated the new paintbrush set, even if he hadn’t said so, and he definitely enjoyed the food Jonghyun prepared on the days Jinki visited.

It wasn’t like the visits were too regular anyway. The idol was busy, as was Jonghyun, so their schedules were a little erratic. Usually they at least managed to meet up once a fortnight however, occasionally it was far more or less. They still kept up an almost continuous stream of texts even in the more sparse visiting periods. The only exception was when Onew went abroad for SHINee commitments.


	22. Chapter 21 – SHINee dorm?! part 1

“Hey Jjong,” Onew said one day, as the two males were hanging out in Jonghyun’s apartment watching bad TV, “do you wanna meet the other guys again?”

Jonghyun looked at his friend startled and all the attention he was previously fixing on the TV – not that the show was particularly good anyway – was forced onto Onew at those words. He hadn’t even considered that Onew would be able to introduce him to other celebrities. Even with people like Jiwoong continuously bugging Jonghyun, and occasionally the idol himself, for numbers of various girl group members, the idea hadn’t even occurred to him. He had assumed their friendship would remain the way it was now, quiet and personal. Onew had given no indication he wished, or had even considered, anything different. The idol had become quite good at dodging Jonghyun’s roommate’s questions, possibly due to his training that he and every other idol at SM Entertainment were required to complete; training in public speaking, media handling and how to present themselves to the masses. Jonghyun had also always thought that the other SHINee members would be hard work to deal with, which was only emphasised by meeting them in person – even if it was a few years ago – and their recent TV appearances. Onew must get a lot of practice in patience and question deflection at the dorm.

So, the question, asked so casually, by Onew completely sidelined the composer as he hadn’t had time to prepare for the possibility. He had only just gotten used to having an idol in his house, let alone adding more idols to the mix.

“You serious?” Jonghyun asked, staring at his friend. He was certain the look on his face was completely ridiculous but he couldn’t bring himself to care; Onew had probably seen him looking worse – the time he fell asleep during a movie was probably not his finest moment, appearance wise. “Of course I would.”

The idol raised one eyebrow, able to imagine pretty easily what was going through the younger male’s head. “You’re having a fan moment right now, aren’t you?”

Jonghyun looked away, shifting slightly in his seat and twisting his hands together in his lap. “No, of course not.”

“No, of course not,” Onew mimicked with over the top shifty eyes and an obvious fake twitch.

“Ok, fine.” Jonghyun acquiesced, shrugging. “Maybe I am. I’m used to _you_ but the others are still idols to me.”

“You saying I’m not an idol?” Onew asked, chuckling. He knew exactly what the blonde meant but it was really amusing to tease him. Whenever Onew brought up things like this, the composer became flustered and defensive and it was incredibly amusing to older male to watch him squirm.

“That’s not what I meant!” Jonghyun protested, grasping his friend’s leg as he spoke. “You know that’s not what I meant.”

“Hmm, I don’t know. I feel pretty insulted.” Onew said, looking at his nails in mock indifference.

“You’re a dick, Jinks.” Jonghyun pouted, crossing his arms.

“So,” Onew said, sticking his tongue out at the blonde before going back to the previous topic of conversation, “I take it you wanna see them again?”

-

So, here Jonghyun was, a few days later, stood outside the SHINee dorm, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot as his friend keyed in the code to unlock the door. The idol was laughing at him; Jonghyun knew he was, he could see it in the way his shoulders shook as he faced the door. He had been suppressing chuckles since the two males pulled out of Jonghyun’s apartment building’s parking garage in Onew’s car.

In order to calm his nerves, Jonghyun began to observe his surroundings. The apartment building that housed the dorm was large and posh; it wasn’t super high-class but it was definitely more so than the slightly run-down building Jonghyun lived in. The security was tight, as would be expected, and the door guard downstairs had walked Jonghyun through a sign in process as he entered the building. He had looked at his friend in shock when he had signed some sort of form that would apparently allow Jonghyun entry to the building at any time, as long as he showed ID. Of course, that didn’t give him access to the SHINee dorm but it did make access a lot easier, as Onew did not need to come downstairs to meet him.

Even today, just for a short trip from Jonghyun’s apartment to the SHINee dorm, the two were disguised, albeit only slightly. The idol had come to pick up Jonghyun from his apartment and had driven the male to the dorm room. In order to prevent recognition and potentially incite more online hate, he had suggested the blonde wear a hooded jacket and he himself was wearing a mask and sunglasses. Personally, Jonghyun thought it was obvious the two were trying to be inconspicuous, which totally defeated the point of the disguise. However, Onew had insisted they do so every time they go outside and Jonghyun wasn’t going to argue with him. Whatever made him happy. It wasn’t like it was any skin off Jonghyun’s back, even if the outfits got a little stuffy on hot days.

Cheering softly to himself and dancing a little in one spot, Onew finally managed to get the door open. Ignoring his friend’s snicker, the idol turned around and gestured him in, “I can never get that right first time.” He said as he toed off his shoes, placing them on the small pile of other shoes near the door. “Sorry in advance for the mess.”

Looking around the entryway, Jonghyun stayed silent. The dorm, what he could see of it, was as clean as one would expect a place that contained four males to be. There was clear evidence of multiple different personalities in the room. A soccer ball was tossed in one corner next to a discarded set of shoes that were completely impractical for any form of physical exercise. A highly tailored coat in a bright shade of red was hung next to a dull rain coat that looked a little worse for wear.

Following Onew deeper into the apartment, the two walked into the living room. It was a large space, as big as Jonghyun’s living room and kitchen combined, and contained all the gadgets Jiwoong wished he could afford. Sitting down on the couch when instructed by Onew, the composer continued to observe, looking around in interest.

The majority of one wall was taken up with a large TV and sound system – one Jonghyun had seen used on multiple occasions in TV broadcasts that took place in the SHINee dorm. Another wall was consumed by a large window and door which led to a balcony and the wall behind the couch was home to a large piece of abstract art that reminded Jonghyun strongly of the art on display in the SM Entertainment lobby.

“The other guys aren’t here right now.” Onew said, explaining the silence that Jonghyun gathered was uncharacteristic in this dorm. “Minho’s at the gym and I’m not sure where the other two went. They’ll be back later.”

“Cool,” Jonghyun said, a little glad they weren’t there at that moment. It would be quite nice to get used to the idea he was in SHINee’s dorm before he met SHINee themselves.

“Do you want a drink or something?” Onew asked, standing up, “I’m grabbing a water for myself.”

“Water sounds good,” Jonghyun said, standing up and trailing after his friend. He felt mildly uncomfortable in this dorm and he wasn’t sure he wanted to be in that room alone; no matter how comfortable that couch was.

Onew filled two glasses from a pitcher in the fridge and handed one to the blonde. After drinking half of his glass, the singer spoke, “Do you want a tour or something?”

“Sounds good,” Jonghyun agreed, taking a small sip of his own water.

“Ok, cool.” Onew grinned, leaving his still half-full glass on the kitchen counter and walking back into the living room. “Living room.” He stated, gesturing around him dramatically. This drew a snort from the blonde that was clearly translated as ‘well, duh’. Rolling his eyes at his friend, Onew continued talking, “so this is the hub. The command room, if you will.”

Jonghyun coughed conspicuously, the word “nerd” clearly audible.

“Whatever,” the singer said, mock offended, “I’d be a great commander and you know it. So this is where all the team bonding and yelling happens.”

“Do a lot of yelling do we?” Jonghyun teased, taking another sip of his water.

Onew just looked at him with a deadpan expression, “You know the others.”

“Actually,” Jonghyun corrected, “I don’t.”

“Technicalities,” Onew said, waving off Jonghyun’s comment with a dismissive gesture. “They’re basically the same in real life as they are on TV and I complain about them enough.”

Jonghyun’s inner SHINee fan let out a squeal of happiness at this tidbit of information. It was exactly what he had been saying for years. He felt vindicated that he was right. However, it was also a little sad that he was unable to tell anyone. Even if he could still go on the SHINee forums regularly – he still checked and posted occasionally but it just wasn’t the same – he wouldn’t have been able to tell anyone about this without a series of awkward questions arising about how he came about the information.

“So yeah,” The singer said, looking around the room one final time, “Living room. You saw the kitchen, obviously. That’s basically Kibum’s domain, no one else can really cook.”

“Aww,” Jonghyun joked, “and here I was hoping to make you my little housewife.”

He didn’t see, as the idol turned away too fast, but a light blush bloomed over the singer’s cheeks at those words. “If anything, you’d be the housewife. I’d be the main breadwinner in this relationship.” He shot back, his voice giving no indication of his embarrassment.

“I am a successful composer, I’ll have you know.” Jonghyun argued, puffing up his chest and posing dramatically, the image only slightly ruined by the glass of water still held in his hand. The idea of Onew being in a relationship with him had caused the composer’s heart to jump in ways he didn’t want to analyse just yet. He had completely come to terms with his massive crush on the singer years ago. However, that crush was on Onew, the charismatic and slightly dorky leader of SHINee. He wasn’t quite ready to think about having a relationship with Lee Jinki, one of his closest friends, just yet. Even if it would be purely hypothetical.

“As if,” Onew countered, starting to walk once more. Heading through the apartment, he gestured at the doors as he passed, “The room by the entrance is Kibum’s, Minho’s here and Taemin has this one.” Reaching the final door in the apartment, apart from the bathroom, he opened it and gestured the blonde inside. “And this is my room. The spare bed is for the manager when he chooses to stay with us.”

Looking around, Jonghyun was really intrigued by everything he saw. The room was tastefully decorated, if a little plain. The walls were a soft blue to match the darker blue bed sheets and the furniture was all in pine, the pale wood contrasting nicely with the walls. The room was clean, far cleaner than Jonghyun’s ever was, however, there was the occasional item that was clearly out of place.

The desk and the top surface of a small chest of drawers were littered with various things, some which seemed to have been placed there deliberately and others placed there casually when they were no longer needed. Walking over to the desk, Jonghyun observed everything on it before picking up and inspecting a small clay model that was clearly meant to be of the singer himself.

“This is cute.” He said, grinning. Holding the model up to Onew he compared the two, his eyebrows furrowing in concentration, “They got your eyes right but the smile’s a little wrong.” He concluded.

Placing the model back on the desk, straightening it so it looked out into the room, the composer continued to observe the various items scattered on the desk. His scrutiny complete, he spun on the spot and looked back at the singer. The idol was just watching him and Jonghyun blushed at the scrutiny.

“Sorry,” he apologised, placing down the award he was inspecting – he wasn’t quite sure what it was for exactly, but there was a cast of a microphone on top so he assumed singing in some form.

Onew chuckled lightly, sitting down on the bed, “No issue, I did the same thing in your room.”

“You did?!” Jonghyun exclaimed, sitting down next to the idol and looking at him in shock. “When?”

“That time you went to buy supplies for dinner and left me alone.” The singer said, shrugging unapologetically.

Jonghyun was a little embarrassed. The singer had seen his room many times. It was unavoidable in an apartment as small as his was. However, he hadn’t expected the male to actually look through his stuff. Although, in retrospect, he probably should have. Most people would do exactly the same thing if put in a situation that allowed it – in fact, he just did do so himself and the singer was in the room with him.

He really hoped the idol didn’t find anything embarrassing. He still had a lot of the SHINee merchandise lying around that he had purchased before he had become Jinki’s friend. It had become a little awkward to buy the merchandise since they had started talking more regularly. However, he couldn’t just throw his old stuff out. It was special to him. Not that he ever wanted Onew to know he had it.

The idol grinned at him, sensing his embarrassment, and spoke once more, “So, that’s the tour. Want to sit in the living room? I think Minho and Taemin got some new games for the console.”

Jonghyun was a little glad for the change of subject and agreed easily. The two settled down in the dorm living room for a day of intense competition.

It was as the two were reaching the final lap in a particularly dramatic race on some car racing game neither of them had ever heard of before that the door opened. This resulted in Jonghyun becoming instantly flustered and distracted, his car in response swerved off the track and began to drive into the barrier, the front bumber giving off sparks. Onew, oblivious to the cause of Jonghyun’s distraction, whooped in delight when he crossed the finish line in first place.

“I win!” He cheered, standing up from his seat and doing an obnoxious happy dance.

“At being a loser,” The new entrant to the room commented, his deep voice travelling easily from the doorway of the living room.

“Choi Minho!” The leader berated playfully. It was clear he knew the younger male was not being serious, “I deserve to be treated with respect.”

“Respect is earned, not given.” The tall rapper commented, unlacing his shoes and throwing them casually onto the pile of shoes in the entry way. Stepping into the room and seeing the blonde seated on the couch – still looking a little bit shell shocked – he walked closer and held out his hand. “You must be Jonghyun, it’s good to see you again.”

His gentle smile put Jonghyun a little more at ease and the composer scrambled quickly to his feet in order to reciprocate the hand shake. “Good to see you again, too.” He responded, his voice a little more formal than it would be usually. If Onew’s laugh behind him was any indication, he was exactly as smooth as he felt he was, which honestly, was not at all.

“Well,” Minho said, addressing his group leader more than Jonghyun, “I’m gonna go shower. Any idea when the other two are getting back?”

“No idea.” Onew said, shaking his head. “I don’t even know where they went.”

“Shopping, I think,” the rapper mused.

“They’ll be a while then,” Onew said, “go shower, you stink.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Minho said, waving his hand absently behind him as he walked, “I’m going.”

Jonghyun, the second Minho had left the room, collapsed onto the leather couch gracelessly, ignoring the squeak of the material under his face. “I am so not ready for this,” he mumbled, his voice muffled in the squishy couch cushions.

Onew sat next to him and patted his shoulder in mock sympathy. “They aren’t that scary.” He said, “You’ll be fine.”

Jonghyun made a wordless sound of agreement before rolling back into a sitting position. “I know I will. I’m just going to have a minor freak out when they aren’t in the room.”

Onew snorted and rubbed a comforting hand over Jonghyun’s knee. “I always forget how much of a fan you are. You usually hide that fan mentality well.”

“The insanity you mean?” Jonghyun asked, grasping onto the topic change, hoping to take his mind off Minho, who was currently naked and only a couple of rooms away.

“Yes…” Onew said, like he wasn’t sure if he should be admitting that fact aloud. “Some fans get… scary.”

“Believe me,” Jonghyun agreed, “I know. It’s scary from a fan’s perspective to see another fan like that, too.”

“Good to know.” Onew grinned, “Minho will be a while, so… rematch?”

Jonghyun grinned at his friend, wanting to get his revenge for that cheat of a victory. “Always.”

For now he would just play. He would leave the freaking out and the stress for when Minho or the other two idols returned. Right now he had a race to win and his best friend was going down.  


 


	23. Chapter 22 – SHINee dorm?! Part 2

Key raised his eyebrow, looking critically at the two males in front of him. One, the older one, was currently sprawled across the floor, silent and his face a mask of concentration as he focused on the screen in front of him. His tongue was stuck out of his mouth, just a little, and his fingers skillfully moved across the controller he was holding. The other, the blonde, was still seated on the sofa, however he was leant forward as far as he could go in his seat and he was muttering what sounded like a string of insults under his breath.

Hearing a noise behind him, Key turned and shushed Taemin, who had just completed removing his shoes and dumping his bags in his room. Gesturing to the two males in the living room, Key indicated to keep quiet and Taemin, understanding his group mate’s motions, did just that.

Key watched out of the corner of his eye as the youngest member of SHINee crept into the living room, the two boys already in there too absorbed in their game to notice him enter. The rapper flinched a little as the blonde let out a particularly loud curse as his car appeared to ram into a barrier and Taemin snickered quietly as he swore he heard the words ‘never did that before Minho got home, distracted me, the tall loser’ in the stream of words. The dancer reached the edge of the couch and ducked down, so he was mostly hidden by the arm and therefore out of the composer’s view. From there, he had the ideal vantage point of his group mate and his friend to watch any potential embarrassing situations unfold.

Key remained in the doorway, standing just outside the doorframe and watching from there. He had no intention of being caught and potentially yelled at by Onew today, so that location was ideal. From there he could pretend he was merely standing there by chance or passing through – Taemin would have no such excuse.

Key was certain that Taemin was planning something nefarious. His creepy grin had only grown since he had claimed his hidden position and that grin usually meant he was planning to embarrass someone greatly.

Sadly, however, whatever amusing scenario would have unfolded failed to happen.

Instead, Taemin and Key both managed to embarrass themselves soundly. Not only drawing the attention of both Onew and his friend but also doing it in the least smooth way possible.

“What are you doing?” A deep voice asked from just behind Key.

Letting out a loud squeal, the rapper jumped harshly and managed to hit his shoulder on the doorframe in the process.

Taemin, startled by Key’s yell had let out a cry of his own and promptly toppled over, ending up sprawled across the living room floor in full view of the two males playing their game.

Onew and Jonghyun abandoned their race, both having crashed spectacularly as the yelling started, and made eye contact with each other. Jonghyun raised an eyebrow in question as Onew pushed himself back to a sitting position and observed his group mates. Shrugging, SHINee’s leader pulled a face at his friend that indicated he had no idea what was going on either.

Taemin pushed himself up from the floor and coughed – extremely fake and deeper than it probably needed to be – before backing out of the room quickly. Onew wasn’t sure but he thought the boy may have muttered a greeting and an excuse as he left. However, the words were too quiet and muffled to make out a he scurried away.

Key rounded on the tall male behind him, poking him in the chest with one finger, “What was that for, Choi Minho? Scared the hell out of me.”

Minho backed up a few steps, not sure he wanted to be in the same room as an angry Key. The look on the diva’s face was quite terrifying right now. “It was an honest question.” He said, raising his hands in front of him as if that would protect him. He wasn’t sure what he could say to appease the rapper.

“Don’t sneak up on people. Wear a bell or something.” He muttered as he too left the room, heading to the kitchen. “I’m making dinner. Your friend staying, Jinki?”

Jonghyun looked up at this, hearing himself referenced. He had been looking at Onew, after the other idols left the living room, trying to ascertain from his friend’s expression whether this was normal behaviour or not. There was something odd in Key’s voice. He wasn’t quite sure what it was. It wasn’t quite displeasure or dislike but there was something there. Maybe it was just embarrassment at being seen in anything other than his best light.

“Yeah, thanks.” Jinki called, shaking his head in exasperation. Making eye contact with Jonghyun, he spoke much quieter, “Life here is a little hectic.”

“You don’t say,” Jonghyun laughed. He shook off his confusion at the odd tone in the rapper’s voice and he looked back at his friend, amused by what had just happened. “So it’s always like this?”

“Depends on people’s moods.” Minho chimed in, moving from the doorway and sitting on the sofa next to Jonghyun. The blonde was quite proud of the fact he didn’t tense up at this and managed to appear unaffected that one of his favourite idols was currently sitting right next to him. On the same sofa. Right there. Well, he was mostly composed at least. Onew was looking at him in a way that suggested he knew what the blonde was thinking.

“Key and Minnie were out shopping so they’re in a good mood. Or they were ‘til I…” Minho chuckled, rubbing his neck and pulling a face that suggested he was remorseful.

“Key is always nicer when he’s been shopping. He even went to cook without complaining,” Onew chuckled.

“Anyway,” Minho started to speak before seeing Taemin reenter the room and cutting himself off.

The youngest group member had changed, his tight skinny jeans exchanged for a comfortable pair of sweat pants, though his oversized hoodie remained. He waved at Jonghyun as he entered, his long sleeves covering much of his hands.

“It’s nice to see you again, Jonghyun.” The rapper finished, once the youngest group member had settled himself comfortably on the floor next to his leader.

Jonghyun smiled at the tall male, “Thanks, it’s nice to see you too.” The blonde looked down at his lap, suddenly bashful. He wasn’t sure why but he found the tall boy a little intimidating. Despite him being nothing but nice and polite, he had a quiet presence that made Jonghyun more nervous than he was around Taemin – not that he’d interacted with the youngest SHINee member very much yet.

Taemin twisted around to look at the blonde, “Sorry to hear about all the assholes on the internet.” The boy said, his voice light despite the dark topic, like he was using it as an icebreaker. Onew reached across and cuffed the younger male across the back of the head, eliciting a yelp of pain. Clutching the back of his head and scowling at his leader, Taemin protested, “What was that for?”

“For being insensitive.” Onew said, deadpan.

“I wasn’t.” Taemin said, looking at Onew imploringly. Getting nothing but a raised eyebrow from SHINee’s leader he turned his attention to Minho. “I wasn’t, was I Minho?”

“You were.” Minho said, leaning back in his seat, crossing his arms.

“I don’t mind.” Jonghyun said, looking at the youngest in the room. He sensed that this situation was likely to become an argument if he didn’t say something and, despite the fact it would be a playful one, he wasn’t sure he wanted to be the cause of that. “I actually appreciate your bluntness.”

And he did. It had been three months since he had been publicly vilified and since then he had gradually come to terms with it. It still stung, of course, but he was mostly over it. However, after the initial conversations this progression of his feelings had mostly been achieved alone. His friends and family all supported him of course but most refused to mention that the event even occurred. Even if they did admit that, they often did so in a strongly apologetic way, like they regretted that they had to mention it. He was certain this subject avoidance was entirely due to them caring for him. He knew they did it because they didn’t want to bring up a sensitive topic and potentially make him upset. However, sometimes he wanted people to talk about it. He didn’t want people to avoid topics because they were afraid he would get emotional. So Taemin’s actions were refreshing.

“See!” Taemin crowed. “I wasn’t insensitive.”

“I never said that.” Jonghyun retorted.

“He got you there.” Minho chuckled, “Admit it Minnie, you’re insensitive.”

“Never!” Taemin protested. “I am the most sensitive of them all.”

“And I’m a woman.” Onew snorted.

Taemin looked at his leader in consideration. “I dunno, you could be. Your butt is certainly good enough.”

Onew choked on his own saliva, sitting up sharply and looked at Taemin in shock. Jonghyun, at the look on his friend’s face, doubled over laughing. After a full minute of laughter – just as Jonghyun began to wind down, Onew had looked at him with a pout and he had started all over again – his breathing was becoming laboured from the lack of oxygen entering his lungs and his cheeks hurt from grinning. He could see Minho out of the corner of his eye chuckling and alternating looking at Onew and Jonghyun himself, clearly finding both boys’ reactions amusing.

“When...” Onew spluttered, his mind clearly still a little confused. “Why?”

Taemin rolled his eyes and looked at his leader like he was an idiot. “We spend twenty four hours a day together during crunch time. We do dance practice together. We share a bathroom.” Taemin listed, ticking off the points on his fingers as he went. “When do you think?”

The dancer’s deadpan answer caused Jonghyun, who had just calmed himself down, to burst into more laughter. He now had a thin trail of tears making their way down his cheeks and he reached up to wipe them off, not caring about the wet patches now present on the sleeves of his casual jacket.

“Do I want to know?” A voice sounded from the doorway. Key stood with his arms crossed across his chest and one hip cocked out as he watched the scene in the living room. Not waiting for any answer, the rapper continued, “Food’s ready.” His piece said and assuming the assembled boys would follow, the male spun on the spot and returned back to the kitchen.

Minho pulled himself to his feet and stretched out his arms, likely due to muscle stiffness from his gym session earlier that day. “That was quick, wonder what we’re having.” He mumbled, as he walked out of the living room.

“Not sure,” Taemin said as he stood up nimbly and fell into step with the taller male. “But he mentioned having a load of left over side dishes and stuff.”

Onew slowly stood up from the floor and made eye contact with Jonghyun.  Holding out his hand, he helped the composer up and guided him to the kitchen. “Key’s a good cook. I promise.” He said, seeing Jonghyun’s sudden nervousness.

Jonghyun looked at SHINee’s leader and smiled slightly, fully aware that the male knew that that wasn’t the cause of his anxious feelings, but appreciating that he wasn’t bringing it up. In a few minutes, the entirety of his favourite idol group would be assembled at one table and he, Kim Jonghyun, would be there with them. It was a little surreal.

Onew bumped his shoulder gently against his friend’s and his hand reached across and squeezed the blonde’s hand gently. Jonghyun squeezed back briefly before letting go before they stepped into the kitchen. He knew it was overdramatic but this felt worse than any job interview ever had. Taking a deep breath, he steeled himself and stepped through the door.


	24. Chapter 23 - SHINee dorm?! Part 3

Jonghyun looked around the table in a strange sort of daze. Right now, everything felt a tiny bit surreal. The table was a little small for five people and Jonghyun’s chair was inserted in a gap that shouldn’t exist between Taemin and Onew. The cutlery was also a strange mix and match, with mismatched forks and only four plates from the same set. This was clearly a room that was set up and designed to hold four people. However, it felt comfortable and welcoming; or Jonghyun was sure it would if the company didn’t make him so nervous. The food definitely looked incredibly appetizing, too.

Key had, in the fifteen or so minutes that had passed – Jonghyun wasn’t sure exactly how long it had been as he hadn’t seen a clock in the living room – whipped up a delicious looking meal. The main dish was some kind of spicy noodle concoction with added meat, possibly pork. To one side was a large salad bowl full of various leaves, mainly bok choi and spinach, and a range of pre-prepared side dishes were also spread across the surface of the table.

“Enjoy,” Key said, looking pleased with himself as he placed down the final dish – a bowl of rice for Taemin, who had been complaining about the food being absent from the table. “For you, Mr Whiny.” He mocked the younger man, “Because I know your obsession.”

“I’sh not an obsheshion.” Taemin complained from around a mouthful of rice. The second the bowl was placed in front of him, the dancer had taken a large scoop of the rice and shoved it into his mouth, without even bothering to add any sauce. Swallowing audibly he continued to speak, “I just think it completes a meal.”

“You’re complaining a lot today,” Minho commented, as he took a dish of what appeared to be tofu and served himself some.

Taemin flipped him off casually as he also filled his plate, taking a large scoop of food from the main noodle dish.

Key watched the exchange with a raised eyebrow, “No squabbling over dinner.”

“Yes, mother.” Taemin said, rolling his eyes. “Whatever you say, mother.”

“Be polite, Taemin.” Onew commented, quietly. “And pass me that when you’re done.” He said, gesturing at the bowl in the dancer’s hands. Taemin looked a little cowed at the leader’s scolding. It was clear he was aware he was stepping into dangerous territory. Upon receiving the bowl, Onew turned to Jonghyun, who was sitting, not taking part in the food serving the others were doing, “Want some?”

Jonghyun startled slightly, turning to his friend, “Uh, yeah, thanks.” He reached out and took the food the brunette was offering and served himself a portion of the meal, passing the bowl back when he was done so Onew could serve himself. “This looks delicious,” he said to Key, “Thank you.”

“No problem.” Key said absently, not fully paying attention to the blonde as he reached for the salad. “It’s a pretty simple meal.”

“Still good,” Taemin said, around a mouthful of noodles.

“Really?” Key asked, turning to the group’s youngest member, “Every time you speak your mouth is full, swallow first. Seriously.”

Taemin did just that, swallowing obnoxiously and sticking his tongue out at the rapper when he wasn’t paying attention. The sassy male was serving himself some food, having waited for everyone else to take some first, and didn’t notice his group member’s actions. If he had, Jonghyun was sure there would have been trouble, judging by the startled look on Minho’s face.

Once everyone had food in front of them most of the talking ceased with nothing being said beyond simple statements such as ‘pass the salt’ as the males all concentrated on eating. Jonghyun learnt that, not only did the food look delicious, it also tasted delicious. Despite the simple nature of the dish, he found himself enjoying it immensely. The side dishes were also tasty and many of them were eaten incredibly quickly by the gathered men. Jonghyun idly noticed that Minho really seemed to favour a certain tofu dish with most of it ending up on his plate.

“So,” Minho said, once he had finished eating, “What are you doing now, Jonghyun?”

“As in work?” Jonghyun asked, receiving a nod from the tall rapper. “Did you not read the forum post?” Almost his entire life was laid out in that post. He wouldn’t have been surprised if the idols had read it. He was aware it was likely a tricky topic, even if he himself brought it up but he was genuinely curious. He knew he wouldn’t have had the self-restraint not to read such a thing even if he liked to imagine he did. As he spoke, he felt Onew place a hand on his arm and rub gently, as if to soothe him. He appreciated the thought, even if he didn’t necessarily need the comfort. It showed the singer cared.

“Nah, seemed like an invasion of privacy,” Minho said, his voice calm though his eyes had become a little angry. Clearly, the male still didn’t appreciate what some people had done to Jonghyun.

Jonghyun smiled, a little touched that the singer hadn’t read the article and, judging by the looks on the other member’s faces – even Key who spent a lot of the night not looking at Jonghyun for some reason – they hadn’t read it either.

“Right now I’m in the entertainment industry, writing music.”

“Whoa, that’s awesome.” Taemin said, grinning at the blonde, luckily without food in his mouth this time. “You said that was your dream before.”

Jonghyun looked at him in shock, “You remember that?”

“Duh,” Taemin said, as if Jonghyun had said something ridiculous. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Told you we didn’t forget you.” Onew chuckled, referring to a conversation he had had with the blonde early in their friendship. Jonghyun had been certain that, after the initial meeting, the idols would have slowly forgotten all about him. He was no one important and there was no reason for them to remember him. The fact that they remembered specific details about his life was even more impressive.

“How’d you get that? They look at your SHINee song or something?” Key said, still looking disinterested though his body was turned towards the blonde slightly, as if he was listening. The rapper began to gather up the used dishes as he spoke, the loud clattering jarring in the small room, though not loud enough to drown out conversation.

Jonghyun flinched, subconsciously leaning away from Key’s arm as he reached across for the blonde’s plate. That question hit a little close to home. That was exactly the accusation those online bullies had made. However, he smiled lightly, taking strength from the way Onew’s grip tightened on his arm, “Something like that. I went to school first, though.”

“Awesome,” Minho said, shooting an unreadable look at Key who had moved across the room and was now placing the dishes in the sink. “I take it you stopped working at that café then?”

“Café Latte?” Jonghyun said, still in a little disbelief that these people – these idols – remembered so much about him. “Yeah, I worked there through college then gave it up when I got the composition job. I still go there occasionally, with my sister and stuff. My boss…” He trailed off, thinking about his statement before amending it, “ex-boss, is cool.”

“So how did you and Onew become friends exactly?” Taemin asked, changing the topic and looking extremely curious. The older male had mentioned to his group mates that he was visiting the blonde after the bullying incident but had never explained why he had continued contact past that meeting.

Jonghyun wasn’t quite sure of all the details either; he still didn’t understand Onew’s motivations. Shooting a look at SHINee’s leader, the blonde implored him to answer the question.

“You know I met him after we filmed that video, to make sure it was ok.” Onew said, stating facts. Ignoring Key’s mutter of ‘yes, and?’ he carried on talking, “We met up, I discussed the video, then we chatted for a while.”

“About three hours,” Jonghyun chuckled, “I almost missed the deadline on my report because of that.”

“Yeah,” Onew said bashfully, “Sorry?”

“Whatever, loser.” Jonghyun huffed in an amused way, crossing his arms and turning away from his friend in an over exaggerated manner. Taemin chuckled from next to him and Jonghyun stuck his tongue out at the younger male – for some reason he felt very comfortable around the dancer, in comparison to the other members of SHINee. Even if the younger man did always look like he was hatching a dastardly scheme.

Sodam had once told him that the singer reminded her of Jonghyun himself. The composer didn’t see it, personally. However, there may have been some credence to her statement as that was the only reason he could come up with that would explain why the idol didn’t make him nervous like all the other members of SHINee did. Even Onew, who he was now totally comfortable with, had been hard to talk to, initially.

“Ok?” Key said, extending his word in annoyance, “That doesn’t explain your whole buddy-buddy thing. You even brought him to our house.”

“Sorry?” Jonghyun said, looking up at the rapper, unsure what he had done to annoy him. Onew’s hand, which had left his arm a while ago, was back, squeezing once lightly as if saying ‘don’t listen to him’.

“I’m allowed to invite friends round if I want.” Onew defended, his tone containing a clear note of warning that sent a flush of appreciation through Jonghyun. “So,” He continued with his story, as if the interruptions had not occurred, “We talked for hours and I thought he was a cool guy, so I asked for his number and gave him mine.”

“Risky.” Key muttered as he sat back at the table, giving up on clearing the dishes. His words were promptly ignored by everyone else at the table. The rapper then huffed and shut his mouth, vowing to himself not to get involved any more.

“He never texted me.”

Jonghyun looked at the older male like he was insane, “You can’t tell me you seriously expected me to, right? You’re” he gestured at all of Onew, “you and I’m” he gestured at himself, “me. Why would I ever think messaging you was a thing I could do?”

“Because I gave you my number?” Onew asked, looking at the blonde like he didn’t quite understand the issue.

“Loads of fans would have completely overloaded his phone with texts.” Minho said, startling to two friends slightly. They had almost forgotten the others were still there at the table with them.

Jonghyun looked at the male and agreed, “Well yeah. But a lot of fans are insane.”

Taemin snorted a laugh and almost choked on his drink. He had taken a sip assuming the conversation would not affect him in any physical way. Coughing and hacking he cleared his throat of his liquid and, seeing the others looking at him spoke, “What? He’s kinda right.”

“So, anyway.” Onew said loudly, before anyone else could disrupt what he was saying, “He didn’t text me, so after about a week, I messaged him. He replied sounding like some sort of uptight business man.”

“I was nervous, ok? You’re from my favourite group, of course I was.” The blonde defended himself, receiving a condescending pat on the head from Taemin who chuckled at the put out look on the composer’s face as he did so.

“So I kept texting him. It kinda made me late for my part of the photoshoot,” He directed this statement at Jonghyun, “So we’re even for the report.”

“That’s why you were late?” Taemin accused, pointing at his leader in judgement. “That shoot went on forever, you asshole.”

“Eventually we decided to meet up and almost got mauled by fans.” Onew continued.

“Told you it was risky.” Key muttered, unable to keep silent any longer. It wasn’t in his nature to do so.

“So we started hanging out at my apartment,” Jonghyun finished, “Him inviting me here was some sort of fair trade.” He smiled at his friend and received a sunny smile in return.

“Yeah, so that’s basically that.” Onew finished, still smiling.

“Like a real princess and the pauper.” Key muttered, standing up abruptly and leaving the table. “Real romantic. Minho it’s your turn to do the dishes.” He shot over his shoulder as he strode out of the room.

“What’s his problem?” Minho asked, as he stood up and began to clear the rest of the plates.

Shooting a worried look at the door, Onew spoke quietly, “I actually don’t know.”

“So, Jonghyun,” Taemin started, speaking brightly. It was clear the boy could sense the tension in the room from his group mate’s attitude but he was ignoring it. “Onew explained why he stuck around, why did you?”

Jonghyun looked at the dancer, glad to have something to talk about. “Isn’t it obvious?” He asked. “I’m a fan, I get the chance to talk to my favourite idol.”

“I’m your favourite, huh?” Onew teased, preening slightly.

Jonghyun turned to his friend and poked him in the side of the head. “You know you are and always have been. Stop acting like a fool.”

“But Onew said you didn’t text him and you said it was because you couldn’t.” Minho mused, speaking from by the sink, the tap on and water starting to cover the plates within it, “So your point isn’t quite true.”

Jonghyun ruffled his hair, thinking. “Well, once he started talking to me, it just got easier, you know? We had a lot in common and he’s easy to talk to. Actually,” he said, as much to himself as the others in the room, “after a while, I stopped thinking of him as Onew, the idol, and he’s just become Jinki to me. He’s Jinki, the dork who complains to me about not being able to eat his favourite foods because of his diet, who stays up way too late and hates waking up in the morning, who watches really bad TV when he has free time…” The blonde cut himself off and chuckled self-consciously. “He’s my friend.” He finished.

Minho and Taemin shared a look that Jonghyun couldn’t identify but didn’t say anything before returning to the tasks at hand. Minho continued cleaning the dishes and Taemin, being helpful for once – an unusual thing, if the shocked look Minho sent him was any indication – grabbed a tea towel in preparation for drying what Minho would wash.

Onew looked at his friend, an unreadable expression in his eyes. The look was clearly fond and definitely a positive expression, however Jonghyun wasn’t able to identify exactly what it was. Reaching over and ruffling Jonghyun’s hair – an action that elicited an annoyed yelp and a flail from Jonghyun – SHINee’s leader stood up from his seat and gestured for the composer to follow him out the room.

“We’re gonna play video games, wanna join us when we’re done?” Onew called to the other two in the kitchen, as he headed out; as if asking them if they wanted to join was a last minute thought.

“Sure,” Taemin called back, “Can it not be a racing game, please? You know I suck at those.”

“Course,” Onew agreed. “And no, it won’t be football.” He continued, as if anticipating Minho’s comment. “I was thinking Mario Party or something. Something simple we can all play.”

“That works,” Minho said, his hands still busy in the sink.

“Sounds good,” Jonghyun agreed, as he followed Onew out of the kitchen and settled down next to him on the sofa.

“Of course,” Onew said, “My ideas are always good.”

“Sure Jinks, sure they are.” Jonghyun mocked, earning an annoyed swat from his friend.

“They are, you ass. I’m the leader for a reason.”

“Really? You are?” Jonghyun asked, his voice mockingly disbelieving, “I thought it was just because you were the oldest.”

Onew play growled before launching himself across the sofa and knocking Jonghyun to the floor. The blonde groaned, rubbing his buttocks as they throbbed with pain. Looking up at his friend he pouted as he saw the position he was in. Onew was now sprawled across the entire sofa, taking up every inch of space he could and ensuring there was nowhere near enough space for Jonghyun to sit.

Standing up, Jonghyun turned to look at his friend before shrugging and plopping himself down on top of the other male. Onew grunted as the sudden weight of his friend landed on his stomach.

“Jjong, get off.”

“Nope, you stole my seat. I’m merely reclaiming it.” Jonghyun said, crossing his arms in triumph and sticking his nose in the air.

“Your fat ass is on my bladder.” Onew commented. He wasn’t able to see the blonde from where he was sat on him, due to being lead on his stomach. However, he could easily imagine the expression on the man’s face right now. It would be indignation and a little offence mixed with amusement at the whole situation.

“I’ll have you know my ass is very nice.” Jonghyun said, shifting in his seat and causing Onew to groan once more as the composer’s bones dug into sensitive areas.

“Whatever, loser. Get off me.” Onew said. Steeling himself, he rolled over. It took much effort as the other man wasn’t light but he succeeded in depositing Jonghyun on the floor in a heap, which was close enough to what he intended.

Jonghyun pouted and settled himself comfortably on the floor. He leant against the sofa, shifting slightly to get his legs into a comfortable position, and nabbed the pillow from underneath Onew’s head. This action resulted in a gasp of shock from the older male.

“Yoink.” Jonghyun mocked, sticking his tongue out at his friend.

“You ready to play?” Taemin asked, walking into the room drying his hands on his pants. The scene was a little odd with Jonghyun on the floor and Onew still splayed awkwardly across the entire sofa but the dancer had heard enough of the conversation from the kitchen to not question it.

“Nuuuh,” Onew groaned, “set up the console and hand out controllers and we will be.”

“You order them around like minions.” Jonghyun commented from his spot on the floor.

“Retribution for them teasing me all the time on camera.” Onew defended.

Taemin stuck his tongue out at his leader but still did as he was asked, handing a controller to everyone in the room, including Minho who had just entered after finishing up the cleaning. “Key joining us?” He asked.

“Don’t think so.” Minho said, as he entered the room and settled on the couch, pushing Onew’s legs aside.

“Hmm,” Onew agreed, as he sat up and slid to the floor, taking the spot next to Jonghyun. “Let’s start then.”

Taemin, seeing his opportunity, claimed the vacated seat on the sofa and sat down, curling his legs against his body as he got comfortable.


	25. Chapter 24 – Office banter

“I’m glad you’re looking happier recently.” Youngchul, Jonghyun’s coworker, commented as the composer entered the purchasing office one Monday morning, several weeks later. The office worker noticed the reprimanding looks Junghee was sending him for saying something so insensitive and caught himself before he said something that could cause emotional harm, merely commenting, “I’m glad.”

“Thanks,” Jonghyun said, as he sat down at his desk and began booting up his computer. “Things have settled down a little now.”

“That’s good,” Junghee said, turning from her computer screen to look at the blonde. Since the topic had already been broached, she decided to ask a question that had been bothering her for a while, “Has the bullying stopped now?”

The woman, despite being a good thirty years the boy’s senior, really enjoyed his company. He was cute too. She might be married and far too old to date the blonde but she could definitely appreciate his looks. It wasn’t just his appearance – which was very easy on the eyes and he clearly cared about his presentation– but his personality too. He acted so brash sometimes and so confident. Yet, other times, he showed how young he really was and his youthful insecurities shone through. Ok, at times, the young man could be irritating. He would often chat inanely about anything and everything, usually topics the woman was far too old to understand fully, and these conversations – one sided as they usually were – were distracting and made it hard to work. However, even this, the woman found this refreshing in an office full of middle-aged business men. Jonghyun was a little variation that she felt their monotonous office needed. It wasn’t like her job was super interesting, she needed something to entertain her during the day. It was still a little mystifying that the blonde was placed in their office but she supposed it was to do with the location of Sungkyu’s office and everyone had heard of overcrowding in the creatives’ floor. It’s not like she was complaining.

However, ever since the bullying issue came to light, the male had been a little subdued. Thankfully, he had never slumped as low as he had that first day after the bullying began, where he was completely listless and spent all his time staring into space. Unfortunately, he had not returned to being completely at ease following that day. It hadn’t been very long since the first forum post, she supposed, and that kind of thing wasn’t easily forgotten, even with time.

Recently, the boy had been more interactive in the office once more, he even joined in the office ping pong tournament on Tuesday at lunchtime. He had been laughing and enjoying himself, despite being thoroughly trounced by Youngchul, but it was clear he still wasn’t 100% over the issue.

Jonghyun froze in his seat for a second at her words, his hands hovering unmoving where before they had been rearranging some files. Shaking himself out of it a second later, he placed the files in their rightful place before answering, “Mostly. There’s still a little bit but it’s not something I can’t deal with. My friends have been helping me.”

“That’s good.” The woman smiled, “It’s always good to have a strong support network.”

“It is.” Jonghyun agreed, smiling back at the woman, trying to convey that he wasn’t offended by her question.

“Is one of these friends the one you’ve been messaging all the time?” Youngchul asked, wiggling his eyebrows. It honestly looked a little ridiculous on the man. He looked like a very respectable business man, with his tailored suit and his Bluetooth phone headset permanently in place, yet here he was leering creepily at a man a good twenty years his junior.

“Don’t be nasty,” Sungho protested, pushing his glasses up his nose in irritation. “It’s probably just a friend.”

“It is just a friend,” Jonghyun defended, “A very good friend.” However, even as he spoke he felt his face growing warm and knew there was a tinge of pink spreading across his neck and ears. Coughing lightly, he turned back to his computer and took more time than necessary to log in as his fingers fumbled across the keys.

He wasn’t sure why he reacted like that. Onew was just a friend, nothing more, nothing less. They had only known each other well for four months. Maybe this reaction was a throwback to the past, when he had had a massive crush on the idol. However, he hadn’t considered those feelings for months. Not since he started thinking of the singer as Jinki, instead of Onew.

“Sure, kid.” Youngchul teased, winking obscenely “Just a friend.”

“They are!” Jonghyun protested, looking up at his colleague imploringly. The man had moved away from his desk, abandoning any facade of working, and was stood near the blonde as he teased him.

“But you want it to be more, right?” The man pressed, enjoying the flustered look on his youngest coworker’s face.

“No!” Jonghyun protested again, “We’re friends… just friends.” The blonde trailed off, his thoughts muddled and confused. They were just friends… right? Yes, there was no doubt.

However, there was a niggling feeling in the back of his mind; something that begged for his attention and wanted him to analyse it further. It was the same feeling that emerged every time he was in a room with the singer. The same feeling he willfully ignored and pretended didn’t exist. It was confusing and complicated and he didn’t understand it, so he left it be, not thinking about it and hoping it would go away.

But… those weren’t feelings for the idol. They couldn’t be. Right?

“You’re gonna get done for sexual harassment one day.” Sungho commented idly to Youngchul, having given up on stopping his office mate from teasing the youngest member of their group.

“Sexual harassment of him?” Youngchul asked, gesturing at Jonghyun, “No one would believe that. He’s a dude.”

“Dudes can date dudes,” Jonghyun commented idly, chuckling at the bewildered look on his coworker’s face. He wasn’t offended by the statement, he knew his work mate didn’t mean anything bad by saying it. The blonde didn’t notice the calculating look Junghee sent him at his words. She looked like she was trying to solve a particularly difficult mental puzzle.

“Yeah, but no one in HR will believe I’m dating a dude. I’m married and have a kid.” The man protested, enunciating strongly with his arms.

“Workplace bullying, then.” Youngchul shot back, the other man’s cocky pose deflating a little.

“This is hardly bullying, right blondie?” He asked, as if he wasn’t exactly sure if his actions did constitute. He was clearly teasing in what he considered a friendly way however, the other man’s words planted the idea that others may not take it as that.

“It’s not bullying.” Jonghyun chuckled, “But maybe you should review those delightful induction quizzes again.”

The man groaned, slumping over the wall of his cubicle in an overly dramatic manner. “No thanks. ‘Do not be a meanie pants because people get sad’” he mimicked, in an overly child-like voice. “Those things were so boring.”

They really were boring. Jonghyun was glad he was never considering changing jobs because that was honestly the worst part of starting work in a new place. The induction took over four hours and it consisted of a series of cheesy quizzes on the topic of workplace bullying, sexual harassment and office health and safety, as well as a long presentation on the ‘goals and ideals of SM Entertainment’. The quizzes came in the form of badly drawn cartoons and overly vetted questions which were more common sense than anything else. If Jonghyun wasn’t aware that some people in the world (especially some of the customers he used to serve when he was a barista) were completely socially inept, he would have felt offended that the company even felt the need to ask such questions. As it was, it was four hours Jonghyun would never get back and four hours he never wanted to repeat.

Sungho made a noise of incredulity, looking at his work mate like he had never seen him before, “’Meanie pants’? What’s gotten into you today? You’re usually much more professional.”

“I have an eight year old at home!” Youngchul defended himself, “I have to control my language. And I don’t know. I didn’t sleep well last night or something.”

“Sure, sure.” Sungho said, rolling his eyes. “Get back to work, all of you.” He said, using his power as the most senior member of the office. He didn’t often use this, as he wasn’t the boss – that man was two offices down near Sungkyu and rarely ventured near their domain – and Sungho didn’t like exerting control. However, the group had been chatting for a good twenty minutes and they really needed to get back to work.

He had allowed it to carry on initially, as, once the conversation got past the bullying talk, Jonghyun’s figure had become gradually more relaxed and he had seemed more comfortable in the office than he had for days. It was refreshing to see that again. Plus, as much as he had mocked Youngchul, Sungho did believe what the man was saying. Jonghyun had this look about him recently. A look which suggested something had changed in his life. If he wasn’t mistaken, the person the blonde kept on texting and the person who caused that look to be upon his face, were likely one and the same.

Jonghyun let out a silent laugh and turned back to his computer which was idling on the desktop screen. He had a couple of reports to write which he approached with more enthusiasm than he had for weeks. The conversation had lifted his spirits and also given him a lot to think about; things that writing reports gladly distracted him from. They were too confusing to think about whilst he was at work and Sungkyu would get mad if he didn’t finish this work soon – he had already put it off for a week.

His song submission for the upcoming girl group had been accepted and was to be released on the new album, which he was excited about. There had been a few modifications that had to be done – a couple that Jonghyun didn’t agree with necessarily but had to comply with due to the orders coming from upper management and a few that he could see the improvement from the change clearly. However, overall he was very proud of his efforts. It was due to be released in a couple of months and he was excited to see how the girls handled it. He was pretty sure he had gathered enough information about their preferences and singing styles to make a song that fit well with them and their concept.

There were no other songs lined up for him to write any time soon, unfortunately. The company had him continuously checking other people’s work and Sungkyu had approached him about a few collaborations, however, he hadn’t yet been approached about any solo projects. He supposed, and Sungkyu also theorised, that upper management were waiting for peoples’ reaction to the last piece he wrote before they got him writing more; which made sense from a business perspective but was a little boring for Jonghyun.

Thus, he was relegated to report writing – the market reaction to different genres, which genres were in style right now, what riffs and beats were most common, how did hit songs become hits. His degree had equipped him well for this job, as this was what a lot of his assignments had been like and he had expected this. However, he couldn’t say it was his favourite thing to do.

The few times a month he met up with Sungkyu to brainstorm composition ideas were his favourite times. They were informal meetings and it was so enjoyable to bounce ideas off of his mentor. The man often imparted him with knowledge that could only be acquired through years in the industry and writing for many different idol groups and Jonghyun honestly felt himself growing as a professional from those talks.

Talking of idols, Jonghyun had had very little contact with SHINee following the day he visited their dorm. He and Onew still met up often to hang out as friends, however they had returned to their usual stomping grounds of Jonghyun’s apartment and Onew’s car. In fact, Jonghyun was sure, by now, he seen more of the backstreets of Seoul, than many people far older than he was.

Despite not seeing the SHINee members, Jonghyun and Onew often talked about them. It was inevitable, with the amount the two males talked, that the people Onew lived and worked with would come up in conversation often and Jonghyun didn’t exactly mind talking about them. In fact, it was really interesting, from a fan’s perspective, to see how the group interacted together and how each individual member reacted to different things.

One thing their conversations covered in detail was Key’s attitude. It was mystifying to both males that the rapper was acting as he was. Apparently, even in the SHINee dorm, where Jonghyun wasn’t present, the diva would make snide comments when he saw Onew texting or, occasionally, just as he felt like it. By the tone of Onew’s text messages, the singer didn’t understand his group mate’s actions at all. Apparently he was perfectly pleasant until Jonghyun was brought up in conversation and then he became snappish and rude. It was strange and a little hurtful to the blonde. However, he wasn’t as hurt as he would imagine by the rapper’s coldness. Strangely, he just accepted it. Some people just don’t get along and this was clearly one of those situations. No matter how strange or unprovoked the dislike may be.

As the composer finished reading the scientific paper he was scanning through – _Emotions evoked by the sound of music: characterization, classification, and measurement (Zentner et al, 2008)_ – and was about to start on the next – _Popular Music: Emotional Use and Management (Wells, 2004)_ – when his phone buzzed next to him. Grabbing the device, glad to get away from the dry reading of the scientific articles, Jonghyun typed his PIN code quickly.

**_Jinki 11:46am_ ** _  
Keys doing it again. I don_ _’t get it_

**_Jonghyun 11:47am  
_ ** _:c why doesn_ _’t he like me?_

**_Jinki 11:47am  
_ ** _I don_ _’t know. I really don_ _’t. If it helps, Minnie and Minho like you a lot. Taemin wants you to write a song for him_

Grabbing onto the last part of the text and taking the change of topic Onew had so kindly left for him, Jonghyun moved away from the complicated topic of Key’s behaviour.

**_Jonghyun 11:48am_ ** _  
He mentioned that to me before, I should get on that. I_ _’ll write him a solo track, maybe one for him and Kai, I saw some photos from dispatch the other day, those 2 look close. Plus their voices work well together_

**_Jinki 11:52am_ ** _  
He would love you forever, not even kidding. Kid is desperate for a solo debut. I think boss man might give in to his requests soon_

Jonghyun smiled when he read that. Taemin might not have the strongest voice in SHINee but he’d made some amazing progress in recent years; his voice was stronger now than it ever had been and he was finally seen as more than just the dancer of the group. Jonghyun was sure he would do well with a solo debut. A lot of artists were having them recently, SHINee’s youngest was sure to do as well, if not better, than many of those.

Pulling his notebook towards himself, Jonghyun made a few notes as he thought of them. His page soon filled with random words, genres, Taemin’s name more than once and a string of letters that corresponded to notes on the keyboard. It wasn’t much but it was enough to remind him of his promise and would hopefully aid him in coming up with a few melodies.

His phone buzzed next to his arm once more and Jonghyun realised he had become distracted and had not replied to Onew’s last message.

**_Jinki 11:58am_ ** _  
You started brainstorming didn_ _’t you?_

**_Jonghyun 11:59am  
_ ** _No... never. Maybe. Shush_

**_Jinki 12:00pm  
_ ** _So easy to predict Jjong. So easy. Tae will love you._

**_Jonghyun 12:00pm_ ** _  
Don’t tell him yet, I don_ _’t want to disappoint him if it doesn_ _’t work_

**_Jinki 12:02pm_ ** _  
k.  what you doin?_

**_Jonghyun 12:04pm_ ** _  
I was working but ugh it was so boring_

**_Jinki 12:03pm_ ** _  
Poor baby. And what do you mean_ _‘was_ _’? Someone slacking off?_

Younchul, behind the blonde had noticed the composer’s distraction and his subsequent reaction to the messages he was receiving. The second he had opened that first message his facial expression had changed; initially it was a little tight and strained, though determination and focus were also present. However, soon after a soft smile had bloomed across his face. It was an expression that expressed more emotions than the blonde seemed to realise he felt for the person on the other end. The most recent message was the most interesting, however as a blush had slowly spread up the composer’s neck and up to his ears as he read it.

Opening up the office’s internal communication instant messenger, the man quickly typed a message to the other two purchasing personnel in the office: ‘ _100% convinced the kid is dating someone or will be soon_ ’. He smirked as, after a few seconds, Junghee caught his eyes and nodded subtly – not that she needed to worry, as their youngest office mate was highly unlikely to have noticed their interaction, as distracted as he was.

**_Jonghyun 12:05pm_ ** _  
And whose fault do you think that is?_

**_Jinki 12:07pm_ ** _  
Yeah yeah it_ _’s always my fault, i get it. We still meeting up this weekend?_

**_Jonghyun 12:08pm_ ** _  
Course. My place_ _as usual?_

**_Jinki 12:09pm_ ** _  
Yep. See you then. I_ _’ll let you get back to work now :P_

Rolling his eyes, Jonghyun placed his phone back on the desk next to him and turned back to his work. He had several more articles to read and some market statistics to analyse before he could even consider starting to write this report.

Behind him, Youngchul chuckled almost silently and hoped the boy would realise he clearly had something special there. It was good to have the kid back in good spirits and even better when he had something interesting going on in his life. It certainly made the office environment a little more exciting.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: Those scientific articles are real, if you find yourself just desperate to read something incredibly detailed about musical theory at any point. I’ll be honest, I didn’t read them. It’s not really my subject area :P
> 
> The description of the induction quizzes is also real. They were so bad. Like: ‘If you slap a coworker on the butt, is that acceptable?’, ‘If you see someone slap a coworker on the butt, what should you do?’ So bad.
> 
> Almost as bad as the application for an American study visa. ’Have you ever been involved with terrorist activities?’ Honestly.


	26. Chapter 25 – Sodam, help!

“I have a problem.” Jonghyun stated as he flopped face first on his sister's bed a few days after his little epiphany at the office. “A big problem.” He finished, his voice slightly muffled by the thick duvet.

Sodam looked up from her computer screen confused. Her brother wasn't due to visit home – where she still lived with their parents – until the following weekend, yet, for some reason, he was here… and he was complaining.

Swivelling around in her seat she looked at the pathetic picture the blonde male made. He hadn't moved from the position he had landed and, on closer inspection, it appeared he hadn't even taken off his coat when he arrived. Absently, she noticed his roots also needed to be touched up, the natural black starting to show through the platinum blonde locks that he had been sporting for a while now. She had been a little sad to see his three-toned hair go, but, in his first year of school when the roots had grown out to the point that they couldn’t be ignored any longer, the boy had bleached the whole lot. He claimed it was because it was easier to maintain, and the girl could see that, but she had been very proud of her idea and thought it looked good.

“What's the issue, Jjong?” she asked, leaning forwards in her swivel chair. She wasn’t sure she particularly wanted to play therapist today but she guessed she owed it to the boy. He had helped her out a few months ago when her scumbag ex-boyfriend – boyfriend at the time – had broken up with her because she was ‘controlling and annoying’. The blonde had patiently allowed her to scoff down ice cream and cry on his sofa; much to the chagrin of Jiwoong who didn’t know how to handle crying women at all, although he had, at one point, patted her on the shoulder gently and murmured ‘there there’. The blonde had helped her immensely by talking through her issues and bitching about her ex-boyfriend to a cathartic degree. So, she supposed she should listen to his issues now.

Rolling over onto his back, the composer flung one arm over his eyes dramatically. “I like someone I can't like.”

“If you're talking about Jinki, just know I called it.” she said, looking at her brother and raising one eyebrow in a mocking manner.

Ever since she had found out about this friendship her brother was starting with the idol she had known this day was coming. Honestly, she wasn't sure how her brother didn't see it himself. He had had a crush on the singer for years, far longer than he had known him personally. Yet, somehow, he hadn't predicted that these feelings would develop and grow. Then again, her brother could be a little dense at times, so maybe it made perfect sense. This was the man who hadn’t realised her best friend in high school had had a massive crush on him. More than once, Sodam had walked into the room to see Sohee with her shirt unbuttoned far further than was considered socially acceptable and practically sitting in her brother’s lap, as she asked him eagerly about anything and everything she could think of. Honestly, the girl was pathetically devoted to her brother and would listen to him talk for hours if she could, even if the topic was something incredibly mundane.

Jonghyun just groaned in response to her words, rolling around on her bed. He completely rumpled the duvet and one of her pillows made a dramatic escape, falling to the floor with a soft thump. Sighing, she realised she would probably have to clean her room after the male left and she would definitely have to remake her bed.

The girl did find his actions a little amusing however and found herself unable to resist smiling at his childishness. She decided to get right to the heart of the matter; the sooner she talked some sense into her sibling the sooner she could get back to work on her English assignment. She had received the project two weeks ago and it was due in three days. She hadn’t started yet and she really needed to.

“So why is this an issue?”

Jonghyun stopped rolling and looked at her like she was the one being completely obtuse. “How is this an issue? Of course it's an issue! He's him and I'm me.”

“And you have as much chance as the next person,” she said, finishing the sentence the male hadn't thought to be unfinished.

Jonghyun actually sat up at her words and looked his sister dead in the eyes as he spoke, “Which is no chance because he's an idol and idols can't date.”

Sodam rolled her eyes, rotating her chair back around a little to look at the papers on her desk. The movement also allowed her to avoid Jonghyun's eyes. He was staring so intensely at her that it was actually a little awkward. “As if anyone follows that rule. Don't be ridiculous.”

Noting that she actually did have the vocab sheet from the lecture yesterday, Sodam moved it to the top of the document pile as she was sure she would need it for her assignment. Continuing to sort through the pile of paper, vowing to get around to filing them properly at some point, the girl searched for anything else that would be useful for her work.

Jonghyun made a noise of frustration behind her, which she ignored. If the boy wasn't going to use his words, she wasn't going to help him with his ridiculous problem. He just needed get it over with and ask the guy out. She may not have spoken to the idol or met him in person but, from what she had heard, Jinki wouldn't make fun of her brother for his feelings. There was even a chance he would reciprocate. However, until her brother finally got around to it she would have to put up with this awkward wreck that was currently moaning into her pillows. That was something she really didn’t relish.

“What do I do, Sodam?” Jonghyun whined, sounding remarkably like a young child.

Sighing, the girl turned around in her seat once more and almost laughed aloud at the sight that greeted her. She didn't give in to the impulse, as her brother likely wouldn't appreciate it. However, it was difficult. The male was lead down once more, one of her stuffed animals – a cat an old boyfriend had won her at a fair – clutched in his arms and a pout on his face.

“You are such a child,” she murmured, not loud enough for the male to hear. Louder she spoke directly to her brother, “Just ask him.”

“I can't do that!” the male protested, “don't be insane.”

“Ok,” she acquiesced. “Then leave it, do nothing.”

“I can't! It's so awkward being around him like this. I think he’s getting suspicious.” Her brother protested again, hugging the toy cat tighter. She was sure if the cat were alive it would have clawed her brother and run off long ago, he was clutching it so tight. As it was, the poor stuffed animal was bent strangely, its head at a right angle from its body and its legs pointing in all directions, the stuffing squashed almost flat in places.

“Then tell him,” she said, leaning back in her chair and giving up on any facade of continuing to work on her assignment.

“I can't. It's too difficult.”

“We're going in circles.” Sodam said, looking straight at her brother for the first time that visit. Staring at the blonde until he met her eyes, she spoke, her voice serious. ”Those are your two options. You either tell him, he either accepts or rejects you and your friendship carries on with this new knowledge. Or you don't tell him, he never finds out and you try to act as you normally do. But you need to make a choice and stick to it. You can't keep changing your mind. Jinki considers you a friend and if you've been acting this awkward around your other friends – I do talk to Jiwoong, you know.” She said, as Jonghyun sent her a strange look from his horizontal position. “I don't want to imagine what you've been like around Jinki. He isn't to blame for this. You can't keep doing this to him, it's not fair.”

Jonghyun looked away from Sodam and released his death grip on the poor stuffed cat, placing it back next to the pillow as he sat up slowly. Sighing and looking down at his knees, the blonde shifted uncomfortably on the spot “I know,” he sighed, running one hand through his hair, “I'm going to have to tell him, aren't I?” he asked, looking up at his sister, his voice resigned. It was clear he already knew the answer.

“Probably,” his sister answered anyway, “you're a terrible actor.”

He really was, there was no way he would be able to act like normal with this bothering him. Heck, it was already incredibly obvious something was wrong and he had clearly only discovered his feelings for his friend recently. She wouldn't be surprised if everyone who knew the man, knew something was bothering him. Especially Onew, who spent so much time talking to her brother.

“What if he hates me?” Jonghyun asked voice vulnerable and eyes wide. He looked like the damn stuffed cat toy he had just put down.

Sodam was a little jealous she hadn't received those imploring eyes from their mother, like Jonghyun had. It was a trait that certainly came in handy, especially when the siblings was younger. She distinctly remembered Jonghyun being given extra ice cream from the local corner shop on more than one occasion when she, the younger and arguably cuter sibling, had to make do with her single scoop. Her mother was also known to use the skill, often managing to get the best cuts of meat at the local butchers and the finest flowers at the florist just by flashing her puppy dog eyes.

“He's your friend,” she said, looking at her brother meaningfully, “does he seem capable of hating you?”

“Well no,” Jonghyun began before beginning to question himself, “but what if-”

“What if nothing.” Sodam cut him off. “You have to trust him. From what I've seen, he wouldn't hate you, not for this. It'll be hard and will probably still be difficult, even when you’ve told him. But surely it's worth it. Not only to stop you from being so awkward, but what if he says he feels the same?”

“He won't,” Jonghyun said, looking certain of himself. Certain but sad. “There's no way he could like someone like me.”

“He likes you well enough to be your friend.” Sodam said, trying to cheer her brother up. She really didn't know if the singer would return her brother's feelings. However, she had a good feeling that a confession wouldn't be the end of their friendship. She had gleaned enough about the idol, from TV and Jonghyun himself, to be pretty certain that the elder male treasured the closeness they had. “That's got to count for something.”

Jonghyun stood up from the bed and gently hugged his sister. She was shocked for a second before smiling softly and reciprocating. The male, despite being very touchy and often touching others in a friendly manner, didn’t often hug her like this. His hugs were usually enthusiastic and a little painful; quick ones as a greeting or a goodbye. However, this was different. It was more tender than usual and it conveyed all the male’s feelings that he was apparently unable to convey through words.

“Thank you.” The composer murmured, pulling away slowly. ”I guess I already knew what I had to do but ...” he trailed off and rubbed the back of his neck absently. Looking past his sister to her desk he saw the pile of papers stacked there, “So what are you working on?”

The subject change was obvious but Sodam went along with it. She was pretty sure she had gotten through to her brother and pushing him any further was likely to make him snap at her. A grumpy Jonghyun was even worse to deal with than a pensive Jonghyun.

“Nothing, now you're here.”

“Sorry,” the blonde apologised, catching the true meaning of her words and knowing he'd caught her in the middle of something.

She waved a hand at him absently, “Doesn't matter. So did you just come here to talk to me?” she asked, feeling a little touched that he trusted her enough to come to her with his deepest problems. Not that she'd ever admit that to his face, of course. The teasing that would subject her to would be unbearable.

“Pretty much.” The composer laughed, “But since I'm here, what do you want to do?”

“Well,” the girl mused, “since I helped you out and all… You owe me one. You’re taking me out to dinner.”

“Do I look like I'm made of money?” Jonghyun asked his sister's retreating back. The girl having grabbed her jacket and headed out of the room the second she had made her decision.

“Yes you do, Mr. SM.” The girl called behind her as she descended the stairs.

Jonghyun groaned in aggravation. He wasn't sure how, but he always ended up paying when he and his sister went out anywhere. Every time. The girl didn't order cheap food or eat like a bird like all the girls he’d known in high school, either.

“Aggravating woman,” he grumbled, toeing on his shoes – which were in a heap next to his sister’s bed where he’d dropped them during his rolling – and heading out the door after the girl who had already left.

She may be irritating but it was days like today that she really proved her love. Without her, Jonghyun knew he wouldn't have had half the life experiences he had had. She was the one to persuade him to take risks and, most of the time, they had payed off too.

Didn't stop her from being expensive and annoying the hell out of him the rest of the time, however.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: I spelt Sungkyu as ‘Sunggyu’ pretty much every single time I typed it this chapter. I’m pretty sure my sister (who did the 2nd round of proof-reading for me) hates me now.


	27. Chapter 26 - Confession

“Do you have anything healthy in this house, Jjong?” Onew called from the blonde’s kitchen. He was currently searching through the pantry and the fridge for something to snack on. The idol had come to Jonghyun’s apartment often enough that he was now more than comfortable navigating the home as if it was his own. Even Jiwoong, who was initially slightly resistant of his presence in the house had come to treat Onew almost like he lived there. The artist had even got the singer washing his paintbrushes a couple of times; something Jonghyun had initially protested due to Onew being a guest. However, after Onew had insisted he help out, considering the amount of time he spent in the apartment, the singer had been helping out with day to day tasks more and more.

“Not really,” Jonghyun called back, from the living room, “Everything in there is Jiwoong’s. I haven’t been shopping yet.”

“Lame.” Onew quipped as he wandered back into the living room empty handed and plopped down next to his friend.

Jonghyun looked down at his lap, hiding his eyes with his hair – he really needed to get it trimmed soon, it was starting to impede his vision. Although, in this situation, that suited his purposes perfectly, “I was planning on going tonight.”

“Sounds good.” Onew said, turning and smiling at his friend. His smile faltered a little as the blonde gave little reaction to his words, only looking further down at his lap. Reaching out and grasping Jonghyun’s knee gently, Onew turned his body to face the composer, “Wanna order something in?”

Jonghyun shrugged, “I guess,” he agreed, finally looking at the singer from under his hair. “We could do that.”

“Cool.” Onew said, pulling out his phone and navigating to an internet window. “Korean food?”

“That works,” Jonghyun agreed. “Can you get extra kimchi, please.”

“You sound like you’re talking to your boss.” Onew joked lightly. However, if one looked at him closely, his smile was less wide than it normally was and his eyes looked worried.

It was unlike Jonghyun to be this detached. The blonde had been pulling away for a few weeks but it hadn’t been too worrying. The idol had assumed the man was just busy at work and his tiredness was affecting his social interactions. However, this was a little more extreme than it had been. Since Onew had arrived at the apartment at the predetermined time, two hours previously, the blonde had barely interacted with him. He had responded when openly questioned but he had treated Onew like he was someone else’s guest. He didn’t look comfortable around his friend, for some reason. Onew honestly didn’t know why this was.

They’d been friends for months at this point and, over that time, Onew had thought they had become very close. So, he doubted this behaviour was because Jonghyun was suddenly questioning their friendship – they had gotten past that stage way back when they first began to talk regularly. Thus, this behaviour was probably due to some other reason and Onew was worried. The idol hadn’t seen the other man for just over a week due to his busy schedule and the two had only interacted through text messages during that time but the composer hadn’t seemed too distant through that medium. In fact, this change in behavior, including radio silence on their messaging except to confirm their meeting time, had only occurred after the blonde had gone to visit his sister. Although, Onew wasn’t sure how the two events were related, if they even were.

Jonghyun shrugged, still not making eye contact with Onew. “Sorry.”

“Jjong,” Onew said, softly, the tone of his voice causing Jonghyun to look up from his lap once more. Onew was struck just then by how vulnerable the blonde looked. There were grey smudges underneath his eyes, which only highlighted the slight glassiness in his gaze. His expression was odd, too; a mix of apology, confusion and fear. “You ok?”

“Yeah.” Jonghyun said, obviously falsifying happiness. “I’m good. So, food. I’m thinking something warm, it’s a cold evening.”

Onew sighed, studying his friend. Shifting a little on the sofa, he turned, pulling his feet up under him, so he was sat sideways with his back against the arm rest. Not saying anything, he just watched the blonde. As he watched, his friend became more and more uncomfortable. The composer’s hair once more fell into his face as he looked away. His fingers twisted into the thin material of his shirt and he crossed his legs self-consciously, the leg nearest Onew being placed over the other so the composer’s entire body was subtly pointed away from the other male.

Holding the silence, Jonghyun felt every second pass like it caused physical pain. Finally, he looked at the idol once more. The look on the older man’s face actually hurt to look at. The singer was so concerned for Jonghyun’s well-being, the emotion was written plainly across his expressive features and his body language showed nothing but a desire to be close to his friend.

“Is it something I did?” Onew asked, maintaining eye contact with the blonde. “Is there something I can do to fix it?”

“No!” Jonghyun protested, his eyes finally showing the spark of life and energy Onew was used to seeing. “You didn’t do anything, it’s all me.”

“It’s not you, it’s me. Sounds like a bad chick flick.” Onew joked, laughing a choked sounding laugh. He was trying to raise the mood and ease the tension a little, anything to get Jonghyun to stop with this strange mood and come back to being the friend he was used to.

Onew hadn’t expected his words to garner much reaction, however the blonde male flushed almost immediately. Jonghyun felt the heat spreading across his face and looked away immediately but not before the other male saw his reaction.

“What was that?” Onew asked, hearing the other male mumble something quietly.

“I said, that’s exactly what this is.” Jonghyun said, louder this time, still not quiet making eye contact with his friend.

Onew looked at the composer in confusion. Shifting himself on the sofa once more, he moved towards his friend, hoping to ease his distress a little. “How so?”

Jonghyun groaned, leaning back into the sofa cushions. “I’m pathetic. I’m worse than a teenager. Why is this so hard?”

Onew looked a little startled at his friend’s sudden outburst. “Jjong?”

“Jinks,” Jonghyun countered, visibly pulling himself together. Sitting up straighter and dislodging Onew’s hand from where it was resting on his shoulder, Jonghyun tried to compose himself. Turning towards the idol, he took a deep breath before speaking, “I need to tell you something, why I’ve been acting so weird recently.”

“The bullying hasn’t started again, has it?” Onew asked, concerned at Jonghyun’s sudden change in demeanour but happy he was showing emotion once more.

“What?” Jonghyun asked startled, “No.”

“Then what? You said it wasn’t something I did and you seem to be doing ok at work, you haven’t been stressed or anything, right? So-“ Onew rambled.

“Jinks!” Jonghyun called, stopping the singer mid-rant. “I’m fine.”

“You clearly aren’t.” Onew mumbled, looking at his friend, worried.

“I am.” Jonghyun assured, not sure when this conversation had gone from him being comforted to him doing the comforting. It was definitely easing his nerves a little, whether that was Onew’s intention or not. “It’s,” He sighed, running a hand through his hair, displacing the already messy blonde strands, “complicated.”

“So let me help.” Onew implored.

“You can’t help.” Jonghyun said, stopping Onew as he looked like he was going to interrupt. “I have to do this for myself. I...” he hesitated, unsure how to start. “Since SHINee debuted, I’ve kind of had this thing for one of the members. In a purely fan sort of way.” He placed his hand over Onew’s mouth and shushed him gently, determined to get through this uninterrupted. Onew looked uncomfortable but quietened down, “I knew I would never date him, hell, I thought I would never even meet him. But that admiration and those feelings were there. Then… Then I did meet him. I met not only the idol, but the person behind that polished image. And... and he was as amazing as I had always believed. But it was still an abstract thought. We would never date, it was never like that. It was a day dream nothing more. But then the ass wouldn’t let me go. He’d text me at odd hours of the night, he’d start conversations even when I was being painfully awkward and then, then he became a permanent fixture in my life. It was at that point, that crush that would never amount to anything was gone. It was gone and it was replaced by something I couldn’t avoid. Instead of loving the polished idol from a distance, I realised I had massive feelings for Lee Jinki, the person who loves anything fried – his diet be damned -, the person who uses all my teaspoons and manages to leave them scattered around the house, the person who brought me into his life, ignoring the consequences, the person who is sitting right here, right in front of me. I...” he looked down at his lap, suddenly nervous after his little speech, unsure how to continue. His eyes were brought up, level with Onew’s, as a gentle hand grasped his chin and raised it, so they were once more making eye contact.

“You?” Onew prompted, gently. His voice not judging or angry, as Jonghyun had feared. Instead, it sounded endlessly tender and calm. This soothed the blonde and he took a gentle breath, focusing solely on the other male.

“I, Kim Jonghyun, am irrevocably in love with you, Lee Jinki. You don’t have to accept my feelings; we can carry on as we have been. I just, I needed to tell you. It wasn’t fair otherwise.” Jonghyun felt so much lighter. Onew hadn’t given him any sort of response, other than not showing anger or fear, and Jonghyun was almost certain he wouldn’t give a positive response anyway. However, it felt so liberating just to have let the other male know. He was sure now, that he could carry on their friendship with minimal worries. Sure, it would be a little sad to desire something he couldn’t have but he wasn’t selfish – not hugely so. He would be satisfied just being around the other male without the lingering awkwardness of unshared feelings.

“Is this why you’ve been acting so strange?” Onew asked, taking Jonghyun’s hand gently.

“I...  yeah.”

“I’ll admit,” Onew began, looking like he wasn’t sure how to word what he wanted to say. Jonghyun looked up from their now conjoined hands and watched as the singer worked something out, a series of emotions – all positive – flitting across his face in quick succession. “I have never considered actually dating you. You’re attractive and I might have considered other things. But dating you was never something I imagined.” Jonghyun nodded sadly and opened his mouth to reply that he understood however, a finger was placed over his lips, stopping him. “I have never considered it, but I’m not against the idea. Would it be selfish of me to ask you to let me test this out and see if it works?”

“No, that wouldn’t be selfish.” Jonghyun said, looked up at the other male in happiness. “This is...” He trailed off, “I mean, I never even thought...”

“I get what you mean, Jjong, don’t strain yourself.” Onew chuckled, ruffling Jonghyun’s hair gently – a gesture that suddenly meant so much more to the blonde. “So how does this work?”

“The same as it has been, I guess?” Jonghyun said, not quite sure himself, “We can just see where this takes us.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Onew grinned, squeezing Jonghyun’s hand gently, “So… what are we ordering for dinner?”

Jonghyun laughed aloud at the dramatic change of subject. “I don’t know, whatever you’d like.”

“This is a celebration,” Onew grinned, pulling Jonghyun up from the couch and into the kitchen. Beginning to rifle through the many restaurant menus Jonghyun and Jiwoong had accumulated over the years. It was a slight struggle as the idol refused to let go of Jonghyun’s hand but he eventually succeeded. He cheered aloud, doing a little dance and pulling Jonghyun with him, when he extracted one that looked like it had potential. Slamming it down on the counter dramatically, he proclaimed, “We need fried chicken!”

Jonghyun, who had been chuckling lightly the whole time finally lost it. Laughing uproariously, he clutched onto the idol in order to remain upright. It felt like all the negative feelings had been erased. He hadn’t received the fairy tale response to his proclamation and he hadn’t expected to. However, the answer he had gotten was still a dream come true and nothing could make him happier than he was right now. Onew looked at the male in confusion before shrugging and joining in the laughter. This reaction only set Jonghyun off more and the two remained that way for a little while, their laughter echoing around the small room.

It was as they were laughing that the door to the apartment opened and, whilst giving them a strange look, Jiwoong made his way to his room. “I don’t want to know.”

“He...” Jonghyun gasped, struggling to breathe through his laughter, “Thinks chicken is a celebration food.”

“Chicken is an always food.” Onew chuckled, finding Jonghyun’s laughter more amusing than the actual situation.

“Dorks,” Jiwoong muttered, retreating into his room. “Order enough for me, will you?”

 


	28. Chapter 27 - Love

Jonghyun grinned up at his boyfriend, as the two lounged about on the sofa in the blonde’s apartment. Snuggling into the older male’s arm, Jonghyun practically purred as it tightened around his waist in response to his movement, and shifted his attention back to the TV screen. They were watching some trashy movie that was airing on one of the free TV channels. It seemed to involve a large amount of explosions and an entirely misplaced romance subplot that Jonghyun didn’t entirely understand. Onew seemed to be into it however, so Jonghyun just kept quiet and amused himself by listening to the other male’s shallow breaths.

Shifting slightly, Jonghyun allowed his mind to drift away from the movie. The heat radiating from Onew’s body was relaxing and even the loud noises from the TV were easily ignored when he was this comfortable and warm. Tracing his eyes over his famous boyfriend, the composer mused about how lucky he was.

Onew’s eyes widened slightly as something apparently shocking, happened on the screen. His grip on Jonghyun’s waist tightening ever so slightly. Those eyes were always so expressive; Jonghyun loved those eyes. Only twice had the blonde ever seen them be anything but soft, warm and caring. Once was during their second ever meeting, when Onew was talking about the bullying issue – an issue Jonghyun still didn’t like to talk about even five months on. The other time was when the two were out on a date. They had only just started dating and they were still awkward around each other, in that way only new couples could be. They had decided to go to a coffee shop to chat and Onew had been recognised about halfway through their coffees. A girl had, in an effort to get closer to her ‘oppa’, knocked Jonghyun to the ground. It hadn’t hurt and Jonghyun was certain the girl hadn’t meant to hurt him – he was pretty sure she didn’t even realise he was there – however, Onew had been livid. For the first time ever, Jonghyun got to see the man berate one of his fans. The girl had looked shocked and upset, like her dreams had just been crushed, as Onew sent her away without an autograph. However, as the news hadn’t broken on social media, Jonghyun assumed the girl had understood the singer’s reasoning once she had had a little time to rethink her actions.

Tracing his eye line down, Jonghyun studied all the parts of his boyfriend he could see from this position. From the soft flicks at the tips of his unstyled hair – the brunette colour starting to grow out already – to the slight muscle tone visible in his arms – most likely from dance practice as opposed to deliberate sessions in the gym – everything about Onew was beautiful to Jonghyun.

Smiling to himself, the blonde laid his head on Onew’s shoulder and the singer’s hand moved up to gently run through Jonghyun’s hair in response. Relaxing, more than he already was, the blonde mused about just how happy he was in that moment. His life was really coming together.

The pair hadn’t always that comfortable together. Following Jonghyun’s confession, the awkwardness that had permeated their friendship did not decay. It merely transferred. The two males, even through text, were unsure how to continue their friendship now that these new terms had been added to it. It was only when Onew finally bit the bullet and asked the blonde on an official date that things had started to become more comfortable. Before that, it had seemed like this relationship, if it could have been classified as that at that point, was never going to last.

Jonghyun had run around frantically for the entire afternoon before their first date. It had taken Eunji and Jiwoong working in tandem to get him to calm down and confess as to why he was acting like he was. Once he told them, the two had made eye contact and Jonghyun was certain he had heard Eunji mutter something highly insulting about his gender before the two shoved him into his bedroom.

Eunji had taken it as her job to get him ready for his night whilst Jiwoong acted as the voice of reason. It was strange, Jonghyun mused, if someone told him three years ago about Jiwoong becoming one of the guiding voices in his life, he would have laughed in their face. However, recently, he really seemed to have mellowed out. The playboy who only cared about jokes, going out partying and teasing others had become far calmer. In fact, Jonghyun was pretty sure the man had gone and gotten himself a girlfriend. It would explain his recent level-headedness as well as the gradual change in his wardrobe – it was now less shabby and more chic. The man actually seemed to be making an effort to present himself well, both in appearance and first impression. He had even asked Jonghyun to teach him how to do his makeup – ‘None of that girly crap, I just want nice skin, ok?’ Jonghyun respected that the man was making an effort.

A round of twenty questions had inevitably ensued, where Eunji rapidly asked about anything and everything to do with Onew and Jonghyun’s date tonight – ‘Where?’, ‘When?’, ‘Does he like your hair like this?’, ‘Is your grey shirt in the wash?. To which the answers were, ‘Nowhere public’, ‘Seven’, ‘I don’t know, maybe’ and ‘No?’ Eunji didn’t seem to find his answers satisfactory, judging by her aggravated sigh from within the depths of his wardrobe, but she didn’t ask any further questions. After rummaging for a good five minutes, the girl had emerged and thrown a shirt, the grey one, and a pair of black jeans at his face. Jonghyun took this as a signal to get changed.

The date itself was a bit of a blur to Jonghyun. He remembered being pushed out of the door by his two friends and he remembered getting into Onew’s car – the older male opening the door for him chivalrously like he was in a cheesy teen movie. He also remembered driving around the city, Onew giving him a tour of his favourite places, places he had been as a member of SHINee and places he had never been but wanted to explore more at some point. In each location he imparted little tit bits of knowledge about the area and basically did everything in his power to make Jonghyun feel comfortable and entertained. The date was much like their hang-outs when they were just friends. Yet, somehow, they also seemed to be deeper, more meaningful. They also talked, they talked for most of the trip, the conversation flowing easily after an initial awkwardness and spreading out into various topics. Jonghyun wasn’t sure he could tell you what they talked about, that was the majority of the blur in his memories. He blamed his memory blanks on one thing and one thing only: what happened at the end of the date.

As Onew pulled his car up outside Jonghyun’s apartment building, he had turned off the engine, turning towards the blonde. “I had a good time tonight.” He smiled, his teeth on display and his eyes merely crescents.

Jonghyun nodded mutely, finding words unnecessary as it was clear he felt the same.

“I hope we can do this again, soon,” Onew stated, leaning towards the other male. Jonghyun wasn’t quite sure what was happening, his brain was running a little slow due to the euphoria of the evening and this action wasn’t making much sense to him. Onew’s hand reached out, gently cupping Jonghyun’s face as he leant in further. Until, finally, his lips made gentle contact with those of the other man. It wasn’t a deep kiss and it wasn’t particularly long, either. However, it was enough to completely stop all brain function Jonghyun may have had following their date.

Pulling away, Onew chuckled at the stunned look on Jonghyun’s face. The blonde didn’t even notice this as his hand came up to gently trace over his lips and his wide eyes searched out Onew’s. Blinking once, twice, three times, the composer gently opened the car door and stepped out, barely remembering to close it behind him, before he walked into the building in a daze.

Onew chuckled louder as he watched the male go, his gait a little unsteady and his path less straight than it could have been. He watched, amused as the blonde almost walked into the doorframe as he entered the building and headed towards the lifts. Shaking his head, he started the engine and drove off. He wasn’t worried about the lack of reaction. He had told Jonghyun a while later, that he had sort of understood the blonde’s feelings and had found it amusing, more than anything else.

Jonghyun had been mortified when he reached his apartment, which was empty as Jiwoong was once more out who knows where, and realised that he had left without saying anything at all, not even goodbye. He had quickly pulled out his phone and fired off a text that he still found embarrassing to this day.

**_Jonghyun 10:36pm  
_ ** _I had a good time tonight <3 ****  
Sorry I left without saying goodbye. I really did have a good time but your kiss was like fireworks and I think it broke my brain._

Onew had accepted his apology with grace, which Jonghyun appreciated. What he appreciated less was his constant teasing. Whenever something was fantastic, the idol would describe it as being ‘like fireworks’ or mention how it ‘broke his brain’. Jonghyun had been especially mortified when, on a variety show, the singer had used the expression to express his feelings. The audience and most of SHINee wrote it off as Onew being Onew. However, Jonghyun and, Jonghyun theorised from the look he shot SHINee’s leader, Key knew the truth.

Jonghyun was startled out of his thoughts when Onew moved suddenly. The singer had reached down to grab the remote, turning off the television which had been displaying the closing credits of the action film. In the process the man had stopped caressing Jonghyun’s hair, a move he had been doing subconsciously up until that point, and he had shifted the male slightly as he moved his arm.

 “That was pretty good.” Onew said, smiling down at Jonghyun, who was still snuggled in his arms. “Not that you’d know, you zoned out pretty good there.”

Jonghyun jumped slightly as Onew booped his nose. Placing his hands over the appendage in mock shock, Jonghyun playfully bared his teeth at Onew. “My nose.”

“Nope,” Onew teased, reaching out towards the composer’s face. Jonghyun tried to move away but found his movement blocked by the singer’s other arm. Grabbing the tip of his boyfriend’s nose with two fingers, Onew squeezed it gently and pretended to try and pull it off. “I believe it belongs to me.”

“Fine, take it. In return, I get yours.” Jonghyun joked, giving in to his boyfriend and allowing him to claim his nose as his property.

“Why would you want my nose? Yours is so much nicer.”

“Weirdo.” Jonghyun chucked, standing up. Due to the arm still wrapped around him, Jonghyun’s motion succeeded in getting him upright but also succeeded in pulling his boyfriend up with him. The singer managed to cope with the sudden movement change with only minimal stumbling which impressed Jonghyun; the idol was usually a lot less graceful than that, especially after sitting down for so long.

Turning around in Onew’s arms, Jonghyun embraced him gently, allowing their lips to meet in a gentle peck. “You have to go home tonight, right?” He said quietly, his breath ghosting across the singer’s face due to their proximity.

Onew sighed, resting his head on Jonghyun’s shoulder briefly. Pulling out of the embrace, he ran one hand through his hair as he spoke. “Yeah, though this is as much for you as it is me. You have work tomorrow.”

“Yes, mother.” Jonghyun chuckled, starting to walk the other male to the door. “I’ll go straight to bed and I’ll brush my teeth well.”

Onew patted the blonde’s head like he was a puppy that had done something good, “Good boy. I’ll see you in a couple of days, yeah?” He asked, as he toed on his shoes. Bending down to lace them up he didn’t see Jonghyun’s expression but knew he probably had that cute look of mock offence on his face.

“Woof.” The blonde said sardonically, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, I’ll see you Wednesday night. Don’t hurt yourself in practice tomorrow.”

“Me, hurt myself? Never.” Onew chuckled, sticking his tongue out at Jonghyun who scoffed at his words. His shoes fully laced, he moved to grab his coat from the coat rack, pulling it on quickly and pulling up the hood. It was partially for disguise and partially because it was now winter and the air outside could get chilly.

“See you soon,” Jonghyun said softly. Reaching out, he slipped his hands inside the coat’s hood and held Onew’s face gently as he kissed him one final time before he left. “I love you.”

Onew, who had just pulled open the door, ready to leave, froze at the last words. He seemed to hesitate for a few seconds before he said, quietly, “I love you too.”

Jonghyun stood in shock, as the door swung shut behind the singer, the lock engaging automatically.

The pair had been together for a while now. However, in all that time, Jonghyun had been the only one to mention love. He didn’t mind, not really. He understood. He had had a lot more time to come to terms with his feelings than the other male.

What had just happened was new. It was unexpected. His thoughts were a mess. Had he really? Did that mean? Onew wasn’t one to just say things without meaning them. So, if that was the case, then that meant that he did mean it. Right?

Jonghyun probably stood in that doorway for a good twenty minutes. Long enough for his legs to go slightly numb from his lack of movement and definitely long enough to be worrying if anyone had seen his do so. He only snapped himself out of his shocked reverie when Jiwoong stepped out of his bedroom to grab a drink of water. The artist, upon seeing Jonghyun stood there as he passed through the first time, had shrugged it off as one of his friend’s quirks. However, when he passed by a second time, glass of water clutched in his hand, he became slightly concerned.

“Do I need to call a therapist or something? You seem to have cracked.”

Jonghyun startled, not having noticed his roommate entering the room. “No. No I’m fine. I’m more than fine.”

“Sure.” The artist said slowly, dragging out the word. “And I’m the queen of England.”

“He said he loves me.” Jonghyun said, spinning around on the spot and practically skipping through the apartment. “He loves me.” Came his sing song voice as he entered his own bedroom, the door clicking shut behind him. “Loves me.” Came the final muffled proclamation through the door. This was accompanied by a muted thump which indicated that the male had fallen onto his bed, probably dramatically.

Rolling his eyes, Jiwoong lamented the moment he agreed to move in with the walking blonde disaster. “Well, duh. I coulda told you that weeks ago.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: Naww.
> 
> The time skips are intense right now. But hey, it means there’s more fluff for you guys.


	29. Chapter 28 - Celebration

“Ok, quiet down, quiet down.” Sodam called, making her voice heard over the loud chatter of the people at the table. “We are here to celebrate my dork of a brother finally getting a solo-composition released.”

The table erupted in cheers, the many gathered people making quite a ruckus in the small room. The group made up the vast majority of the customers in the restaurant, which Sodam was glad of as she was sure they would annoy a lot more people if there were more diners around. It wasn’t a deliberate ruckus but, with the celebratory atmosphere and the amount of people there, there was no way to avoid the loud volume.

Gathered that evening were a selection of Jonghyun’s closest friends and colleagues. On the left side of the table sat Jonghyun’s office mates. The two males had been teasing Junghee all evening for her ‘fancy schmancy clothes’ due to the woman dressing up a little in celebration. The woman, in response, had taken to making snide remarks about the two males’ ‘boring taste’ and ‘lack of class’ as they lounged in their work suits.

Opposite those three sat Jonghyun’s friends, Jiwoong, Eunji and Youngho. Strangely, there were a lot of similarities between the groups. Eunji was very like Junghee in the way she didn’t take teasing lying down and, if pushed, would fight back tooth and nail. It was also clear that, despite the men claiming otherwise, the two women were the bosses of their respective groups. They hadn’t interacted much that evening, however the eye contact that was made between the elder and younger groups whenever one of their friends did something ridiculous showed a sense of understanding.

Youngho was as quiet and reserved as usual. However, the fist bump he had given Jonghyun as he arrived signalled he was there as a friend to Jonghyun and not just as Eunji’s fiancé. Jiwoong was his usual eccentric self. His clothes were rumpled and there was a paint stain down one arm that, despite clearly having been scrubbed at and washed, had not fully faded. His hair, getting a little long, was uncombed and messy in a style that the artist would call shabby-chic but was closer to a birds nest than anything else. However, the fact he had even put on a dress shirt was admirable and showed how proud he was of his roommate.

“Not technically my first.” Jonghyun commented idly, from his position at the head of the table.

“First as a professional.” Sungkyu said, from his seat to the left of Jonghyun. “Don’t be a smart arse.”

“But it’s what he does best.” Jiwoong quipped, chuckling.

Jonghyun scowled and stuck his tongue out at the artist. Sodam laughed at the put out look on his face and rolled her eyes. These guys may be in their twenties now but they could definitely act like teenagers still.

“Shush.” The girl said, smiling slightly but trying to stifle it. Placing her hands on her hips and shifting slightly on her feet, she glared at the two males until they stopped making any noise. “As I was saying,” She continued, flipping her hair out of her face, “we are celebrating my idiot brother’s achievement tonight. Not that he deserves it.” She said, shooting the blonde a look.

Despite the harsh word choice and the looks she was still shooting her brother, it was clear she still cared for him. Honestly, Jonghyun would have been worried if she had acted all loving and caring. It was so opposite to how the siblings interacted normally. He loved his sister but he would never tell her that to her face, except on very rare occasions. He was pretty certain the girl felt exactly the same as he did. It was just how their relationship was.

“Sungkyu organised this lovely evening for us,” Sodam said, ignoring the noises from the youngster’s side of the table. At her last mocking comment, Jiwoong had taken it upon himself to tease Jonghyun about how unworthy he was. Eunji, despite her good intentions was only adding to the noise by berating the two. “So I would like him to make the toast for this evening.” The girl gave the floor to the composer, sitting down primly in her seat as the man got to his feet.

As his mentor stood up, Jonghyun pushed his roommate away from him and placed a hand over the artist’s mouth, stopping the stream of words. “Shh,” he hissed, “important people are talking.”

“What am I?” Jiwoong hissed back, his volume dramatically lower than it was before.

“Not important, obviously.” Jonghyun deadpanned, shooting the male a look. “Now shush.”

“Yes boss.” The artist said, peeling Jonghyun’s hand off his face and saluting sarcastically.

“Since coming to work at SM Entertainment,” Sungkyu began, the entire table going completely silent as he spoke, “Jonghyun has made incredible progress as an artist. His work is so original and the quality is outstanding. However, up until today that originality could not be shown to its fullest extent. His last solo song was released over three years ago and before a university education. All the songs since then have been collaborations with others, myself included, and haven’t really shown off his skills. He’s always had to mould his work to fit other peoples’ styles and personal taste. But now, whilst everyone in marketing is celebrating the debut of a new girl group, we will be celebrating the debut of a new composer and the song he wrote for their album.” The man raised his glass into the air, and stated firmly, “To Jonghyun, a composer who will go far.”

“To Jonghyun!” The rest of the table cheered, clinking their glasses together.

“To Jonghyun.” Sungkyu echoed. “Now, let us eat.” He said, gesturing to one of the hovering waitresses who was waiting to take the group’s orders.

The group spent a good three hours past that point in the restaurant. The conversation flowed well and, by the end, following large amounts of food, both groups (work mates and friends) were even chatting easily to each other.

Jonghyun had a nice time. He was happy to see the important people in his life getting along. Not everyone important to him was there, of course. His parents had called him earlier in the day with their apologies and invited him to eat at home in a few days. Apparently the pair had booked tickets to a big sold-out musical over six months ago and therefore couldn’t make it. Jonghyun didn’t mind that they weren’t present; he talked to them often and they were always clear on how proud they were of him. His father, who had been incredibly against his job choices initially and had only recently come to terms with his son having a non-traditional career, had even started buying every song that Jonghyun was listed on, no matter how small his contribution. Jonghyun, when his mother had informed him of that fact over the phone, had actually felt a little choked up. He was incredibly touched.

Another person who was missing was Onew. SHINee had a schedule that evening and, even if they hadn’t, Onew and Jonghyun had both agreed the male wouldn’t attend events like this. It was too much of a risk of recognition and there was too much to lose if they were caught doing anything suspicious. It was one of the issues Jonghyun had identified with dating a celebrity. However, overall, the positives far outweighed the negatives. Especially as Jonghyun wasn’t sure he wanted to flaunt his relationship in public anyway. Those couples that always clung to each other and shared kisses on the train were strange to him. It was far more comfortable for him to only show those feelings in the privacy of his own house. However, it was still a little sad that the other male couldn’t be with them to celebrate Jonghyun’s accomplishments. To make up for his lack of presence, the singer had promised to take Jonghyun out for a proper date the next week.

-

Sodam stretched her arms above her head languidly, as the small group stood outside the restaurant. The older people had already left, the three employees of the purchasing office leaving first, followed shortly by Sungkyu. Before the man left, Jonghyun had received a firm pat on the back and had had to promise he’d have a fun weekend.

“She’s taking her time.” Jiwoong complained, “How long does it take to pee?”

“When it’s Eunji,” Youngho replied, “who knows.”

“A girl has to fix her look,” Eunji said, coming up behind her boyfriend.

The poor man jumped violently, not realising she was there. He clutched his chest and inhaled deeply and slowly, trying to control his breathing.

“Don’t do that, woman.”

“Don’t woman me.” His girlfriend countered, clearly enjoying the look of fear on his face at her tone of voice.

“I’m sorry, ma’am.” Youngho said, looking down at the ground demurely.

Eunji hit her boyfriend gently in the arm, making the tall man chuckle. “Stop that or they’ll think I beat you or something.”

“She’s vicious, this one.” Youngho whispered out of the corner of his mouth, pretending the girl couldn’t hear every word he said.

”And you’re an idiot.” Eunji lamented, “Why am I still dating this idiot?” She said, looking at Sodam. She couldn’t trust the other males to understand her issue. Therefore, the only woman in the group was her sole hope.

Sodam nodded sagely, ignoring Jonghyun’s snort of disbelief, “Because, despite everything, he’s actually very attractive and you are a sucker for handsome men.”

“Alas,” Eunji declared, placing a hand on her forehead as if she was feeling faint, “it is true. I am but a slave to the male flesh.”

“Slave of my flesh alright,” Youngho muttered, garnering a look of disgust from his girlfriend and his friend’s sister.

Jiwoong erupted into loud laughter. His laugh, as unique as his appearance, was loud and distinctive, drawing attention to the small group. Eunji glared at him, however it did nothing to slow the laughter. Finally, after a good minute, his laughs subsided into quiet chuckles and finally a series of gasping breaths. Jonghyun went to talk to the artist, to see if he was ok, only to be met with a raised hand and a series of hand signals that probably meant he was fine.

Eunji huffed quietly, hooking her arm with Sodam’s. “Idiots.”

“You won’t hear me deny it.” The girl chuckled, agreeing. “Let’s go.”

The two girls began walking along the road casually, not even bothering to check if the males were following. The men didn’t notice they had left for a while, too busy watching Jiwoong gradually get his breath back, and had to jog to catch up with the two. It was impressive how fast they could walk in heels. 

“Where are we going?” Jonghyun called, as he caught up with the two women. This was not the direction to their apartments, or his parent’s house where Sodam still lived.

“We’re going to your place,” Sodam said, like it was obvious and garnering a look of offence from Jonghyun, “but we need some supplies first.”

“And who said you could just barge into my apartment like that?”

“Uhh,” Jiwoong said from behind him, looking sheepish, “That might have been me.”

Jonghyun shrugged then nodded his acceptance. He didn’t really mind the group coming to his home; he just wanted to give his sister a hard time. It was so much fun to tease her.

“What supplies are we getting?” Youngho asked, his deep voice coming from just behind Jonghyun. The blonde jumped in shock, not having heard the taller male’s footsteps as he approached.

Clutching his chest, the blonde shot a look of reprimand at the quiet man, “Don’t do that. You two are menaces.” He grouched, shooting a look at Eunji.

“The kinda of supplies needed for a celebration, obviously.” Sodam said, like Jonghyun was being an idiot. Ticking off on her fingers she started to list items, “Alcohol, snacks, alcohol, more snacks, alcohol… I think that’s everything.”

Jonghyun chuckled and rolled his eyes. “Sounds about right, and where’s the money coming from Miss Party Planner?”

“Me, Jiwoong and Youngho all chipped in.” Eunji said, smiling at her friend.

“For once the bank of the big-shot brother is safe.” Sodam said, patting her brother on the shoulder patronisingly.

“For once,” Jonghyun muttered, pulling away.

“It’s your night,” Sodam continued, all signs of teasing gone from her voice, “We’re going to treat you for once.” The others all nodded in agreement, Youngho, who was still walking behind Jonghyun clasped his arm briefly in support before letting go. Jiwoong went a step further and tackle hugged the blonde form behind, practically knocking the man off his feet. It was only with some stumbles and the support of his sister that Jonghyun didn’t face plant the pavement.

“As you well should.” Jonghyun said, after he had regained his footing and dislodged the koala-like artist. “I should be treated like a king.”

“Like a queen, more like.” Jiwoong quipped, drawing laughter from all his friends. “Now get in the store your high ponciness, we have things to buy.” That said he pushed Jonghyun through the automatic doors of the liquor store and began steering him through the aisles with practiced ease.

Jonghyun merely let it happen. As they had said before, this was his night and he was going to make the most of it. He loved his friends and he loved spending time with them. Plus, they were all slightly insane, so this night was going to be fantastic.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: The joys of alcohol coming up next. Are you ready for it, though? Are you really ready?
> 
> (I did that thing where I spelt Sungkyu as Sunggyu again. I need to stop that.)


	30. Chapter 29 – Celebration part 2

Jonghyun snorted, actually snorted, as he watched Jiwoong trying to open the bottle of Soju he was holding. The artist drank notoriously fast and was already far less in control than the other members of the group. Currently, he was trying to unscrew the cap of a bottle that Jonghyun was almost certain wasn’t a screw top. He had been doing so for almost five minutes now.

The others in the group hadn’t noticed one of their number’s plight, as they were too engrossed in their own conversation. Jonghyun wasn’t sure what they were discussing anymore. It had initially been a conversation about fashion and the strange trends that were popular at the moment – a topic Jonghyun knew a little about – but it had somehow digressed and transitioned into weddings; specifically what Eunji wanted for her wedding. It had been interesting for a little while, if only to watch Youngho squirm, but the second the girls had gotten into the details of wedding dress design and the pros and cons of ivory versus white, Jonghyun just couldn’t concentrate any longer. He felt a little sorry for Youngho who, sat as he was with Eunji on his lap, was unable to escape the tedious conversation.

Jiwoong had never been involved in the conversations to begin with; he had been too focused on drinking. In front of him was a line of empty bottles, the vast majority being his own, and he had toddled off five minutes before to get more from the kitchen. His walk was surprisingly steady for someone as obviously drunk as he was, however upon returning, his efforts at opening the thing belied any claims at sobriety he may have had.

Grabbing the bottle from him and deftly removing the cap, Jonghyun took a swig, screwing up his face at the taste. He had never been one for hard liquor really. The taste just wasn’t his thing. The blast of bitter flavours across his tongue and the weird aftertaste was just off-putting. However, one couldn’t claim they didn’t give good effects.

Already, his head felt a little fuzzy. There was a strange feeling, somewhere just behind his eyes that indicated he was not working to full capacity. He was sure, if he were to stand up, the world would not be completely steady. He also knew, from experience, that this point was quite dangerous in terms of his thought to mouth filter. However, being surrounded by his friends he wasn’t too worried.

“Hey,” Jiwoong protested, a good minute after Jonghyun had grabbed the bottle from his hands, “that was mine.” His speech was still quite clear, though it was a little slower than usual and his enunciation was not perfect.

“Tough luck,” Jonghyun chuckled, taking another mouthful. He really could do with a shot glass but, at some point in the last few weeks, they had all gone missing from the apartment. It happened occasionally, something innocuous vanishing from the house. Jonghyun supposed that was the danger of living with an artist. Sometimes he got inspired by something strange – Jonghyun had once lost his favourite mug for this reason – or he felt the need to incorporate things into his work – like the sculpture that turned up a few months back that was constructed solely of their butter knives. Jonghyun strongly suspected there was a piece of artwork somewhere that contained four or five shot glasses.

Moving back to the other people in the room, Jiwoong’s drink still in his hand, Jonghyun rejoined the conversation and moved it on to a more interesting topic.

The friends chatted for a while, their conversations drifting from the inane to the deep and back again and they were all enjoying themselves. Sodam and Eunji seemed to take extra enjoyment from extracting information about his love life from Jonghyun. They found his relationship with Onew hilarious and adorable respectively. It was mortifying for Jonghyun, especially as the two already knew most of this information, but it was also nice as it showed they cared.

Then, when Sodam because bored with this, they passed the hours by playing games and drinking copiously. All except Youngho, who was staying relatively sober as he didn’t like the muzzy feeling drinking gave him, as well as the lack of control it resulted in. The others teased him for it but overall understood his reasoning so let it go.

About five hours into the party, Jonghyun gasped as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Sodam caught his look and grinned wolfishly at him. Reaching across clumsily, she grabbed the phone out of her brother’s pants and answered the call. Jonghyun merely gaped at her as she did so, his brain moving too sluggishly to counter any of her actions as she made them.

“Well hello there, Onew darling.” She purred, trying to be seductive and only coming across as creepy. The girl stuck her tongue out at Eunji when she pulled a face of disgust and continued talking. “How are you this fine, fine evening?”

She was clearly trying to make her voice sound less affected by the alcohol than it really was, however it was not going well. The girl was a lightweight so, despite the relatively small amount of alcohol she had imbued (compared to the rest), she was still very much drunk.

“It’s Sodam.” She pouted, looking very put out that the singer didn’t recognise her from her voice alone. She seemed to have forgotten that she and Onew had never actually met or spoken. Everything she had heard about the idol was second-hand from Jonghyun or Jiwoong and not from the singer himself.

“Me? Drunk? Never.” She laughed, more carefree than she ever would if she were sober. Her laugh was louder and brasher than she would ever admit it could be, especially in front of someone like Onew – someone she would be nervous to talk to any other time.

“I’m not!” She protested, “I’m not but everyone else is.”

“’m not.” Jiwoong protested from his spot on the floor. He had been lying there since he had had his drink stolen, curled on his side and clutching an empty bottle to himself. As he spoke, he raised the bottle in the air in one hand before losing his balance and it clattered to the ground. Luckily the floor was carpeted and luckily he wasn’t holding it directly above his face or things could have become messy.

“Jiwoong’s not.” Sodam recited to the man on the phone. She chuckled at something the singer said before stage whispering – though she looked like she believed she was really whispering – “I don’t believe him either. He’s untrustworthy like that.”

The singer clearly agreed with her because Sodam sat up straighter and nodded sagely as if the man could see her. Her nodding stopped abruptly when the alcohol clearly affected her as she moved and she shook her head, as if clearing the fuzz from her thoughts.

“Why did I call? I called because… Wait!” She protested, shaking her finger in front of her angrily. “I didn’t call you, you called me.”

She looked confused for a second. The look on her face was clearly amusing and Eunji who was sat next to her erupted into a fit of giggles and collapsed against her friend’s side, still giggling. Sodam flailed a little at the sudden weight and almost fell over sideways before managing to steady herself with her free arm.

“That’s just Eunji and what do you mean you didn’t call me? Of course you did.”

She cocked her head to the side as if thinking hard about what the singer was saying. It clearly took her some effort to understand his words and, even when Onew had finished explaining, she still didn’t look entirely convinced he was telling her the truth. Pointing at her brother, almost falling over again as she had to do so with the hand she was using to brace herself against Eunji’s weight, she gestured him over. Jonghyun had been watching the conversation with interest, any anger at having his phone stolen had dissipated once he heard the name Onew and he had merely sat there listening and smiling sappily. He knew the man would be nice to his sister, even in her drunken state. There was a lingering fear that the girl would tell his boyfriend something truly embarrassing but it wasn’t too pressing. The Soju and other miscellaneous alcohols had aided in that.

Moving closer to his sister, the blonde was shocked when his phone was thrust towards his chest and he flailed to catch it. Her hands both free, Sodam shifted slightly, cuddling closer to the girl next to her and wrapping her arms around her in a snuggly hug. Youngho, who was still mostly sober and merely observing the messes that were his friends, watched from his spot on the sofa as his girlfriend clutched onto her friend tighter. Absently he wished it was him in that position with her before he shrugged and stood up, stretching out his back. Wandering towards the kitchen, stepping over Jiwoong who had uncurled himself and now blocked most of the doorway, still clutching his bottle. Youngho looked back at the gathered friends raising an eyebrow and gesturing in askance. Noticing the man’s actions, Sodam gave him a thumbs up and also gestured towards Jonghyun who had finished his drink a while back. Youngho nodded and headed towards the cooler to grab the requested drinks and a beer for himself.

Clutching the phone to himself, the blonde moved it to his ear, smiling widely. “Jinks, how are you?”

“I’m good,” Sounded the voice from the other line, a voice that made Jonghyun’s stomach feel all fluttery and happy. “Sounds like you guys are having fun.”

“We are.” Jonghyun grinned looking around the room. “I’ve had a great night.”

“Are they always this gross?” Eunji whispered to Sodam, her voice still very loud.

“Oh yeah,” Sodam agreed, not even trying to mute her volume.

Jonghyun shot a rude gesture at his sister as Onew responded to his statement, “That’s good. What did you do?”

“Oh lots of stuff,” Jonghyun grinned. “Sungkyu payed for dinner for me and Sodam and Eunji and Jiwoong and Youngho and some of my office mates and it was really tasty. I had lamb, I like lamb it’s a good meat. I also stole a lot of Sodam’s chips. I like those too.”

“Yeah you did, ass.” Sodam muttered mutinously from the corner. She had initially tried to pretend she wasn’t eavesdropping but had clearly given up on that rather fast.

“He smiles all cute and sappy when he’s talking to Onew, like I do with Youngho.” Eunji commented, her eyes a little unfocussed, but watching Jonghyun carefully. “This guy is good for him. He’s never been this happy.”

Sodam fake gagged at her friend’s words and took another swig of her drink, as if to cleanse the disgusting thoughts. “I don’t need to hear about my brother’s ‘happiness’ with his boyfriend.”

“Sounds like a blast.” Onew chuckled, his voice crackling a little over the phone. “Did everyone else have a nice time? I assume you went back to your apartment for a little after party.”

Jonghyun went to reply but was shocked and looked up in confusion as a bottle suddenly obscured his vision. Staring at it cross eyed it took him a second to deduce what he was looking at. When he did he grinned at Youngho and offered his thanks.

“What was that?” Onew asked, confused.

“Youngho got me alcohol.”

“Are you sure you need more?” Onew chuckled.

“Of course I do. It’s a party.” Jonghyun said, like it was obvious.

There was some muffled talking on the other end of the line, as if the microphone was covered as a conversation took place, then Onew returned to the phone, “Taemin wants to talk to you, is that ok?”

“Of course!” Jonghyun exclaimed, drawing the attention of the others in the room – except Jiwoong who still hadn’t moved – “I love Taemin.”

“Taemin?” Sodam asked, “Put it on speaker. I gots to talk to the kid I’m meant to worship.”

“You worship me?” A younger sounding voice sounded from the speakers after Jonghyun fumbled with the controls for a few seconds. The phone was then placed on the floor as Jonghyun and the two girls clustered around it, Youngho listening from his reclaimed place on the couch.

“Nope!” Sodam said, popping the P obnoxiously.

“Aww, that’s a shame. I am the best member of SHINee after all.”

“I disagree.” Jonghyun commented.

“You’re biased.” Taemin sniped back. “So. You don’t worship me, miss?”

“Sodam, Kim Sodam.” Sodam said, realising she hadn’t yet introduced herself.

“Eunji.” Eunji chimed in, feeling a need to introduce herself “Youngho is also here.”

“I’m Jonghyun.” Jonghyun said, grinning proudly.

“You’re an idiot.” Sodam said.

“So I assume you’re the sister.” Taemin’s slightly echoey voice sounded from the speakers, the male having ignored the introductions.

“The best of the Kims, yes.” Sodam said, pulling off a cheesy superman pose, causing Eunji to collapse in giggles once more. The girl fell forwards with her laughter, her hair falling forwards to obscure her face and her arm knocking the phone slightly, so the device skittered across the floor.

Flailing towards it, Jonghyun managed to catch it but not before it made a horribly loud noise through the microphone, if Taemin’s quiet ‘ouch’ was any indication. Placing the phone back into the middle of the circle, Sodam helped Eunji sit back up and then waited for what Taemin wanted to say.

“So what’s this about being my worshipper?” The singer said, his voice honestly curious, even through the tinny speakers of the phone.

Sodam grinned wolfishly at her brother in a way that he knew she was going to embarrass him hugely. Realising he had no way to stop her, Jonghyun merely opened the bottle he was holding and took a large swig, hoping to dull the embarrassment. Gagging at the taste, the drink not having been beer like he had assumed, he reached behind him and grabbed blanket off the couch, wrapping himself in it like he was a burrito.

“So,” She began, like she was telling an epic tale. Her hand gestures were extravagant and large, and almost knocked the drink out of Eunji’s hand. The older girl had poached the drink Youngho had brought for Sodam for herself and was happily nursing it from her spot next to the distracted Kim sibling. “Back when Jonghyunnie was a wee baby, maybe nineteen, he got into this group called SHINee. You might have heard of them.” She carried on, despite Jonghyun’s audible groan of distress from his blanket cocoon and Eunji and Youngho’s chuckles. Neither of the friends had heard the full story of Jonghyun’s obsession, so this was of interest to them too – Youngho more than Eunji due to his more sober state.

“I think I recall a thing or two about them, yes.”

”So, he’s suuuuper obsessed, like posters, CDs and all that jazz. Goes to all the concerts. Writes songs for them in his spare time. That kinda thing.”

“Songs you say?” Taemin asked, “Why haven’t I heard any of these so called songs?”

“Because they sucked ass.” Jonghyun’s voice sounded, incredibly muffled from inside his blanket.

“Anyway, he was obsessed but he refused to go alone to their shows. It was some masculine pride thing or something. I don’t know, I don’t have a dick.”

“You’re manly enough to have one,” Jonghyun commented, his head emerging from the blankets to give the insult before retreating once more. Sodam stuck her tongue out at him and aimed a kick at his thigh, enjoying the loud smacking noise it made along with the grunt of pain.

“My dick would be bigger than yours, if I did have one.”

Taemin, who up until this point had merely been listening, laughed loudly and clearly. “Burn.”

“So he drags me to every show this group play and makes me buy all the CDs for him.” The girl says, suddenly launching back into her story.

Jonghyun takes a second to understand what she is saying as his mind cannot cope with the rapid change of topic. When he does he curls even tighter in his blanket ball, wincing as he realises the small wet patch on one side is because he is still holding a bottle in one hand and he had tilted it.

“So I go but I had to get into the role, method acting and all.” The girl continued, posing like she was some sort of Shakespearian actress.

“Obviously,” Taemin agreed as if her statement made perfect sense.

“So I became a Taemin fangirl. Squealing, acting creepy, the works. The things I do for my idiot brother.” She said, wiping away an imaginary tear.

“And now I’m paying her back one meal at a time.” Jonghyun commented, emerging from his blankets as carefully as possible considering his limited control of his limbs. He didn’t want to spill any more of his drink.

“Food is obviously the best way.” Taemin said, it was clear from his tone of voice that he had used the trick multiple times. “So how’s your night going?”

“Great!” Sodam said, “Jiwoong is dead, Eunji hasn’t spoken more than a sentence for like, four hours because she keeps laughing and Jjong seems to be having fun.”

“I am,” Jonghyun agreed, grinning. “They made my night special. It’s really good.”

“I’m glad,” Taemin said, “Now Jinki wants the phone back, have a good night Jonghyun, Sodam, and the rest. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“He pretty much gave you free reign just then.” Onew’s voice said from the phone, “Crazy kid has less boundaries than he should.”

“Woo, party!” Sodam yelled before being shushed but Eunji who placed a finger on her friend’s lips.

“We stopped the loud because neighbours. Remember.”

“Oh yeah,” Sodam whispered, far quieter than she strictly needed to be, “Sorry.”

Nodding to herself, Eunji grabbed her friend and pulled her to her feet. The two took a few seconds to regain their bearings as their respective centres of balance weren’t quite right and then the older girl pulled Sodam towards Jiwoong’s bedroom.

“We should sleep. Don’t come in our room. I’m watching you.” She said, pointing at her eyes then at the assembled men, including Jiwoong who was now crawling slowly towards the kitchen for some unknown reason.

“Goodnight,” Jonghyun said, waving, as they and Youngho left the room. Youngho heading into Jonghyun’s room after a harsh glare from his girlfriend scared him away from the artist’s bedroom.

Switching his phone off of speaker phone, Jonghyun moved from the floor onto the sofa, taking up Youngho’s vacated spot. Placing his, now half empty bottle, on the table, he arranged his blanket around him and got comfortable.

“Tonight was fun,” He said, smiling softly. “I liked it.”

“I’m glad.” Onew said, “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there.”

“I don’t mind,” Jonghyun said lightly. “You’re a big, famous, super star. I understood that when we started dating. I don’t expect you to be with me all the time.”

He was much more candid with his feelings tonight than he usually would be. The slight pang he felt whenever he realised Onew couldn’t be there with him all the time was still present but, as usual, he ignored it. Everyone had things in their life that weren’t perfect, especially in relationships. It was fine, he honestly didn’t mind.

“I know.” Onew said, but I wanted to be there. “I’ll make it up to you. This weekend, we’ll have a proper date.”

“A proper date?” Jonghyun asked, hopefully, “Like with walks by the river and a picnic and flowers?”

“If that’s what you want.” Onew agreed.

“I’m looking forward to it.” Jonghyun said. “I’m sleepy.”

“Then sleep. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight Jinks.”

“Goodnight Jjong,” Jinki’s voice sounded from the phone but Jonghyun was already asleep. A combination of hearing Onew’s voice, happiness and alcohol – ok, mainly alcohol – had succeeded in lulling the blonde to sleep. His head was tilted at an awkward angle that was sure to hurt in the morning and one leg was hanging out of the blanket that covered him. The phone slipped in his hands and landed on his blanketed lap with a muffled thump.

A quiet chuckle sounded from the speakers as no response to his statement came. Onew spoke quietly, so as not to wake the blonde, “Sleep well, I love you.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: All my chapters have been between 2k and 2.5k recently. So here’s one that’s a little longer for you. Also drunk Jonghyun is sappy Jonghyun.


	31. Chapter 30 – Date night (time of day is irrelevant)

Jonghyun leapt up from the sofa eagerly when he heard the doorbell ring. Ignoring Jiwoong’s poorly disguised insult - the artist’s cough did nothing to hide the accusation of ‘whipped’, though he probably hadn’t meant it to be that subtle anyway - the blonde practically ran to the door, unlocking it quickly. He had already begun to put on his shoes before it had even fully opened.

“Eager to go?” Onew chuckled as he stepped into the foyer. He looked fantastic, even in an oversized hoodie, large black sunglasses and face mask, Jonghyun noticed.

Jonghyun was dressed similarly. He had avoided the face mask, not finding it necessary as he wasn’t as famous as his boyfriend. By less famous he, of course, meant not famous at all, although he did occasionally still get messages online from his _adoring_ fans.

Since starting to date the singer, many items of clothing that Jonghyun rarely wore before had come out more and more often. He usually preferred tailored or more fashionable clothes but, when out with Onew, he usually had to remain unnoticed and his usual clothes didn’t really embody that. Not that he dressed incredibly flashy, like those chaebol heirs you saw on TV, but it wasn’t the subtle he desired. Therefore, oversized hoodies and beanies had overtaken his wardrobe. He had however, retained his skinny jeans and coloured hair. He had to keep some aspect of his own taste in his clothing choices.

“You don’t even know.” Jonghyun said, dragging the other male out of his apartment and down the hallway to the lift. “Jiwoong’s been watching documentaries about paint drying speeds all morning. I was going insane.” Seeing Onew’s look of incredulity, Jonghyun exclaimed, “They exist and they are as dull as they sound. Also there’s more than one. More than one person decided that was a topic that really, really needed to be covered in detail.”

“Then I’m glad to be a distraction for you.” Onew said, gesturing Jonghyun into the recently arrived lift and pressing the button for the lower ground floor – the car parking level for the apartment building.

Jonghyun smiled at his boyfriend and, in the empty lift where there was no one to see, moved closer to link their arms and lean his head against the singer’s shoulder. The composer would usually curse his short height, however, in situations like this, it was definitely a benefit. He felt the idol’s arm reach around and grasp his waist and, turning to look at the taller male, he reached up and pulled down his mask. Pulling it down below the man’s lips, the blonde pecked him quickly and released the mask. The singer yelped as the elastic twanged back into place and resulted in stinging line around his ears.

“Don’t be a baby.” Jonghyun chuckled, as the doors to the lift opened and the two stepped out into the parking garage, now at a respectable distance apart.

Their footsteps echoed loudly in the large room as they headed towards the car. Jonghyun couldn’t help the curl of warmth that spread through him as he realised his footsteps were completely in time with his boyfriend’s. Moments like this made him feel like a teenage girl but he didn’t care. He was dating the man of his dreams and he was going to make the most of it.

Onew walked around to the passenger side of the car and held open the door for Jonghyun, bowing shallowly.

“Thank you, good sir.” Jonghyun said, teasing his boyfriend as the male obviously expected to be teased. However, he was very touched. The other man really could be the perfect gentleman when he tried. Of course, he often ruined that with his off-colour sense of humour or by mocking Jonghyun in some way – always jokingly and Jonghyun always mocked right back – but he had his moments.

“My princess.” Onew said, as he pushed the car door closed. The singer laughed as he saw Jonghyun’s face just before he shut the door. He was glad the windows were tinted and the doors were mostly soundproof because he was sure the blonde had probably shot a few choice words and hand gestures at him for that one.

“So,” Onew said, as he slid into the driver’s seat, “I have a few things I was hoping to do today.”

“Oh?” Jonghyun said, looking at the singer, his minimal annoyance at his boyfriend’s quip fading away.

“Yep.” The singer said, as he turned on the car’s engine and reversed out of the parking space. Jonghyun, at moments like this, was glad that neither he nor Jiwoong owned cars. With the apartment, they had also acquired a parking space that, since the day they had moved in, remained empty. However, now, Onew occupied it whenever he came to visit Jonghyun at his home. It was far easier than having to find any nearby parking and also posed less of a risk of the two being discovered doing something suspicious.

“So, where we going?” Jonghyun asked, as the car cruised down the road. Looking out the window, the blonde tried to work out where they were heading. He knew these streets but, unfortunately, they led to basically anywhere within the city. “You made it sound like we had a destination today.”

The two didn’t usually have anywhere in particular in mind when they were on a date in the car. They often just drove around the city, observing the sights and finding new regions that they had never driven through before. So this journey was intriguing the blonde.

“Secret.” Onew said, stressing each syllable separately.

Jonghyun made a groaning noise of annoyance and continued peering out of the windows like a small child on the way to the zoo.

Onew laughed at his reaction and patted his knee. “The river. We’re going to the river.”

Jonghyun looked at him and gaped, “Is that safe?”

“Absolutely.” Onew assured, knowing what Jonghyun was referring to. “I have adequate disguise and it’s a really busy spot. We’ll look just like friends and we’ll be fine.”

“I’m glad.” Jonghyun grinned, settling back in his seat. Looking at Onew, he smiled gently and tried to convey his happiness through his expression.

“This is for you. This is your weekend.” Onew said, looking away from the road to grin at his boyfriend, “We’re celebrating your achievements properly and this is what you said you wanted.”

“I did?” Jonghyun asked, looking confused. “I don’t remember saying that.”

“You probably wouldn’t.”

Jonghyun looked at him in confusion, not aware of any gaps in his memories. Shrugging absently, he fell silent, happy to wait for the car to arrive at its destination. He trusted Onew to make this a fun day.

\--

 “That reminds me,” Jonghyun commented as the two males strolled past a small group of ducks that were lounging by the banks of the river. Jonghyun found them adorable. The lone male was preening happily, smoothing out his feathers whilst the others, all female, napped contentedly in the grass. “I finished that song for Taemin.”

“Wait, seriously?” Onew said, looking at Jonghyun in shock. Not that his full expression was visible through his mask but Jonghyun could imagine it clearly enough. “I thought you were joking about writing one.”

“No way. It was fun.” Jonghyun grinned, “I’ll give you a copy of it later, so he can check it out.”

“Will do.” Onew grinned, “The kid’ll be so happy.”

“One issue,” Jonghyun said, rubbing the back of his head. Due to the hood obscuring his appearance to the casual observer, he couldn’t ruffle his hair.

Onew looked at him questioningly. It clearly wasn’t a big issue as Jonghyun didn’t look too worried but he felt a curl of worry in his gut nonetheless.

“It’s sort of a duet. I know I joked about it before, but I wasn’t really serious. I was really planning to make it fully solo but I was composing and it sort of happened that way. I reasoned he could ask Kai or someone. Kai would be best, has the right sort of voice for the part.”

“How is that an issue?” Onew asked, laughing.

“Well, Taemin really wants a solo album, right? So it’s not really solo if I give him a duet.”

“It’s still a solo album. It’ll just feature someone else. Plus that sounds fancy. Lee Taemin featuring Kai from EXO.” Onew said, slowly moving his hand in front of him as if he was revealing the words. “Fancy schmancy.”

Jonghyun chuckled, rolling his eyes. “If that’s your definition of fancy I’m not sure I want to see your definition of low rent.”

“But seriously,” Onew said after sticking his tongue out at the insult, “Taemin will be so thankful. Thanks for doing this. I’m sorry you had to work on the weekends.”

“I enjoyed writing this song, it was different from work. It was refreshing.” Jonghyun said, smiling.

And he did enjoy it. Working as SM Entertainment was a dream come true. He got to spend every day doing what he loved and he loved doing it. However, he had missed the feeling of sitting in his bed room in his spare time and writing music for fun. Plus, he had been writing for SHINee for years, whether they knew it or not, so it was easy to slip back into it. With other groups or singers it was a challenge to write for them because he didn’t know them or their voices well. He had to work out who they were and their strengths and weaknesses. With SHINee, he already knew all that. Thus, he could challenge himself in different ways. He was able to experiment more with the melodies and was able to tell intrinsically what would work and what would not. It was refreshing.

“Good.” Onew smiled, bumping his shoulder gently against the blonde’s. “Wouldn’t want you forcing yourself just for my bratty group-mate.”

Jonghyun laughed, bumping him right back. He was forced to break into a light jog as Onew growled playfully and made to lunge at him and probably subject him to tickling or something similar. Dodging round people, the two ran a short distance before Jonghyun called truce, his shoes not being made for running and his breath a little short – though if Onew asked why they stopped, it was all his shoes and he wasn’t tired at all.

Stopping next to the composer, Onew laughed and pulled down his mask, drawing in a few breaths of clear air. He too was feeling the strain. For a man who sang and danced for a living, his sporting ability was sorely lacking. It was something Jonghyun took great pleasure in teasing him about. “Want to head back to the car soon?” He asked, “We can grab a bite to eat on the way back, or something.”

Jonghyun nodded, following the singer as he headed back towards the car. He felt the urge to grab his boyfriends hand as they strolled along. He knew it was cliché and a little cheesy and he knew that Onew would likely judge him for being sappy but he wanted it. However, they couldn’t and Jonghyun understood that. Not only was Onew famous, and a relationship scandal would be catastrophic for his career, but they were both men. There had been dramatic progress in gay rights and acceptance in their country recently, however there was still a long way to go until it was universally accepted and even longer before someone whose entire job was in the spotlight could afford to admit such a relationship. It was a sad fact but it was one Jonghyun had long come to terms with.

Pulling his hood further over his face, Jonghyun jogged gently to catch up with Onew who had walked a little ahead in Jonghyun’s time of reflection. Shooting the singer a grin and brushing their hands together briefly, Jonghyun was happy to feel Onew’s fingers reach across and squeeze his hand gently before letting go.

Sending a grin at the blonde, Onew turned and began jogging backwards, moving steadily away from Jonghyun, “Race you to the car!”

“What?” Jonghyun called, as Onew ran away from him, having turned and started running the second the last word had left his mouth. “No fair!”

He ran quickly, trying to catch up with the singer, one hand on his hood to keep it in place and mumbling curses under his breath. Onew turned his head and made a small squeaking noise as he saw the composer approaching fast. The idol made a concerted effort to escape however, the composer was more in shape than he was and managed to catch up fast, despite his inappropriate shoes.

Jonghyun growled playfully under his breath as he approached the singer and, dodging round a little girl on a bike and a mother with a pram, he managed to grab the back of his boyfriend’s jacket. Grabbing on tightly, he yanked hard, pulling the singer towards him and causing the both of them to topple over. It was only Jonghyun’s quick thinking that resulted in the two hitting the grass at the side of the path instead of the path itself.

The two rolled about, play wrestling in the grass, for a few minutes until Onew won – partially because Jonghyun couldn’t bring himself to fight the man when he pulled the hurt puppy look – and ended up sitting on the composer, straddling his hips.

“That was mean.”

“You started it.” Jonghyun said, crossing his arms as best he could from underneath the other male.

“You’re just a sore loser.” Onew countered.

“I didn’t lose!”

“See? Sore loser.” Onew said, pointing at Jonghyun’s face in triumph.

Sticking his tongue out at the other male, Jonghyun pushed him off himself and onto the grass. Standing up slowly, he frowned at the many grass stains now marring his grey pants.

“You ruined my pants.” He pouted, looking at the singer petulantly.

“You ruined your own pants.”

“Nuh uh.”

“Uh huh.”

Their play argument continuing, the composer pulled the singer to his feet. The argument, after a few minutes petered off and the two broke out into loud laughter.

“Come on, loser.” Jonghyun said, still chuckling. “Let’s go. I’m hungry.”

“Sounds good.” Onew said, smiling gently and gesturing for Jonghyun to lead the way.

Jonghyun took the invitation, practically skipping onto the path. Holding out his left hand in invitation, Jonghyun swept into a low bow, inviting Onew to join him on the path. Onew, taking the invitation, strolled as if he was royalty before once more collapsing into laughter. The two drew many confused stares from passersby as they wandered down the riverside path back to where they had parked the car but neither particularly cared.

Jonghyun especially couldn’t care less what anyone thought of him. This was his day. This was his celebration with his boyfriend. He was damn well going to enjoy every minute of it.

He already was.

\--

“I’ll be right back.” Onew said, as he stepped out of the car. “I have something I need to buy real quick.”

The two males had been driving for approximately an hour, doing exactly as they normally did when driving together. Absently, Jonghyun realised they had skipped lunch. There had been plans to buy some after they left the park – it was a little late but could still be considered lunch. However, they had gotten into a really in depth conversation about the intricacies of the entertainment industry and had become distracted. The topic may sound boring to many people but, for the two who were so involved with the industry, it was interesting and kept them occupied through many a residential neighbourhood.

Jonghyun looked out the window, interested as to where Onew had stopped the car. It appeared to be a small, local shopping district. There was a green grocer whose windows teemed with colourful veggies, the cabbages on prime display. An older woman was bustling through the aisles, her shopping basket clutched tightly in her hands, as she perused the display of carrots, looking for the best ones. Next door to that was a post office. A man at the counter was saying something. Jonghyun assumed he was angry about something from the sharp arm movements he was making and the irritated look on the employee’s face.

From his place in the car, Jonghyun couldn’t clearly see any of the other shops in the small precinct. Therefore, he wasn’t certain where the Onew had gone. He was assuming the man wasn’t planning to go and buy a large bunch of kale and he had had nothing in his hand when he left the car, so wasn’t posting a letter. They may have skipped lunch and the singer may be on a performance diet right now, however, even he wouldn’t consider that a viable lunch.

Shrugging and turning up the radio, Jonghyun settled down to wait. He was sure his curiosity would be assuaged in a little while. Onew was terrible at keeping anything secret and, with the way he was going about this little expedition indicated he wasn’t planning to keep it secret for long.

 Jonghyun had gotten through three more songs on the radio – two of which he enjoyed and one he spent the whole song cringing at the poor composition – before Onew returned. The singer opened the door but did not enter the car. Jonghyun watched, a little confused as the male fumbled with something in his hands.

“I, uhh…” Onew said, looking nervous.

Jonghyun watched, not sure why his boyfriend was acting like this. Cocking his head, he remained silent, waiting to see if the singer would explain himself. His boyfriend still had his mask down, although his hood was up, and it was clear he was chewing the inside of his cheek; which was something the male usually tried to avoid doing, finding it to be a very bad habit.

“You ok?” Jonghyun asked, starting to feel a little concerned. His boyfriend often acted odd, but he had been fidgeting in the doorway for over a minute now, it was a little more odd than usual.

“Yeah.” Onew said, nodding to himself. However, he still didn’t enter the car. “I uh, I got you a gift. Because this is a celebration and our first cliché romantic date. So yeah, I got you…” He trailed off and shrugged, looking embarrassed as he pulled something from behind his back.

Jonghyun gasped as something incredibly bright and colourful overtook his vision and a sweet smell permeated his senses. Pulling back slightly the blonde allowed his eyes to focus on the object now obscuring his vision. When his eyes focused properly he smiled widely and reached out to take the object from Onew. The singer then slid into the car seat, no longer needing to hover awkwardly outside the door as he now had nothing to hide.

“These are beautiful.” Jonghyun exclaimed. “How did you know I wanted flowers?”

They really were beautiful flowers. The bouquet was a riot of bright pinks, oranges and yellows. All the flower heads were large and none of the assembled flowers could have been described as delicate. The whole display was just so… Onew. He had probably spent ages choosing these flowers, making sure each one was exactly the right colour. Considering the male had been gone for over twenty minutes, Jonghyun was sure the poor server was probably going spare having to deal with his boyfriend’s pickiness.

Stroking one of the flower’s petals – a raucous, yellow daisy-like flower – Jonghyun marvelled at its softness. He knew nothing about flowers, that that one flower looked like a daisy was pretty much the extent of his knowledge. However, he could appreciate how these flowers looked. The yellows interacted well with the brightness of the pinks and the oranges – which were smaller than the others with many blooms per stem – and the colours were all intermixed nicely.

“Secret.” Onew said, tapping his nose.

Jonghyun scowled at the male and stuck out his tongue before sniffing the flowers once more, his expression smoothing out into something calmer. “You’ll tell me one day.”

Onew chucked, reversing out of the car park, “You talk a lot when you’re drunk.”

“Oh god.” Jonghyun moaned. He would have put his head in his hands however, the flowers were in the way. “I didn’t say anything too bad, right?”

“Nothing terrible.” Onew assured. “Although you did speak to Minnie for a while and he probably gained some blackmail material.”

“I did? Oh god. I’m taking that song back. He doesn’t deserve it.”

Onew laughed as he turned the car back onto the road and started to head back to Jonghyun’s apartment, “Take away at your house?”

“Works for me. As long as we get something greasy and unhealthy. It’s a special occasion.” Jonghyun bartered.

“Something Chinese?” Onew asked, “We can buy in bulk and get some for Jiwoong too.”

“He might not be home, he’s been out with his secret girlfriend most nights recently. But I guess I could eat it for lunch tomorrow if he’s not there.” Jonghyun said, his expression getting happier as he spoke and realised there was the chance he could eat super unhealthy – but delicious – food for more than one day in a row.

“That works,” Onew agreed, stopping at the traffic lights and looking up to study the road signs as if to work out which way he needed to go.

“Left.” Jonghyun said, seeing Onew’s confusion.

“I knew that.”

“Sure you did, dear.” Jonghyun agreed.

Onew snorted and broke down into laughter. “Oh God, you sounded like my mother. That’s really disturbing.”

“I’m sure your mother is a fantastic person. I’d be glad to emulate her.” Jonghyun countered.

Onew looked away from the road to study Jonghyun briefly before shrugging, “She is pretty great.”

This conversation made Jonghyun think. Everyone important in his life knew he was gay and had a boyfriend. Those closest to him knew exactly who that boyfriend was, even if they hadn’t met him themselves. Even his parents, who were initially wary of his sexuality, had become comfortable with the idea of him dating a man. He had told them, after a month of dating the singer, about who exactly he was seeing. That was a conversation he would rather not relive any time soon.

Sodam had found it hilarious, especially the fact that her brother could go so red in the face. Their mother had been happy for her son, hugging him and asking for all the details. She had finally become more comfortable with her son’s preferences in his second year at university and had initiated a large conversation about what it meant and why he preferred dating males. Since then, she had been hinting that he needed to find himself a nice person – she still had some lingering hope he’d find a woman, although realizing it was almost impossible – and settle down. Apparently, by his age, she had already met his father and was preparing to get married to the man.

His father had taken a lot longer to come to terms with everything. He had not initiated any conversations and had remained uncomfortable and silent whenever the topic was brought up, up until very recently. At some point within the last six months or so, after Jonghyun had first become friends with Onew, the man had started to act less uptight. Jonghyun wasn’t entirely sure what the catalyst was, however, after he had noticed the change, he had started to treat Sodam to a few more dinners and nights out. The girl may not have overtly said anything to their father but Jonghyun was sure she had had at least some impact on the man’s opinions.

His father’s reaction when he had informed the man of his romantic partner was to get Sodam to show him interviews and variety shows featuring the singer. The man was highly technologically illiterate, which was lucky, as Jonghyun had heard from Sodam that she had avoided the shows that were least flattering for Onew’s character – not that any interviews obviously shed the singer in a bad light but there were some things you would rather your future father-in-law not see. Jonghyun felt a little bad that he had forced his sister to sit through so many hours of television she didn’t care about, yet, simultaneously, he wasn’t too bothered. The girl had been getting him to pay her back ever since.

After he had watched a good two hours of content, never saying a word – apparently – the eldest Kim had declared the idol was ‘acceptable’ and ‘wouldn’t embarrass the family name’. Thus, Jonghyun’s parents accepted his relationship and, at some point in the future, he would introduce Onew to them properly.

However, the composer wasn’t sure if Onew had informed his own parents about Jonghyun. He hoped he had but there may be good reason for the singer not to. Honestly, Jonghyun didn’t know all that much about the idol’s family situation. This was mostly because the singer lived in the dorms and had done for a long time and his work schedule was busy, not allowing long trips to go and see his parents very often. The composer knew the singer spoke to the couple often on the phone often but he wasn’t sure the male would have informed them in that manner. Some things were better told in person, after all.

“Would she like me?” Jonghyun asked, fiddling with one of the leaves of a raucously pink flower.

“Who?” Onew asked, still focusing on the road.

“Your mother.”

Onew looked surprised at the question for a moment before smiling and reaching an arm towards Jonghyun, the other remaining on the steering wheel. Patting the composer’s knee, the singer spoke, “She’d love you. She already does and she hasn’t even met you.”

“She does?” Jonghyun asked, looking hopeful.

“Of course she does, who wouldn’t?”

“Many people.” Jonghyun chuckled, his worries assuaged. If the singer had told his mother and she approved, that would make their relationship so much easier in the future. Nothing was worse for a new relationship than disapproving parents, he had heard.

Onew telling his mother also showed something else that Jonghyun hadn’t considered. It showed that the singer was in this relationship for the long-haul. As Jonghyun was also intending that to be the case, it was a fantastic thing to find out about his boyfriend. Grinning, his fingers still twirling the long, green leaf of the daisy-like flower, the blonde felt a tingly warmth spread through his body.

“Well they’re strange and wrong.” Onew stated, pulling into the car park for a strip of shops just down the road from Jonghyun’s apartment building. “Special fried rice and beef and black bean good?” He asked, as he parked and grabbed his wallet.

“Yep,” Jonghyun agreed. The two ate together often, so knew what to order. The question was merely a courtesy in case Jonghyun’s usual answer had changed for some reason.

Three hours later, the two males were comfortably full and lounging about on the blonde’s sofa. Jiwoong had not returned home that evening, as Jonghyun had predicted, so the remaining food was packed into plastic boxes and placed in the fridge for the next day. Their plates had also been cleared, now sat in the sink, ready to be washed.

Onew shifted, nudging the blonde’s head from where it was resting on his shoulder. Jonghyun let out a groan and made grabby hands towards the singer, trying to pull him back towards him. The idol laughed, running his fingers through the composer’s hair gently before he pushed himself up off the sofa. Jonghyun groaned again, falling to one side and laying lengthwise across the sofa cushions.

“You’re ridiculous.” Onew said, watching the blonde’s flailing attempts to get up.

“No, you are.” Jonghyun countered, giving up on sitting up and falling still. His voice was slightly muffled by the soft material of the sofa but still understandable in the quiet room. “I was comfortable.”

“I have to leave.” Onew said, looking a little sad at the prospect. “I’m expected back at the dorm tonight.”

Jonghyun pushed himself up for real this time and stood up slowly, pausing to stretch out all the kinks in his back. “That sucks, I was enjoying that.”

“You were falling asleep.” Onew said, moving towards the door, Jonghyun following.

“And I was enjoying every second.”

Rolling his eyes, Onew pulled the male towards himself, finding it amusing how the blonde stumbled because he didn’t expect it. Kissing him gently, he pulled away until they were nose to nose. “I’ll see you soon. I hope you had a good day.”

“I did.” Jonghyun said, shuddering at the feeling of Onew’s breath across his lips. “I really did.”

“I’m glad. I tried to make everything perfect for you.”

“And you managed.” Jonghyun said, a little sad as the singer pulled away from their embrace in order to put on his shoes. “Have a safe trip home.”

“I will.” Onew smiled. Turning around, he kissed Jonghyun once more, leaving the composer red in the face and a little flustered and opened the door. “I’ll try to make time to see you next week.”

“You better.” Jonghyun mock threatened before waving the singer goodbye as he headed towards the lifts.

Onew blew a kiss back towards Jonghyun before stepping into the metal contraption. Jonghyun mimed catching the flying gesture and fake swooned. The last thing he saw before the lift doors slid shut was Onew’s laughing face. Shutting the door gently, Jonghyun leant against it feeling like all those women in chick flicks did after their dream dates. Sighing in happiness, he was glad Jiwoong was out with his girlfriend – who he still hadn’t officially told Jonghyun about – because the artist would love to tease the composer about this. He could imagine it now, ‘I know you’re gay but I didn’t realise you were also a woman’ or ‘if I wanted to see love sick people I’d have gone to the Cherry Blossom festival at sunset’.

Shaking himself out of it, Jonghyun moved further into his apartment. He took a second to admire the flower arrangement from Onew and vowing to get some plant nutrients later so the blooms would stay vibrant for longer, before walking to the couch and collapsing onto it. Hugging a pillow to himself, he tried to decide what to do with his night. After some hard thinking, he allowed himself to indulge in his chick-flick feelings and searched the TV channels for a sappy romance movie. Finding one, he settled down for the night but not before shooting a quick text to his boyfriend.

 ** _Jonghyun 8:49pm_**  
Today was fun. Thank you for doing this.  
  


Then, realising how sappy and pathetic he sounded he sent one more.

**_Jonghyun 8:50pm_ ** _  
I don_ _’t thank you for turning me into a sap tho_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: You know I said the last chapter was longer than usual. This one is even longer. Actually broke 5k with this one. Also, there’s still a lot of this fic to go. We’re only half way through the arcs (more than half way through the chapters though) :3


	32. Chapter 31 – Arc 4 Begins

_www.kpopnews.com/article/2015/06/SHINee-Onew -dating_

**_SHINee_ ** **_’s Onew believed to be dating_ **

_24 November, 2013_ _– 11:47am_

_Onew (23) has been speculated to be in a relationship with an unknown other. The leader of SHINee has been spotted on multiple occasions on what netizens believe to be dates._

_Recent photos published by Dispatch show the singer entering a car which contains an unknown other. The photographs show the singer carrying flowers and presenting them to the person within the car. SNS posts from the store they were purchased state the idol requested gift wrapping and was particular about which flowers he wanted in the bouquet._

_[/SNS post from flower shop owner]_

_[@xflowersforpowers_

_Not every day you serve Onew from SHINee. He was very particular about getting pink and orange flowers. He really wanted them to be perfect.]_

_The idol group was previously considered squeaky clean, with no members being involved in a scandal of any kind. SM Entertainment is yet to make any comment._

_Source: Dispatch;SNS[1]_

\--

 

_www.kpopnews.com/article/2015/06/SM-statement-Onew-dating-rumours_

**_SM Entertainment releases statement about Onew_ ** **_’s dating scandal_ **

_25 November, 2013_ _–_ _3:15pm_

_SM Entertainment has released an official statement about the dating rumours surrounding SHINee_ _’s Onew (23)._

_Yesterday, speculations were brought up about Onew dating an unknown other after he was witnessed purchasing flowers before entering a car containing another individual. Speculation is this individual is dating the singer. However, SM Entertainment has denied these claims._

_“_ The rumours of SHINee’s Onew dating are unfounded. The flowers were for a close friend and Onew is currently focused on his career above all else.” _The statement continued to explain how Onew and all members of SHINee are currently hard at work following the release of their latest Korean album,_ The Misconceptions of Us _, as well as their 2 nd Japanese album _Boys Meet U _a few months ago_.

_SM Entertainment assured that Onew will work harder to ensure such misunderstandings do not occur again in the future and he is very apologetic for any distress he may have caused with his actions._

_Source: SM Entertainment_

_\--_

**_OnlyOnew_ **

_13.58am 26.11.13_

**_Is Onew-oppa dating someone?_ **

_Hai guys,_

_So recently loads and loads of articles and tweets and reports and stuff have been released saying Onew-oppa is dating someone. Originally I was super sad because he cant date someone but then I thought about it and_ _… yeah he can. He deserves ot be happy too, right?_

_But that_ _’s not the issue here or the point of the post. We can discuss whether idols should be able to date at length in another place. This post is purely for the question_ _‘Is Onew Dating Someone?_ _’_

_So, I did some digging through old photos and I can honestly say, I_ _’m not sure._

_Recent photos show Onew-oppa spending more time outside the dorm than he used to. There have been more sightings of him outside the dorm this year than I have ever seen before. He used to go out sometimes, usually with the other Shinee members or SuJu sunbaenim or other idols, but now it_ _’s more common._

_But this doesn_ _’t mean he_ _’s dating. Most of these pictures show him with an unknoen male who must be a new friend, as he hasn_ _’t shown up before this year. These two are often seen around the Shinee dorm or around the SM building. Unfortuantely, they quickly move inside and there are no full pictures of this friend, due to his hood or sunglasses. He does seem to be blonde though. So it could be an idol but maybe one from a smaller group or the trainees as he hasn_ _’t been recognized yet._

_[/image of the two outside SM photo]_

_[/image of the two walking together photo]_

_But this isn_ _’t dating and therefore isn_ _’t important to this thread._

_So the incident of interest was the_ _‘_ _car date_ _’ and the flowers._

_It_ _’s confirmed the flowers were bought by Onew-oppa and he spent a long time choosing what blooms he wanted. Apparently he isn_ _’t educated in the language of flowers because they mean a really weird mix of things (I posted a separate forum post about all the meanings if you_ _’re interested) but he definitely went for ones that look good together. This is confirmed by the SNS post of the flower shop girl who served him. Apparently he really wanted pinks and oranges and really wanted big loud flowers (which just seems totally Onew-oppa, it_ _’_ _s cute)._

_Then he gave the flwers to someone in his car. There_ _’s a load of pictures of him in this car and I_ _’m pretty sure it is his or at least the one he usually uses. The pictures seem pretty incriminating. Because of the tinted windows it_ _’s impossible to see the person in the car, which sucks a little, but the look on Onew-oppa_ _’s face seems totally smitten, at least to me. Idk I don_ _’t look at someone I consider a friend like that._

_[/Dispatch photo of Onew entering car]_

_Since those pictures were released, several more pictures have emerged. These look totally innocent when you look at them but knowing the celebrity thing for car dates, theres a chance they aren_ _’t._

_[/Potential car date photo 1]_

_[/Potential car date photo 2]_

_Finally, he was spotted at the park, strolling casually by the Han River. Again, the person he is with is not visible and the person who took the photo apologized profusely that they didn_ _’t see them. Apparently she was so pshyched at seeing Onew-oppa (who wouldn_ _’t be?!) she didn_ _’t even notice who he was with herself. Again, that look on his face is fishy to me. But who knows._

_[/Onew on potential park date photo]_

_I personally am not sure. There_ _’s a chance. He could be dating. I would be sad if he was. I totally love him and I would b sad if he was. But I_ _’d also be happy. It_ _’s a very complicated emotion for me. The idea of wanting him to be happy but also for me to be happy, you know?_

_I just hope, if he is dating, SM don_ _’t make him break up. That announcement they made sounds super suspicious and I really hope they don_ _’t force Onew-oppa to do something he doesn_ _’t want to do. Can you imagine if you were dating someone that your parents didn_ _’t like then they forced you to break up? That_ _’s basically how it would be and that would suck._

**_ILUAlways  
_ ** _OMG Onew Cant Be Dating Some Girl. He Just Cant. He_ _’s Too Perfect To Date SomePetty Girl.I Bet She Isnt Even Pretty._

**_StuckOnew_ ** **_  
_ ** _Does it even matter if he_ _’_ _s dating?  I wish him all the best, even if he is. I really hope your prediction about SM making them break up (if theyre dating isn’t true). That would be really sad for poor Onew._

**_Taeminttothemax  
_ ** _Always knew Onew was the risky one. He seems so innocent then bam, he_ _’s the one with the scandal. And everyone predicted it would be Minho XD_

**_Jin1999  
_ ** _nooooooooooo he cant be dating he just cant I wont stand for it I will actually cry_

**_KeyToMyHeart  
_ ** _Good for him if he found someone, he deserves to be happy :D_


	33. Chapter 32 – Conscious uncoupling

“Jonghyun,” Sungkyu said, quietly, as he poked his head round the purchasing office door, “Can I see you in my office, please?”

Jonghyun gave no reply but stood up and moved to the door, following his mentor as he headed back to his office. The composer failed to notice the concerned looks the others in the room sent him and he had no way to know that, right at that moment, a long, detailed group conversation was going on about him in the company instant message program. It mainly contained messages of concern and a few half-started plans to help the male cheer up a little and was growing in length by the minute.

Following the man into his office, Jonghyun sat in the indicated chair and waited for the man to speak. He honestly wasn’t sure why the older composer wanted to speak to him. Their meetings were becoming less and less regular as Jonghyun became more comfortable with his working life and the job he was expected to do, so this meeting was unusual. They still met occasionally, of course; there were their usual weekly meetings and, sometimes, the composer would request Jonghyun’s input on a composition. However, their interaction was much reduced as of late.

Jonghyun didn’t mind meeting less often. Sungkyu was a busy man, after all and anything that made his workload easier was a good thing in the blonde’s mind. However, considering it was a Tuesday morning and their usual meetings were scheduled for Thursday afternoons, Jonghyun was a little confused as to what this could be. Every other impromptu meeting was not that impromptu at all. Sungkyu was usually very good at informing the blonde ahead of time, via email or instant message, when he would like the meeting to be – except for that disastrous observation of a girl group for Jonghyun’s first solo project. He also always gave the opportunity for Jonghyun to reschedule if the times did not work for him. Yet, that hadn’t happened this time.

“I would like to discuss the draft you sent me yesterday.” Sungkyu said, looking serious. He was leaning his elbows on his desk, as if he was tired, his fingers steepled in front of his chin.

Sungkyu, as a way of observing his work and ensuring he was meeting targets – both for professional reasons and for Jonghyun’s personal learning and growth – expected Jonghyun to send him a copy of all composition work he was doing. Those emails were usually sent on a Monday afternoon and would be discussed in the Thursday meeting when Sungkyu had had a chance to look them over.

“What about it?” Jonghyun asked, quietly. Speaking for the first time since Sungkyu had invited him into the office.

“It’s not up to your usual standard.”

“Well, it’s just a rough draft.” Jonghyun said defensively. “You can’t expect it to be perfect.”

“I can’t and I didn’t.” Sungkyu retorted, his eyebrows furrowing and resulting in a little wrinkle forming between his eyes. His tone was a little sharper than normal, showing his displeasure at being addressed like that. Jonghyun, despite feeling irritation at what the man was saying, vowed to keep his impulses under better control. Sungkyu was, after all, he boss and more than deserved his respect. “However, it still wasn’t to the standard I know you can produce. You made mistakes in this piece that you haven’t made since your first year at school.”

Jonghyun looked down at the desk, observing the fine wood grains. He felt well and truly cowed by the older man’s words. He was aware that it wasn’t his best work but personal pride did not allow him to accept any criticism against it. Following a dark stripe in the wood from one edge of the desk to the other, Jonghyun remained silent. He wasn’t sure what exactly he was meant to say in this situation. ‘I’ll do better’ was the obvious one but somehow, that didn’t feel like what Sungkyu was looking for. So, the blonde remained silent. Hoping his mentor wouldn’t be too harsh on him.

Seeing that his protégé wasn’t going to speak any time soon, Sungkyu sighed heavily. Jonghyun looked up at the sound, a little confused by that reaction. He hadn’t expected the man to sound so tired. Exasperated maybe, but that sigh was full of exhaustion.

“How is everything at home?”

Jonghyun was surprised by the sudden question and answered hesitantly, “Good. Jiwoong is never home because of his girlfriend. It’s quite refreshing, actually, to have the place to myself.”

Jonghyun watched his mentor’s face, not quite sure where that question was coming from. The man seemed satisfied with his answer, however. Though, the tension in his expression remained, showing he was still worried about something.

“Good, good.” The man said, looking at Jonghyun as if observing him closely. He almost seemed like he expected to find something terribly wrong with the younger male. “And the bullying hasn’t started again?”

“No?” Jonghyun said, still confused.

“Good. I’m glad.” Sungkyu said, absently. “What about your friendship with that singer boy?”

Jonghyun flinched back at that, the question touching a raw nerve. “Fine, it’s fine.” He said, tersely. Leaning back in his chair, the blonde played nonchalant, pretending the question hadn’t surprised him. He knew he had been unable to hide all the pain from his voice, however he thought he had done an ok job at hiding the exact extent of his feelings.

Unfortunately, Sungkyu seemed to see right through him. The composer always had. Whenever there was a problem, he seemed to be able to get to the heart of it faster than anyone else; even Sodam.

“I’d say it isn’t fine, if it’s affecting your work. You don’t normally allow such things to influence you. Even when you were bullied…” Sungkyu trailed off, not needing to say any more in order to get his point across.

Jonghyun tensed a little at the reminder and looked down at his lap once more. He twisted his fingers together, observing the way the skin creased around his thumbs as he did so. “I’m not being bullied again.”

“So you said.” Sungkyu agreed. “However, you clearly have a problem. Did you argue with Onew?”

“Argue…” Jonghyun mused. “No, we didn’t argue.”

“Then what happened?” Sungkyu asked, concerned. It was obvious to him that the boy in front of his desk was not lying. He did not have an argument with his friend. However, the cause of his mood was definitely linked to his friendship with the idol.

“We spoke and decided we shouldn’t be friends anymore. Simple.” Jonghyun said, his facial expression showing it was anything but simple.

“Why would that be necessary?” Sungkyu asked, leaning forward in his seat. He hoped the blonde would look up at him soon, it was hard to convey his concern when the boy wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“It just was.” Jonghyun mumbled, crossing his legs and folding in on himself. “We decided it was for the best.”

Sungkyu suddenly remembered something. He wasn’t usually up to date with the latest news in the idol world – he had little interest – however, one piece of information had been making the rounds of the SM Entertainment building.

“Is this because he’s dating someone?”

“No.” Jonghyun said, defensively, shaking his head forcefully. He finally looked up at his mentor as he continued to speak. His voice was louder than it had been all meeting and there was finally some emotion in his tone. “He’s not dating anyone. That was the point.” The young composer mumbled the last line, obviously not intending Sungkyu to hear.

Sungkyu did hear and watched, silently, as he tried to work out what that statement meant. There were many possibilities as to what he could be referring to. Sungkyu knew that his protégé was very close with the singer and he knew the two spent a lot of time together, so cancelling their friendship had to be for a good reason.

Unless.

The two had always been close. From the start, from the first day they had met, the blonde had been enchanted by the idol. That was clear to anyone who looked at him. Sungkyu was also aware of the boy’s previous love of SHINee. On that first day, when the boy came in for a meeting about his competition entry – looking incredibly young and incredibly nervous – his love of the group had been plain to see to those who payed attention and Sungkyu had always considered himself to be very observant. So, it stood to reason that the blonde would jump at a chance to be friends with the other male. Granted, there had been an initial nervousness there and he had been reluctant to make a fool of himself but, eventually, he had gotten over it and Sungkyu knew the two had become very close.

Sungkyu hadn’t seen the two interact on a personal level, past that meeting he set up for them because of the bullying. However, the blonde had seemed happier recently and he was often seen rushing off after work finished for the day claiming he was meeting a friend. Sungkyu had accepted the friendship easily – even if it did mean Jonghyun occasionally spent more time on his phone at work that he probably should – because it made the boy happy and that was all Sungkyu wanted for Jonghyun; his happiness.

There were rumours around the office that the blonde was dating someone, too. The members of the purchasing office were often heard teasing the boy about it. Sungkyu had dismissed the claims. He was fully aware of the boy’s preferences and knew that the boy was highly unlikely to date at this point. He had confessed once, in one of his more emotionally vulnerable moments – when he was stressed from exams and terrified he was going to ruin his life – that he had no plans to date unless the perfect man came around. He was a practical boy, if a little immature at times, and Sungkyu had always trusted him to make good decisions in life.

However, what if Jonghyun’s ‘perfect man’ was Onew? As a fan, Jonghyun had practically worshipped the ground the singer walked on. He wasn’t one to take that and misconstrue it into love or anything so advanced as that but, combined with the friendship of the male, those feelings could form the basis of a relationship.

Luckily, Onew was known around SM Entertainment as the nice guy of the kpop industry. So Sungkyu didn’t have to worry about him treating Jonghyun badly. However, something happened here. Something to make the two break up – if he was correct and they were dating – and that something was affecting Jonghyun enough to result in poor composition work. That was concerning. Even when the bullying scandal occurred, the blonde had not let it affect his composition. Throughout that period, he had funnelled his anger and his hurt feelings into his writing, coming up with innovative pieces that were different from his usual work yet still impressive. So, this melancholy must be severe.

“Were you and he…” Sungkyu hesitated, not sure how to word his question in a way that wouldn’t scare the boy or make him angry, “were you involved?”

Jonghyun looked up in shock, his eyes wide. He looked ready to bolt and it was only Sungkyu’s calm demeanour that kept him firmly in his seat. “I…” The boy began, stuttering slightly, “I, uh, yes. I guess you could say that.”

“I see. And what happened? You broke up?”

“Not… Not really. I mean, kinda. But it was a mutual thing.” Jonghyun said, hesitantly.

“And yet you clearly did not want it.” Sungkyu mused. “So in what way is this mutual?”

“He didn’t want to break up either. At least, that’s what he said.” Jonghyun said, looking back down to his lap. He remained tense in his seat, ready to run at a second’s notice.

The singer had told him, as they planned out what they had to do, that this was not something he enjoyed or something he wanted to do. However, Jonghyun had a niggling doubt in the back of his mind. It was probably nothing, after all, everyone said Onew liked him as much as he liked the singer. Sadly, like many people, Jonghyun was just a little self-deprecating in the way he thought. In the back of his mind, there was that little voice. The one that told him the singer was better off without him. That he was happy to have an excuse to be rid of him. That it wasn’t really the mutual deal they had agreed upon.

It was ridiculous, of course. Onew had never been shy about showing his affections – in private, for good reason – and he had repeatedly said that talking to Jonghyun was a highlight of his day. If the other male knew the directions Jonghyun’s thoughts were heading in right now he would be greatly hurt. Such thoughts put so much unnecessary blame on the singer and they weren’t fair; especially when there was no reason for them. 

However, the mind was a traitorous thing.

Sungkyu noticed the composer’s stiff pose and made sure to speak softly, so as not to spook the boy. “If neither of you wanted this, why?”

“Because we had to!” Jonghyun exclaimed, like it was obvious. His back stiffened as he spoke and he resembled an agitated house cat in his manner. Even his hair looked fluffier than usual, like it was stood on end.

Sungkyu folded his hands in front of him and hummed thoughtfully. “So, let me get this straight. Neither of you wanted to break up, yet you both felt you had no choice and this choice is affecting your demeanor and your work.” Jonghyun nodded mutely and Sungkyu continued to speak, “Can you explain your reasoning to me? Why did you have no choice?”

Jonghyun stood up, running a hand through his hair in frustration. Walking across the room to the left-hand wall he muttered quietly to himself, too quiet for Sungkyu to hear and appeared to be observing the painting of flowers Sungkyu had on display. However, his eyes were unfocussed and his mind was far away from the room they were currently in. He was far too focused on working out where exactly to start.

“We’ve been dating, were dating,” he corrected, “for two months.” Jonghyun said, moving away from the wall and walking back across to his chair, leaning on the back of it. His eyes were looking at Sungkyu but it was clear by their glazed appearance he wasn’t seeing the man at all. If he had, he would have seen a look of surprise flicker across his mentor’s face. The man hadn’t expected such a long time scale, he had assumed they had been dating for a few weeks at most.

Jonghyun remained silent for a moment, still thinking about what to say. Finally coming up with something, he continued. “During that time, we went on dates, met each other’s friends, he even told his parents about me and we had-“ Jonghyun coughed slightly, cutting off what he was about to say as if realising that, despite their close ties, Sungkyu was still his boss. “He’s great. He’s really great. He was nothing but caring, never hurt me. We fought, obviously. Every couple does, but it was always stupid things and never anything serious. He always made it clear he loved me, too. Made sure I knew, even when we were jokingly insulting each other. I tried to do the same in return.”

Sungkyu wasn’t sure where this was going. All his protégé had said so far were positive things. Honestly, this is exactly the kind of relationship he had hoped the boy would find one day. He deserved to be happy. Why would he then break up with the singer if their relationship was so great?

“But,” Jonghyun continued, “he’s an idol. We couldn’t go on dates outside or anything. Not easily. We did a few times but it was a challenge. We limited our contact and acted as if we were nothing more than friends. It was difficult but we usually managed it. A couple of times we got caught outside. Well... he got caught. Fans can be scary. Jinki actually yelled at a girl once because she pushed me when she was trying to get to her ‘oppa’.” Jonghyun chuckled slightly, leaning a little more onto the back of the chair. He looked like he was remembering a good memory. “He was a little intimidating, actually. Scared the poor girl. We also had to run from the media a few times. There are a lot of downsides to being famous, I guess.”

Sungkyu was still a little confused. Was Jonghyun saying that the two broke up due to the stresses of Onew being famous? Jonghyun didn’t seem like the type to pin that blame on Onew and he also didn’t seem the type to give up just because something was challenging. He had proved his tenacity time and time again. After all, if he was a quitter he would have given up his dream of being a composer the first time his father told him it was a bad decision. Clearly, he wasn’t one to back down from a challenge. Especially for something he loved.

The blonde clearly loved the idol. The way he spoke about him was very similar to the way Sungkyu knew he himself spoke when he talked about his wife and daughter. Granted, Jonghyun was far younger than he and his love was still new, but the underlying feeling was very much the same. Sungkyu would be very surprised if the idol wasn’t very much the same when it came to Jonghyun. He seemed like the type to fall fast and hard.

So why did they break up?

“You saw the new articles.” Jonghyun said, out of the blue.

Sungkyu looked at the blonde in confusion, “News articles?”

Then it slowly dawned on him. News articles. About Onew. About Onew dating someone. Onew was dating Jonghyun. Onew would never cheat on someone it went against his fundamental nature. It could be a misunderstanding. But it was much more likely that-

“You’re the one from the news article.” Sungkyu concluded. “The unknown date.”

Jonghyun nodded. Moving around the chair once more, Jonghyun sat down and pulled his right knee towards himself and wrapping his arms around it.

Sungkyu watched as the boy moved, starting to understand what went on between the two males. “He’s an idol.” Jonghyun nodded, seeing the older man was starting to understand he allowed his mentor to continue talking and figuring it out for himself. “Idols are rarely allowed to date.” Jonghyun nodded again, resting his chin on his knee. “But SHINee are an older group, they’d be allowed, surely.” Jonghyun shook his head. “Because you’re both male...” Sungkyu said, trailing off. Jonghyun nodded shallowly, barely moving his neck. “So you decided to prevent anything bad by breaking up.”

Jonghyun nodded again, finally speaking. “The agency wouldn’t accept it. They’re getting better about their talent dating-“

“But even the most liberal agency would be unlikely to support a relationship between two males.” Sungkyu concluded.

“Plus, Jinki couldn’t accept disappointing his fans. There’s already a lot of backlash online and people only speculate he’s dating. Speculate he’s dating a woman.” Jonghyun said, speaking softly. “I get it. Being an idol is his dream. He lives for it and would be devastated if he lost it. I’d be the same if I were to suddenly lose the ability to compose. If...” Jonghyun looked sad at the words he was about to say yet also determined, “If it was a choice between composing and Jinki, I’d choose composing every time. I absolutely understand.”

“But that doesn’t make it any less difficult.” Sungkyu said, finally starting to understand.

The two were actually being very mature about all of this. There would always be a chance, if they continued dating as they were, that they would be caught. It wasn’t a guarantee but, if they were, Onew would likely lose his job. The articles had highlighted that to the two- they clearly hadn’t fully considered that before. The fears had now come to the forefront of their minds. Thoughts that they previously hadn’t had would start to creep in. Why are we together? What will people think? No one will like it. I could lose so much? He won’t get hurt if we get caught. If we get caught he’ll get hurt so much. That realisation alone would put new strain on the relationship.

“We decided to mutually break up before anything bad could happen. It’s hard and it’ll probably hurt for a long time. But it’s for the best.” Jonghyun said, placing his foot back on the floor and uncurling himself slightly.

Maybe this choice wasn’t the best one. Maybe there was another option that allowed them to be together and keep realising their dreams. However, such a solution wasn’t immediately obvious and the two had decided to walk a very difficult path. Sungkyu respected their choice.

“Just make sure it doesn’t affect your work in the future.” Sungkyu said, signalling the conversation was over.

“I will.” Jonghyun said, bowing his head as he stood.

Moving towards the door, the blonde pulled it open but stopped as he heard his mentor speak once more.

“And Jonghyun, remember my door is always open if you need to talk.”

Jonghyun smiled weakly, feeling emotionally drained from their talk. His mentor hadn’t said much but his body language had said everything he needed to say. The fact he didn’t freak out or tell Jonghyun to leave, the fact he let Jonghyun speak and listened carefully, the fact he didn’t pass any form of judgement. That meant more to Jonghyun than any number of words.

“I will.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: I realise 2 months is a short time-span to say ‘I love you’ but you have to remember that Jonghyun has loved Onew for years and they were friends for months before they even broached dating as an option. So it isn’t that fast.
> 
> I feel bad doing this to the boys. But alas, drama must be had to make the story progress


	34. Chapter 33 – Missing their SHINe(e)?

Jonghyun watched with a strange sort of detachment as the SHINee members filed onto the brightly coloured set. He had been flipping channels absently, not really paying attention to what he was skipping past, when he had heard mention of SHINee. Without really thinking about it, he had stopped pressing the buttons on the remote and he had soon found himself absorbed.

The show appeared to be some sort of variety show which featured a range of guests from various facets of the entertainment industry and asked them to recall stories from their past in regards to a prompt they were given. Jonghyun vaguely recalled having seen it once or twice. However, no celebrity he had ever cared about had guested on it before, so it had never really held his interest.

Jonghyun assumed he had caught the show near the beginning as the guests were still arriving. However, the seating section of the show’s set appeared to be half full already, with a random selection of actors, comedians and idols. With the introduction of SHINee, there would only be a few seats remaining.

The members filed onto the stage one by one, taking bows to the audience as they headed to their seats. Jonghyun noted idly that Key's hair looked good blonde and the style was very flattering on him. Minho and Taemin appeared to be sporting a more natural hair colour for this comeback and both looked very dapper because of it. However, he only mused on this for a few seconds as, after the others, came Onew.

The singer looked good. He had dyed his hair since Jonghyun had seen him last and it was now a warm brown that really highlighted his soft brown eyes. His clothing was incredibly flattering on him, the stylists had done a good job. His shirt emphasised the leanness of his chest as well as the slight muscle he had built up in his arms. His pants, skinny as always, highlighted even more. Jonghyun noticed all of this, taking in everything about the idol like a parched man drinks water. However, what he saw most and what made him the most emotional was the singer's eyes. Where usually they would be bright and glowing with life, they were muted and dull. His lips were smiling but the expression did not reach his entire face. Judging by the closeness between Onew and the other SHINee members and the protectiveness they were showing, they also knew their leader was not on top form.

To the casual observer, Jonghyun was sure the idol looked like his normal self. There was a chance a hardcore SHINee fan would realise there was something upsetting him but most people probably would not. In fact, the expression the singer had on his face was very similar to the one Jonghyun had been wearing for months now. He knew it, and Onew, well. He could predict what the other male was feeling. It was exactly what he himself was feeling. They had decided to break up their relationship mutually. Neither male had liked that it had to happen, but they both understood the reasoning behind it. That didn't mean they were unaffected, however. They were both hurting, he had predicted that, but this, this TV appearance, was the first tangible proof Jonghyun had that Onew was hurting as much as he was.

The show's host moved on quickly, introducing the other members of the panel. Jonghyun didn't pay any attention to who they were. He found himself distracted by every small flash of Onew on the screen. Even the way the other male was sat was wrong. Usually, the singer would be learning forwards in his seat as people spoke. As if, by leaning closer to them, he could somehow connect with them better and get more into the story. He also rarely sat completely isolated. He liked to be touching someone, whether it was a hand on someone's arm or leg or even just the contact of knee to knee. However, on this show, he was seated with his legs pulled in close and his hands folded still in his lap.

Key, clearly worried – though only to those who knew him well – was touching Onew's arm gently as he leant in to whisper something to the older male; Onew gave very little reaction to the move. It was hard to tell exactly what was happening with the idols throughout the segment, since the scene was actually focussed on the actress seated in front of SHINee. The woman was talking about something to do with her husband and his bad habits; Jonghyun wasn't all that sure of what her point was, honestly. However, people seemed to be laughing and even Onew made an effort to look like he was enjoying what she was saying.

But Jonghyun could tell he was faking it.

About fifteen minutes passed and the host interviewed three people in that time. Jonghyun hadn't taken in a single word any of them had said. He was too distracted. However, when the MC started to talk to Taemin, he was suddenly drawn out of his hazed stupor.

"So!" The host said enthusiastically, moving on from the story told by an actor in the first row. "Taemin. I believe you have an interesting story about drinking."

The rest of the room started chattering all at once. Many looked at the idol in shock, as it wasn't usually a topic broached by those in Taemin's profession. A few others expressed disbelief at him being old enough to drink.

Taemin chuckled and nodded happily, his hand resting gently on Onew's knee. "I do, indeed."

"Were you the one drinking?" The host asked, "Do we get to see SHINee acting a little less shiny?"

"Nope." Taemin said, popping the P in a way that was eerily reminiscent of the way Sodam did so. If Jonghyun had been a little more focused he would have been worried the singer was in secret contact with his sister. "This is a story of a friend. Actually," he said, shooting a look at Onew, "it's a story of Onew's friend."

"An idol friend?"

"No, no." Taemin said, shaking his head, "He's not an idol."

Jonghyun caught the sharp look Minho sent the younger boy as well as the tightening of Key's hand on Onew's arm. He was sure the maknae had not vetted his story with the other members before telling it and he was sure he would be getting a telling off from them all later. After all, Jonghyun knew he was the only non-idol friend Onew possessed and he was likely not a well-accepted topic within the SHINee dorms right now.

"Ok," the host said, gesturing towards the young singer, "Go ahead."

"So, Onew calls this friend, something good happened for him at work and Onew here wanted to congratulate him. The call gets through but the person on the other line isn't the friend." Taemin says, telling the story with gusto.

"It isn't?" The host prompts.

"No," Onew says, taking over the story. His voice is clear and strong however, there is less flair to his storytelling than there usually was. "It was his sister and she had been drinking."

"She was completely smashed," Taemin chuckled, drawing more shocked looks from the other panelists for his bluntness. Key and Minho merely look resigned to what is happening, although Key’s hand is still clutching Onew’s arm in solidarity. "So she teases Onew for a while about him being friends with her brother-"

"Why would she do that?" One of the other guests asked.

"According to her, he's too lame to even think about having an idol like Onew as a friend." Taemin said. Onew rolled his eyes as if that statement was ridiculous.

That wasn't exactly what his sister had said, although Jonghyun’s memories of that night were a little fuzzy around the edges due to the alcohol, but Taemin had summarised his sister's belief quite well, he supposed. Although he already knew how this story ended – which, whilst good at the time, was now a little bittersweet – and Jonghyun was interested to hear how Taemin would explain the situation in a humorous way. Especially considering the hurt look in Onew’s eyes; a look Jonghyun was studiously trying to ignore but failing miserably. His gaze kept drifting to the younger man’s side where his leader was seated. The composer just couldn’t help it and it hurt every single time. Like a sharp pain in his heart.

"So, she teases Onew about his being friends with her brother then Onew mentions that I'm nearby listening to their conversation."

"She then got very excited," Onew takes over once more, "asking for Taemin to be put on the line. Which I did and she put their phone on speaker."

The gathered celebrities are looking interested in this tag-team story now, with many looking like they’re wanting to ask questions. The host looks ecstatic – which seems to be his base expression – but Jonghyun is sure that part of it is due to his expecting the idol group to be boring guests, due to the strict control SM Entertainment has over the group’s words. This story is probably more than the man had expected from them.

"Then she proceeds to tell me that 'I'm the man she was meant to be obsessed over'." Taemin says, grinning. The young singer is clearly enjoying the looks of confusion on the other members of the panel's faces at those words.

"Meant to be?" One of the many guests asked, finally giving in to their urge.

"This is where it gets interesting." The dancer chuckled, "Apparently, she had been to every SHINee show in her area and bought every single SHINee CD but didn't actually like SHINee."

"She didn't like SHINee?" The host asked.

"Nope," Taemin says once more. "Not a single song. Apparently, she was used as a disguise. A disguise for her brother."

All the panelists still looked confused and the hosts tried to work out what he meant. "A disguise for her brother? So he was using her to attend SHINee's shows?"

"Exactly!" Taemin grinned, enjoying the looks of dawning understanding on the other guest's faces. Their understanding, Jonghyun noticed, was tinged with a small amount of shock. He understood, male SHINee fans were definitely unusual. That look was exactly why he had been so guarded about it in the first place. "Her brother was apparently a hardcore Shawol from just after out debut but, being a man, he wasn't confident going alone."

"I guess that makes sense, fan boys aren't too common after all." The host mused.

"Yep, so he used her and pretended she dragged him along with her."

"What I think is most interesting," mused one of the guests, an actor, Jonghyun thought, "is that Onew made friends with one of his fans."

There was a murmur of agreement around the studio as the other guests realised that that was true.

"We first met as a fan and an idol. He won a competition and a prize was to meet us all." Onew explained, "But then we met again a few years later, he works in the entertainment industry so we met through work, and we became friends from that. He's a really nice guy."

"So you knew he was a fan when you met him for the second time?" The host asked for clarification.

"I did indeed," Onew agreed.

"Well there you go Shawols. You have a chance to make friends with Onew." The host winked, drawing a chuckle out of the guests.

It's only after Taemin finished telling the whole story and Onew began to talk that Jonghyun sees the realisation of what he had just done flash across the maknae's face. It wasn't obvious but Jonghyun knew what he was looking for. The dancer had just realised what he had done. Not only had he just talked about a subject - in this case Jonghyun - that was clearly off limits, he had also told a story on air that he hadn't gotten permission to tell from the main subject. Jonghyun didn't mind, of course; his love of SHINee wasn't something he was afraid to admit any longer. However, permission was usually polite to acquire and Taemin had clearly not considered that fact before the show.

Jonghyun was sure that the kid would be reprimanded later by both Key and Minho for both points. Key was very obviously protective of Onew right now, he was sat closer than usual and was in constant contact with the other male and any slights against him, even unintentional, would likely be dealt with harshly. He was sure to get mad at Taemin for bringing up what were probably painful memories. Minho was less obviously protective. His feelings were less noticeable for the casual observer as his facial expression was naturally more guarded. But Jonghyun knew his feelings were at least equal with Key’s. This understanding of the mellow man were born from a long friendship with Youngho. Eunji’s boyfriend and the idol were very similar in many ways and his lack of willingness to talk or show emotion in many situations had led Jonghyun to become very good at judging his moods from his (minimal) body language.

Onew actually looked no worse than he had at the beginning of the broadcast, as if the story had had no effect on his mental state. However, the man was an idol and was trained to be in control of his emotions so Jonghyun knew that wasn't a true indication of his feelings. Onew had always been a consummate professional. When the two were dating, he would often get Jonghyun to practice song parts or MC lines with him in order to do the best job he could, even when he had been informed practice wasn’t necessary. He had even left once, half way through a date, in order to attend a last-minute TV show taping because Minho had fallen ill. Jonghyun hadn't minded, he had appreciated the man's work ethic as well as his love of his job. It was admirable and something Jonghyun worked to emulate in his own life and career. It was partially why they broke up.

“So, Taemin. You recently released a solo album. How was that?” The host asked, seemingly not noticing the awkwardness between the SHINee members.

Taemin shot a quick, nervous glance at Onew before grinning widely. Jonghyun noticed that the smile wasn’t as carefree as the smiles the dancer had shown at his dorm when they had last met. It seemed even the enthusiastic maknae was at least minimally aware of what was and wasn’t appropriate on broadcast.

“I have. In fact,” He said, perking up a little and pausing for drama, “one of the songs on the album was written by the man in my story.”

The MC laughed, looking surprised. “Really?”

“Yeah, I joked around with him a lot, that I wanted him to write me a song and then he actually did.” Taemin said, smiling bashfully. “Thank you, friend. I owe you one.” He chirped, throwing a thumbs up at the camera.

“You thank him by embarrassing him on national TV.” Key snipped. The rapper played it off as a joke, making the others in the room laugh, but there was an undercurrent of real annoyance there. He was clearly still irritated about Taemin’s lack of care.

The MC asked a few questions to Taemin about his album – such things as what his inspirations were, how hard he worked on the dances, how difficult it was to promote as a solo artist compared to as a group – which the singer happily answered. However the show soon moved on to other guests telling their own stories. This show was more focused on funny stories and not the guests’ promotional activities, after all.

Jonghyun was a little sad to see things move on. He had honestly forgotten about the song he had given to Onew for Taemin. He hadn’t seen a single performance of the song. He had heard the final version – it had been sent to his email a few weeks before, when it had been finalised – and Taemin and Kai had performed it admirably on the recording; they had really exceeded his expectations, in fact. It was very nice to know that he had been right and that the two men’s voices did blend together very well.

Unfortunately, Jonghyun had been so distracted recently, that it hadn’t occurred to him that, with the song finalised, there was a chance the singer would begin promotions soon after. He would have to look up a performance later and see what the idol had done with it.

Jonghyun zoned out once more, not particularly caring about what the other guests had to say. Even when Key and Minho told a story, something about Key's favourite necklace being broken by Minho and the resulting feud between the two, Jonghyun only payed half an ear to listening to what they had to say. However, despite his inattention, he couldn't bring himself to turn the show off because, every few minutes, there would be a panning shot or a close up of a guest and occasionally, if you looked closely, you could see Onew in the background or off to one side. Jonghyun, as much as he hated himself for it, just couldn't turn away.

If he had bothered to check the SHINee forums – something he had stopped doing completely after his and Onew’s discussion, unable to face it – Jonghyun would have seen many other people had noticed the singer’s mood as well and the discussion boards were alight with theories and well-wishes.

-

**_StuckOnew_ **

_05/12/13_ _01:25am_

**_Onew looks upset recently_ **

_Hey all,_

_Has anyone else noticed that there_ _’s something wrong with Onew recently? He seems upset about something and i really hope he_ _’s ok. He works so hard, he doesn_ _’t deserve to be sad about anything._

_I was trying to think about what it could be and there are so many options, some more sad than others:_

_-maybe he fought with the members (though I doubt it)_

_-fought with the management (possible. SM are known to be scary to idols)_

_-is overworked (sleep more sweet baby)_

_-is getting sick (D:)_

_-or maybe, just maybe, those girlfriend stories were true._

_Imagine if they were. Like, Onew has been so happy recently and going out in public and everything. Imagine if the dating thing was true. That would explain his moods. But then, the news broke the story._

_Can you imagine if you were dating someone and then the news found out and told everyone before you were ready? Do you think SM made them break up? Or maybe he broke up with her to protect her (so romantic but so tragic). Or, she broke up with him._

_I wouldn_ _’t blame her if she did. If she_ _’s famous too, there_ _’s so much risk for them being caught. If she isn_ _’t famous, she might not want her face and name splashed everywhere for the world to see. People are mean and I really don_ _’t like how people attack anyone their idols are close to. It must make them feel so suffocated._

_Poor baby._

_But anyways, whatever is wrong with him, i hope he feels better soon. And I love that SHINee members are helping him out. Did you see how clingy and protective they were of him? It was so cute. I_ _’m so glad they are so close. There are other groups and the members always seem like they only tolerate each other for the cameras but our babies all care about each other so much .i love it._

_I hope Onew feels better soon and I hope all the issues he have disappear. He deserves nothing but happiness._

_(on a separate note: OMG that story Taemin told on broadcast. The others looked livid. Think he wasn_ _’t meant to talk about it? Haha.  Poo tae, always putting his foot in his mouth. Key looked liek he wanted to kill him xD)_

**_MrsChoi  
_ ** _Poor Onew. I hope he gets happier soon. I miss his Onew condition._

**_Iluffyou  
_ ** _Onew Noooooooo. Be happpyyy_

**_TaeminnieLives  
_ ** _No one should make our SHINee sad. Noone_

**_PegasusMagic  
_ ** _Omg why r ppl making ppl sad. But at least is not minho minho shud always be haopy_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: I have proof-read and edited this chapter (and every other) 3 times minimum prior to posting. When I post, I do one final check. Even then, somehow, I manage to leave in a paragraph that completely contradicts something I said earlier. I don’t even know how that happens.
> 
> Also, I'm moving to Korea today, so there might be a slightly longer wait time than usual between updates for a while. I don't know what my internet situation will be.


	35. Chapter 34 – Key on a mission

Key frowned as he stepped into the small cafe. He had left the dorm this morning fully prepared for what he was planning to do today. However, that good mood had quickly dissolved into annoyance. His journey had started with him stepping into a puddle. The cold water had seeped through one of his shoes and into his sock, resulting in a very cold left foot. Then, as he was walking down the street, he had almost been recognised by a squealing pack of school girls – who should have been in school, considering it was 2.30pm on a Wednesday. It was only his quick rearrangement of his disguise and a bout of speed walking that had allowed him to avoid that disaster. Finally, he missed the bus he intended to catch, resulting in him having to walk much further than he had planned; something which wasn’t good for his still wet foot.

And now. Now he was stood in a cafe that could only be described as quaint – and he wasn’t in the mood for quaint, at all. The place was small, with a wooden bench stretching across the back, covered in coffee machines and all the other trappings of a modern coffee shop. The tables were made from the same wood, as were the chairs, and were scattered randomly around the room, making it a little difficult to navigate to the counter in places. The floors were scuffed and scratched with use and the walls could do with a fresh lick of paint. Although, he acquiesced, the soft maroon colour was a nice touch and the art work, although unnecessary, was tasteful.

If only it wasn’t for the large numbers of tacky Christmas ornaments spread around, the cafe could be considered well-decorated and Key may have considered coming back. But, alas, there was a cheap, plastic Santa adorning the corner of the counter, a large string of fairy lights spanned the ceiling and Tinsel hung from the picture frames in reds and greens and silvers. Even the large windows weren’t left unscathed, with large snowflake stickers spreading downwards from the top corner. Christmas may be that month but, in Key’s opinion, such decorations were unnecessary and tacky. Honestly, he couldn’t think of a single place where a plastic Santa would look good.

There were no other customers present in the cafe. That had been Key’s intention and why he had arrived at this time. Early afternoon was not exactly the most popular time to sit and have a coffee, especially on a Wednesday. Thus, he should be able to do what he intended to with minimal interruptions or chances of being recognised.

That isn’t to say he was completely alone in the cafe. Though the vast majority of the tables and even the main counter were empty, there was a young girl sat at one of the corner tables. She clearly hadn’t been there long, as she was still wearing her coat and was in the process of unpacking what looked like her homework from her bag. She was probably a staff member’s child, Key mused, noticing her comfort with her surroundings and her total lack of indication that she was going to purchase anything.

Moving into the cafe properly, Key took a few moments to adjust his outfit. He had disguised himself today, as he was heading out into public. Instead of his usual flashy, designer wear, he had donned a more muted colour scheme and simpler designs. His hooded jacket was actually one of Minho’s; he had borrowed it without permission because none of his own jackets were quite what he was looking for. The long sleeves fell past his hands and there was an excess of material around the chest and shoulders, making it hang very loose but he found he kind of liked the look. It was disguise chic. He had matched that with simple pants and shoes as well as a face mask – simple, surgical white for full camouflage – and a hat with the brim pulled low. The singer swiped some imaginary dust off his arms and removed his hat, it not being necessary in the almost empty cafe.

Approaching the counter, Key was a little surprised that no staff members had come out from the back room yet. He hadn’t exactly been quiet on his entry and the bell over the door had jingled merrily as he had pushed it open; someone should have heard him.

Leaning against the counter, he sighed and prepared himself to wait. Looking idly around the room he noticed the girl watching him, staring would be more accurate, her books not even open in front of her.

“You’re Key from SHINee!” She exclaimed, before realising she might be wrong in her assumption and looking at the table bashfully, “Right?”

Key raised one eyebrow, pulling down his face mask so it rested around his neck, “Maybe, maybe not.”

“You totally are!” She yelled, standing up from her seat. “Oh my God! I can’t believe this. This is awesome and I didn’t even have to beg Jonghyun to take me to SM with him. I was planning on sneaking into his bags and everything. I had it all planned out. I was going to meet Girls’ Gen and they would love me and adopt me and it would be awesome.”

Key didn’t bother to interrupt the girl’s rambling. It was a little amusing to watch, actually. The girl was enthusiastic, he could say that for sure. However, there was one useful titbit within her words. “You know Jonghyun?”

“Course I know him. He worked here for like forever. He used to talk to me about idols. He’s really nice. I mean, SHINee isn’t my thing. I only know so much about you guys because Jonghyun was like super obsessed. Still is I think, did you know that?”

“I did.” Key acknowledged.

“Wait, so you like, know Jonghyun? Like for real?” The girl said, her eyes wide. She leant forwards, her hands resting on the cover of her textbook, as she looked closely at Key in wonder. “He’s super cool. He said he’d get me Sunny’s autograph if he ever met Girls’ Generation.”

“I’ve met him a couple of times, yes.” Key said, turning even more so he was fully leaning against the counter. He was surprised no one had come to see what all the fuss was about out here. They weren’t being quiet.

“Cool.” The girl said, still looking impressed. “Do you know Girls’ Generation?”

“I do.” Key said, enjoying the way she gasped. “We spend a lot of time together because we’re at the same company.”

The girl pulled a face as if he was being stupid. “I know you’re both at SM.” She said, placing her hands on her hips. If she had started shaking a finger at him, it wouldn’t have been out of place. Then, realising exactly who she was talking to the girl slapped her hands over her mouth and looked at him in horror. “I’m sorry. My mouth gets away with me sometimes. I’m sorry.”

“Not judging,” Key said, not caring how the girl spoke. She was a little refreshing, actually, after all of the squealing fan girls. He supposed it was because she wasn’t officially a SHINee fan. Thus, when encountering a SHINee member, she was still able to formulate sentences. That was a rare thing, he had come to realise over the years. He had had many a conversation where he was the only one to actually say words, the other party remaining mute or only letting out squeaks or squeals. “I like your spunk.”

“Daddy always says I’m spunky like my mum.” The girl said, looking proud. “Oh, right. I’m Sooyoung, I’m thirteen and my dad owns this cafe.”

“Sooyoung,” A voice sounded from behind Key, making him jump. “Are you bothering the customers?”

“Me, bother people? Daddy!” The girl said, acting as if what the man had said was greatly offensive to her. Her hand clutched to her chest, she collapsed back into her chair and acted as if she was mortally wounded.

Key used her distraction as a chance to pull himself together. The unknown man had been remarkably quiet as he came up behind the singer and he Key not been prepared for it. He was glad no one seemed to be paying attention to his reaction as he was sure it was embarrassing. He had definitely ruffled his outfit a little when he was startled.

“I apologise for my daughter,” The man said, “I am the owner of this cafe. Sorry about the delay, I’m the only one here and one of the boilers in the back decided to spew water everywhere, it’s basically a mess. What can I get you?”

The man seemed nice enough, Key supposed, in a homely sort of way. He would never be described as exceptional by anyone but he clearly had a life for himself here. His daughter was obviously happy and well-adjusted, he had a business and a livelihood and he looked content. The only thing he needed to fix was that horrible shirt. A green shirt with a pink apron, really? And it wasn’t even a nice shade of green.

“I’m actually here looking for someone.” Key said, “One of your former employees.”

“I’m not sure I can-“ The man began before being cut off by his daughter.

“It’s Jonghyun right, you want to see Jonghyun again?” The girl butted in.

“Sort of.” Key agreed, looking away from the girl’s father towards the girl herself.

“Don’t you have his number?” The girl asked.

“I don’t. But it’s not really him I want to see.” Seeing the girl’s confused face, he elaborated, “I want to talk to someone close to him, his friends maybe. I need to ask them something.”

“Oh my gosh! You’re planning him a surprise aren’t you?” The girl exclaimed, moving around the table and coming to stand in front of the idol. Key was amused to notice that she was a good foot shorter than him and only came up to his chest, she would never be a tall girl. “You should talk to his sister, she would totes help you!”

“Sooyoung, I’m not sure this is appropriate to tell strangers.” The girl’s father said, looking concerned.

Sooyoung waved him off, “Don’t worry about it. This is Key, daddy.” The man looked nonplussed at that statement and the girl huffed, as if ashamed her father didn’t know. “You know, Key!” She said, gesticulating at the idol. “From SHINee!”

“That band Jonghyun was always on about?” The man asked, confused.

“Duh. Key.” The girl said, gesturing at the idol again, as if that solved anything.

“I remember when he wrote a song for you guys. The kid was so nervous.” The man said, chuckling, his worries apparently alleviated. “Go ahead. Sooyoung will get you in contact with Sodam. I’m going to go mop this floor.”

Key was a little confused about his sudden change in mood, although he supposed it was the fame that made the man so relaxed. In essence, Key was still a stranger. He had met Jonghyun properly only a couple of times and he had never interacted with these two people before, yet they were immediately treating him like he was safe and trustworthy. Well, he was. But they didn’t know that, not for sure. Fame was a strange thing.

“Right!” The girl said, suddenly acting all business-like. “Come sit and I’ll message Sodam and find out when she can come talk to you.”

Key did as he was told, finding the girl amusing. She was bossy and a little obnoxious but on a girl her age it wasn’t too irritating. She was only young, she would probably mellow out as she got older. Hell, Taemin was a monster when he was younger (off-camera, of course) and he much more tolerable now.

Seeing the idol was sat down, the girl proceeded to text Sodam. She seemed incredibly proud that she possessed the phone number of a girl so much older than herself. Apparently it was a status symbol to have older friends. Key wasn’t sure, his schooling was a little abnormal due to his wish to become an idol, so he missed out on many of these experiences.

Luckily, the college student answered her messages fairly rapidly and less than half an hour later Key had a meeting penciled into his schedule. It was to be at the same café he was in now, at 10am the following Tuesday. There had been a few scheduling conflicts due to Key’s hectic idol lifestyle – even when they were between comebacks – and the girl’s college classes but they had eventually found a time that worked for them both. It was a little later than Key would have liked, but beggars can’t be choosers and he was happy enough with the next week.

Waving goodbye to the enthusiastic girl and promising to send her regards to Girls’ Generation, the idol pulled his mask back over his face, placed his hat back on his head and stepped out of the quaint cafe.

Hopefully, his plan would come to fruition.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: Key is planning things. Suspicious.


	36. Chapter 35 – Eunji helps

“Jonghyun, get your ass out here!” A loud voice echoed through the apartment from the doorway.

Jonghyun, who was lying on his bed staring into space, jumped at the sudden noise and looked at his bedroom door in shock. That sounded like Eunji.

As he watched, the door opened and Jiwoong stuck his head into the room, grinning apologetically, “I’m going out, have fun with Eunji. Bye!” That said, he pulled his head out of the room, closed the door with a snap and could be heard walking quickly through the house. After a muffled word which was probably a ‘goodbye’ or a ‘good luck’ to their visitor, the front door could be heard opening and clicking shut.

If Jonghyun had ever doubted the girl was here due to Jiwoong, he was certain now. The other male spent a lot of time out of the house; even when the two roommates had guests, the artist would often beg out and leave Jonghyun to entertain alone. However, he had never acted so guilty for doing so. His roommate had likely told the girl about Jonghyun’s melancholy – probably telling her the reason for it, too – and he must have known that the girl would make it her personal mission to do something about it.

Jonghyun listened, not moving, as he heard two thumps from the foyer; the sound of shoes being dropped carelessly onto the floor. Then there was a lighter thumping and the gentler sounds of slippered feet moving across the hard wood floor. The sounds got louder as its source approached the room Jonghyun was in. They continued until they were right outside the door, where they stopped and waited in silence for a short time.

Jonghyun rolled over, turning away from the door. He wasn’t sure he was in the mood to deal with Eunji today. He loved the girl. She was one of his closest friends. However, she was a total busybody and could be a little overbearing at times. Honestly, he was tired and grumpy – as he had been all week – and he didn’t want to talk to anyone at all today. He had many plans for his weekend. All of which started and ended with a lot of sleep and may have contained a whole lot of nothing in between those two events.

The composer screwed his eyes shut as he heard his door open and sighed inaudibly. Maybe if he feigned sleep, the woman would leave him alone.

Sadly, that didn’t seem to be the case. The blonde felt the bed dip slightly as the slight girl sat down next to him and a small poke fell upon his shoulder. Getting no reaction, the girl poked him again, a little harder. Again, she got no response. Jonghyun would never admit it to the girl – for fear of injury, that woman could be scary  – but he found her huff of annoyance amusing and vowed to bug her just a little more before inevitably giving in to her demands.

“Jjong,” she said, her voice quieter and more soothing than Jonghyun would have expected. She sounded more concerned than he had thought she would. After all, he wasn’t acting that strange. Sure, he was a little out of sorts but overall he felt fine. He and Onew had planned it all out, it wasn’t like the break up was one-sided or anything. It hurt but he was fine. “Jjong, wake up.”

His vow to annoy her had flown out of the window the second she spoke. He couldn’t bear to make her worry any more than she clearly already had been. She may be insufferable at times but she was one of his closest friends and he really didn’t want her to feel sad because of him.

Rolling over, groaning slightly as his tired body protested the movement, Jonghyun looked up at his friend. She had a look on her face that conveyed nothing but concern and an earnest desire to make her friend feel better. He honestly felt a little bad for thinking of her as insufferable.

“Hi.” He mumbled.

“Hi,” She replied, equally as quiet. “How are you?”

“Good.” Jonghyun said, pushing himself up to a sitting position. From here, he was able to look the girl in the eyes as he spoke, “I’m ok.”

“Jiwoong told me about you and Onew.” She said, looking aggrieved. “I totally get it. But that sucks.”

“It does.” Jonghyun agreed. “But it was necessary.”

Eunji reached out, gently grasping Jonghyun’s upper arm in a show of support. Squeezing gently, she then let go and stood up, her facial expression changing from one of concern and understanding to one full of determination. Clearly, the serious conversation was over for now.

That, Jonghyun mused, was the best thing about Eunji; she (usually) knew when to stop talking and when not to press a point. Through her one, simple statement, the girl had expressed all of her feelings to him and she knew not to push it any further.

“Now, get out of bed, Mr. We’re doing something fun today.”

Jonghyun looked up at the girl in confusion. Cocking his head to the side he asked, “Fun?”

“Yep,” The girl said, popping the P and sounding eerily like the main dancer from a certain kpop group. “I brought supplies and everything. Now get up.” Jonghyun watched as the girl proceeded to leave his bedroom, after a hand gesture that clearly told him to hurry up. “Oh,” The girl said, popping her head back around the door frame, “wear old clothes. I don’t want to stain your good ones.” That said, she vanished into the living room once more and the sound of plastic bags crinkling could be heard throughout the apartment.

“Old clothes...” The composer mumbled as he pulled himself out of his blanket nest. “What does that girl have planned?”

Shrugging and giving up on trying to understand the mind of his friend, the blonde moved across to his chest of drawers and rifled through, trying to find some clothes he wouldn’t mind wrecking. Finding an old pair of sweat pants – from his high school years – and a ratty looking T-shirt at the bottom of his drawers Jonghyun got dressed quickly. He wasn’t sure he trusted Eunji alone in his house, not when she was clearly in an odd mood, so speed was vital right now.

Stepping out of his bedroom, Jonghyun was a little concerned to see that the living room was empty. He had assumed that was where the girl would be. However, the entire room was exactly as he and Jiwoong had left it the night before – complete with old beer can on the coffee table and a suspicious coffee ring on the front cover of a three-month old fashion magazine. Following the sounds of plastic bags and the clattering of what sounded like many small pieces of plastic ware, Jonghyun entered his kitchen.

“What are you doing?” He asked, pausing in the doorway and cocking his head to the side.

It was a truly baffling sight. Eunji had set up a strange arrangement of furniture and miscellaneous items within the small room. A chair had been turned from its spot at the kitchen table, so the back was pressed against the wood-patterned plastic. The table itself remained unmoved, however a large amount of objects now littered its surface. The most obvious of these items was a large plastic tub, approximately twenty litres if Jonghyun had to guess, which was placed directly behind the back of the chair. Other objects included a couple of towels, appropriated from Jonghyun’s own bathroom, plastic gloves and a large number of small bottles that Jonghyun couldn’t identify from a distance.

“Setting up.” The girl replied, as if it was obvious. She didn’t even look up from what she was doing. She was currently mixing a powder from one packet into a carefully measured amount of liquid from another and stirring it with concentration.

As he moved into the room, Jonghyun worked out what all this stuff was for. “Hair dye?”

“Yep,” The girl said, looking up from her task. “I decided you needed a change. Blonde is so three years ago. Which,” She said, pulling an exaggerated thinking pose, “is about when you last mixed up your hair colour.”

“Whoa, what?” Jonghyun asked, “This is for me?”

“Well, of course.” The girl said, flicking her long, black hair over her shoulder. “Work would never let me dye mine.”

“And mine will?”

“Of course, I checked with Sungkyu.” She said, glibly.

Jonghyun regretted ever passing on the man’s contact details to his friends. Eunji had requested it whilst they were still attending university and Jonghyun had happily supplied it. Her journalism class had given her an assignment requiring her to conduct an interview with a person who was successful in their career and she had asked Jonghyun if Sungkyu would consent to be her interviewee. The man had agreed easily and hence, his contact details had been given  to the girl. Unfortunately, since that time, those details had been exploited more than once in order to learn something (usually embarrassing) about Jonghyun.

“Of course you did.” Jonghyun muttered, moving across and flopping down in the rotated seat. “So, what am I getting?”

“I wanted to give you a choice.” The girl said, knowing she had made the right decision in buying extra colours when the male shot her a look of thanks. It was clear he was ok with doing this but she knew he would feel more comfortable if he had some modicum of control over the look he would be sporting for a while. “So I prepared a slideshow of all the colours I think would suit you.” She said, holding out a device with the slideshow pre-loaded.

Jonghyun took the offered tablet and began to scroll through the pictures. The girl had been very thorough. Each colour choice sported a variety of images of different people, each with a different hair style and, in many cases, a slight variation in the shade of the colour. She had clearly put a lot of thought into this, as she was correct and each colour had a high chance of looking good against Jonghyun’s skin tone. Reaching the end of the slide show, he flicked back and forth between his favourites, not sure which to choose.

“Either this one,” He said, switching to one colour, “or this one.” He concluded, flicking to the second colour.

Eunji looked at him for a while, as if picturing him with each hair colour before nodding and flicking back to the first image. “This one.”

“Sounds good,” Jonghyun agreed. He couldn’t say he felt nervous about this before, bad dye jobs were easy enough to fix and he trusted Eunji. However, he did feel more at ease now he knew exactly what he was in for. He wouldn’t have put it past the girl to work on his hair without telling him what colour it was until the end, so this transparency was nice.

“Ok! Let’s do this.” The girl exclaimed, pulling her hair back into a neat ponytail to keep it out of the way. “You know, your hair being blonde already makes this easier. I’ll just touch up your roots first.” The girl commented, starting to do just that.

Jonghyun found it very relaxing to have someone else doing his hair. It had been a while since he had had it done by anyone but himself. He went in regularly to get the hair trimmed, not enjoying the feeling of overlong strands blocking his vision, however he tended to dye it himself. The last time he had it dyed professionally was probably when he first went blonde, not the three-tone blonde his sister had suggested for him, but the platinum blonde he had sported for a few years now. He hadn’t trusted himself to do it neatly and evenly that first time. Following that day, he had given up on paying all that money for a process he could do himself and had saved the money instead.

An hour and a half later – there were many, many delays to the dyeing process – and the former blonde was sitting in his kitchen, in the same chair as before, with a large amount of foils and, what he suspected to be, plastic wrap in his hair. The girl hadn’t let him see exactly what she was doing but he knew she had gone overboard for a one-colour dye job, which is what this was. Part of that was she was just that sort of person; the type to see something done and, in the process of imitating it, take it much further and, incidentally, take much longer. However, partly he was sure she took so long and acted so clumsy in an attempt to cheer him up.

“I’m gonna go and put all this stuff away.” The girl said, nodding at the many bottles and towels still littering the tables.

“Sure,” Jonghyun agreed easily. “Can you put the hair dye in my bedside cabinet, please? I don’t want Jiwoong using it by accident.”

“’By accident’” Eunji mocked doing bunny ears with her fingers and agreed easily, “Yeah, course.”

“He insists it’s an accident. Apparently hair dye looks a lot like acrylic paint in the dark.” Jonghyun said, struggling to keep a serious face as he spoke.

“Because everyone keeps paint in the bathroom cupboards.” Eunji muttered as she headed out the room with an armful of stuff.

“The perils of living with an artist.” Jonghyun called after her.

“And why I live alone.” The girl called back, her chuckles audible, even from the kitchen.

Jonghyun leant back against the table, closing his eyes for a second. This was more peaceful than he had felt in weeks. His friend had really succeeded in her mission of distracting him for the day. Letting his mind drift he listened as he heard his female friend walk past him once more, on her way to his bedroom. He then heard her walk back after depositing the small dye bottle where he had requested she did. Her footsteps sounded different now. They were lighter, more hesitant. Opening his eyes slowly, Jonghyun went to ask what was wrong before the words died in his throat.

“Jjong...” The girl said, looking concerned, holding something, “What are these?”

“Flowers?”

“Jjong...” The girl repeated, kneeling down in front of his seat, the vase still clutched in her hands. “How long have you had these?”

Jonghyun looked down, his eyes fixed on the flowers, using them as an excuse not to meet the girl’s eyes. It was clear that the girl wasn’t expecting an answer as she clearly already knew the answer herself. Her unwavering stare made him feel awkward, as if she could see right through all his false bravado – what little there was.

“Jjong, this isn’t healthy. These aren’t healthy,” She said with a weak chuckle, shaking the vase.

A single brown petal, long dried and dead fluttered onto the kitchen floor. Jonghyun watched its progress with his eyes. The flowers in the vase, previously bright and vibrant with life, representing the proud feelings his boyfriend – ex-boyfriend – held for Jonghyun, were long dead. Cut flowers didn’t tend to last more than a week and these were many days older than that at this point. He just couldn’t bear to throw them away. They represented the last good time he and Onew had together and he was scared that, if he threw the flowers away, he would forget how those times, the good times, felt.

He knew it was irrational and he knew it was silly of him. However, he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t take the step and actually throw them away. He had approached them multiple times with exactly that intention and aborted it every time. He was weak and he was clinging to an object well past its use-by date in order to avoid thinking about the bad things.

“Jjong,” The girl said again, placing the vase on the table and forcing Jonghyun’s eyes up to meet hers. “You don’t have to pretend you’re fine. You aren’t fine.”

“I know.” Jonghyun replied, feeling a little choked up. His voice came out a little strange sounding, even to his own ears and he cringed at the weakness in his tone.

“Oh, hon.” The girl leant forwards and embraced her friend in a hug, careful to avoid touching the still setting hair dye. “You’ll get through this. It’ll take time but we’re all here for you.”

“I will.” Jonghyun agreed, his voice muffled in her shoulder as he inhaled her scent. She was wearing a soft, floral perfume today that was incredibly soothing. “It’s just hard because it was neither of our faults. If he had hurt me… this would probably be easier. I could hate him and be done with it.”

“Hon,” The girl said, pulling back and stroking his shoulder gently, “you couldn’t be done with him any more than I could be done with Youngho. You could never hate him and he could never hurt you.”

Jonghyun sighed, reaching up to ruffle his hair before catching himself and aborting the movement. “I know. But it’s still hard.”

“We’re always here for you. Me, Youngho, Jiwoong, Sodam, Sungkyu, your parents. You have so many people who want to help you. Let them, please.”

“I don’t-“

“Need help?” The girl asked. Pulling the blonde’s face around to face her fully, she spoke forcefully, “You do. Don’t deny it. Everyone needs help sometimes. Just remember, we are all here for you. Every one of us.”

Jonghyun nodded weakly and looked down at his lap.

“Now,” The girl said, standing up fully and grabbing the vase, “let’s clean up this mess.”

Jonghyun watched silently as the girl tipped the old water down the sink, a slight stagnant smell permeating the kitchen as she did so. With a screwed up face, the girl tipped the remains of the flowers into the bin and cleaned out the inside of the vase thoroughly. Jonghyun had thought watching this process would hurt but oddly, he felt nothing. No sudden sense of loss, no sudden loss of memories. Nothing. They were just dead flowers that had now been disposed of, nothing more.

Looking up at his friend, he smiled gently, showing he was ok. Neither of them chose to mention how his lips shook or his eyes darted away as he spoke. “I think it’s time to rinse this stuff off.”

“Oh!” The girl exclaimed, looking at the clock. “I completely forgot, of course it is. Head over the bucket please.” She asked, placing one of the clean towels (one of two she hadn’t cleared away when cleaning) around his neck and began to rinse his hair over the bucket with water from the sink. It was a long process, the girl having to walk to the sink to fill a plastic bottle each time she ran out of water, but Jonghyun didn’t mind. This whole endeavour would probably have been easier in the bathroom, but he knew the girl was deliberately dragging it out. She wanted it to last all afternoon because it gave her an excuse to hang around.

Twenty minutes later and his hair was completely free of the sticky product, although he was sure there was some residual conditioner he would have to remove in the shower later. He made a note to never wash his hair like that again, the method was really inefficient and they made an incredible mess of the kitchen. There were water splashes across the floor and the table and he wasn’t sure the hair dye stain would ever be removed from the wood of the chair he was sat in.

However, as he looked at his newly blue-grey hair in the mirror happily, he couldn’t bring himself to care. Sure, he would have to clean up this mess later but he had a new hair colour and strangely, also felt better about his life. Ruffling the coloured strands, he mused that maybe a change was exactly what he needed. Maybe he should take this new look as a new start.

Looking up at Eunji he was about to vocalise his feelings when he felt a vibration in his pocket and his ringtone echoed around the small room. Pulling out the device he looked at the screen and all feelings of wanting a new start rushed right out the window. The five letters of the caller’s name mocked him and he felt the blood rush from his face as nerves washed over him.

His facial expression must have given away who it was to the girl as she grasped his shoulder and said, quietly, “You can do this, Jjong. You broke up on good terms so there’s nothing to be afraid of.”

“Ok,” Jonghyun agreed, pressing the accept call button.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: Cliffhangers, I’m mean. I’m sorry.  
> Except I'm really not :P


	37. Chapter 36 - Apologies

“Hello,” Jonghyun said. He was proud that his voice didn’t crack or break or even stutter as he spoke. Ok, so he had only said a single word but it was the only word he had said to Onew since that day. Therefore, his ability to say anything at all was quite impressive, he thought.

“Hi!” A voice that was definitely not Onew’s replied.

“Taemin?” Jonghyun asked, confused.

Eunji made eye contact with her newly blue haired friend and mouthed ‘Taemin’. Jonghyun nodded and shrugged, not sure why the younger male was calling him either. The girl made a dramatic gesture that, as best Jonghyun could guess, represented feelings of annoyance related to simultaneously getting his hopes up (because Onew was calling) and making him sad (also because Onew was calling). At least, that’s what he thought the girl meant. There was a lot of information conveyed through a limited number of gestures so it was a little difficult to determine.

“Why are you on Jinki’s phone?” The composer asked.

He wasn’t sure how he felt now that he knew it wasn’t Onew on the line. A little relieved, he supposed, because he wasn’t sure what he would say to his ex-boyfriend. He hadn’t had the time to fully come to terms with what had happened yet, so he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to talk to the singer naturally. However, he was also a little disappointed. It may seem childish and wishful thinking but, at least in his heart, he still wanted the idol to come running back to him. He wanted the other male to realise that he couldn’t live without Jonghyun and screw the company, screw his many fans, screw the rest of the group who would also lose peoples’ respect and their jobs and their lives would be in shambles and... oh, who was he kidding? He couldn’t ask or expect that of Onew. There was too much at stake.

“Because I don’t have your number and you don’t have mine and you might be one of those people who doesn’t answer if they don’t know the number.” The dancer stated matter-of-factly. The way he said it indicated he believed that to be obvious and he didn’t understand why Jonghyun would question it.

Jonghyun’s mind took a second to process what exactly the younger singer had said. There were too many thoughts flying round his head at once, so he didn’t have his full brainpower to dedicate to listening and processing the boy’s words. Combine that with the sheer amount of them and the speed they were delivered at and it took him a few seconds.

Eunji snickered silently at the slightly dumbfounded look on the blue-haired man’s face. Standing up slowly, feeling a little like an old woman when her knees cracked, she patted Jonghyun’s knee to get his attention. When her friend looked up at her, she signaled that she was going to go to the living room to let him finish his phone call. Jonghyun nodded his assent and was thankful for her thoughtfulness.

“I guess that’s true...” Jonghyun agreed, not sure what to say. He still didn’t know why the younger male had called.

Luckily, he didn’t have to think of something to fill the silence as Taemin carried on talking, oblivious to Jonghyun’s thoughts. “I called for two reasons. One being to apologise.”

“Apologise?” Jonghyun asked, confused.

“Yeah,” The singer said, trailing off a little as if unsure how to continue, “I totally told a story about you on TV and-“

“I saw it.” Jonghyun interrupted.

“You did? Oh God. I’m sorry.”

“What for?” Jonghyun honestly wasn’t sure why the younger male would need to apologise. It wasn’t like his identity was given away on TV – ok, those close to him would be able to work it out but he really didn’t mind that. The story wasn’t even that embarrassing. If anything, it had been amusing to hear about it from another person’s point of view. Especially considering a lot of that night was a complete blur to the blue-haired man.

“I usually ask people permission and like, vet the story with them before I talk about anything on air. The others do too. It’s something SM likes us to do. For politeness, you know?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Jonghyun assured, “I found the show entertaining. You told the story well.”

“Well,” the singer said, his voice sounding proud, “I do consider variety shows to be one of my many talents.”

“Like bragging, I see.” Jonghyun countered. The composer very much enjoyed the splutter of fake rage the idol let out and couldn’t help but laugh. This, in turn, caused the idol to pout more, to the point where it was audible in his voice.

“Meanie.”

“Yup,” Jonghyun said, facetiously. “It’s my prerogative as your elder to be as mean as possible.”

“Ugh,” Taemin groaned, “you sound just like the hyungs.”

“What, you saying I’m not a hyung?” Jonghyun chuckled. He stretched out as he spoke, the wooden kitchen chair getting uncomfortable after sitting in it all afternoon. Standing up he moved over the kitchen counter, hopping up and sitting on top of it. The fake granite was equally as hard as the chair but the change of location was appreciated.

“You, uh, I mean. I can call you hyung if you want. But...” The boy sounded so hesitant.

Jonghyun decided to stop teasing the poor singer, “Chill, I was kidding. I don’t expect to be your hyung.”

“We act basically the same age anyways.” Taemin cut in, snickering wickedly.

“In that case, you’re definitely calling me hyung.” Jonghyun quipped back. “Rude child. I deserve your respect.”

“Nah,” Taemin said, completely nonchalant. “Anyway, the other reason is better, I swear. Less apologising more thank yous. I wanted to say thank you for the song and all the paperwork to allow me to use it. I woulda been stuck if I had to do that myself and the song is awesome.”

Jonghyun, when he gave the song to Onew, had prepared it in such a way that the young singer could use it immediately. In the past, he would have just given him the sheet music and preliminary test recording and assumed that was the end of that. However, his work in the music industry had taught him that a lot more was required before a song could be used. Thus, he had provided all the necessary forms and paperwork to sign the song over to Taemin and allow the SM Entertainment production team full editing rights. As it was a gift, he hadn’t put in any claims of royalty payments, which probably made the process a whole lot smoother too. His only stipulation was that his name was published as the original song writer.

“I’m glad you like it.” Jonghyun said. He reached out idly and began to play with a sugar packet. He personally didn’t use them, however Jiwoong had recently gone on a spree of collecting them from every cafe he visited. Jonghyun wasn’t sure why and honestly, wasn’t planning to find out but it had left the kitchen filled with the things. They weren’t even collected into one neat place, they were spread all over. Personally, he would have put them in the pantry with the sugar and flour but, for some reason, Jiwoong, in his infinite wisdom, seemed to think that by the kettle, in the spice rack and basically anywhere else he could put them in the apartment was the best place for them. The one he was currently playing with had come from on top of the microwave and appeared to originally be from the up market coffee shop two streets over.

“It’s great, really!” The singer reassured, still expressing his thanks. “Jongin, that’s Kai, he loves it too.”

Jonghyun chuckled. The other male was an adult now, having exceeded his teenage years, yet he still came across as quite child-like. It was refreshing. Oh, sure, he knew how to manipulate people into doing what he wanted and he was quite a force when angry – according to Onew – but there was something about him that just cheered Jonghyun up every time they spoke.

“I’m glad. You guys performed it really well.”

 “Thanks! It’s a fun one to sing and dancing with Kai is always fun. So yeah, I called to say thanks because seriously, the song is great and I love it. I was totally kidding when I asked you to write me a song, you know?” Even through the phone, Jonghyun could tell that Taemin was gesticulating with his free hand as he spoke. There was an exuberance to his voice that just necessitated hand gestures.

“I’ve been writing songs for you guys for years. Writing for you was easy.” Jonghyun said, falling into the easy routine of talking about his work. He felt like he spouted the same lines to everyone who asked. But hey, they were true and that was all that mattered. “The worst part of composing is working out what works for the singer. I know you, so I could just let loose and have fun.”

“You know me, huh?” Taemin said. If Jonghyun could see the younger man’s face he was sure he would see him winking or doing some other such obscene gesture.

Rolling his eyes, Jonghyun bantered back, “I don’t but I would love to. Come here and let me love you.”

“Not sure Jinki would like that.” Taemin quipped.

Jonghyun stilled and he was pretty sure he heard Taemin say a stifled ‘oops’ through the phone. All sense of fun he felt from this conversation and the back and forth the two had created drained and he found it a little difficult to draw breath properly. The sugar packet ripped open, spilling small white grains across the counter top and his lap. Jonghyun cursed quietly, not caring that he didn’t bother to cover the phone’s microphone, and jumped down from the counter, swiping the offending substance from his pants.

“I’m sorry,” Taemin babbled, “shit I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry. I’m so used to you and Jinki being a thing that I... I forgot. I’m sorry.”

Jonghyun sighed but gave no other response. He honestly wasn’t sure what he was meant to say. Eunji, having heard Jonghyun’s curse, entered the room, looking at her friend in concern.

“You ok, Jjong?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” He answered, still looking at his pants. The sugar was spread around his feet, he would need to clean that up later or it would get sticky. It already was in a few places, the grains having fallen in the puddles left over from the hair dye adventures of earlier in the afternoon.

“I’m sorry.” Taemin repeated his voice soft.

“Not your fault.” Jonghyun said, ignoring Eunji’s look of confusion. The girl apparently realised he was still on the phone and, seeing the conversation wasn’t over, gestured that she was leaving once again. Jonghyun didn’t acknowledge her but she seemed to take his lack of movement or sound as acceptance of her gesture.

“I...” As the singer spoke, Jonghyun moved over to the other side of the room, away from the sugar and back to the kitchen chair. Sitting down heavily, he ignored the slight pain in his behind as he landed harder than intended and rotated the chair so it was facing the table once more. That done, he leant forward, resting his elbows on the fake wood and leaned his head on the hand that wasn’t holding his phone. “You and Onew were perfect together and it’s super sad that you had to break up. Especially as neither of you wanted to do it. Onew’s devastated. He hides it well but... this wasn’t what he wanted to do either.”

It hurt to hear this but at the same time, Jonghyun needed it. He knew how he was feeling and he had assumed Onew was feeling similar things. However, he had had no confirmation of that fact. Sure, he had seen the other male was lethargic and sad-looking during the taping of that variety show but there were so many other possible factors that could have caused that mood. So, to have someone close to his ex-boyfriend, someone who saw him every day and most likely spoke to him about his problems, tell him that the idol regretted what they had to do, it felt good. Painful, yes. But freeing in a way. Like he, himself, wasn’t strange for feeling as he did because of this. That it was a problem they both shared. It had been one of his deeply hidden insecurities that Onew had just used the news articles as an excuse to break up with Jonghyun. Sure, it was completely against the male’s character and sure there were easier ways to do it, but it was paranoia for a reason. It didn’t have to make sense.

“It had to be this way.” Jonghyun said, quietly.

“I get why you did it.” Taemin said, equally as soft. “I don’t think I could have done it. I’m too selfish. I’d live only for my own happiness, screw everyone else. Hell, if Jinki had done that, I think the entire group would have understood.”

‘It’s for his own happiness too.”

“It is,” Taemin agreed. “He loves being an idol. But you can’t tell me you don’t believe it’s mostly for other people.”

“Yeah, I know.” Jonghyun said, studying a small scratch on the surface of the table. The brown of the wood pattern had scraped away slightly, probably by the scratch of a blade or some obscure art supply – Jiwoong kept using the poor table as a place to create his works. The white of the plastic beneath the pattern flashed through and Jonghyun picked at it with his fingernail, watching small flakes of fake wood peel off the surface. “He was so worried that, if we were caught, then SHINee would have to break up. He didn’t want to hurt you guys in any way. He planned all of this so that the minimum amount of people would be hurt.”

“Those people being you two.” Taemin agreed. “But it wasn’t for SHINee. Not completely.”

Jonghyun furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Not for SHINee? “What do you mean?”

‘It was for you.” Taemin said, as if it was obvious.

“For me?”

“If you got caught, can you imagine what would happen?” The boy said. His question was clearly rhetorical, though Jonghyun could think of many things, and the boy continued to speak. “There would be a media circus. People would be desperate to find out who you are. What you do. They would dig up all the dirt on your past. People would judge you based on assumed personality traits, your appearance, that one time you were mean to someone when you were twelve. ‘Old friends’ from high school will emerge claiming you were ‘incredibly close’ or you were a bully.”

Jonghyun listened in mute shock. He hadn’t considered any of that. Most of his fears of discovery had been for Onew. The idol was set to potentially lose his job, his fans and his way of life. He had never considered that people would be interested in him. He was a nobody. Sure, he wrote some songs that some people liked but who really payed attention to who wrote the music? Most people cared about the singers, the dance moves, the concepts. His name was out there but he was no one important.

“Jinki saw how you reacted to that bullying thing. You took it as well as could be expected,” the younger male said, preempting Jonghyun before he could protest that he dealt with it perfectly well and cutting off anything the blue-haired man might want to say, “You are untrained at dealing with the media and you take things to heart. Don’t deny it, even I know that and we’re only just friends. He was so scared that you guys would be caught and you would freak out. There’s always reports of celebrity, civilian couples where the non-celebrity freaks out and leaves. I’m not saying you would. Not at all. But they leave for a reason.”

“I wouldn’t leave.” Jonghyun said, still studying the table although he wasn’t taking it in.

“I know that and Onew knew that, I think. But I think that scared him just as much. That you would stay. That you would deal with that crap every single day. I think that, combined with everything else, was a big part of his reasoning.”

“I’d never considered that.” Jonghyun said, “The self-sacrificing asshole.”

That statement startled a laugh out of Taemin who hadn’t been expecting Jonghyun to say anything against Onew. If anything, he had been expecting tears or yelling. Honestly, the composer just sounded like he understood and, in a way, that made this whole situation more painful.

“Maybe one day we can be friends again.” Jonghyun mused, hearing a noise of assent from Taemin. “I’m sure he feels the same as I do right now and probably can’t face it. But one day soon. Maybe.”

“Maybe.” Taemin agreed.

The two sat in silence for a few minutes. Neither felt a need to speak and their soft breaths were all that could be heard over the phone.

Finally, Taemin broke the silence, “I’ll text you my number, ok? Text me or call me whenever. I’ll answer when I can. You’re a good friend.”

Jonghyun smiled lightly. It was only when tragedy hit that you realised how amazing your friends are. His friends were really showing how fantastic they were. All of them, even Jiwoong, deserved his endless gratitude for how much they were helping him through this.

“Say hello to the others for me and...” Jonghyun hesitated, not sure he should say anymore, “tell Jinki I’m doing ok. Tell him to keep his head up. I’m cheering you guys on from the sidelines, as I always have. I’m cheering on all of you.”

“I will.” Taemin said, gently. It was only then, as the singer hung up and the phone vibrated in his hands, that Jonghyun realised how mature Taemin really was. Sure, he played up the young and cute role for the cameras and sure, he acted playful and mischievous when he could. However, when the situation called for it, he was one of the best listeners Jonghyun could imagine and he often came out with pearls of wisdom that one wouldn’t expect from one so young.

Smiling a sad smile, Jonghyun pushed himself up from the table and headed into the living room. He could hear the television from here and he fully intended to sit with Eunji and watch bad dramas for a couple of hours. The girl would protest that they weren’t bad shows and Jonghyun had no taste but the composer knew otherwise. The shows she chose to watch were sub-par at best.

He would clean up the mess in the kitchen later.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: Taeminnie is a grown up. Taeminnie is the best grown up. No sarcasm.
> 
> I have a love hate relationship with the word however. I love the word, I use it a lot. I hate how much I use it. Emily, the word but exists. Use that sometimes, maybe.


	38. Chapter 37 – Merry Christmas

Noises from downstairs echoed up to where Jonghyun was sleeping. The loud clatter of pots and pans and what sounded suspiciously like a broken glass could be heard, slightly muffled over the distance, along with indistinct female voices. Jonghyun rolled over in his bed and groaned when his arm fell off the edge, pulling at his shoulder and flopping awkwardly against the carpet. Pulling the offending limb back and shifting deeper under the covers Jonghyun’s nose was assaulted with the smell of a washing powder that he hadn’t used in years. Not caring about the now unfamiliar scent and just wanting to sleep a little more, the boy shifted down the bed and settled down comfortably.

The blue-haired man was staying at his parents’ house for a few days over Christmas. His mother had insisted, as she always did. Every year, a week before Christmas, Jonghyun would receive a call from his mother. Calls from his mother were not unusual, she called him every few weeks for a catch up. But this call, the Christmas call, was always a little different. She would start the call with casual small talk and general inquiries about his health. However, there was this hint in her voice, this sign she was going to say something important soon. Then, she would start talking about their family’s plans, extended family Jonghyun hadn’t spoken to in many, many years. Finally, she would begin asking about _his_ plans. Each question was pointed and usually phrased in such a pointed way that Jonghyun knew he had no choice but to head to the family home. Not that his plans were ever anything but heading to the family home anyway, but he liked to make a token protest; it kept his mother on her toes.

Five minutes later and Jonghyun had given up on sleeping. The noise from downstairs was only getting louder and he knew his mother wouldn’t let him spend much more of the holiday in bed, anyway. The composer pulled himself out of his cocoon, shivering as the cold air hit his bare skin. Rubbing him arms to warm them up, Jonghyun shuffled towards his bag and extracted a set of clothes for the day. He didn’t bother to wear anything fancy, just throwing on a loose pair of pants and a sweater. Dressing up wasn’t necessary when the only people in the house would be direct family members who had seen him through all of his awkward teenage years. It was safe to say, they had seen him wearing worse.

Once he made it downstairs, after a quick trip to the bathroom, Jonghyun went on a hunt for his family members. It wasn’t too difficult to find them, the family Christmas routine didn’t vary much from year to year and, even if it did, his mother and sister were making enough noise that he could pinpoint their location from anywhere in the house.

The kitchen appeared to be a disaster zone. Neither of the female Kims were stellar when it came to cooking and that was incredibly obvious as he cautiously entered the room. He would have offered to help, at least with the clean-up, but his sister’s glare warned him away before he could even open his mouth.

Retreating to the living room, Jonghyun took a seat on the sofa. His father, looking up from his book, made eye contact and raised his eyebrows, gesturing towards the kitchen. The blue-haired boy chuckled and shrugged, not quite sure what was going on in there either. He was actually quite impressed that his mother had managed to get Sodam involved. The girl was usually very good at avoiding such domestic tasks. Christmas was a special occasion, he supposed.

Seeing his father wasn’t going to strike up a conversation any time soon – the man having turned back to his crossword already – Jonghyun pulled out his phone and decided to pass the time before lunch by reading the news.

Two hours later and Jonghyun could no longer claim he was reading the news. He was instead playing some sort of racing game that Jiwoong had told him to download the previous week. It was pretty fun, he supposed; he’d still not managed to get first place in any of the races, however. When his mother called, informing him and his father, who was still working on his crossword, that lunch was ready, Jonghyun was up in a flash, the phone left discarded on the sofa as he headed to the dining room table to take his seat.

He supposed some people would find their Christmas routine a little strange. They always started their days late, whenever they crawled out of bed really, then ate a late lunch – it was currently almost 3pm. This was then followed by a day of family bonding and relaxed activities, usually board games or conversation.

It hadn’t always been that way, when he and Sodam were younger, Jonghyun distinctly remembered dragging his unwilling parents out of bed at ungodly hours of the morning to open presents and eat Christmas treats. Now that the two Kim children were older, that no longer happened and a much more sedate routine was created. Although, if you spoke to Jonghyun’s mother, she would disapprove with that sentiment immensely and claim it was the most stressful day in her calendar. The woman complained every single year that the males of the house refused to help her cook, yet, whenever they entered the kitchen or offered to help, she would shoo them away. Jonghyun found it particularly amusing because he knew Sodam would give anything to be shoo’d out too. However, as the only daughter of the family, she was forever relegated to the role of chef’s assistant.

The same could be said this year too, as Jonghyun walked into the room, the girl was grumpily laying out cutlery on the Christmas patterned table cloth, a pout on her lips. Jonghyun’s mother was busily placing the turkey and all the trimmings into the centre of the small table, having to shift a few things around in order to get everything to fit. That task done, the woman stood up and dusted off her hands.

“Take a seat,” She said, though it was more of an order than a request. Her family all rushed to comply, taking their usual seats at the kitchen table, as the woman removed her apron and retrieved the carving tools.

The room was mostly silent for a while, as everyone got themselves situated and served themselves a portion of food each. However, after they had all made a bit of headway into their meal, the conversations started to flow easily. With Jonghyun having moved out and Sodam being out of the house more often than not, the family rarely got together like this to eat, so there was a lot to catch up on.

“When will you find yourself a nice boy?” The sibling’s mother asked Sodam.

The conversation had quite quickly moved into uncomfortable territory for the younger Kim. The girl was very unwilling to talk about her dating life with her parents. Her father was acting completely uninterested by the question, however Jonghyun noticed a slight tightening of his grip on his chopsticks as the conversation topic changed. The man was likely thinking of Sodam’s most recent ex-boyfriend who, by all accounts, had not been nice when he broke up with the girl. She had tried to hide it, from everyone really, but anyone who knew the girl well could guess what had happened. It was a good thing Sodam was so strong, or Jonghyun would have had to break some skulls, and he wasn’t particularly confident in his abilities to do so. At least he would have the support of his father in that endeavour. The man was not the most intimidatingly built but he could yell like the best of them and was damn scary when he did so.

Sodam shifted uncomfortably, poking the food on her plate with a chopstick. “I’m focusing on my studies right now.”

“A young, attractive girl like you should get out there more. Studying is good but you should go meet people and have a social life.” Her mother tutted, daintily placing a small portion of meat into her mouth.

“It’s not like I’m a hermit!” The girl protested, looking cowed when her father gave her a sharp look for her angry tone, “I’m just taking some time off from the dating scene after...”

Seeing his sister needed a little help, Jonghyun chimed in quickly, “I heard from Eunji that our Sodam has her eyes on someone at the moment.”

Just because he was saving his sister from a potentially painful line of questioning didn’t mean he couldn’t lead the conversation in a direction that would prolong his amusement at the girl’s expense. The girl clearly knew what he was doing too, if the glare she shot in his direction was any indication. Although, the faint blush on her cheeks hinted that he wasn’t just making his statement up. Eunji had, in fact, told him about the girl’s recent fixation on a boy, though she hadn’t said where from. Jonghyun had speculated, of course, and had determined that it was most likely to be that boy from her English class who had recently worked on a project with his sister. The girl had been most complimentary of him after that experience; an unusual thing when one considered the way group projects usually went.  


“Well why didn’t you say so, dear?” Their mother asked. “I’m sure he’s a very upstanding gentleman. Now, Jonghyun, what about you, any nice...” The woman hesitated, still a little uncomfortable with her son’s sexuality, “men in your life?”

Jonghyun appreciated the woman’s effort. She wasn’t someone who had ever considered homosexuality seriously before and, although she couldn’t be described as homophobic, she was definitely uncomfortable with the idea. This mostly stemmed from her lack of understanding, Korea wasn’t the most accepting nation, after all, so her exposure to gay men and woman was more limited than it may have been. However, she was trying really hard to present a supportive front even if it came across a little awkward at times. She had been fantastic when he and Onew were together and had tried her utmost to understand and be accepting. That didn’t mean she didn’t feel awkward about the whole thing, however. Especially now that Jonghyun and Onew were… no longer together.

Jonghyun’s father also accepted his son’s preferences, in his own way. However, he had a total lack of interest in his children's dating life (bar his protective instincts against any abuse they may suffer) and therefore, the topic did not often come up in conversation with the man.

Jonghyun looked down at his plate, now mostly empty, and shrugged lightly, “Not at the moment.”

It hurt him to say so but it was true. He felt Sodam place a hand on his knee in comfort and looked up to meet his sister’s eyes, smiling slightly. He tried to convey that he was ok through his expression and, judging by the look of relief on the girl’s face, he had managed to do so. The girl had initially been walking on eggshells around him after his break up and tried to cheer him up on multiple occasions. It was only recently she had stopped periodically checking on Jonghyun’s mental state and he considered this to be good progress. The girl may put up a rough and strong front but she was really just a bleeding heart who didn’t want anyone around her to be upset or hurt.

“That’s a shame,” The woman said, totally unaware of the reactions of her two children to her question.  “Maybe if you didn’t insist on having such obnoxious hair colours you might attract a better man.”

Jonghyun flinched slightly. He knew his mother wasn’t being deliberately mean and she was just a little old-school and obtuse when it came to others’ feelings. However, it still stung a little. She had never approved of his more out there hair colours – the blow up when he first dyed his hair blonde had been impressive – so that insult was almost expected. It was doubly expected this visit as the woman had not seen his blue hair yet and it was definitely his most unnatural colour so far. However, the snide insult that the woman probably hadn’t intended was painful; the idea that Onew wasn’t a good man and that Jonghyun could somehow do better. It wasn’t even an insult against Jonghyun himself and he still felt a sting from it. The singer was the best man anyone could hope for.

Jonghyun’s father was much more aware, his sharp eyes watching the two closely as he grabbed the kimchi from the centre of the table and served himself some. The man clearly sensed this was a sensitive topic for both his children, Jonghyun more than Sodam and there was clearly some recent history there. He would let the two be, they were old enough to work it out for themselves, after all.

“How is your job going, Jjong?” The man asked, after he had finished chewing his current mouthful of the spicy cabbage. His wife had really outdone herself this year, the meal and all the side dishes were especially delicious.

“Good,” Jonghyun said, perking up. He hadn’t seen his parents properly in months so they might not be aware of his latest accomplishments. “Did you hear my latest song got released? It even got performed on music shows and stuff.”

“I did.” The man said. “Because of you, I know far more about those damn idol types than I ever want to.”

“He reads all those kpop news sites in the hopes he’ll spot your name.” Sodam stage whispered behind her hand to her brother, causing the blue haired male to snort in laughter. This drew a look of derision from his mother, although the disapproving effect was ruined a little when the woman too laughed.

“It’s a little bit cute how often he checks,” The older woman said, blotting her lips with a napkin to clean the area where she had spilt some sauce.

The man in question spluttered a little before coughing and acting like nothing had been said. “It was very impressive. You’re very skilled, Jonghyun.”

Jonghyun grinned at his father, feeling pride and warmth surge through him. His father’s opinion of composition had changed around the time Jonghyun had been hired at SM Entertainment and he had tried to make up for his constant belittling of the profession since that moment. However, Jonghyun still found himself feeling a great rush of happiness every time these little compliments left his father’s lips.

“He is.” Sodam agreed. “Everyone thinks so. Even some people in really high up places.”

Jonghyun looked up in askance, he wasn’t aware his sister knew anyone in high up places in the Entertainment world. The girl just played coy and stuck her tongue out at him, ignoring her mother’s little cough at her lack of decorum.

“What’s next for you then?” His father asked.

“I’m not sure, I haven’t been given my new assignment yet. I was doing some editing work before Christmas and working on song rearrangements for special stages and things like that. I guess I’ll be given a bigger job after the Christmas break,” The blue haired male shrugged.

“Oh, I know you will.” Sodam chuckled, drawing strange looks from everyone at the table.

“What?”

Sodam merely waved off her brother and turned to her mother, smiling, “Shall we get the men to clear the table? Since we spent so long slaving away at the hot stove and all.”

Mrs. Kim chuckled and stood from her seat, gesturing for Sodam to do the same, “That sounds like a fine idea. We can go gather all the gifts ready to exchange whilst they do that.”

“Perfect,” Sodam grinned, standing up from her seat and following her mother out of the kitchen. However, she did take the time to turn and blow a mocking kiss at her brother and father, “Have fun!”

Jonghyun and his father made eye contact from their still seated positions and merely shrugged, not quite sure what had just happened. The two women had left the room quicker than the two had seen them move in a while.

“I guess we’re clearing the table then,” Jonghyun said, already gathering the plates. He didn’t mind, honestly. Sodam was right, she and their mother had cooked the meal, so it was only fair.

“I guess so,” His father agreed, standing up and collecting the glasses.  “Let’s get this done then we can exchange gifts.”

“Yep,” Jonghyun agreed, ready to get to the more exciting parts of the day. “Hey, bet I can wash faster than you can dry.”

His father let out an uncharacteristically playful laugh and grabbed the tea towel, standing ready at the draining rack, “You’re on.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: There’s been so much focus on Jonghyun’s professional and social life recently, I felt this fic needed a little family bonding. This chapter really messed with the timeline because it’s set on such a specific date. My beta/sister got mad at me for that because she was the one who had to make all the dates make sense. Oops.


	39. Chapter 38 – New job?

Jonghyun’s first day back at work after his Christmas break was interesting. He had taken off all the days between Christmas Eve and New Year’s Day and so, it was early January when he reentered the office once more. It had only been just over a week, yet the mood in the office felt different, somehow. The composer knew that the employees of the purchasing department had all worked through the break, only taking the public holidays off, and somehow, in those few days Jonghyun was gone, something had changed. They were all acting very suspicious.

In fact, nearly everyone he knew was acting strange. Over the last few weeks, ever since that embarrassing phone call as he was getting his hair dyed, Jonghyun had been talking regularly with Taemin. They never talked about anything deep or meaningful, not like Jonghyun and Onew had, but the composer now definitely considered Taemin his friend and not just an acquaintance. However, for some reason, the singer had been acting evasive over the last week or so. It almost sounded like he knew something that Jonghyun didn’t. Initially, Jonghyun had attributed it to the idol’s close friendship with Onew and assumed his ex-boyfriend had mentioned something. However, with the way everyone else was acting, it seemed like something deeper may be going on.

Jonghyun honestly didn’t know why so many people were acting so suspicious. Even Sodam had been acting strange over the holiday break. She would often make comments about Jonghyun’s job and his next big project, what his future may bring, where he saw his career going. Considering the girl had very little interaction with people from SM Entertainment and definitely didn’t have any influence over Jonghyun’s work load these comments seemed strange and out of place. Hopefully Sungkyu would be able to shed some light on the situation.

Talking of Sungkyu, it was almost time for Jonghyun to head to his meeting. Standing up from his desk, Jonghyun headed towards the door, ignoring a ‘good luck’ from Youngchul that indicated, once more, that he knew something the blue-haired male did not. Walking over and knocking on the door of the office next door, Jonghyun was quickly allowed access and ushered into the familiar room. Taking his usual seat, the composer relaxed back against the hard back rest.

“So, want to tell me what’s going on?” Jonghyun asked, crossing his arms and tapping his foot mockingly.

He initially, hadn’t been sure that Sungkyu was involved in whatever was causing the people around him to act so strange. However, the man gave himself away almost immediately. His mentor looked far happier than he usually did during their weekly meetings. Not that the other man ever looked annoyed or bored, however he usually put on an air of professionalism, as was expected of a boss when speaking to an employee. Also, more often than not, the man was also working on something else simultaneously.

Right now, the man was not exuding professionalism at all. In fact, he was practically grinning and he was completely focused on his protégé. Also unusual was the large stack of paperwork piled in front of him. The fact the paperwork was there, was not the unusual thing; Sungkyu’s desk was often covered in paperwork, waiting to be filed or thrown out. However, this paperwork just seemed out of place somehow. Like it wasn’t for Sungkyu.

“I don’t know what you mean.” The man said, his acting leaving a lot to be desired.

“So there isn’t something you, the others and even my friends know that I don’t?” Jonghyun asked, raising one eyebrow. The man was a terrible liar. He wasn’t the type to lie to people – especially people he was close to – and thus, when he did it always came out stilted and odd sounding.

“Nope.” The man said, rotating the papers and sliding them towards his prodigy. “Nothing at all.”

Jonghyun looked at the papers then up at his mentor, then back at the papers. He wasn’t quite sure what this was about. Flipping open the brown paper folder, Jonghyun quickly scanned the front page and looked up at his mentor when it dawned on him what the words said – job contract.

“What’s this?” Jonghyun asked, gesturing at the paper, “You got a new job?”

“Me? No.” The man said. “This is for you.”

Jonghyun looked up in shock from where he had been scanning the first page of the document. From the little he had read, this already seemed like a fantastic deal. He hadn’t fully read the job description yet but it appeared to be a permanent full-time composition job that came with a heap more benefits than his current job as well as a significant pay rise.

“What do you mean for me?”

“Exactly what it sounds like,” Sungkyu said, looking amused at Jonghyun’s shock. “The higher-ups approached me with this job opportunity for you and, after checking it was really as good as it sounded, I agreed to approach you about it. It will be a shame to lose one of my best employees – everyone else complains when I assign them song rearrangements and editing work – but it’s a fantastic opportunity for you.”

“Wait, they approached you?” Jonghyun asked, flabbergasted. He wasn’t even aware that most of the higher-ups knew who he was. Let alone appreciated his work enough to offer him an opportunity such as this.

“Read through the contract and let me know if you have any questions or concerns.” Jonghyun’s boss said, ignoring his question. Turning to his computer screen was a clear sign he wasn’t planning to answer and the blue-haired composer accepted his boss’ suggestion.

“Ok, I’ll do that.” Jonghyun agreed, weakly.

From his study of the many pages of the contract, Jonghyun was able to determine several things:

1)       He would be insane not to accept this offer. His initial thought that the job came with a pay rise was absolutely correct and he was being offered a sum far larger than most people at his point in his career could expect. Not only that, but he would be working as the sole composer with a single idol group, creating all the songs (with some collaborations if he deemed them necessary) for any upcoming albums. It was all phrased and set up to be something about a unified sound throughout the album through the use of a single composer. He was to tail the group to all activities, including those overseas (all paid and financed), and learn about them as a group in order to create an album that truly represented who they were. Basically, it was a massive stepping stone in his career and was a fantastic opportunity for personal and professional growth.

2)       This job was really suspicious. Why would he, Kim Jonghyun, rookie composer extraordinaire, be hired for such a prestigious job over any of the more experienced composers employed at the company?

3)       This explained why everyone was acting so suspicious. Clearly, everyone knew about the opportunity. How they knew was questionable. His co-workers made sense, they must have heard from Sungkyu over the week Jonghyun had off of work. However, how did Sodam find out? She wasn’t exactly in regular contact with anyone Jonghyun worked with. And Taemin, why was Taemin acting so strange?

Looking up at Sungkyu, once he finished reading, Jonghyun was wide-eyed and a little startled, “Is this real? And they want me?”

“Yes and yes,” Sungkyu said, looking away from his computer screen, smiling in an amused way. “The higher-ups requested you specifically. You’ve impressed someone in high places, my boy.”

“I have?”

“You have,” Sungkyu repeated. “If you want, you can take the rest of the day off in order to think about it.”

“But it’s only my first day back.”

“And you just had a major shock. Take the time and discuss it with some people and let me know your decision tomorrow.” Sungkyu explained, standing and shooing Jonghyun out of the room.

Following a supportive pat on the shoulder from his mentor, Jonghyun found the door shutting in his face. Turning robotically, he walked the few feet back to the office, the large packet of files still clutched in his arms, and pushed open the door. Immediately he was bombarded with congratulations and cheers from his co-workers. They had clearly been impatiently waiting all morning for this, which made their strange behaviour from earlier make a lot more sense, and they all seemed genuinely happy for him. Jonghyun would miss them if – when – he started his new job. He may not officially be a member of the purchasing department but they had really made him feel welcome during his time in their office. He supposed, now, he would be moved to the composition rooms proper. He had heard they had been expanded and rearranged recently. He just hadn’t been moved because there hadn’t been a need before now and his being close to Sungkyu was more important than him being near other composers.

Smiling at their enthusiastic congratulations, Jonghyun gathered up his things, placing the folder reverently into his bag and packing up the other belongings he had unpacked when he arrived.

“Look at the big shot,” Youngchul teased, “Only just got a promotion and he’s already forgetting the little guys.”

Jonghyun stuck his tongue out at the man and enjoyed the small gasp of mock shock the man gave. He really would miss these guys.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?” He asked, as he slung his bag over his shoulder and headed towards the door.

“Absolutely, we’ll have to have a leaving lunch for you before you move on to bigger and better things.” Junghee said, already looking like she was planning the event in her head.

“I haven’t even accepted the job yet.” Jonghyun chuckled, the easygoing atmosphere of the office aiding him in getting over the shock of the job offer.

“If you don’t accept it, we’ll fire you for being dim.” Sungho commented, “I’m happy for you.”

Jonghyun flashed one last grin at his colleagues before slipping out of the office. He knew they were right, he wasn’t going to turn down this offer.

-

And he didn’t.

Jonghyun was nervous on his first day. He had had a series of meetings over the last few weeks with his new bosses and he had met almost everyone he would be working with. He would be still be reporting to Sungkyu directly – something he was incredibly happy with – however the upper management were taking a much more active interest in his work now. He would also be interacting very closely with the idol group’s manager who, on every meeting so far, had remained mostly silent and out of the way. The man was nice enough, which was good considering the amount of time Jonghyun would be spending around the man, although he was a little odd in that he refused to be addressed as anything other than Manager. Jonghyun supposed the man had a really embarrassing name or something and just shrugged it off as a small peculiarity.

Now, after all those meetings establishing exactly what was expected of him on this job (an album worth of songs that met the manager, upper management and idol group’s approval) as well as what he would be doing day to day (mostly tailing the idol group in question) he was finally starting work.

He had dressed up for the occasion, wearing a slightly smarter suit than usual, and he was starting to regret it. The nerves were making him sweat and it was resulting in a very uncomfortable heat building up around his collar and under his jacket. Shifting uncomfortably he pulled at the restricting fabric and looked around the room as a means to distract himself.

The room was small, one of the many free-use meeting rooms on the first floor of the SM Entertainment building, and was packed with slightly uncomfortable seating. Whoever had been using the room before him had clearly been giving some kind of presentation as all the tables were pushed to the side of the room and the chairs were arranged in rows facing the projector screen. The projector was off right now however, as this was intended to be a casual meeting between Jonghyun and the idol group he would be working with.

Setting about moving the chairs, Jonghyun stacked all the excess seats to one side and was working on moving one of the tables to the centre of the room when the door opened. He was thankful when a pair of hands reached out and offered him help in unfolding the table and lining it up straight.

Looking up to thank his mysterious helper, the words died in his throat and a strange rasping noise came out instead.

“What, not happy to see me?” The male asked, running a hand through his rumpled hair.

“Taemin,” Jonghyun stuttered, “What are you doing here?”

“I heard you got a new job and I wanted to cheer my friend on.” Taemin said, like it was obvious. There was clear humour in his voice and he obviously found Jonghyun’s confused reaction very amusing. “Shall we finish rearranging the room?”

“Yeah,” Jonghyun agreed, faintly. There was still another table to set out and he needed to unstack enough chairs to surround them after that. He didn’t technically have to do this, however, in many meetings he attended, people complained about needing to rearrange the rooms every time they used them. So he was helping out the next people to use the room as well as taking his mind off of his nerves.

Just after the two young men finished setting up the room to their preference, the door opened once more. Taemin looked unconcerned, from his seat to the side of the door. Jonghyun was much more nervous. He had arrived early, which is why he wasn’t freaking out too much when no one was in the room when he arrived, and Taemin had also arrived before the official start of the meeting time – although why he was there, Jonghyun was still unsure of – so the person opening the door now was perfectly on time.

Jonghyun gaped unattractively as the door opened fully and the person in question was revealed, he really didn’t understand what was going on here.

This didn’t make sense. Did it?

Was this some kind of strange joke that everyone he knew was playing on him?

There was no way he, Kim Jonghyun, would be selected as the sole composer for this idol group. Right?

No. There was no way.

“Long time no see,” Minho commented as he took the seat opposite Taemin. “Congratulations on the job, your compositions are amazing. I can’t wait to see more.”

Jonghyun just mutely nodded his thanks, his thoughts were still rushing noisily through his head and he was unsure what exactly he was supposed to say in this situation. Currently, two members of his favourite idol group were sat at the same table as him and he didn’t understand why. He could theorize, but, the more he thought about it, the less that theory made sense. There had to be some other, rational, explanation of why these two were here. There had to be.

When the door opened again, admitting Key, who just nodded regally at Jonghyun and sat down next to Taemin, Jonghyun was pretty sure his brain short-circuited.

It was clear now, what was going on and it was clear that the members of SHINee were all aware of the change in his employment situation too. However, that didn’t exactly make the information easier to process. His inner SHINee fan was practically catatonic at this point and his external self wasn’t doing too much better.

“Are we missing anyone?” Manager said, as he swept into the room. He looked like a force to be reckoned with, as always. His slate grey shirt was fitted to his body and, although he wasn’t the fittest man, it still managed to give him a slightly intimidating air. It was probably a good trait to have as a manager, Jonghyun mused, so he could scare away anyone who wanted to get too close to or harm his idols.

“Onew,” Taemin chirped, looking very smug for some reason.

“He’ll catch up,” The man said, dismissing the comment. “So, Jonghyun, welcome to the team.”

“Thanks,” Jonghyun said, quietly, still not quite to terms with what was happening. An echo of welcome came from the three idols sat at the table.

“I’m sure you’ll do us proud,” Manager said, “your work is exemplary and I look forward to seeing what you can create for us. Now-“

The man’s statement was cut off as the door banged open and a panting Onew entered the room. His hair was disheveled, knotted and a little damp from sweat at the neck and hairline. His jacket was flung haphazardly over a scruffy looking shirt and his pants were riding low on his hips, as if they slipped as the idol was running. Even so, Jonghyun found himself staring, the male as attractive to him now as he had ever been. Even when he was panting like a dog and looked like he had rolled out of bed not ten minutes previous, despite it being fairly late into the morning. Even when Jonghyun could see yesterday’s make-up still clinging to his eyebrows. Even when his eyes were closed from fatigue. He was still attractive to Jonghyun.

The singer flopped gracelessly into the seat next to Minho. Sighing heavily and pushing his hair from his eyes, the singer apologised, “Sorry I’m late, I was in vocal lessons on the fifth floor and then the lift stopped on every floor on the way down and it was basically a mess.”

Manager rolled his eyes, clearly used to this from his idol, “As long as you aren’t late to anything official.” Onew nodded in agreement empathetically and Manager nodded at him, glad the singer understood. “Now, Onew, I would like you to meet our new composer, Kim Jonghyun.”

Onew turned sharply, looking directly at Jonghyun, his eyes suddenly open fully and his mouth falling slack. Jonghyun was also a little sad to notice a flash of hurt travel across the singer’s face. However, Jonghyun couldn’t judge him for the feeling as he was sure his facial expression was much the same when he saw Onew enter the room.

“We’ve met.” Onew said, faintly. “Welcome to the team.”

“Thanks,” Jonghyun muttered, equally as quietly, looking down at his lap.

“Perfect, that makes things easier then, doesn’t it?” Manager said, apparently oblivious to the sudden tension in the room. The other members of SHINee were obviously aware and were all shooting wary glances between the two males, as if afraid they would do something to give themselves away.

SHINee’s manager then launched into a long speech about what Jonghyun’s job would entail, explaining it to the idols who hadn’t been fully briefed. He also explained what the idol group’s next batch of schedules was, including a trip to Japan that was coming up for a large-scale concert, more for Jonghyun’s sake than the idols’.

Jonghyun found himself concentrating on everything the man said, taking note of anything important in his notebook so he didn’t forget things that would be useful to know. He found all thoughts of Onew pushed to the back of his mind as his desire to do the best he could at this job took over. He knew this position would be a challenge when he accepted it and Onew’s presence just made everything a little more complicated but he was ready for the challenge. He would create the best SHINee album there had been yet.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  CHAPTER NOTES: SHINee’s back.


	40. Chapter 39 – Arc 5 begins

**_StuckOnew_ **

_12.56pm 14.01.14_

**_SHINee_** ’ ** _s new permanent staff member is totally BlingBling_**

_Oh my gosh guys, did you hear?_

_So SHINee hired a new permanent staff member. If you didn_ ’ _t see the SM announcement I picked out the most important parts. It wasn_ ’ _t necessarily a public announcement so it_ ’ _s really dry reading but fans do what fans must to get their idol fix. If that means trawling through every little boring bit of information released by their idol’s entertainment company, so be it._

“A new composer has been hired to work exclusively for the idol group SHINee at the behest of those close to the group. The intention is to create a new album that fully represents the spirit of SHINee and a shows more personalised music experience.”

“The composer will travel with the group to all possible engagements (with exceptions) in order to fully understand them and their aesthetic.”

“Kim Jonghyun (24) was selected for this role due to his exemplary work with the group in the past, including both group and solo activities.”

“We believe SHINee and Mr. Kim will have a very productive relationship.”

_[/Link to original SM Entertainment announcement]_

_I am so excited for BlingBling. If you aren_ ’ _t up to date on the scandals of the SHINee fandom, which many of you might not be, I_ ’ _ll give you a refresher:_

 _-BlingBling first appeared on the forums in 2008. He was super nice, I spoke to him a lot (I_ ’ _m an old-school fan and just plain old, don_ ’ _t judge me)._

 _-2009 he won a competition to write a SHINee song. That was the origin of Juliette. That song is amazing and omg you need to watch the documentary they released about the making of that album. SHINee are such squishy babies (Onew tho, and Taemin looks like a child). My favourite part was the interview with BlingBling, he looked like he was pooping himself, he looked so nervous. But it was super cute because he was clearly such a massive fan but pretending he wasn_ ’ _t super affected by being around the guys. I loved it.Totally didn_ ’ _t tell anyone he was BlingBling at the time tho_

 _-BlingBling was around often after that. I think he went to college and stuff and basically got his life on point at that time. He was super motivated, it was cool. We used to talk a lot back then. Just general stuff, he_ ’ _s good to debate with about idol life and stuff. He had some good ideas from a dude_ ’ _s POV (not that I knew that at the time)_

_-Then he was lucky enough to get a job at SM. Dude is talented, i tell you._

_-Then the scandals. So for some reason, some idiots in the fandom decided male fans were weird (I don_ ’ _t really get it either) and they started this super mean vendetta against BlingBling. So a like fake exposé was written up on these forums in 2013. I_ ’ _d link the post but I won_ ’ _t because it_ ’ _s super privacy invading and just all around not cool. I don_ ’ _t know why it wasn\t deleted already tbh._

_-So SM and SHINee released statements about bullying not being cool and SHINee released a super cute video of them basically telling the bullies off_

_[/Link to SHINee anti-bullying video]_

_And that_ ’ _s all super sweet. So I guess, BlingBling must have become close to someone close to SHINee. Hell, he probably met SHINee themselves, they work at the same company and all. The lucky goose._

 _So yeah, scandals in the SHINee fandom. BlingBling is still around occasionally by the way. He told me once he likes to lurk. He hangs out on the live chat occasionally too. Go say hi. But don_ ’ _t bug him, he_ ’ _s just a fan like us, it_ ’ _s not cool. Even if he does have a close link to SHINee (I_ ’ _m so jealous)_

_He wrote some super cool stuff by the way, before you judge him for being young and untalented and  not good enough to work with SHINee._

_Juliette, obviously._

_[/Link to SHINee_ ’ _s Juliette music video]_

 _He worked on Taemin_ ’ _s solo stuff too_

 _[/Link to live video of Taemin_ ’ _s Pretty Boy]_

_And a load of other stuff_

_[/Link to a list of Jonghyun_ ’ _s song credits]_

 _Probably more stuff too. I don_ ’ _t know how composition works in SM and stuff. Maybe he_ ’ _s uncredited on a load of stuff. Who knows?_

 _So yeah, this was basically just a post to celebrate BlingBling_ ’ _s new job and also highlight that a SHINee fan made it this far. Think about it, he_ ’ _s basically one of us and now he gets to hang out with SHINee all the time. That is so rad._

 _So congrats Bling, I wish you all the best on your new job.I_ ’ _m so glad that you were able to move past all those issues of last year. You didn_ ’ _t deserve any of the hate and I am super happy for you. Work hard, do us SHINee fans proud and don_ ’ _t forget your humble fan origins ;D_

 ** _TaemintToTheMax  
_**_I remember BlingBling. We talked a few times. Congrats on the job, dude. I_ ’ _m soops jelous._

**_Keybum.  
_ ** _OMG so lucky not even fair. Ill give anything to have that job ;-;_

**_Asdfgh1234_** ** _  
_**_he don_ ’ _t even deserve that job. Should go to someone better. His song sucks_

**_UandMeandOppa  
_ ** _OMG no way that sneak got even closer to oppas. Does he not even know hoe disgusting he is gross_

**_KissmeKillme  
_ ** _So lucky i wanna be with shinee everyday. Iw owuldnt be creepy or anything id just like... look at them naked and love them and creep on them and love them and probably sex them. Not creepy at all_

**_TaeminsAngel  
_**_Woow thats cool. I didn_ ’ _t know any of that stuff happened, i_ ’ _m new ish to the fandom and wow. People are weird. Jonghyun fighting! I hope you do awesome_

 ** _BlingBling  
_**_Naww, thanks guys <3 ****  
Especially you Stuck. You_ ’ _re one of my favourites._

**_Smeeeell  
_ ** _OMG can you like get me Minho oppas number_

**_HiBye  
_ ** _Tell my daddies i love them more than anything k?_

**_TaeminsAngel  
_**_My point about people being weird is proven. Just sayin_ ’


	41. Chapter 40 –New job, new revelations

Sodam looked up in shock as her bedroom door banged open. She wasn’t even aware anyone was home – her parents having gone out for dinner or a movie or both and no one else living in the house. She especially wasn’t expecting the person in the doorway to be her brother. His blue-grey hair was ruffled, as if he had just come in out of the wind, and he still had his coat on, which supported that fact. Luckily for him, he had remembered to remove his shoes at the front door or their mother would kill him slowly for ruining her floorboards.

Spinning fully in her chair to face the door, the girl looked at her brother questioningly. The male huffed, as if she should be able to intrinsically know why he was here, and moved towards her.

“You knew I’d be given a promotion, huh?” He said, staring her down.

Sodam stifled her laugh, knowing it would only make her brother mad, but it was difficult, he looked so ridiculous right now. Her brother, the soppy, fanboy was trying to look intimidating. Sure, he had a good physique and had worked hard for it but he was short and had his huge puppy dog eyes activated most of the time. He wasn’t intimidating at all. Especially as she had seen him at his worst. Like the time he had pouted and thrown a tantrum because his mother forbade him from going to a concert or the time he refused to eat his greens to the point that he stuffed them down his pants, only to be caught by his mother when he was dumping them in the toilet. No one could be intimidating when you’d seen them with cauliflower in their underwear.

“Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t.”

“Cut the crap. How did you know?” Jonghyun said, channeling his inner movie mobster.

Advancing towards his sister, he placed his hands on the desk behind her so she was trapped between his arms; she was impressed to notice that the muscle tone there had definitely improved recently. She didn’t want to think about why that was but it probably stemmed from the increased amount of free time her brother had after his recent relationship dramas.

It was clear, half way through his statement, that Jonghyun had realised how funny he was acting as his tone had shifted to a more mocking one. His arms were also only loosely holding her in place and she could very easily slip underneath them and escape if she felt the need to.

“I talked to some people. I actually helped come up with the idea.”

“You what?” Jonghyun asked, moving backwards in his shock. “Explain please?” He added, taking a seat on the bed. Apparently all ideas of intimidating his sister or staying mad at her had flown out the window at that revelation.

“OK, so,” Sodam began, leaning back in her chair and taking up a story telling pose; which basically consisted of a pondering expression and resting her chin in one hand, her index finger curled under her bottom lip. “Before Christmas I got a super weird message from your old boss’ daughter-“

“Sooyoung?”

“Yes, now shush.” Sodam admonished Jonghyun for his interruption. “So she messaged me and it was super weird. She said she had someone who wanted to talk to me and could I meet him at the cafe at some point that week.”

“That was super dangerous.” Jonghyun muttered quietly, wary of interrupting the girl. He didn’t want her to get mad at him again. The woman was scary.

“I’m a grown woman and it was a public place. Anyway, this dude wouldn’t hurt me.” Sodam dismissed, looking irritated. “Do you want to hear my story or not?”

“Yes, sorry.” Jonghyun muttered, looking down at the bedspread. “Please continue.”

“Thank you.” Sodam said, imperiously, “I went to this meeting and waited around for a while for the guy to turn up. He was ten minutes late which I thought was very rude but he was very apologetic and had a good reason for being late, so I let him off.”

Jonghyun rolled his eyes at his sister. She got annoyed when he interrupted her story and now she was blathering on about completely unnecessary things. He’d interrupt her and tell her to get on with it but it just wasn’t worth it. Shifting around on the bed, he moved so that he was leaning against the wall and settled back to listen to his sister properly.

“So he walked in in a large sweatshirt with the hood pulled up, a mask and sunglasses and it seemed super suspicious but Sooyoung seemed super excited about his arrival. She basically forced the guy into the seat opposite me and ordered us to start plotting. She’s an evil genius that one.” The girl mused.

“But who was this guy?” Jonghyun asked, getting impatient.

Sodam tutted but told him anyway. “Key from SHINee.”

Jonghyun wasn’t expecting that. He wasn’t even sure he believed his sister. It just didn’t make sense. She had said that she met with someone who aided in getting Jonghyun this promotion and, although a SHINee member would make sense (since they knew him and could suggest the idea to upper management) Key didn’t like him. At all. The other male basically made it his duty to tut and scoff every time Jonghyun entered a room. Jonghyun just couldn’t fathom why the singer would set something like this up; something that meant Jonghyun would now be in his vicinity for large portions of time for a potentially long period. It was baffling.

Seeing her brother’s dumbstruck expression, Sodam continued, “Yeah, so he initially came about Onew.” Jonghyun looked up from his lap at this, his eyebrows scrunched together in confusion, “Apparently Onew has been coping with the break up about as well as you have and Key was worried about him.”

Jonghyun smiled softly, but sadly. Jonghyun knew that. Taemin had informed him of the emotional state of their leader on multiple occasions. He was glad the other members were also aware of the singer’s feelings and were doing what they could to make him feel better. It was already evident from their TV appearances that Key especially was doing his best to help the idol out and this event just proved how much the sassy male cared. It was sweet.

“But what does that have to do with me new job?” Jonghyun asked.

“I’m getting there.” Sodam snarked, crossing her arms in an annoyed manner. “Hold your horses. So he’s talking to me about Onew and then he asks about you.”

“Me?”

“No, Pororo.” Sodam said, rolling her eyes. “Yes, you. He wondered how you were doing and how you were coping. So I told him you’re not doing great.” Jonghyun went to disagree with that statement but Sodam held up a hand a continued talking before he could do so. “Don’t deny it. This break up was hard on you. You’ve never been happier than when you were with Onew and now… you haven’t been this sad since the whole bullying thing. Hell, you might even be more so. It’s definitely lasted longer.”

Jonghyun sighed and grabbed Sodam’s stuffed cat from by her pillow. Placing it on his lap he stroked the plush animal’s fur. The repetitive motion was quite calming and the soft fluff felt nice under his fingers.

“He wanted to know if I had any ideas how you two could be together without anyone knowing.” Jonghyun’s fingers gripped onto the cat’s fur and he looked up at his sister in surprise. “He really wants the best for Onew, it was cute.”

Jonghyun smiled softly, “I’m glad Jinki has people like Key around him.”

“Me too,” Sodam said, “From what you’ve told me and what I’ve seen, he’s an amazing guy.”

“He is.” Jonghyun agreed thinking back on all the times Onew proved just how wonderful he was. Like when he stopped to sign autographs for a young fan who recognised him, even when he was in a rush. How he always made sure to message Jonghyun at least once a day, no matter how busy his schedule was and didn’t get annoyed if Jonghyun didn’t answer; he just wanted to stay in contact. How he tackled the bullying scandal and actually approached Jonghyun in the first place. How he remembered Jonghyun from all those years ago. How, when they were together, he was always gentle and caring but also not afraid to play around and tease. How he didn’t get annoyed with Jonghyun’s friends, no matter how weird they were. How he actually loved Jonghyun.

“Sadly, I didn’t have any ideas.” Jonghyun looked at her questioningly, if she didn’t have any ideas, then how did the job come about? “But I casually mentioned that you worked at SM now. Apparently, Key didn’t know.”

“He didn’t? I could’ve sworn he did.”

“Maybe he did know but forgot. I don’t know. He knew you composed still, he liked your song for Taemin by the way,” Sodam commented, shifting in her seat to get more comfortable. It was a nice desk chair but after a while of sitting in the same position it could play havoc with your back. “But he didn’t know you were at SM. He went super silent after I told him that, then he asked me if you still wrote songs for SHINee. Apparently you mentioned once that you wrote loads of songs for SHINee or something.”

“I did.” Jonghyun said, his hand pausing its stroking movement as he considered when exactly that was. “But that was five years ago when I first met them. He remembers that?”

“Apparently so. When I told him I’m pretty sure you did, you do right?” Jonghyun nodded, “Good, so I wasn’t lying. He went really quiet for a while and seemed to be thinking hard. Then he did that thing, you know in movies when people snap their fingers when they get an idea? He totally did that. It was great. So he snapped his fingers and grinned at me, his grin is actually a little scary,” Jonghyun nodded his agreement, shuddering. Key could be very intimidating when he wanted to be and, around Jonghyun, that seemed to be almost all the time. “He starts explaining how you could be SHINee’s personal composer and how he’ll have to talk to Sooman and all these big wigs I don’t remember the names of. He was basically talking to himself at this point. Then he stood up, super suddenly, shook my hand and expressed his thanks for meeting him and left. So yeah, your new job is because of me and Key.”

“Weird,” Jonghyun said. “Super nice but weird.” Then something seemed to dawn on him, “Wait, did you say he went to Sooman about me? Sooman knows my name? Oh god, the pressure.” His grip on the cat tightened until he practically strangling the poor thing. Catching himself doing so he lifted the toy up and hugged it to his chest instead.

“Are you freaking out?” Sodam asked, looking concerned for her brother’s sanity.

“Nope,” Jonghyun said breathily, his voice a little high. “I just found out a guy who I thought hated me got me an awesome job and told the CEO of the company I work at about me. I’m just peachy. Tip top. It’s all good.”

“You’re freaking out,” Sodam deadpanned. “I’ll go get you a drink, you try not to hyperventilate or something.”

“Kay,” Jonghyun agreed, not really paying full attention to the girl. “I’ll do that.”

-

“I got this job because of Key?” Jonghyun asked as he sat in his usual seat in Sungkyu’s office.

“Hmm,” the man said, looking up from his computer screen. “Oh, yes. The boy was quite insistent that this position be created and you fill it. Upper management liked the permanent composer idea but were set on having a more experienced member of staff take the role. It was Key’s insistence that resulted in you being hired.”

“Woah,” Jonghyun said, leaning back in his chair. It was like his entire world was tilted on its axis. This stuff just didn’t make sense. “I mean, Sodam told me it was him but I wasn’t sure I believed her completely.”

“You owe a lot to that boy.” Sungkyu commented, “When upper management disagreed with him choosing you, he approached me for evidence that you were the best fit for the role. He requested a personal recommendation about why I believe you would be fit for the job,” Sungkyu slid a sheet of paper out of one of his neatly organised paperwork piles and slid it to Jonghyun. A quick scan told him it was the recommendation itself. The blue haired male vowed to read it later. “He also requested a portfolio of your works. I gave them some of your unpublished work, I hope you don’t mind. I assumed more SHINee oriented work would appear more impressive.”

“I don’t mind.” Jonghyun said, absently.

“He really proved himself as a keen negotiator.” Sungkyu commented, “He makes his points well. You have a good friend there.”

“Friend...” Jonghyun said, not quite sure how he felt about that word. He and Key weren’t friends, they had barely even spoken and when they had it was never completely civil. However, this action was not something someone who hated him would do, surely? Even if it was mostly for Onew and his happiness, Key would not be doing this if he truly hated Jonghyun, right “Yes he is. Or will be, I hope.”

“I’m happy for you Jonghyun.” Sungkyu said, smiling gently at his protégé. “You’ve really impressed me since you started working here. I’m a little sad to see you go but you’re moving on to bigger and better things. I think you’ll do wonderfully.”

“Thank you,” Jonghyun said.

His mentor pushed himself to his feet as a clear indication that the conversation was over. Walking around his desk, the man held out his hand for Jonghyun to shake. Grasping it in a firm grip, Jonghyun smiled up at his mentor.

“Congratulations Jonghyun, you’ll be fantastic. Good luck with your future endeavours and remember, if you ever need any help or input on anything, even a single note, don’t hesitate to contact me. In fact, contact me whether you need help or not, I want to know exactly how you’re doing in your high flying new job.”

“I will and thank you.” Jonghyun said. His eyes felt a little wet and he knew, if he stayed here much longer, he would actually cry for real. Cursing his weak control over his emotions, Jonghyun squeezed his mentor’s hand one final time before releasing it and heading out of the office.

“Go and I don’t want to see you round here again,” Sungkyu joked, “You’re a distraction.”

“As if old man, you love having me around.” Jonghyun quipped as he left the room. He chuckled as he heard a shout of protest as he snapped the door shut.

He would miss being in this office and around these people every day but Sungkyu was right, he was moving on to bigger and better things. He was going to make the most of it.

Heading towards the purchasing office for one final time, he steeled himself for a hard goodbye. He knew he would stay in contact with Sungkyu, he had done for years now, but these three, they were his friends but they were unlikely to stay in contact outside of work. He would miss them and their wonky humour.

He had only headed in today to gather his things. After the initial meeting with SHINee, Manager and their staff it had been decided that he would start officially the following week. So, Jonghyun used his free time to sort out all his affairs. Today he was to clear out his office, which he was going to do now, and then he must bid goodbye to his co-workers. The group had already had their official farewell lunch which had been nice, especially as the company payed, but this was the farewell for real. He was sad to be leaving but he was excited to see what challenges his new job would bring – even if it would be slightly awkward to be around Onew.

 

x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New job, new revelations


	42. Chapter 41 – The first few weeks

Jonghyun was bored. It was barely 4am and he was wide awake and just couldn’t get back to sleep no matter how hard he tried. Counting sheep didn’t work, his thoughts were too conflicted and busy to properly clear his mind and relax. Drinking warm milk had just made him need the bathroom, thus ruining his relaxation as he wandered through the apartment, managing to stub his toe on Jiwoong’s easel on the way – though why it was outside his bedroom door he wasn’t sure. He felt a sort of sleepy vindication as his loud swearing from the pain woke the artist up resulting in something heavy being thrown at the other side of the wall and an unintelligible yell of annoyance. Served the man right.

He had first woken up at around 3.30am, the nerves and excitement for the day ahead ensuring he could not remain sleeping. For the first time in his life, he was going abroad. Ok, so he was only going to Japan and probably wouldn’t even get to see any of it apart from the airport and the concert venue but, to Jonghyun, who had never been on a plane, let alone left the country, this was a terrifying yet thrilling experience.

SHINee were doing two shows in Tokyo. They had managed to book out a large venue and the tickets had sold out in seconds. Jonghyun was, as always, to shadow them and attend all events the members themselves attended so he was to go too. The fanboy in him was freaking out. He was going to see a SHINee concert from backstage. Backstage! In Tokyo!

He had had his bags packed for days in preparation for this. He had googled what he needed to take on an overseas trip, unsure about what exactly he would require. There was a chance that he had packed too much or too little but, as the flight was that morning, it was a little late to change it now. He was sure, if he went back into his bags to repack them, he would forget something vital – like his toothbrush, or clean underwear – so it wasn’t worth the risk.

However, the flight wasn’t for a while yet and he wasn’t due to meet SHINee and Manager at the SM Entertainment building for a few hours. So now he had a lot of time to kill, as sleep clearly wasn’t coming.

Flailing slightly, Jonghyun dislodged the bed covers that had wound themselves around him in his effort to get comfortable and sat up, stretching out the kinks in his back. That done he sat for a while, unsure what to do with his time. Looking around, he tried to draw inspiration from his room but found he was drawing a blank. Most of his composition stuff was packed in his small suitcase and hand luggage, along with his laptop and his...

His laptop! Activity decided, Jonghyun leant down from his bed, too lazy to stand up, and rooted around in his bag for the device. Grabbing it he sat up in triumph, only to almost fall off the bed and onto his face. Regaining his balance he pulled himself back up onto the bed, sat comfortably and placed the laptop on his lap and booted it up.

He hadn’t been on the SHINee forums for a while – not even to lurk.

Logging in recently was always a bit of a shock. Although, in the past, Jonghyun had had a couple of friends on the site, he never really received many notifications. A couple of forum replies maybe or a funny link to something in his PMs. When the bullying situation happened, his PMs were full of hate and a couple of messages of support. Thankfully, those had died down over time and he was back to square one with little to no messages or notifications at all. However, since his job working with SHINee had been announced, he had suddenly become the most popular person on the site. He regularly logged on to a full mailbox with more coming in as he started to clear it out.

The same was true today. He checked them, just in case something important had become lost in the masses and quickly realised nothing had. The messages were the usual: a mix of people begging for SHINee’s contact info, people telling him to stop lying about the members, hate messages, messages wanting to suddenly be his best friend and several people begging him to get them a job at SM Entertainment.

Rolling his eyes, the composer hit delete all and enjoyed the experience of having a clean mailbox – for as long as it lasted. Navigating to the forums, Jonghyun scanned the new posts quickly, finding little of interest. Sighing Jonghyun clicked on the button for the live chat application. It was 4am and there was little chance many people, if anyone, would be online but it was always worth a try.

**_BlingBling has logged in_ **

**_StuckOnew_ ** _Hi!_

**_BlingBling_ ** _Do you live on these chats or something, Stuck? You_ _’re always here. It_ _’_ _s 4am!_

**_StuckOnew_ ** _I_ _’m only here for you, bb_

**_BlingBling_ ** _Ooh, saucy_

**_TaeminsAngel_ ** _Is that appropriate to be saying to a man over the internet? :P_

**_StuckOnew_ ** _Probably not_

**_StuckOnew_ ** _So how you been bling?_

**_BlingBling_ ** _Pretty good. Idols have hectic schedules. You don_ _’t realise until you live it. Its tiring. I_ _’m wiped_

**_TaeminsAngel_ ** _So what do they have you doing?_

**_BlingBling_ ** _Basically I follow them around. If theres separate schedules I follow one member. I spend a lot fo time  writing too. The big boss likes to check my work randomly_

**_TaeminsAngel_ ** _So Minnie?_

**_BlingBling_ ** _Followed him today, he had a photoshoot for [redacted] he looked super good in [redacted] and [redacted]. I_ _’d look forward to [redacted] it_ _’s going to be a good one_

**_TaeminsAngel_ ** _You_ _’re mean *pout*_

**_BlingBling_ ** _But seriously, you want the deets huh?_

**_StuckOnew_ ** _Duh_

**_BlingBling_ ** _Taemin is super nice. He_ _’s the only one I could consider a close friend._

That was totally true. He had started considering Taemin a friend before he got the job and now, being in close contact with the younger male, their friendship had only grown. The dancer was fun to be around, always joking and willing to chat. He could also be exactly what Jonghyun needed to snap him out of a funk.

Overall, Jonghyun’s life was fantastic. He had a dream job, his friends were great and he was all around content with the direction his career and social life had taken over the last few years. He even felt better around Onew – the only potential stain on his idyllic existence. Initially, it had hurt to even see the singer’s face on TV or on advertisements, however that sharp pain had dulled to an ache that often, was barely noticeable at all. It was remarkably easy to pretend there was no history between them.

Of course, that ease was partially born from their lack of interaction. The idol seemed to be ignoring him. Jonghyun still cared for the male, he doubted that would ever change, and he would still jump at a chance to date the other once more however, he knew that was not an option. Onew, despite caring for him too, cared for his job more. Jonghyun didn’t fault him that. He would feel immeasurably guilty if the singer had given everything up for him, for a relationship that wasn’t guaranteed to be a success.

Personally, Jonghyun would have preferred that he and Onew were on talking terms. Before they started dating, they had been friends and, honestly, Onew was his closest friend. Although they hadn’t been in contact anywhere near as long as he had many of his other friends, Jonghyun found losing that bond as hard as losing the bond of their relationship. However, if Onew found it easier to cope with their break up by limiting their interactions, Jonghyun wasn’t going to fault him that. Everyone was different.

Occasionally, Jonghyun would find his mood slipping. There was often no real reason for it, however it was very reminiscent of his mood just after the break up. His thoughts would drift towards Onew and he would find himself starting to withdraw from the group. The members all noticed and he was sure most of them realised what caused his sudden change in demeanour. But it was Taemin who dragged him out of it again. Sometimes he would come and chat to him, his inane chatter drowning out the negativity. Sometimes he would start roughhousing with Minho or Key, their antics never failing to draw a chuckle from the blue-haired composer. Sometimes he would just sit nearby, providing silent comfort until Jonghyun felt like interacting with people once more. He was rapidly becoming a friend on the same level as Jiwoong and Eunji.

**_BlingBling_ ** _The others were a little awkward at first. For obvious reasons._

Jonghyun chuckled at the truth of that statement as he typed it. Onew was the prime example, however Key and Minho were also a little awkward to interact with.

With Minho, he always felt like a fan talking to his idol. Minho wasn’t yet comfortable around him and was therefore quiet and reserved. They talked occasionally but it always felt too formal, too workplace, to be truly comfortable. According to Taemin, the tall rapper liked Jonghyun and would like to consider him a friend at some point but, as of right now, was more comfortable getting to know him first. Jonghyun didn’t mind that at all as their conversations, though formal, were enjoyable and the rapper had a lot of insight into many interesting topics.

Key. Key was more strange. Most of the awkwardness there was on Jonghyun’s side. The composer hadn’t yet been able to reconcile the image of Key, the sassy rapper, with Key, the man who hated him for his association with Onew, with Key, the man who helped him get the job of his dreams. The other male was a puzzle and Jonghyun often found himself unsure how to interact with him. They had talked a few times; it was unavoidable and Jonghyun wasn’t about to sabotage his job because he was unsure how to interact with the man. However, Jonghyun always felt like he was second guessing himself, worried that the idol was somehow judging him or assessing him somehow. It was strange and unnerving.

He was planning to put more effort into getting to know the SHINee members on their upcoming trip. He had a whole week of continuous access to them, after all, and other such opportunities were sure to crop up in the future. It would not do to ignore any of them. Plus, as a SHINee fan, he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to dislike any of them. He wasn’t sure he could, awkwardness or not.

**_StuckOnew_ ** _It must be weird suddenly having a guy you don_ _’t know with you all the time_

**_BlingBling_ ** _Exactly_

**_BlingBling_ ** _So Taemin first?_

**_TaeminsAngel_ ** _YeS!_

**_BlingBling_ ** _He_ _’s super nice. Always ready to chat, always got an opinion. Although he_ _’s a little dense at times he sometimes has amazing insight. He_ _’s less ... cute than he is on TV but I_ _’ve been saying tht for years, its nice to know i;m right haha_

**_BlingBling_ ** _He works amazingly hard. I really respect him for that. They all do, actually. Being an idol is hard. I think my job is hard sometimes but they have it so much worse. And they cant even get away. Idol life is 24/7. I don_ _’t envy them_

**_TaeminsAngel_ ** _true i never thought of that_

**_StuckOnew_ ** _What about the others?_

**_BlingBling_ ** _Key was a bit standoffish at first but i think thats just how he reacts to new people. Hes more powerful in person than he seems over the screen. He can be intimidating but it always seems to come from a place of care._

**_BlingBling_ ** _Minho is quiet but nice enough. I haven_ _’t really had much chance to talk to him. He comes across as really shy which is interesting because he_ _’s so alive and interactive on tv. Maybe its a new people thing. He_ _’_ _s a puzzle._

**_StuckOnew_ ** _most important for last? :P_

**_BlingBling_ ** _Always. Onew... I haven_ _’t really interacted wth much. He_ _’s super busy being the leader and all, we_ _’re rarely in the same room. We see each other at group meetings and events but one on one is very rare. Honestly, he makes me a little nervous, so that might be good :P_

Jonghyun glossed over the bad aspects of the idols. He knew many fans would want all the dirt on their idols but he wasn’t about to betray the SHINee members’ trust. They may not all be his friends but he respected them all and wanted to become closer with all of them.

Plus. he’d probably get fired for bad mouthing the members. Social media policies and all that. He was sure SM Entertainment was monitoring his conversations online, especially as his username was so well publicised.

**_StuckOnew_ ** _I guess he would be busy. Is he as cute in person as on tV?_

**_BlingBling_ ** _More_

**_StuckOnew_ ** _don_ _’t my heart cant take it. The images are physically painful and beautiful all at once_

**_TaeminsAngel_ ** _youre so dramatic_

**_StuckOnew_ ** _it_ _’s part of my charm_

**_StuckOnew_ ** _So how_ _’s the job?_

**_BlingBling_ ** _Inspirational. Sounds like a clich_ _é_ _i know but seriously, i haven_ _’t had this much fun with composing since i was in high school. I love it_

And that was true. Being around the idols, living their life, seeing what they saw. He now understood where idols who wrote their own music got their inspiration from. It was an amazing – if difficult – life. He saw so many people, fans, antifans, reporters, staff, and every single one had a different reaction to the idols. Add that to the amazing back-stage access to the waiting rooms, TV stations and restricted access areas a composer would normally be barred from, he had a wealth of places to draw inspiration from.

However, the place he draw the most ideas from were SHINee themselves. He saw them before make-up, after make-up, with a face covered in mud from whatever variety show they were filming, sweating buckets, dressed in suits, dressed in outfits most wouldn’t touch with a 10-foot pole. He saw their interactions with each other, with the fans, with Jonghyun himself. He saw them tired, happy, excited, inspired, annoyed. He saw them in so many situations and it had resulted in his composition folder on his computer almost doubling in size. He had no complete tracks yet. However, the motifs, the melodies, the lyrics he did have were, in his opinion, some of his best and, from their reactions, the upper management seemed to agree.

All the angry mutterings from the management about his being chosen for the position appeared to have died down. Instead, he was treated with a slightly grudging respect. It was gratifying and freeing all at once.

**_StuckOnew_ ** _i_ _’m super happy for you_

**_BlingBling_ ** _Thank you <3 You know I always appreciate you guys, all you guys_

**_TaeminsAngel_ ** _fans should stick together. I haven_ _’t known you long but you seem cool. I_ _’ll support you fromthe mean people._

**_StuckOnew_ ** _mean people are mean_

**_BlingBling_ ** _They are indeed._

**_TaeminsAngel_ ** _So tell me more about Taemin!_

The three SHINee fans chatted for a while longer, their conversations meandering from the SHINee member’s personalities and Jonghyun’s job to more normal topics for fans – how excited they were to see SHINee on TV again, how good Minho was looking recently.

Looking away from the bright light of the computer screen, Jonghyun gasped as he realised the sun had risen outside. Looking at the clock in the lower right of his screen he swore aloud, typed a quick farewell message and flung himself out of bed. He still had to shower before he left and he now had a scant fifteen minutes to do so. So much for looking good for his first foreign trip.

**_BlingBling_ ** _Gotta go, flight to catch._

**_BlingBling has logged out_ **

**_StuckOnew_ ** _Methinks someone lost track of time_

**_TaeminsAngel_ ** _Methinks you are right xD_


	43. Chapter 42 – Japan part 1

Jonghyun was not freaking out about flying. He wasn’t. The vibration of the floor, the seats, the walls and the one small window, none of that bothering him. It wasn’t. At all. The fact that, if he looked out of the window, all he could see was clouds or occasionally the ocean when the cloud cover broke, wasn’t bothering him. Even the lack of in-flight meal, the exorbitant prices of plane food and the fact he had forgotten to eat breakfast, wasn’t bothering him.

However, there was one thing he was freaking out about.

The seating arrangements.

In his infinite wisdom, Manager had decided that Jonghyun had not been spending enough time with Onew. Apparently the man had noticed that the composer had gone on solo assignments with all the other members of the group (some more than once) but had not yet tailed the leader. This wasn’t all Jonghyun’s fault. Most days, when working out who he would shadow the next day, Onew would deflect Jonghyun’s presence onto someone else. Apparently, Manager had also noticed this. The man also seemed to think that a flight was the perfect place for them to bond and talk… or something.

It had been awkward from the start, even before they had entered the airport. Jonghyun had requested a seat change, even going so far as to claim that he needed to sit with Taemin to discuss compositions. However, Manager wouldn’t hear of it, claiming the seating arrangements were fixed. Not ten minutes later Onew had also walked away from the man looking pouty and annoyed. Jonghyun would have laughed if it hadn’t meant that he was stuck sat next to his ex-boyfriend for over an hour; the singer had clearly been told the same thing Jonghyun himself had and clearly wasn’t happy.

The SHINee members had boarded the plane first, before the general public, in the hopes of minimising attention. For the same reason they had all changed outfits the second they got past all the reporters and fans in the airport entrance and were now sporting much more inconspicuous clothing. Their staff, including Jonghyun, were to board later, with the rest of the ticket holders. This unfortunately meant that the composer had to awkwardly climb across two SHINee members in order to get to his seat next to the window. Taemin had snickered as the blue-haired male stumbled over his feet, prompting Jonghyun to stick his tongue out at him. Unfortunately, this stumbling had resulted in him almost falling into the lap of Onew who was sitting in the middle of the row, between Jonghyun and Taemin.

“Sorry,” Jonghyun apologised, shuffling into his seat and sitting down quickly, not making eye contact with the older male. He fumbled awkwardly underneath himself to find the seatbelt which he had sat on in his haste and clumsily belted himself in – despite the fact that the seatbelt sign was off and they weren’t due to start taxiing for a good ten minutes.

“No problem,” Onew replied, barely looking at the composer. To a person who didn’t know the singer well, this would be a perfectly adequate response. However, the slight shake in his voice was noticeable to Jonghyun. “How are you finding the job?” He asked, with the same forced blank tone to his voice.

“Good. It’s good.” Jonghyun said, quietly. He started to fiddle with the buckle of his seatbelt, the metal clicking open and closed, the clip slipping out a little each time until he released the mechanism and it sprung back into place. If he was paying attention, he would have seen a flash of happiness cross the singer’s face as the blue-haired man spoke. A look that was quickly muted as his face returned back to its previous blank expression.

Jonghyun may not have seen it but Taemin definitely did. The younger idol was watching the interaction with interest, an irritating little smirk on his lips as he did so. This was sure to be interesting.

“That’s good.” Onew said, still not looking at his ex-boyfriend. “I hope my members are treating you well.”

All except you, Jonghyun wanted to say but he was unable to be that blunt and merely muttered a quiet, “They’ve been good.”

“I’m glad.” Onew said, buckling up his own seatbelt as the air crew came over the intercom and began requesting people take their seats.

Jonghyun nodded, the continuous clicking of the seatbelt in his hands finally coming to a stop. The air crew members were moving through the cabin now, checking everyone was in their seats, their belongings stowed and their seat belts on.

“Have you flown before?” Onew asked. It almost seemed like he was forcing himself. Like he didn’t want to be having this conversation but social conventions were forcing him to do so – social conventions or the continuous forceful looks Taemin was shooting in his direction.

Jonghyun may be feeling incredibly uncomfortable right now but that didn’t make him blind. He had once mentioned to Taemin, not long ago, that he found the radio silence from Onew a little uncomfortable. He had been quick to reassure the younger male that he sort of understood why his ex-boyfriend was acting this way but that Jonghyun would much prefer they go back to being friends. Ok, there would always be a residual tension between them and they probably couldn’t be as close as they were before, but he wanted to have at least some of Onew in his life.

He was sure that Taemin had taken these words to heart and had had some sort of conversation about it with Onew. The composer hoped the dancer wasn’t too brash, he could be a little insensitive at times and it had caused problems in the past. In a way, he was glad Taemin had done so but, on the other hand, he felt a little bitter that he had stepped in. It was an irrational thought, he knew, but it made him feel a little weak that other people needed to keep stepping in to help with his relationship issues. Surely, he should be able to deal with it alone.

“No.” He said, gasping as the plane began to move. They were still a few minutes from launch time and the plane was only taxiing to the runway but the blue-haired male wasn’t used to this, the feeling of such a large mass of metal moving at once. Even without taking off they were a long way from the ground and the fact that his seat overlooked the wing – a small, flimsy looking thing, when taken in context of the size of the plane – was not helping matters much. 

Onew looked at him, as if he wanted to say something, then looked away once more. His left hand, nails manicured and perfect as always, skin smooth and well cared for, made an aborted movement towards Jonghyun’s knee before gripping the arm rest tightly.

“You’ll be fine. It’s only a short one.” Onew said, voice tight.

Jonghyun nodded, he knew that. Knowing that and being able to reconcile that fact were two different things however. A deep rumble emanating from the base of the plane made the male release a squeak that he was very glad was drowned out by all the background noise. The plane then began to vibrate more, the solid floor under his feet sending the vibration up his legs.

Then they were moving, the plane racing down the runway. The wind noise was louder than he expected and the speed much much less. This couldn’t be fast enough to get into the air, right? Jonghyun shot a look at Onew, sure that his face was a mask of fear but he wasn’t able to care too much at that exact moment. The idol had shut his eyes at some point since Jonghyun began looking out the window and appeared completely calm. This actually reassured Jonghyun a little, if Onew wasn’t worried then this was normal?

Looking back out the window, Jonghyun was reassured that yes, it was normal. In the seconds he had looked away, the plane had apparently left the tarmac, in a motion so smooth he hadn’t even noticed it happening. The large vehicle was now ascending gently, the runway getting smaller and smaller below them.

Jonghyun leaned towards the window, fascinated. He could see the roof of the airport now and out across to the city proper. It was interesting. There were so many people down there. They were all going about their day to day lives and here Jonghyun was, above them all. A trail of cars stretched down a highway, the traffic unmoving; the people probably cursing the long delays. Another plane approached the airport, the little lights on its wings blinking and flashing. There was farmland, the fields all different colours, the elaborate patterns not visible from the ground but from up here they spread out in a rainbow of colours, like a patchwork quilt. And then they broke through the clouds, the view being replaced by a blanket of white. The surface of the clouds was lumpy and formed strange shapes, like when you put too much bubble mixture in the bath and it all frothed up to far above the rim of the tub. The colour was fascinating, it was not just white, but pinks, greys and many shades in between. Over in the distance a large streak of grey, almost black, could be seen and he knew that the people living beneath that were sure to have a wet day. The sun was bright up here, with no cloud cover to mute its light, it shone off the surface of the white, fluffy forms, reflecting off the millions, billions, of tiny water droplets forming beautiful and blinding patterns.

Then the plane evened out, no longer ascending. The seatbelt sign dinged and turned off and many people around the composer stood up to stretch, fetch something from their bag or go to the bathroom. The loud engine sounds levelled off, becoming a steady background hum and the conversations of the others on the plane could be heard clearly once more.

“Woah,” Jonghyun said, as he leant back.

The composer heard Taemin snicker at his reaction and turned to stick his tongue out at the younger male. He had forgotten for a second however, that Onew was seated between them. He found himself freezing, staring at the older male. He had the strangest expression on his face. It almost looked like… amusement and longing. But that couldn’t be right. Could it?

Onew caught Jonghyun staring and seemed to shake himself out of his thoughts, “It’s not too bad, is it?”

“No,” Jonghyun said faintly. “No it’s not.”

Feeling the awkwardness encroaching on their conversation again, Jonghyun turned towards the window. There was a cloud out there that looked a little like a bunny, if you tilted your head and squinted a little. It rose from the main mass of clouds, protruding upwards like a strangely formed statue. It looked lonely. It was the only cloud that had such a distinct shape and one of the few that was above the rest. Jonghyun watched it, as the plane coasted along, the shape changing slightly over time. The area that initially looked like ears seemed to flow and change, their form being lost into the mass of the head and leaving behind only a vague blob that, once upon a time, sort of resembled a bunny.

Jonghyun turned, feeling a gentle tap on his shoulder. He was a little surprised when he realised it was Onew who had garnered his attention. He was now holding a snack and Jonghyun absently noted that he hadn’t noticed him purchasing it, having been absorbed in watching the clouds.

“I…” The singer trailed off awkwardly, “Do you want the rest of these?” He offered the composer the packet of chips, shrugging in that painfully endearing way of his, “I was hungry and I know I shouldn’t because of my diet. So I only ate some of them. You can have the rest.”

“Thanks,” Jonghyun said, accepting the gift. He really was hungry. His stomach had been complaining since before he boarded the plane. He had not eaten breakfast and their schedule was so tight that morning that he had no chance to slip off and grab a snack at any point between leaving the SM Entertainment building and boarding the plane.

The chips were his favourite flavour too. Reaching into the packet, the blue haired male popped a single chip into his mouth, fully intending to savour the remaining food. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Onew quietly conversing with Taemin. The younger singer looked smug for some reason, though they were talking too quietly for Jonghyun to hear why.

Across the aisle, Minho and Key were both sleeping. The former looked much like a vampire. His head was tilted back and his scarf pulled over his nose, his long arms folded over his chest neatly. Key slept next to him, his look much less sophisticated. His hair was ruffled in a way Jonghyun was sure would anger the prissy male if he ever saw it, his face was pressed against the headrest and his mouth was slightly open. Manager was sat in the aisle seat, acting as a barrier between his idols and the rest of the plane. He was reading what looked like a stack of incredibly boring documentation, however he periodically shot looks at all the idols around him, as if to check the group were all ok.

By the time Jonghyun had depleted the remaining chips in the bag, the plane was starting to tilt downwards once more. The composer hadn’t spoken to Onew again, the singer acting incredibly absorbed in his conversation with Taemin. So, Jonghyun had continued to look out the window.

As they descended, the seat belt sign having come on and all stragglers ushered back to their seats, Jonghyun enjoyed the experience. As he watched, the white of the clouds got closer and closer and then he could see nothing, his view obscured completely by white. Then, as quickly as the plane had entered, it exited the cloud layer and he could see the world below. It was interesting, observing the differences in the two countries. Tokyo was big, stretching out as far as he could see and there were large clusters of tall buildings dominating the skylines. The streets were narrow and the cars and people moved around like ants in an ant hill. It was interesting how two cities as close together as Tokyo and Seoul, could look so different from above. He couldn’t quite pin point what exactly these differences were but he could just feel them.

As the plane neared the ground, all thoughts of the city itself were wiped out of his mind. Instead he only felt a wave of nerves wash over him. They were moving so fast and they weren’t even at the right angle to land on the runway. This couldn’t be right. Could it?

Jonghyun shot a startled look at Onew, only to see the singer was once again leaning back in his sat, eyes closed and appearing the epitome of relaxation. Taemin met his eyes over the other male and mouthed, ‘stop freaking’ at him. Well, Jonghyun thought that’s what he was mouthing. Either way, the action was encouraging. That didn’t however, stop Jonghyun from watching with wide, fearful eyes for the entire descent. Even after they landed – a gentle one with only the slightest bounce – he was still a little shaken.

He was glad the SHINee members and their staff were to exit the plane last, in order to minimise the public inconvenience their exit would cause. It gave him enough time to stop shaking and the calm himself down before he was expected to stand up and function like a normal human being.

As the group walked along the gang plank ten minutes later, Taemin leaned across the Jonghyun, “Well that was awkward. “ The look he shot at Onew made it clear exactly what he was talking about. Jonghyun just shrugged, not able to disagree. “Luckily you broke the window blind rules otherwise you’d have nothing to entertain yourself.”

“Window blind what?” Jonghyun asked confused.

“You’re not meant to have the window shade open the whole flight you know.”

“I’m not?” Jonghyun was horrified. It was his first flight and he’d already broken the rules. “Will they ban me from flying again? Will I be in trouble?”

Taemin only laughed at his friend’s plight and patted his head mockingly. “I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

“But…”

As Jonghyun bickered with his friend, to the amusement of Minho and a blank look from Onew, he didn’t realise it but all worries he had had from the flight had faded away. Onew’s awkwardness, the residual nerves even though they had landed safely. Everything.

Taemin shot a smug look at the composer and linked arms with him, dragging him towards the rest of the group who had walked on ahead. “Welcome to Japan!” He said, as they stepped out of the arrival gate and into the airport proper to the sounds of multitudes of screaming fans waiting for the group’s arrival.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: There are 3 chapters set in Japan and they are three of my absolute favourites from this fic. I hope you enjoy :3


	44. Chapter 43 – Japan part 2

Getting from the airport to their hotel was an interesting experience. Jonghyun had, of course, witnessed fanatical fans before and was well used to large numbers of screaming girls by this point. However, the airport created an enclosed space that allowed the congregation of impressive numbers of people and also allowed them to block the exit. There was nothing malicious going on, it was merely fans wanting to see their favourite idols up close, but it was a little overwhelming. Especially as all the yelling and screaming was in a language Jonghyun didn’t understand. SHINee clearly did, the members often responding in kind to a fan question or comment as they passed. Taemin seemed to be in an especially chipper mood for some reason, even posing for a couple of photos and winking at the crowd.

Security were stellar. They had guided the team out of the airport, luggage and all, and didn’t allow a single fan more access than they should be allowed to the group. It was an impressive operation and Jonghyun respected those people immensely.

Finally getting to the hotel had been a relief. Jonghyun was sharing with Manager, as usual, and the SHINee members were doubling up by age in their own rooms. It was a good arrangement, if a little awkward. Manager was older than Jonghyun and the two men had very little in common, so conversation didn’t flow easily. However, it was still easier than if he was rooming with Onew, as evidenced by their incredibly awkward conversation on the plane.

Shaking his head to dislodge any unnecessary thoughts, Jonghyun gathered all the items he would need for the day. He was to attend SHINee’s Tokyo concert that was scheduled for that evening. He was allowed to attend as he wished and was thinking he would head into the crowd for rehearsal, which VIP ticket holders were able to attend, and then watch the show from the VIP section of the crowd.

This was probably his most exciting shadowing opportunity to date. He hadn’t been to a SHINee concert in years, not since he was at university, and he definitely hadn’t been able to afford VIP tickets; not when he had to buy one for Sodam too. Grabbing his bag, containing his notebook and his trusty camera – the very same one he had taken to those very early SHINee concerts way back when – Jonghyun gave the room one more look over. Deciding he had everything he could possibly need, the blue-haired boy left the room, locking it behind him.

Manager and SHINee had left earlier that morning to the venue for some last minute practice and costume fittings. Jonghyun had been informed that he was not to attend as he would ‘just get in the way and the boys need to be focused for the day’. So, he had claimed an extra few hours of sleep, did a little more brainstorming of song ideas and basically prepared himself for the night ahead.

It was now 2pm and the show was due to start in five hours. The VIPs would be let in for the rehearsal in three hours and Jonghyun honestly wasn’t sure what he would do with his time. He had already received a brief tour of the stadium the previous day. SHINee plus all their staff had stopped by straight after getting out of the airport, their large van taking them all right there. Jonghyun had been amazed by the sheer scale of the building. He had seen SHINee in concert multiple times but never in a building of such magnitude. Set-up had already begun inside, with large screens, lasers and all the other special effects one would expect from a concert of this scale being erected, however it was far from finished.  It was set to be a phenomenal sight when complete and Jonghyun couldn’t wait to see it full of fans.

The trip to the venue was easy enough. The composer had been given a public transport card and a map by Manager that morning because ‘taxis are damn expensive in this country’. The man’s brief explanation of the public transport system had left Jonghyun feeling overwhelmed and unknowledgeable but, luckily, the network was easy enough to navigate. He was sure that was partly because of where he was going, it being a main attraction within the city, however, he was appreciative of the helpful signage nonetheless. He had almost boarded a train heading in the wrong direction at one point but managed to realise at the last minute and quickly fix his route before something disastrous happened.

So, it was a very proud Jonghyun that approached the concert venue. He felt very accomplished that he, Kim Jonghyun, a man who had never stepped foot outside of Korea and basically failed any and all foreign language classes he had taken at school, had managed to navigate his way through the centre of Tokyo. That pride quickly faded once he realised he couldn’t find his employee badge which would grant him access to the large building in his bag.

The building’s security watched his with sharp eyes as the blue-haired man dumped his small backpack on a bench near the entrance and proceeded to root around inside, looking for his access card and employee cards – which he had affixed to a handy lanyard he had stolen from Jiwoong. There was a large crowd of fans already there, already organised into neat lines and waiting for their chance to enter and Jonghyun felt his neck burn as he realised that all these people were witnesses for his uselessness. Rooting around with a little more urgency he finally emerged triumphant, his SM Entertainment employee badge, complete with authorisation for venue entry specifically for this, clutched in his hand. Slipping it round his neck he approached the security guards guarding the side entrance Manager had told him to take. 

“Kim Jonghyun?” The man asked with a heavy accent. He had clearly been watching the blue-haired male as he scavenged in his backpack and had inferred who he was at some point. Jonghyun nodded. “We were told to expect you. Set up is still in progress.” The man’s Korean was strongly accented but good. Judging by the expression on the other guard’s face, he had no idea what his colleague was saying at all.

“Is it OK if I join the other fans? I’d like to experience it from the fans’ point of view.” Jonghyun said, slowing down his words as he saw the security guard begin to struggle to understand.

“Of course,” The man said, stepping away from his post. “Mr. Nam,” It took Jonghyun a moment to remember that that was Manager’s surname, “explained to me your role in the evening. You are to be with the VIPs, yes?”

Jonghyun nodded, following the man, “Yes.”

“Perfect,” The man said, approaching the head of the VIP line and pulling up the cloth rope of the fence, allowing Jonghyun to step under. There was a ripple of muttering that spread through the VIP line, as well as the non-VIP lines nearby as he did so but Jonghyun was not paying attention to that at that moment. “I am Takuya Hideyo, security liaison for SM staff today. Give me a call if you need assistance.” The man said, handing Jonghyun his card.

Accepting it and giving a shallow bow, Jonghyun expressed his thanks in his limited – very limited – Japanese, “Arigato.”

Takuya chuckled, sending a wave over his shoulder as he left, “Have a good afternoon Mr. Kim.”

Jonghyun grinned, finding the man to be incredibly likeable. His accent was a little difficult to understand but that wasn’t his fault or an issue in the slightest. Spinning on the spot, Jonghyun gulped as he came face to face with dozens of pairs of eyes.

The VIP queue was quite long already. As the VIP section was mostly standing room there was precedent to arrive early in order to get the very best view of the stage. Apparently these girls didn’t appreciate his sudden appearance at the head of the line.

Bowing he said, “Konnichiwa. Watashi no namae wa Jonghyun desu.” He was sure he had completely butchered the pronunciation there. He really wasn’t good at languages. However, it seemed impolite to introduce himself in Korean when he was in Japan. Actually, on second thought, maybe he should greet them in Korean too, so they knew he didn’t speak good Japanese. Giving an awkward wave, he greeted them a second time, “Hello.”

The girls in the line stared at him like he was a little bit strange. Their prolonged silence made Jonghyun feel nervous and, ruffling his hair awkwardly, he said, “Anyone speak Korean? I’d love someone to talk to if we’re going to be here a while.”

There was silence in the line for longer than was comfortable to bear and the composer shifted awkwardly on his feet as he looked around.

“I do.” A girl slightly further back in the line said. Her Korean was accented but not in the way a foreigner’s would be.

She was young, maybe twenty years old. Old enough to live abroad alone, certainly; perhaps a university student. She was wearing a SHINee shirt that Jonghyun recognised as having been out of print for a few years now – it had been limited edition, too – and he appreciated the dedication she clearly had. She was cute too, in a sweet, shy kind of way.

Jonghyun grinned and walked down the line, the people parting around him easily, to stand next to the Korean girl. “Hi. Busan?”

“Kyoto for the time being.” The girl said, looking a little nervous to be talking to him. Jonghyun found this strange, he wasn’t scary or weird, was he? “I’m Jieun, this is Ayumi.” She introduced, gesturing to her friend, a pretty looking girl who was clearly Japanese.

“Nice to meet you,” The girl said in stilted Korean. “My Korean is… bad. I am sorry. Understand better than speak.”

“Nice to meet you girls, too,” Jonghyun grinned, “I’m Jonghyun.”

“I know.” Jieun muttered then blushed dramatically when she realised he had heard her.

Jonghyun chuckled, “I see my reputation proceeds me.”

“It’s only because I use the SHINee forums and…” she trailed off awkwardly, “yeah.”

“I have fans. People know me.” Jonghyun joked, trying to get the girls to relax. They were both so tense and awkward right now.

He was a little surprised at how relaxed he was right now. In the past he would have been terrified to even consider going into a group of SHINee fans without his sister as a buffer. Even when Sodam was present, he refused to interact with other fans and discuss anything at all. He was too afraid of being judged. But now, here, he felt at ease and actually wanted to talk to these girls. It felt good.

“As if,” a third voice chimed in from behind him. “You just have an ego.”

Jonghyun spun around and gasped, “Woah, Koreans. Koreans everywhere. Jonghyun, nice to meet you.”

“Sohee,” The girl said. Her hair was short, spiked on one side and highlighting the intense eye makeup she was sporting. She looked like a girl who wouldn’t take flak from anyone. Jonghyun respected that.

“You guys excited?” Jonghyun asked, grinning. “It’s going to be a good show.”

“You have inside information?” Jieun asked. She had mentioned she used the SHINee forums, so Jonghyun was certain she knew he did.

“Hmm, some. The guys kept a lot of it a secret but Taemin sucks at keeping secrets, so…” He shrugged acting unaffected.

“You know Taemin?” The Japanese girl, Ayumi, asked quietly. She may have sounded nervous but interest glowed in her eyes. Jonghyun was pretty sure he knew which SHINee member was her favourite.

“I know them all. I work for SM.” He explained.

A small ripple of noise spread through the gathered fans. People who spoke Korean were translating the conversation for people who did not – in absence of anything more interesting happening in the line. Apparently, many people had not noticed his staff badge. Although, on closer inspection, all the girls around him also sported lanyards, each containing a VIP ticket, so he supposed it wasn’t so unusual for them not to notice.

“Wow,” The Japanese girl gasped. “What do you do?”

“He’s a composer.” Jieun said.

Jonghyun nodded, “I’ve been contracted to write the new SHINee album.”

“Wow,” the Japanese girl repeated. “That is sugoi.”

Jonghyun didn’t know what ‘sugoi’ meant but he could infer it well enough from the context. “It is pretty cool. It’s actually why I’m in the crowd with you guys. Get to know the fans, write better songs and all that.”

“But aren’t you a fan yourself?” Jieun asked before realising how pointed that question seemed, “I mean, that’s what the forums indicated and the documentary.”

“Huge.” Jonghyun chuckled, “But one on one access to my favourite idols is always nice.”

“How do we know you’ll write good songs for our boys?” Sohee demanded. “You could just be a hack pretending to be a composer to get close to them.”

“You don’t trust SM?” Jonghyun asked. Seeing her skeptical look he chuckled. He supposed from a fan’s point of view the company was a little shady and didn’t always seem to have the best interests of the idols in mind at all times. He had seen many a rumble of distrust towards the company. “I’ve got a fairly varied portfolio. Upper-management trust me, SHINee trust me to do a good job. I don’t plan to fail.”

“Varied portfolio.” The girl snorted, “Whatever. I’ve never heard of you. How are you gonna write a whole album for SHINee when you’ve never written a single song for them?”

Jonghyun looked at her confused. “If you’ve never heard of me, how do you know I suck?”

“He has written a SHINee song though,” Jieun chimed in, interrupting what was sure to be a tirade from the stronger looking girl. “He wrote Juliette. There was a whole documentary about it.”

“Wait…” Sohee said, “That dorky blonde was you? My god, you were such an awkward loser.”

“Thanks for that,” Jonghyun rubbed his neck self-consciously. “I like to think I grew up well.”

The girl gave him an assessing once over, “Well enough, I suppose. Now, I have a few ideas for SHINee songs.”

Jonghyun gaped at her sudden change of moods before laughing aloud. “Ok, let’s get comfortable, I feel this could take a while. I’ll take all of your input too.” He said addressing the crowd at large and feeling gratified when he heard multiple people translating.

Settling himself on the ground and watching the others in the line follow suit – some were already seated but many had stood when Jonghyun entered the line. Pulling out a notebook and a pen, he prepared for a long brainstorming session.

“Right, let’s hear them, then.”

Two hours later and Jonghyun had filled ten pages of his notebook with various notes. Some people, like Sohee, had incredibly specific desires when it came to what they wanted to hear from the group. Others had less demands but desired a specific genre or for a specific member to be featured a little more. It was an enlightening session and had actually given Jonghyun many potential avenues to explore.

The conversation quickly moved on – as quick as it could when many people were talking through amateur interpreters – and they talked for a while about their general likes and dislikes in songs. Jonghyun was able to work out several things that were practically industry standards that the fans didn’t seem to like, so that was interesting. He always aimed to make his music original and hopefully avoid clichés and catches that everyone had heard before, however it was sometimes hard to avoid. With this information he could make a good case as to whether he should include them or not.

The group also spoke about what they loved about SHINee and how they became fans in the first place. Some people had interesting stories, such as Jieun who got into the group because of her mother who had a strange affection for adorable young boys. Others were more standard stories of high school and discovering kpop music along with everyone else. One Japanese girl apparently got into the group because Onew looked like her brother and she liked to tease him by playing the songs, she had then become addicted to them. A fanboy – another fanboy! – commented that his little sister loved SHINee and he had been forced to endure their music. Until he realised how good it was and had since amassed a greater collection of albums and merchandise than the girl ever had – apparently she was hardcore into EXO now.

It was only as the line began to move and the accumulated people began to enter the venue, their tickets being checked at the entrance, that Jonghyun realised that, for the first time, he was going to see SHINee as an unabashed SHINee fan. He felt a rush of warmth and pride spread through him at this thought. All around him were other people who shared and understood his love for the boys and not a single one was looking at him like he was strange or unusual. It was a liberating experience.

Grinning widely, Jonghyun took in the large space. The VIPs moved to the front and found their spaces for the rehearsal and the following concert. Jonghyun ended up next to the barrier along with Sohee, Jieun and Ayumi and he was glad they were all together, he liked these girls.

Spotting a staff member he knew, Jonghyun signalled the man over. As he approached, Jonghyun spoke over the sound of the crowd in order to be heard by the man. Only the VIP ticket holders were in the room currently and already it was very loud in there. Coupled with the sounds of the stage technicians moving equipment around and it was difficult to hear others talk.

“Did you get my text?”

The man didn’t even bother to answer with words and merely nodded. Signalling he’d be right back he headed to the side of the stage. Jonghyun hummed – not audible in the room but loud in his own head – and shrugged innocently. He saw Sohee roll her eyes and he stuck his tongue out in response, ignoring the girl’s scandalised response.

The SM Entertainment staff member returned relatively quickly, clutching three passes in his hands. Giving them to Jonghyun he gave a jaunty salute and wandered off, back to whatever he was doing before. Distributing the passes to the three fans, Jonghyun watched in amusement as their eyes widened dramatically at reading what they said – in Korean, English and Japanese.

Sohee’s head snapped up and she gasped, “You’re kidding me, right?” Her voice was maybe an octave higher than it had been before and she looked shell-shocked.

Jieun and Ayumi didn’t look much better. In fact, the Japanese girl was practically gaping as she stared at the badge.

“Back stage passes?” Jieun mouthed. She may have spoken but it was nowhere near loud enough to hear. However, Jonghyun could read her lips well enough.

“You were a great help to me and great company. I thought it was unfair to not thank you in some way. I texted Minnie earlier and he was cool with it.”

“Backstage passes.” The girl repeated, not looking completely focused.

Ayumi seemed to have finally snapped out of her daze and she practically launched herself at Jonghyun, babbling in Japanese and embracing him in a hug. Laughing loudly, he patted her head and carefully peeled the girl off of himself, rubbing at his hip where it had impacted the safety barrier.

Their little show had attracted the attention of many people around them. Most seemed confused though some, those close enough to hear them speak and who spoke Korean, looked envious. However, their looks of envy were quickly wiped when someone stepped on the stage.

The VIPs had been instructed not to scream during rehearsal, to allow the group to focus, and most members of the crowd managed to comply admirably. However, a few were unable to control themselves, releasing little squeals that were quickly stifled. Taemin, the one who had stepped on stage, winked at the crowd – causing another round of muffled shrieks – and turned back to the roadie he was listening to.  


The rehearsal went on in that vein, with the entrance of all the members resulting in a quick ripple of noise across the crowd. It was actually fascinating to observe the rehearsal and to see the focus on the faces of the SHINee members. They were clearly very dedicated to getting this right and, although they had practiced back in Seoul, it was a little different on the actual stage.

However, all too soon it was time for the show to start. The SHINee members left the stage and the rest of the crowd was directed into their seats or standing areas. The organisation was impressive. The venue was so large and there were so many people present yet, within half an hour, the hall was practically full to bursting with people and ready to start.

 


	45. Chapter 44 – Japan part 3

The lights went out and for a second there was total silence in the room. Not a second later, all that could be heard were thousands of voices cheering and screaming in unison. Jonghyun was yelling along with them, fully swept up in the atmosphere of the room.

He wondered what would be first up. The rehearsal had been cleverly organised, in such a way that those fans watching were unable to determine which song would be performed when or what special effects would be used. The SHINee members had also been tight lipped, refusing to tell the composer anything. Although, Jonghyun believed this was partly because the singers themselves were unsure of the order of performances. They had worked on this show up until the very last minute.

If possible, the screams got louder as the first strains of music could be heard and a video began playing on the large screens behind the stage. Jonghyun absently noted Ayumi yell something inarticulately from next to him. Evidently, this was the girl’s favourite song.

Then, after a cute video and an extended musical introduction, the boys were finally, finally on the stage. Their outfits looked good, those last minute meetings with wardrobe people were not in vain and the elaborate clothing fit them well. Jonghyun leant forward against the barrier, feeling the movement of people against his back. He was prepared to just stand and watch, taking it all in. Taemin, who was on the same side of the stage as the composer scanned the crowd briefly as he danced, then winked in his friend’s direction. The screams of the girls around the blue-haired male raised in pitch and volume causing Jonghyun to chuckle and a smirk to spread across Taemin’s face.

The show was overall, incredible. Jonghyun had known the group were skilled, he was around them enough to realise that. However, they had really stepped it up for this show. Their dancing and singing were impeccable and even their little bantering sessions between songs were impressive. Where, in the shows the composer had seen in the past, the group would chat and mess around and it was all around enjoyable, they weren’t always audible to the crowd or they’d talk over each other. This time, it was like they were trained in the art of conversation – which he guessed they were, considering all the ‘training for TV’ sessions they attended.

The moment near the end, when they thanked the crowd for supporting them and all the members had to fight tears – some better than others – was emotional and Jonghyun found himself crying along with them. He understood now exactly how much work went into what they did and he also understood that their job, their lives, would not be possible without all the people in the room with them. It was a humbling thought and one that so many celebrities seemed to forget.

He had also taken lots of pictures. Many were not even aimed properly; he pointed, shot and hoped he had managed to get something interesting in frame. A few weren’t even of the SHINee members. He had photographed a security guard who had gotten into the music at one point and could be seen getting down, a particularly enthusiastic backing dancer and even the stage effects when they were particularly impressive. Before this job, these photos would be for himself, he would share the best ones online but, overall, they were to act as memories and reinforcement that he was fans of these boys for a reason. That point still stood, of course, but now they would also function as inspiration. He had a folder on his computer labeled ‘inspirational crap’ – he was a master of naming things – and he looked through it whenever he was feeling uncreative and burned out. It included a range of things, from songs to photographs of landscapes to artwork and even a few pieces of fan art he had found of himself (he had almost choked on his drink when he found those) and everything in there could be used to draw ideas from. Now he would have a few more images to add to that.

As the room began to empty, now that SHINee had exited the stage and the lights had come back on in the room, Jonghyun turned and grinned at his three companions. The girls were all hovering awkwardly nearby, not sure what to do with themselves.

“Good show, huh?” He asked, grinning, as he gestured them to follow him and headed to the side of the stage where a few security guards were congregating.

Jieun and Ayumi merely nodded, as if unsure how to articulate their feelings but Sohee answered verbally. “It was pretty good, I guess.” She said, shrugging pseudo-nonchalantly.

Jonghyun chuckled. As hard as the girl pretended to be unaffected, she was practically grinning in exhilaration and her enjoyment of the show was obvious. Approaching one of the members of security in one of their obnoxiously orange shirts, the composer showed him his pass and signalled the girls to do the same.

The man said something Jonghyun didn’t understand, it being in Japanese and Ayumi, seeing his blank look, chimed in, “He asked if you know where going.”

“Oh,” Jonghyun said, “Yeah, yeah I do. Arigato.” He finished, bowing to the man.

Ayumi rolled her eyes behind him where the composer couldn’t see her. She said something to the man in Japanese and the group were waved through.

“Thanks,” Jonghyun chuckled.

Leading the way through the maze of corridors, Jonghyun hoped he wouldn’t get lost. That would be embarrassing. He had only been here once and many of the passages backstage looked the same. The large numbers of people bustling around and starting to clean up the venue were not helping.

After around five minutes of walking, in which time Sohee had worked out he wasn’t quite sure where he was going and had started muttering insults in his general direction, Jonghyun found a corridor he recognised. Making a small noise of approval he approached the SHINee dressing room door. He knocked, absently hoping that one of the staff members (or Taemin) had warned the group that he was bringing guests. He assumed they would have, the staff were usually pretty organised with things like that (although Taemin wasn’t).

It took a few seconds for the door to be opened and behind him, none of the girls made any noise. It was like they were worried that any sound, or even movement, from them would make this whole situation disappear and they would suddenly be outside with the rest of the fans once more. Even Sohee’s threats had become quieter as the girl realised they were at the door and they had stopped entirely when the composer had knocked. When the door opened from the other side, Jonghyun could have sworn he heard a muttered curse from the girl, but it was so quiet he couldn’t be sure.

“Jjong and friends, come in!” Taemin grinned, gesturing the small group into the room. All four entered, Ayumi only moving after a small tug on her arm by Jieun as the Japanese girl just stared blankly at her favourite member of the group.

The singers had already changed into, still stylish, but more comfortable clothes. Their makeup was also simpler, it was still present, but the dramatic stage eyeliner had been toned down a little. Jonghyun felt a little bad at making them do more fan interactions when they were probably tired from the show. However, the group didn’t seem too bothered by the intrusion.

Key was lounged on one of the small sofas, browsing through his phone. Minho was standing in an empty area of the room. He had apparently been doing some sort of post-show stretches and had continued to do so as the door opened. However, both had looked up in interest when Taemin opened the door and had smiled in greeting as the group entered. Only Onew wasn’t paying attention to them. He was turned away from the door, checking his makeup in the large mirror that was mounted on one wall. However, as if feeling Jonghyun’s eyes on him, he turned and smiled at the three girls.

“Did you enjoy the show?” He asked, his voice soft, probably to preserve his throat.

“It was amazing.” Sohee said. Jonghyun couldn’t help but chuckle, waving off Key and Taemin’s confused looks as he apparently laughed at nothing. The girl’s sudden turnaround from strong girl who didn’t take anything from anyone to shy girl who was meeting her favourite idols was stark and quite funny. Especially since, when he had asked the very same question, the girl had been so blasé with her answer.

Ayumi said something in Japanese, apparently forgetting her ability to speak Korean in her excitement and nervousness. Luckily, all the members of SHINee could speak the language and Key responded to her statement in kind. Whatever he said caused the girl to blush dramatically and hide her face behind her hair.

“Come sit down,” Minho invited, gesturing to the other couch. “Let’s introduce ourselves, shall we?”

The group did, moving to sit on the couches. Taemin, Minho and Key shared one couch whilst the girls sat on the other. Onew remained on his chair in the corner and Jonghyun took up residence on the floor. The only other seat in the room had been next to Onew and he wasn’t sure he was comfortable sitting so close to the other male. Sohee had shot him an odd look as he sat down and he merely shrugged and mentioned that he found the floor more comfortable.

“So, I’m Taemin, though you probably know that.” Taemin began, chuckling at the girls’ expressions he gestured to the other men in the room, “Tall and lanky is Minho, the one glaring at me is Key and the loner in the corner is Onew. Plus everyone’s favourite song writer, Jonghyun.”

“We can introduce ourselves, you know?” Key said. His voice was snippy but the expression on his face was of tolerant annoyance. “So, what are your names?” He asked, turning to the three girls.

The SHINee fans had all been watching the exchange with thinly veiled amusement, however, the second the singer had addressed them directly, they had frozen like rabbits in the headlights.

Jieun was the first to speak, her accent coming across stronger than ever, “I’m Jieun, from Busan.”

“Long way,” Minho commented.

The girl blushed and corrected, “I live in Kyoto now.”

“Still a long way,” Taemin said, grinning at her.

Key then said something in Japanese to Ayumi who replied quietly, stuttering slightly, “I am Ayumi. I speak Korean if easier?”

“Whatever makes you comfortable,” Onew commented from the corner.

“The only one who won’t understand you is Jjong here, his Japanese sucks.” Taemin quipped, prompting Jonghyun to stick his tongue out at the younger male. Taemin stuck his out in return. Onew, in the corner had looked like he was going to say more, however, upon Taemin’s interruption, he had closed his mouth and settled back to watch, a strange expression on his face.

“We know. I don’t even speak Japanese and even I can tell.” Sohee said, finally finding her confidence once more. All the idols turned to look at her as she spoke and that confidence didn’t last long. “Sohee,” she muttered playing with her hair. “I came from Seoul.”

“How’d you manage to come to Japan and only meet Koreans, Jjong?” Taemin asked.

“Ayumi’s Japanese!” Jonghyun protested, before trying to defend himself, “I was in the VIP queue and we were chatting and you know I suck at Japanese.”

“You do,” Key agreed, his tone a little frank for him to be kidding around. Jonghyun went silent. He still wasn’t sure where he stood with the sassy rapper and so it could be a little uncomfortable when they conversed; especially as Key often spoke in a way that could be considered rude by many people. Often these verbal barbs were aimed straight at Jonghyun’s weak points and the animosity the singer had previously held for him still hadn’t fully evaporated. Jonghyun had to treat him well because of his job and Key’s role in his acquisition of it but it was still awkward.

“So, how did you like the show?” Minho asked, echoing Onew’s earlier question. Due to the girls’ shell-shock they hadn’t received a good answer.

“What was your favourite part?” Taemin tacked on, interested to hear the girls’ answers.

The conversation flowed a little easier from then. It was still a little awkward, as the girls never truly relaxed in the presence of their idols, but overall it was nice. They discussed the concert in detail, the singers taking particular heed of what parts of their performance they most enjoyed and Jonghyun knew that, in the future, they would consider those opinions when planning a show. Conversation flowed from there, how they came to like SHINee, what their favourite song was (SHINee or otherwise), other groups they liked, their opinion on the latest TV shows, anything and everything.

So, an hour after they entered, when Manager came to collect the SHINee members, it was three happy girls who left the room. Each clutched an autographed photograph in their hands, courtesy of a Polaroid camera that Minho had had on him for some reason, which featured them and the SHINee members (and in Jieun’s case, Jonghyun too).

Before they left, Jieun turned to Jonghyun and embraced him quickly in a hug, “Thank you, you are a beautiful man.” That said, she scurried after the staff member who would guide the group out of the building.

“Oooh,” Taemin mocked, “Someone has an admirer.”

“Hardly,” Jonghyun chuckled, “And even if I did, it wouldn’t matter.”

“Aww, why not?” Taemin chuckled.

“You know why,” Jonghyun said, deliberately not looking at anyone in the room. He avoided Onew’s gaze for obvious reasons, not wanting to see his expression at that revelation. However, he also avoided the others’ eyes because they too knew the reason and he couldn’t face the judgement from Key. He was sure Minho wouldn’t be too harsh or judgmental, the other male had always been a little more accepting of Jonghyun and Onew’s relationship, however, the tall man was stood right next to Key.

“Right,” Manager announced, clapping his hands to get the men’s’ attention, “let’s head out.”

Jonghyun blushed as he realised the man was still in the room. He hadn’t considered that he wouldn’t know. There was no way he could know. Kicking himself, the composer followed after the group. At least he hadn’t said anything too incriminating and therefore hadn’t jeopardised anything. Although, even if he had given anything away, it didn’t matter since the affair was long over at this point.

Shaking his head to dislodge his melancholy thoughts, Jonghyun boarded the van that would take them all back to the hotel. The SHINee members took up residence in the back seats with Jonghyun up front and Manager driving. He had had a fantastic, but long, day and couldn’t wait to get back to the hotel and sleep. Especially as there was another show the following night. This one he would actually view from backstage. It was sure to give him a different perspective of the performance and, hopefully, more song writing fodder as well.


	46. Chapter 46 – Reconciliation?

Four months post their successful concerts in Tokyo and the idol group, plus Jonghyun, were in China for a variety show taping. The previous months had passed as all the ones before had. The idols went about their day to day activities and Jonghyun shadowed and drew inspiration from them.

Recently, his bosses had been getting a little more insistent that Jonghyun present them songs and ideas for the upcoming SHINee album. He was happy to oblige, having written a large selection of songs – although none were yet finished – and having come up with multiple concepts that would work for a comeback. Upper management were often hard to read as they all had the impassive face down pat, however Jonghyun thought they seemed impressed with his work. Sungkyu certainly was.

Then, less than a week ago, Jonghyun was informed that he would once again be jetting off to regions unknown. He was much more relaxed this time, knowing what to expect and even managed to get a full night’s sleep before the flight. However, he certainly wasn’t relaxed right now. Jonghyun was going to murder the members of SHINee. All of them. This had to be some kind of plot. It all seemed far too coincidental.

On all trips Jonghyun took with the idol group that required they stay in a hotel, the composer roomed with Manager or one of the other staff. The SHINee members usually split up into two rooms, Onew and Taemin in one and Key and Minho in the other. It was an arrangement that worked well for them and it resulted in the least amount of hassle for all involved.

Thus, when they left for this trip and Taemin declared he was rooming with Minho this time, Jonghyun was suspicious. The fact that he was smirking as he said so and had been acting shifty around Jonghyun for a few days prior to the trip, only reinforced this notion. That and the obnoxious wink the younger male sent him as Jonghyun looked at him incredulously. Therefore, when Key announced that he had something ‘of vital importance’ to discuss with Manager and ‘it couldn’t wait’, Jonghyun wasn’t as surprised as he could have been.

The only saving grace of the whole situation – if it really counted as such – was that Onew looked as mystified by their schemes as Jonghyun did.

This whole situation led to Jonghyun sitting awkwardly on the over starched sheets of a hotel bed, pretending to be composing, as behind the only door in the room – bar the entrance – the sounds of the shower could be clearly heard. The increase in volume of the water splashes indicated to the composer that Onew was nearing the end of his shower and had probably just exited the small cubicle. His thought was confirmed when the water was cut off only seconds later and the rustle of fabric could be heard through the thin walls.

As the door cracked open, Jonghyun quickly looked down to his screen, scrolling idly through his files with no particular purpose. However, he couldn’t avoid looking up briefly. Blushing, hoping that the flush wasn’t super visible to the other male in the room, Jonghyun very quickly looked down once more. Onew still looked good. In the six months since their break-up, the idol hadn’t lost his looks. That was predictable, of course. The man was an idol and maintaining ones looks was paramount. Jonghyun knew that the singer put a lot of work into his appearance and, since the first time Jonghyun saw him on TV when he was barely even an adult, he had appreciated that effort.

Onew was not in his shiny idol mode right now. His face was bare, his wet hair trailing across his forehead and his eyes looking tired. He wasn’t the perfect celebrity most people expected when they heard the name Onew but Jonghyun appreciated this more. This was the real Onew and this was the Onew that, after the initial dazzle of meeting his favourite idol had faded, Jonghyun had made friends with, spent all his spare time with and eventually started dating. This was also the first time Jonghyun had seen the real Onew in months.

Looking over once more, using his hair to shield his eyes from Onew, Jonghyun gave up on not looking. The blue-grey strands were getting long, he probably needed to cut them soon and he should really re-dye it at the same time as his roots were showing again, but for now they made a good screen. The singer looked fantastic to Jonghyun. He was bent over, rifling through his suitcase looking for a set of comfortable clothes for sleep. Water droplets were slowly making their way down from his hair, down the smooth skin of his back and eventually soaking into the plush fabric of the white, hotel towel that adorned his waist.

As Jonghyun watched, the singer pulled out a pair of pants and an oversized shirt and immediately pulled the shirt over his head. Shaking out his hair, the strands apparently hitting him in the eyes as he hissed in pain, the singer straightened up and moved over to his bed. Sitting down, the brunette sat in such a way that he could put on his pants without removing the towel, thus minimising his chances of flashing Jonghyun. He almost succeeded too. He got the pants all the way up to his thighs – damn, Jonghyun missed those thighs – before he had to shift himself in order to get the fabric over his buttocks. In the process, the singer dislodged the towel a little and, letting out a less-than-manly squeak, he flailed to get the pants the rest of the way up.

Jonghyun stifled a chuckle, looking away in amusement. He wasn’t sure why Onew was so worried, it wasn’t like Jonghyun hadn’t seen that before. Looking back to his laptop, still smiling slightly, the composer clicked a song file open, with the intent to spend the evening editing it – because he needed to get some work done, not because he was avoiding his roommate, honest. Onew moved back to the bathroom, whether he needed to use it or he was just embarrassed, Jonghyun wasn’t sure.

As he scanned through the piece, one headphone in his ear and listening to the computer generated instruments, Jonghyun noticed movement out of the corner of his eye. Apparently, Onew was already finished in the bathroom, confirming Jonghyun’s belief that he had merely been embarrassed.

The singer sat down on his bed and pulled out his phone, scrolling through a few pages absently, apparently not paying too much attention to what he was reading. He shot looks at the other male in the room occasionally, as if unsure about something.

After around ten minutes of awkward silence, the male placed his phone face down upon the bed and looked over at the composer. Taking a deep breath, he spoke, his voice loud in the quiet room, “What are you working on?”

Jonghyun looked up startled. He had zoned out a little, focusing on his work – there was one small line that just sounded wrong and he couldn’t get it to work right – and hadn’t realised that the idol was even paying attention to the other person in the small room. “A song.”

Their conversations were still awkward, even months of working together. In fact, that question from Onew was probably the most words the singer had said to him at once in a few weeks. The last time they spoke, the singer had only spoken to him so much due to a need to synch their schedules. Even when the two were alone together they rarely conversed. Jonghyun wasn’t sure how to start a conversation with his ex-boyfriend and Onew never looked like he wanted to start one to begin with. Even when a conversation was started, both participants were unsure how they were supposed to interact with each other and it all just culminated in a very awkward experience all round.

“I got that.” Onew said. His voice caught a little at the end of his statement, as if he was about to make a snarky comment. However, he was unsure of whether that would be appropriate at this point. In the past, such comments would be taken as a joke and the two would snipe back and forth at one another until one of them ran out of insults or gave in. That wasn’t appropriate now. “What kind of song?”

“For SHINee.” Jonghyun said, looking up from his screen. Looking at Onew, the composer nervously tapped his fingers on the laptop keyboard. He wasn’t sure what to say or how to remove the tension in the room. It was awkward and he didn’t deal with awkward situations. “Do you want to hear?”

Jonghyun almost kicked himself. What was he doing? Why did he say that? There was no way this would reduce the awkwardness. No way at all.

“I’d love to.” Onew said, smiling at Jonghyun. Jonghyun felt his stomach fill with butterflies at the nostalgic sight. Onew hadn’t smiled at him, not legitimately, in months and Jonghyun had honestly missed it. The way his eyes crinkled and he seemed to put his entire body into the action was something Jonghyun had always loved and still did.

Jonghyun wasn’t sure how best to do this, but Onew clearly was. The singer slid off his bed and walked across to Jonghyun’s, sitting on the end. He was a long way from Jonghyun, considering the small size of the room, but close enough to cause a bolt of nervousness to shoot through the composer. Looking at the other male, sure his face was giving away his true feelings about this but not able to school his features adequately, Jonghyun shifted the laptop between the two of them and unplugged his headphones in preparation.

Navigating to the screen that would allow him to play all layers together, Jonghyun moved the mouse to the play button, “It’s not finished, so...” Jonghyun said, trailing off, unsure what he was trying to say.

“I understand.” Onew said, placating. His body was tense but his voice and his face showed nothing but understanding.

Jonghyun was a little happy to see this evidence of vulnerability from Onew. He cared for Jonghyun still, as shown by his attempts to calm him. It was also shown by his awkwardness right now. If he truly didn’t care for Jonghyun, he wouldn’t be so uncomfortable even interacting with him. Right?

Maybe it was wishful thinking.

It was getting a little draining though. Most of the time Jonghyun received nothing from Onew but radio silence. The idol was impressively good at ignoring and avoiding Jonghyun’s presence and it was honestly starting to annoy the composer. Initially, he had understood. The singer didn’t want to talk to Jonghyun because the wounds were still fresh. Jonghyun disagreed with his methods and would have preferred at least a little interaction. However, he was willing to give the singer what he wanted. But it had been half a year now. Half a year since they broke up and much of that time the two men had spent in close proximity. Surely, the other man could have gotten over it enough by now to at least talk to Jonghyun? Until he became more comfortable and was able to hold a conversation without looking like he wanted to be anywhere but where he was, Jonghyun couldn’t relax.

Leaning across, Jonghyun pressed the play button and immediately regretted it. He had completely blanked on what song he was working on. The question had been out of his mouth before he had even considered it and he hadn’t even thought about what exactly the singer would hear. He just wanted to do something to distract from their stilted conversation. The second the first strains of music played from the speaker however, he remembered. Unfortunately, it was too late to stop the song now.

He watched Onew’s reaction nervously. The singer’s face was blank as the music played and Jonghyun felt himself fidgeting as he waited for what he knew was coming. As the introduction got further through, Onew finally showed a reaction, nodding his head gently along to the music.

“It’s only rough,” Jonghyun said again, nerves colouring his voice as the intro came to an end.

“It’s good.” Onew said. He went to say something more but then the vocals kicked in. Jonghyun had recorded them himself, doing his best to sing all five parts in a way similar to how the members of SHINee would sing. He wasn’t a professional but he had enough raw talent to do this sort of thing fairly easily.

The composer found himself blushing as the idol looked up at him in shock. He looked like he wanted to say something but he was listening intently, his ear tilted towards the laptop as he did so. He listened quietly for the rest of the song, as the lyrics kicked in proper and the story started to be told. By the end, his eyes appeared a little glassy and he was chewing his bottom lip – an act that would horrify Manager if he ever saw him because he’d ‘ruin his looks’.

Jonghyun looked down at the bed, fiddling with the edge of the blanket, not wanting to meet his ex-boyfriend’s eyes. “So, I hope you liked it...” Jonghyun said, trailing off, not sure what to say.

“Is that,” Onew started, cutting himself off, “are those- are those your real feelings?”

The song Jonghyun had been working on was a ballad. He honestly wasn’t sure if it was a song he was willing to give to SHINee at all. The reason for that was that he had poured his every feeling into the lyrics and the melody. He had started to write it just after the break up. When his feelings were in complete turmoil and his only method of expression was via his music. He had been working on it periodically ever since. He would have just abandoned it, once his feelings had settled down a little, however he really liked how the song had turned out so far and he was a little hesitant to let it go. Composing it had helped, in those early day, as it provided an avenue for him to express his feelings. So he wanted to finish it, if only to also finish his emotional journey.

“They were.” He confessed, not meeting Onew’s eyes. “They still are, to some extent. I guess.” He muttered, looking away.

Although the feelings of sadness and pain had dulled a little since that day, he still held a torch for the idol – and probably always would – and it still felt odd not to have him in his life. They had only been friends and lovers for a year total, yet it was enough time for the idol to become completely pivotal to his life. Thus, it was strange and a little painful at times to have to live without him. Jonghyun knew he sounded like a dramatic teenage girl when he thought like this and honestly, most of the time, he was so busy that such feelings didn’t even enter his head. However, occasionally, the composer would be sat alone, in silence, with nothing to preoccupy him and the feelings would creep back in like a storm cloud covering the sun.

Onew looked pained, as if he hadn’t expected the composer to be so affected by the events that had happened between the two of them.

“What did you expect? Me to just move on?” Jonghyun asked, incredulously.

Onew just shrugged, looking away from the blue-haired male for the first time in a long while. “Kind of.”

“Do you have no faith in my feelings?”

“What?” Onew asked, startled.

“If you believed I’d be unhurt by our break up,” Onew winced a little at this word, “do you have so little faith in my feelings for you?”

“No!” The idol protested, looking up at Jonghyun imploringly, practically begging, “I never-“

“I know,” Jonghyun said, as he saw Onew getting worked up. “Believe me, you weren’t the only one hurt.”

“Past tense...” Onew muttered.

Jonghyun rolled his eyes. He was sure Onew didn’t actually intend him to hear that statement but the room was very quiet and sound travelled well. “Aren’t.”

Onew looked away again, embarrassed at being heard. However, his entire countenance betrayed his happiness at that statement. Although, why he was happy, Jonghyun was unsure of. They weren’t together and probably wouldn’t be again so why would Jonghyun’s lingering feelings be a good thing.

“I still love you, too,” Onew said softly, catching Jonghyun’s eyes. “I never stopped.”

“I know you didn’t.” Jonghyun said, “The break up wasn’t because of our lack of feelings and you know that.”

“What if we were to not be broken up anymore?” Onew asked, looking at Jonghyun with something akin to hope.

Jonghyun looked at him incredulously. The composer honestly couldn’t see where that statement had come from. The other male had made it perfectly clear where he stood when they initially discussed breaking up and Jonghyun had agreed with his reasoning. Neither had been happy, of course, but they had both understood. The singer had been determined to maintain that status too.

But now, here was Onew, looking like it took all his courage to say what he did, asking to get back together. The same man who hadn’t spoken to Jonghyun properly in months and tried his absolute hardest to never be in a room with him. It was absurd.

“Why would we do that?”

Onew looked confused. Cocking his head to one side and crawling up the bed slightly, so he was sat closer to Jonghyun, he spoke, “Why couldn’t we?”

“All the reasons you gave six months ago.” Jonghyun said, shifting sideways, slightly away from Onew. This move put him dangerously close to the edge of the small, single bed and he knew, if his ex-boyfriend advanced any further he couldn’t escape so easily. The singer looked saddened by the move but Jonghyun couldn’t bring himself to care, “You’re acting really weird.”

“Am I?” Onew mused, “I guess I am. I just,” he ran his fingers through his hair, shifting the half dried strands and flattening down the small flick that was forming in his fringe. He dried his hands on his pants, looking at his lap as he did so but shooting periodic looks at the blue-haired male. “I really like you Jjong and I hate not being with you.”

Jonghyun really wished his heart wasn’t beating like it was right now. This was ridiculous. This whole situation made no sense. “What about SHINee? The fans?”

Onew looked down at the bed and sighed, “I’ve thought about this. I’ve been thinking about this for six damn months,” Jonghyun looked up in shock as Onew swore. The singer was rarely so strong in his word choice and even when he was he was never so passionate about it. “Dating you,” he hesitated, sighing once more, focusing on Jonghyun’s face, “dating you was the best time of my life. I love you, Jjong. I really do. And… and there’s no point being in SHINee if I’m going to be miserable. I love my job and I love the other members but it’s not fair to ask me to give up my happiness. It’s not and I hate it.”

“I hate it too,” Jonghyun said quietly. His words causing Onew to look at him with so much hope it actually hurt. “But I can’t do it Jinki, I couldn’t face it if you and the others all lost your jobs because of me. When you’re on that stage, when you were in Tokyo, you were so alive and so beautiful. All of you. I can’t be the one to take that away from you.” He looked at the idol imploringly, begging him to understand, “I can’t. And it hurts because I love you so much and I hate being around you all the time and not being able to touch you or show you how much I care but I just... I need you to understand why I can’t.”

Jonghyun reached up to his face to wipe his eyes, feeling an itch building up behind his eyelids. He was surprised when his hand came away wet. He was crying?

Onew moved closer, reaching out to grab Jonghyun’s hands. He smiled gently, repressed tears finally falling from his own eyes, when the composer didn’t move away from him this time. “No one minds. No one.”

Jonghyun looked up, feeling a trail of water extend down his cheek and onto his neck, “What?”

“The amount of lectures I have received from Taemin, Key, heck even Minho, about how I should just suck it up and get back together with you is insane. They love you-“ seeing Jonghyun’s incredulous look he amended his statement, “or will grow to love you, eventually. And they also love me. They want this for us. They see how good it is for us. If I have to get one more lecture from Taemin about treating you like the princess you deserve to be, I will actually go insane.”

Jonghyun chuckled weakly and a little wetly, happy to note that Onew also seemed affected by what was happening and his eyes were beginning to become red and puffy. He was sure they made a right pair, sat together on a hotel bed, holding hands and weeping like children.

“Taemin...” Jonghyun mused, “That rat!” He gasped, clutching at his heart. He had just realised the full extent of his planning for this trip. He’d obviously gotten Key and Minho in on this too.

“He pretty much talked me into this. Him and Key. I’m not sure I would have had the courage otherwise. I would have just been sad forever.” Onew chuckled, apparently unconcerned by Jonghyun’s outburst. Considering it, Jonghyun realised he probably wasn’t. The older male had known Taemin for far longer than Jonghyun himself had. He was probably well aware of the dancer’s scheming nature and had likely worked out what he had planned already.

“Wait, but Key doesn’t like me. Why would he want us to get together again?” Jonghyun said, feeling unsure. It was clear that Key had been involved in this scheme to get him and Onew together in this hotel room, his strange actions when they checked in made that clear, but it didn’t make sense. Key wouldn’t want the two of them to date one more, surely?

“Doesn’t like you? Who said that?” Onew asked incredulously.

“No one.” Jonghyun said slowly, looking at the idol like he was insane. “But his actions have been very clear.”

Onew snorted and waved his hand in front of his face dismissively. “That wasn’t Kibum not liking you. That was him not liking the idea of us dating.”

“Wait, what?”

“He came to me more than once with these pre-planned lectures about dating and the effect it could have on me, the group, our fans. He was worried about me in his own way. He was worried about you too, what the fans would do if they found out.” Onew explained.

Jonghyun cocked his head slightly as he thought all that information through. It was like his whole interpretation of events had been turned on its axis and suddenly everything was different. “But-“

“He stopped that soon after we did break up.” Onew continued quietly, cutting the blue-haired man off. “He saw how miserable I was and, I guess he realised there were benefits to us dating too.” The idol finished, ruffling his hair slightly as he spoke, his fingers getting caught in the messy strands. “He came and had a heart to heart with me about it all soon after we… stopped being an item and he apologized for his behaviour. He insisted he wouldn’t stop us being together anymore, even though he wouldn’t like it. It’s why he got you this job, I think.” Jonghyun didn’t even want to consider the implications of that statement. It was far too much to handle right then. “But I couldn’t do it, there were too many potential issues… But now,” Onew shrugged, not sure how to finish his statement and looked at Jonghyun imploringly, staying silent.

“That’s sweet but Manager-“

“Knows.” Onew finished.

Jonghyun’s head shot up in shock, “Wait, what?”

“Apparently I’m super bad at keeping secrets,” Onew chuckled, the sound only a little strangled. “I thought I was going to wet myself when he asked to talk to me alone after the whole dating scandal thing. Apparently he doesn’t mind either, as long as we’re discreet. Secret from management and the fans but that’s no different from before, right?”

“And we almost got caught before!” Jonghyun protested, his grip on Onew’s hands tightening. This whole conversation was both wonderful – because Onew felt the same as he did – and terrible – because nothing could come of it. “It’s why this,” He gestured at their interlinked hands, “can’t happen!”

“They thought I was dating a woman,” Onew said, “and only because I did typical date things that day. If we’re careful people aren’t going to immediately jump to ‘gay’ as a conclusion. Hell, Taemin and Minho are more handsy in public than we ever were.”

“That might be true, but-“ Jonghyun protested, his words sounding weak even to him.

“But nothing. We won’t be caught.” Onew said, with finality, as if Jonghyun’s decision was already made. “Plus, even if we were, I don’t mind. Nor do the others. Even if the worst was to happen. Taemin has his solo career, Key has his fashion and Minho is making waves in the MC world. I’m not ashamed of our relationship. If things were better, I’d be yelling it from the rooftops. I love you Kim Jonghyun and I can’t, I just can’t do this anymore. This constant-” He gestured wildly as if he expected Jonghyun to understand and, in a way, the composer did. “This awkwardness, the avoidance, the hurt from seeing you sad, happy, doing things without me.”

“The avoidance is all on you,” Jonghyun muttered.

“I know.” Onew said, looking away in shame, “I didn’t know how else to cope.”

Jonghyun stroked the singer’s face, wiping a stray tear off of his cheek, “Taemin told me.”

“That kid,” Onew chuckled. “He thinks we can do this. I think we can too.”

Jonghyun looked up at him, with hope. He was seriously considering it. As insane as that sounded. He still had a lot of fears and he was terrified something would go wrong but Onew’s confidence was comforting and, honestly, he really wanted to accept this offer.

His friends had been hinting at something similar too. They had been less overt than Taemin had been but they had been clear enough. They would drop hints in conversation or when talking about their own significant others – Jiwoong had finally admitted he had a girlfriend, though he had yet to introduce her to his friends. Sodam had been incredibly unsubtle, although she probably believed she was subtlety itself, and had started talking about her ‘friend’ who loved a guy but broke up because of their ‘families’ disapproving. It would have been a realistic scenario if his sister was any good at lying to him. Unfortunately, she wasn’t.

Jonghyun had been resistant to all attempts to get him and Onew to reconcile, not able to face the potential consequences. The comments had been wearing down his resolve, though. This conversation had eroded them fully.

However, “We can’t just jump right back into a relationship.” Jonghyun said, causing Onew to look at him with furrowed brows. “It’s been six months since you even spoke to me, Jinks. We need to go back to being friends first. If it evolves from there, then that’s fine.”

“I’m ok with that,” Onew acquiesced. “Honestly, it’s smart. We can take it slow.”

Jonghyun smiled at him, pulling the idol into a gentle hug. He knew many people would be confused by his request. They had spent so much time apart that spending any more time not dating sounded a little insane. However, he needed a little time and Onew – the beautiful man that he was – understood that. “Thank you for understanding.”

Onew pulled away, grinning broadly, “I’d have said yes even if you’d suggested we never have sex again. I love you, fool.”

Jonghyun swatted at the other male playfully, laughing when he dodged the incoming hand, “So, how should we tell the others?”

“We shouldn’t.” Onew stated matter-of-factly.

“What?” Jonghyun asked in confusion, his body freezing. He felt a strange flash of hurt through his chest at those words. It was irrational, Onew probably had a reason. However, his emotions were a little raw right now.

“Clearly, they set this little scenario up so that we would do this, right?” The idol explained, gesturing between the two of them; though this action was difficult with one arm wrapped around the blue-haired male. Jonghyun nodded, confused, “Then we make it seem like their plan failed and enjoy secretly as they get annoyed and come up with new plans.”

Jonghyun chuckled, feeling warmth flood back through his limbs, he had forgotten how odd Onew’s humour could be at times. Yet, it always made him laugh, no matter how lame the joke. “Ok, you’re on. It’ll suck to not talk to you when they’re around though.”

Onew groaned, “I didn’t think of that. Can I change my mind?”

“It’ll be worth it,” Jonghyun said condescendingly, all previous feelings of hurt or worry leaving as he fell back into the easy routine of teasing the singer. Patting Onew’s hair and enjoying the feeling of the older male leaning against him, he smiled gently. He had missed this, the closeness. It may be awkward at first as the two bonded once more but it would ultimately be worth it. Plus, he knew he – and by extension Onew – would be a lot more careful this time around. “We should probably tell Manager, though.”

“He might even help,” Onew mused, tapping his lip with one finger. “This will be fun.

 


	47. Chapter 46 – Acting isn’t so hard

Acting shy and awkward around Onew could be difficult at times. In fact, it was an act that was only getting more difficult as the two males deepened their relationship once more.

Initially, it hadn’t required too much effort at all. The two were naturally awkward due to the sudden change in their relationship and the fact that both were unsure how exactly they should interact when together; even when no one else was watching. However, as their relationship progressed once more, it became more and more challenging to pretend they were still broken up.

Jonghyun chuckled at what he had been thinking about, as he leant deeper into Onew’s embrace. The two males were currently relaxing on the main sofa in SHINee’s dorm. “Did they really think we wouldn’t realise what their plan is?”

“I don’t think they care anymore.” Onew grinned, carding his fingers gently through Jonghyun’s hair. The colour was especially vibrant today. The composer had gone and gotten it touched up the previous day and Onew had seemed fascinated by the blue colour ever since. He could barely keep his hands out of it and he had almost blown their cover when Jonghyun had first walked in for his ‘day of casual SHINee interaction’ (Manager’s words). He had been transfixed and looked like he was going to comment. Luckily, only Key had noticed his distraction and he had shrugged it off as Onew pining after his ex-boyfriend as he had been doing for months now.

The other three SHINee members had left the two supposedly ex-lovers together in the dorm under the pretence of getting more drinks about thirty minutes previous. Apparently the dorm fridge was running dangerously low on anything that could be drank, according to Taemin at least. Key had been quick to agree after he shot an assessing look at Jonghyun and Onew – both of whom were perched uncomfortably on the edges of their chairs on opposite sides of the room. Minho had seemed resistant and might have said something in protest, however Taemin quickly silenced him by forcing a hand over his mouth and dragging him out the door.

“Want a drink?” Jonghyun asked, extracting himself from Onew’s arms. The TV was on in the background but neither male was really paying attention to it, preferring to enjoy their time together. However, Jonghyun’s throat was parched.

“Not really,” Onew said petulantly, pulling the composer back towards himself. “I want you instead.”

What Jonghyun said in response was muffled by the singer’s mouth on his own, leaving him to release only a slightly strangled sound which might have been words. Onew pulled away and snickered at the ruffled look Jonghyun was sporting. Seeing the composer wasn’t going to make any further protests, he kissed him once more, burying his hands deep into the colourful strands adorning his boyfriend’s head.

A while later – the composer honestly wasn’t sure how long it was – a decidedly more ruffled Jonghyun stood from the couch. Stretching out his back from the slightly odd position he had ended up in, he quickly fixed his hair with his fingers and wiped his mouth.

“Sure you don’t want something to drink?”

“We don’t have any, remember?” Onew commented idly. He gave no indication that he was planning to move. In fact, he looked incredibly comfortable. He was reclined back into the sofa cushions, his hair mussed in a casual way that no stylist could ever imitate and his shirt rucked up a little at the front. Jonghyun blushed as he realised that that this was all his doing.

The composer walked the few meters to the kitchen and pulled open the fridge. “Oh yeah,” he commented, looking at the multiple bottles of flavoured milk, carbonated beverages and juices, “you’re completely out. Such a shame.” He snagged a bottle of orange juice and headed back to the living room, chuckling as Onew quickly rearranged himself from where he had slumped down on the sofa.

The idol lifted one arm, inviting Jonghyun to slot himself into place underneath it; an action Jonghyun gladly did, loving the feel of Onew’s arm resting over his shoulders. The heavy, warm weight was something he loved. This was a physical representation of the closeness that he had missed in those six months he and Onew were apart.

After taking a sip of his juice, Jonghyun offered the bottle to Onew. He raised an eyebrow in judgement when the singer took it gladly. He didn’t know why he had offered the beverage, to be honest. The singer had said he wasn’t thirsty and he’d had multiple opportunities to change his mind. Yet, here he was, drinking all of Jonghyun’s juice.

“So, what should we do until the others get back?”

“I dunno,” Onew replied, shrugging, the motion jostling Jonghyun a little, “Tae text me whilst you were in the kitchen, they’ll probably be another hour or so.”

“Long shopping trip.” Jonghyun commented idly.

“Yep.” Onew grinned, looking straight at Jonghyun, wiggling his eyebrows in a manner that looked a little absurd.

Jonghyun rolled his eyes at his ridiculous boyfriend but acquiesced to his silent request. Placing his orange juice haphazardly on the side table, he turned until he was straddling the older male. Onew grinned up at the composer and reached up, running a hand tenderly over his boyfriend’s neck, the other tangling in his hair once more.

“You’re really liking my hair today.” Jonghyun chuckled.

“And you’re talking too much for someone on a limited timeframe.” Onew countered, pulling the other man towards himself once more.

Jonghyun let himself be pulled, muttering quietly into Onew’s ear “Yeah. Yeah. I get it.”

It was Onew who pulled back this time, “You know I love spending time with you other than,” he gestured with his hand that wasn’t tangled in Jonghyun’s hair.

Jonghyun rolled his eyes, connecting their lips in a quick kiss. Pulling back, he spoke quietly, “Not this again. I know you aren’t controlled by your hormones and you care about me as a person, yadda yadda. Now can we get to the,” He gave a gesture between the two of them, similar to the one Onew gave before. The meaning was clear.

“Well let’s get to it, we have limited time.”

Pulling away once more, Jonghyun admonished, “No hanky panky, we’re in your living room!”

“Yes sir,” Onew muttered, pulling his hand away from where it was fiddling with the button of Jonghyun’s pants. “Make outs are fine, right?” Jonghyun merely raised an eyebrow and Onew needed no further confirmation.

-

These plans to get Jonghyun and Onew together had been going on for weeks now. The frustration on the faces of the SHINee members every time they returned to a room where, after long stretches of time alone, Jonghyun and Onew sat as far apart as possible or in stony silence was a picture indeed. Taemin especially had become more and more pouty every time and Key was becoming less and less subtle in his efforts – not that they were that subtle to begin with.

Initial attempts to get them alone had been less obvious. In fact, the very first attempt had been during a group practice in SHINee’s regular practice room.

Following over three hours of intense dance practice, Taemin – who had somehow not stopped moving the entire time – had wiped the sweat off his forehead and claimed he was going to grab some water from the cafeteria downstairs. Key, who was collapsed in a heap on the floor, had pulled himself to his feet and wordlessly followed. His silence was unusual, however he _had_ just been put through the ringer by the group’s dance instructor as he hadn’t been able to fully grasp one of the movements. Thus, he had been worked much harder than anyone else. Minho, whose loose shirt was clinging to him with sweat, rolled his eyes and followed when Taemin shot him a meaningful look.

Jonghyun looked at Onew, the other male not having noticed his group mates leaving the room. He was currently lead fully spread eagled on the floor, panting lightly. His longish hair was damp and clinging to his forehead, his shirt was stained and his muscles were shaking with fatigue. It should have been a very unattractive sight, this was the side of themselves idols didn’t show for a reason, however Jonghyun found it hard to look away.

“Are you... ok?” He asked, approaching the tired singer warily. He wasn’t sure how exactly he was meant to interact with his... boyfriend? They hadn’t really discussed how they were to go forward from here. In fact, this was the first time they had seen each other since they returned from China. Onew had started texting Jonghyun again, little messages to say good morning or comment on a funny thing he heard or saw, but messages were easier. They were more impersonal. It was harder to get embarrassed in a message than it was when talking face to face.

Onew gave a wordless groan and rolled onto his stomach in a dramatic movement. Pushing himself up, his arms feeling and acting like rubber, he gestured Jonghyun towards the seating at the side of the room. Flopping back into a seat, he flung an arm across his eyes.

“Did you get back from the airport ok?”

Jonghyun looked at his boyfriend, blushing as he realised how appealing he looked at that moment, and shrugged, “Yeah, wasn’t too bad. Jiwoong hadn’t completely destroyed the apartment either, which was nice.”

He was aware he sounded a little stilted and scripted. It was strange, they knew each other so well and he knew that if he slipped right back into the casual conversations and speech they had before that it wouldn’t be a problem. In fact, Onew would probably be thrilled. However, it felt strange to do so.

Onew chuckled, the sound a little breathless, “How is Jiwoong? Still embracing his ‘creative vision’?”

“Of course."

Onew moved, briefly stretching out the muscles in his arms and made a noise indicating that that was probably not the most comfortable thing. Standing once more, notably more stable than he had been five minutes ago, the singer started to stretch out his muscles properly. He would usually do it directly after a practice, Jonghyun remembered. He supposed his presence combined with his sheer exhaustion after the harder than usual practice was to blame for the delay.

The composer watched, entranced, as Onew stretched out. He stretched out his arms first, his shirt sleeves slipping to his shoulders and revealing the singer’s surprisingly muscled upper arms. Then he moved on to his legs. Jonghyun was pretty sure his brain short-circuited when he did that. He had always had a thing for Onew’s thighs. He wasn’t sure why, they were just appealing to him in so many ways. All of Onew was appealing, really, but his thighs were just next level.

A few minutes of silent stretching later and Onew turned back to Jonghyun. The composer was very deliberately not looking in his boyfriend’s direction. In fact, he seemed to be finding his cuticles simply fascinating.

“Like what you see?” Onew asked.

Jonghyun startled, not expecting to be addressed and certainly not in that teasing manner. It was so reminiscent of how their relationship used to be. It was both nostalgic and comforting at the same time.

“My nail beds are looking pretty good,” He commented, angling his hands better under the light.

“Of course,” Onew said, rolling his eyes. Advancing towards the composer slowly he moved until he was directly in front of him. Placing his hands either side of the other male’s head he leant close and whispered, “Your nails are definitely what you were looking at.”

Jonghyun was saved from answering when the door opened. Honestly, he wasn’t sure how he would answer even if he had to. He was pretty sure his vocal cords had frozen up and the connection between his brain and mouth was pretty much non-existent at that point.

The other three SHINee members entered the room holding a cooler full of water bottles and chatting happily. Taemin trailed off as he walked into the room to see Jonghyun sat in the seating at the side of the room, a completely blank look on his face, and Onew on the other side of the room stretching out his muscles.

Huffing audibly, the dancer dropped his side of the cooler causing Minho to stagger under the sudden weight and drop the box to the floor with a loud thud. “Let’s get back to work then, I guess.”

As the SHINee members set up to begin their practice again – sans dance instructor for at least thirty minutes more – Onew made eye contact with Jonghyun when the others weren’t paying attention. Jonghyun chuckled at the obnoxious wink the other male sent him and stuck out his tongue in response, turning it into licking his lips when Key looked at him suspiciously. Pulling out his notebook, he flipped to the page he had been working on before.

-

There was a photoshoot a few weeks after that. Taemin and Onew were scheduled for pair photos for a magazine or CF or... something. Jonghyun wasn’t entirely sure. Manager had explained it to him but he couldn’t really remember the details.

As Taemin shot his part, Onew and Jonghyun were conversing quietly. They had to be careful, from his position in front of the camera, Taemin could see where they were sat. So, they had the challenge of conversing casually, without giving away that they were doing so.

“You’re a loser.” Jonghyun commented, deliberately not looking at Onew.

“What did I do?” Onew complained. Jonghyun was sure that if he had been able to react as he wished, the singer would be dramatically clutching his chest and pouting like a child. He almost chuckled at the mental image before catching himself and schooling his features once more.

“You know what you did.”

“I really don’t.”

Jonghyun pulled out his phone and pretended to check it quickly. Shooting a quick glance at Taemin and seeing his was busy talking to the photographer, he passed the device to Onew. The singer chuckled at what was on the screen. It was a photo from the group’s most recent fan meeting. It had been a small event with only around a hundred fans who were lucky enough to have won a competition. In the image, the singer was wearing a pair of pink bunny ears a fan had gifted him and was talking casually with an incredibly nervous looking girl. It wasn’t the image that was of interest, however; it was the comment that Jonghyun had screen capped along with it. The girl in the image had given an account of what she and Onew had discussed and one of the points he had mentioned was that he loved ‘unnatural hair colours. Like blonde or blue’.

“Way to be obvious.” Jonghyun said, taking his phone back from the singer.

Onew made a disagreeing noise and shrugged just enough for Jonghyun to see, “As if anyone would connect that statement with you.”

“Not what I meant.” Jonghyun said, flipping through the pages of his notebook. “Did you not see Key’s face? He looked totally suspicious.”

“How could he be suspicious?” Onew disregarded what Jonghyun said, “I’ve never hidden that I still care for you.”

“Sure, sure,” Jonghyun rolled his eyes. “You are the master of subtlety.”

He looked up in confusion when Onew suddenly talked over him loudly, “Taemin! How was your shoot?”

“Good,” Taemin said, extending the o’s in response to his leader’s strange behaviour. “You were watching me, shouldn’t you know.”

“Of course,” Onew said, leaping to his feet. “Anyway, my turn I guess. I should go do that.” That said, he bounded off towards the photographer who looked a little startled at his exuberance.

Jonghyun rolled his eyes again, something he had done a lot today for some reason. “Master of subtlety,” He muttered quietly.

“What was that?” Taemin asked, “Did you say something?”

“Nope,” Jonghyun said, “I got some good notes though. I actually think I can draw some good inspiration from this experience.” Taemin didn’t need to know that it was the subterfuge and not that photoshoot itself that were most inspiring to the composer right now.

“That’s good,” Taemin grinned.

The two slipped into an easy conversation – Jonghyun still got along incredibly well with Taemin – and Jonghyun breathed a sigh of relief. Onew hadn’t given away their plot today.

-

“Jinks, please. I am not made of glass!” Jonghyun growled at his boyfriend. “I know we said we would take it slow but this is ridiculous. It’s been weeks and we haven’t even-“ He cut himself off with a sound of annoyance and gestured angrily at his other half, “you’re being all caring and crap, I get it. But this is glacial.”

SHINee were abroad once again; Japan, this time for a variety show taping. Once again, Onew and Jonghyun were ‘manipulated’ into sharing a room. The two had put up some token protest as was expected of them and had acted suitably silent and awkward around each other all evening. However, when it became time to head to their rooms, Jonghyun had found it hard to suppress his happiness. Finally, he was to be alone with Onew and there was even a lock to keep other people out. They hadn’t had such privacy since they got back together. Unfortunately, Onew couldn’t even go back to Jonghyun’s apartment as, since the breakup, he hadn’t gone outside often and the others would notice a sudden increase in his trips out of the dorm and become suspicious.

However, what was to be an evening of peace for the two of them had soon devolved into an argument. It had all started when Jonghyun had moved towards Onew as they were watching TV and attempted to snuggle with him on the bed. He knew the action was a little teenage girl but he really wanted the closeness of it all. Unfortunately, Onew had stiffened at the contact and began to look uncomfortable. Jonghyun had pulled away and asked him what was wrong only to feel rightfully annoyed when the other male claimed nothing was wrong and had blown him off. After much debate it had come to light that Onew was worried about pushing the other male too far.

“I know you’re not and I know it is. But I don’t want-“ Onew implored, looking up at Jonghyun through his lashes.

“Me, apparently,” Jonghyun muttered, standing up and pacing across the room. “It all makes sense now. Let’s keep it secret so I don’t have to hurt Jonghyun by telling him I don’t want to kiss him or touch him or anything. This way you can wait for me to break it off when I get annoyed with the secrecy.”

Jonghyun knew he was being irrational but he was annoyed and, in that state, his thoughts weren’t exactly clear. Onew watched as the composer paced back and forth, muttering inaudible but clearly angry things to himself.

“You know that’s not it!” He cried, standing up too. Moving towards the fuming blue-haired man, he reached out to touch him, only to have his hand slapped away.

“You do not get to touch me now, Lee Jinki! Not after rejecting me so many times.”

“So many...” He parroted, sounding confused. “Jonghyun, I didn’t reject you!”

“Sure you didn’t,” Jonghyun hissed, “Your little squirm away when I sat next to you on the bed was you wanting to touch me, of course.”

“It was actually,” Onew said quietly, looking at his feet. “I was scared you’d get spooked if we moved too fast. I’ve had more time to come to terms with this than you have.”

Jonghyun growled again, like an angry dog, and spun on his heel to face his boyfriend. Pointing at him, enjoying the little cringe away from his finger that the singer tried to hide, he repeated, “I. Am not. Made of glass!” Gesturing in front of him with his arm, uncaring of how close he came to hitting Onew, he advanced closer as he spoke. “I get that you’re all caring, I get it and usually I would appreciate it.” Advancing closer, he kept walking as Onew backed slowly into the wall, “But it has been weeks and I am not some blushing teen girl who is content to touch hands and just thinks that’s the cutest thing ever.” Onew was completely backed into the wall now, the smaller male blocking his escape with his arms, “I am frustrated. I am tired and I want you.” Onew made to speak but Jonghyun spoke over him, “I’m not saying let’s have sex right now. But when I initiate the contact, I’d appreciate if you don’t pull away ‘for my own good’. Chances are, if I initiate it, I want it. Got that?”

Onew nodded mutely. Honestly, this forceful aspect of Jonghyun’s personality had always intrigued him. The composer was usually so calm, excitable maybe, but it was difficult to get the man truly angry or worked up. So, to see this was new and interesting and honestly, a little hot.

Seeing that the singer wasn’t going to say anything in response, Jonghyun leant close to his ear, “Now, you won’t resist this time?” Feeling, more than seeing, the singer’s head shake, Jonghyun smirked. Catching his boyfriend’s lips in a kiss, one that resulted in the man’s head hitting the wall with quite a lot of force – he never stopped responding to the kiss, so Jonghyun assumed he was fine – the composer prepared himself to enjoy the evening.

When they finally got their wits together enough to have a proper conversation once more, Onew looked at the wall where they had spent a large portion of their night. “Isn’t that the connecting wall to Key and Minho’s room?”

Jonghyun looked up absently, “Oops.”

-

It had been on that very same trip that Manager had discovered their changed relationship status. The two men had discussed when they first got together, the option of telling Manager of their new status. At the time, both had been open to telling the man, feeling it would be better that way. However, actually telling him was more difficult than they had thought it would be and they just never got around to it.

The two had been relaxing together watching bad Japanese variety shows – Onew was translating everything important – and cuddling together in Onew’s bed when the door had clicked open. They had forgotten that Manager held a master key.

Both males had made a token effort to move and not be caught however that only resulted in Jonghyun halfway to the bathroom and Onew in a pile of blankets on the floor. Honestly, their effort to avoid being seen probably made the situation look far worse than it had actually had been. The fact that both males were shirtless and Onew was so wrapped in blankets that his bottom half couldn’t be seen was something that was sure to spark many ideas in a person’s head.

Manager had merely raised one eyebrow at them and rolled his eyes, “Be careful.”

Jonghyun, who was practically hyperventilating, unfroze from where he had stopped when the man had entered and practically sprinted to the bathroom. He was sure his face was cherry red. Once his breathing had calmed a little he turned around in the small room, he pressed his ear to the door and listened to the conversation outside.

“Of course I knew, you two aren’t that subtle.” Manager’s voice sounded.

A rustle of fabric indicated Onew was moving and the creak of bedsprings could be clearly heard, “Do other people know?”

“No,” the man said. “I only know because I know you well enough. You two have been remarkably good at hiding it.”

“We were hiding it from the member’s.” Onew commented.

“Scared they’ll react badly?” Jonghyun was surprised, apparently Manager wasn’t as aware of the true extent of their relationship prior to the breakup, or he wouldn’t have asked that question. He felt a swell of pride as he realised that he and Onew really had been very discreet.

Onew said nothing, Jonghyun assumed he had shaken his head. “They know my feelings, they’ve been trying to set me and Jjong up for weeks.”

Manager’s deep chuckle sounded loud in the room, “And you’re torturing them. Well, just be careful. You’ve been very discreet so far. Keep this up even once the others know. We can’t have the media catching on.”

“Of course,” Onew agreed readily. Jonghyun found himself nodding along to what Manager said. “We will.”

“Now get to bed, Jinki, You too, Jonghyun.” Manager’s voice raised in volume and Jonghyun could imagine him having turned towards the bathroom door, “We have a long day tomorrow.”

-

 

Jonghyun gasped as he heard the orange juice bottle thump as it hit the ground. “You’re lucky I sealed that,” He muttered, pulling away from Onew’s mouth. Onew merely shrugged and pulled him back in for more. The sound of the TV in the background was still going, the show they had been watching had apparently ended a while ago and a reality program had started up instead. The high-pitched voice of some whiny woman was the only sound, other than those created by the two males, in the room.

“You taste like oranges,” Onew commented, as the two came up for air.

“I wonder why,” Jonghyun mocked, looking into his boyfriend’s eyes. Leaning in, near to his ear, he whispered sensually, “Do you think it was the orange juice?”

Onew chuckled, and pushed Jonghyun lightly. This didn’t do much as Jonghyun had a pretty good grip onto Onew’s legs from his straddled position, “I think it might be.”

“Maybe you should keep kissing me, then we can find out if it really is the orange juice.”

“How will that prove-“ Onew started, before seeing Jonghyun’s raised eyebrow. “I see your point,” That said, he captured the composers lips once more.

The two kissed for a while longer. Onew seemed determined to taste every inch of Jonghyun, as if he was really determining what was the orange juice taste and what was Jonghyun’s natural taste.

Jonghyun wasn’t going to protest.

Pulling away, Onew commented idly, “I don’t see why you wouldn’t let me go further than kissing today.”

A loud thump sounded from the doorway, followed by the sound of many bottles rolling across the tiled floor. In the doorway stood the three other SHINee members, each with a stupefied look on their face. As he watched, Taemin’s expression morphed from one of shock to one of annoyance. Key just looked completely stupefied, as if he couldn’t believe he could be tricked in such a way, and Minho was looking at the floor in dismay. One of the milk cartons had burst open and brown flavoured milk was seeping across the floor. Little runnels of liquid raced down the spaces between the tiles and the liquid was already slowly soaking into the welcome mat.

“That would be why,” Jonghyun commented, shrugging.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: Another long one. Apparently having Onew back around makes me verbose :P


	48. Chapter 47 – The reveal

“You’re kidding me right?!” A loud screech came from the doorway. “You have got to be kidding me!”

“Depends what you think we’re kidding you about.” Onew commented, standing up to address Key directly , ruffling his hair as he did so. Jonghyun – who had stood up prior to Onew and moved to stand behind the other man – noticed that it looked delightfully unkempt right now. Add that to his creased clothes and the deep pink of his lips and it was obvious what they had been doing in the time the other SHINee members had been gone. In fact, Jonghyun was sure he looked much the same as the idol.

Taemin’s facial expression was amusing to observe, it had gone through about five different emotions in the past minute and he looked like he couldn’t decide if he was happy for the pair or annoyed at them. Minho was still staring at the floor, a blank expression on his face.

“How long?” Key asked, gesturing between the two of them.

“Hmm?” Onew made a questioning noise. Jonghyun rolled his eyes. The singer was being deliberately obtuse and Jonghyun knew Key wouldn’t appreciate that in the slightest.

“Since China.” The composer commented, not wanting to see how much more the angry rapper’s eyebrow could twitch.

Taemin finally seemed to decide he was happy for the pair and practically launched himself across the room and tackled them into a hug; one arm was around each male’s neck and both staggered under the sudden weight. “Oh my god, you guys! Congrats. Now you can stop moping and being sad.” He pulled away, his grin suddenly fading to a stern expression. Loosening his arm from around Onew’s neck – though the one holding Jonghyun in place remained – he wagged his finger in their faces and admonished, “I’m still mad you for hiding this for so long. You guys suck.” Then he grinned once more, “But I’m so happy for you.”

Jonghyun grinned back at his friend and extricated himself from the younger man’s grip. “Thanks Minnie.” Leaning in close, seeing Taemin’s expression perk up as he realised he was about to be let in on a secret, he whispered, “It was actually Jinki’s idea to hide it. Revenge, you know?”

Apparently he wasn’t quiet enough to go unheard by the others in the room as a hand suddenly slapped him on the back of the head, causing him and Taemin to knock their foreheads together with an audible thunk. Turning in unison, the two males pouted at Onew and whined pitifully.

Onew shuddered, “Don’t do that, you weirdos. It’s really creepy.”

“You’re creepy,” Taemin muttered, scowling.

Suddenly scuttling back over to where Key and Minho were stood, the youngest group member backed up against the entrance way wall and shot a worried look to the other men in the room. Jonghyun was confused as to why at first and then quickly came to understand. Key’s face was thunderous and being anywhere near Onew when the explosion happened was guaranteed to be a bad idea.

“Lee Jinki, is that true?”

Jinki seemed to lose everything that made him the strong dependable leader of SHINee in that moment. His confidence all evaporated at once under his group mate’s glare and he cowered back.

“It only seemed fair.” Onew explained, quietly. Seeing that that didn’t mollify Key one iota, he quickly tried to explain himself in better terms. “You were trying to get us together when we weren’t ready, so I thought, and Jonghyun agreed,” Jonghyun shot him a look of fear as his boyfriend dragged him under the bus with him, “that it would be amusing to hide it from you so you could see what it was like to have secret plots against you.”

“I thought it would be good practice for hiding it from the public.” Jonghyun was quick to input. He was making this up as he went along, but, considering how badly Onew was defending himself, anything he said had to be better than what Key was already thinking. “I thought that, if we could manage to hide it from you guys and the people closest to us that we could hide it from anyone.” Key didn’t seem convinced, although he hadn’t become any angrier since Jonghyun started talking. So, taking heart from that, he added the icing to the cake. Sniffing slightly, he said softly, channeling all the hurt he had felt from their break up into his acting, “Breaking up because we were almost discovered was one of the hardest things in my life. I love Jinki and I didn’t want to live without him, so... So I wanted to know that we had the ability to stay together even if it was a secret. I almost didn’t start dating him again because I was so scared. He was so imploring and so sincere but I just, I couldn’t do it if I was going to ruin his life, all your lives for my own selfish desires. So this was like a test,” He sniffed once more, ignoring the strange look Onew was sending him, “If we weren’t caught by you, then we wouldn’t be caught by the world.”

Taemin let out a loud sniffle and moved away from the wall once more, “That was beautiful. Come here?”

Jonghyun approached, bemused, as he was dragged into a large hug by a teary Taemin. Patting the younger male awkwardly on the back, Jonghyun finally looked at Key.

The rapper sighed and rolled his eyes, “I know you pulled that out of your ass, but it’s actually pretty good reasoning. Plus, I know full well it wasn’t your idea. You may be an idiot,” Jonghyun huffed in annoyance at that, “but you aren’t that stupid. You’re off the hook I guess.” He finished. Jonghyun grinned and bowed in thanks as best he could from Taemin’s grasp, “Our all-powerful leader on the other hand...” Key said, trailing off ominously.

Onew gulped and backed away slowly as the younger man walked towards him. Jonghyun smirked as he realised what was going to happen before his boyfriend did. Taemin hearing his snicker, looked up at what was going on. Onew had backed up so far his knees had impacted with the couch and he had fallen back onto the cushions. Key however, had not stopped advancing. He was now pointing harshly at his group leader and muttering insults as he did so. He stopped approaching as he came within half a meter of the sofa and started lecturing from there, leaning in close.

Taemin, Jonghyun and Minho watched from the doorway as Onew slowly sank further and further into the couch cushions and Key’s lecture became more and more absurd as he became angrier.

Finally, Taemin grew bored of watching the spectacle and turned to ask Jonghyun, “Who else knows?”

Jonghyun paused to think for a second, “You guys, obviously. Manager knows-“

“He does!” Taemin gasped.

“Yeah,” Jonghyun said, “He was totally cool with it too.”

“Woah, I should be on my best behaviour for a while or something,” Taemin commented, “I didn’t know Manager was that chill.”

Jonghyun smiled at him and shrugged, “Me either.”

“So that’s it?”

Jonghyun thought for a second longer, the sounds of lecturing and continual apologies still sounding in the background, “Sodam and Jiwoong might suspect, but I never confirmed it. So yeah, guess so.”

“So we were the first people you actually told. Rad.” Taemin grinned, punching the air as if that was an achievement.

Jonghyun chuckled and rolled his eyes. The lecture appeared to be over, with Onew swearing to be at Key’s beck and call for the foreseeable future. Jonghyun sighed at that. He could finally be with Onew in the open – semi-open, kind of – and his idiot of a boyfriend managed to put his foot into his mouth so hard that he would never be available to hang out. Typical.

Key stalked past the three men in the doorway and headed to his room, huffing in annoyance. Onew slunk past them to the kitchen, apparently to do the dishes. That job was meant to be Key’s for the day but Onew appeared to have been forced to take over.

“Well that was dramatic.” Taemin commented.

Minho, who had been silently observing up until that point, finally commented, “There’s milk all over the floor.”

-

Everyone else in Jonghyun’s life had taken the news of him and Onew dating again well. Sodam and Eunji had squealed and gone full-on interrogation mode on him. After which, Sodam had lectured him on how she ‘knew it was going to happen anyway’ and Eunji had commented that they were ‘absolutely, positively perfect for each other’. Youngchul, who was in the room when Jonghyun informed his female companions, said nothing but he patted the blue-haired man on the back as he walked out. Jonghyun took that as a sign of solidarity. It was hard to tell with that man sometimes. Honestly, Jonghyun mused, he and Minho would probably get along well. They could have lots of monosyllabic conversations and profound silences.

Jiwoong hadn’t said much either. He merely gave Jonghyun a high five and asked him if there was a spare set of dishes in the apartment. Jonghyun wasn’t sure he wanted to know what they were to be used for. He had given up going into the artist’s bedroom at this point. He had entered once to find the man fully naked and painting a canvas using his ... entire body and acrylic paint. It was not something he wanted to see again and hence, he often had no idea what his roommate was working on; except when it left the boundaries of the bedroom and began to overtake the hallway of course.

His parents were a little more difficult to tell. His mother still hadn’t quite come to terms with her son’s sexuality. She was supportive and was trying really hard but Jonghyun knew it was difficult for her to accept. His father was more comfortable but the man was never good at showing emotion so, even with his acceptance, it was still a little awkward. However, both accepted their son’s lifestyle and both wanted what was best for him. It also helped that his mother adored Onew, having researched him and his personality in depth upon being told he was dating her son. That definitely helped stream-line the process of telling them.

He had also gone to see Sungkyu, which was nice. He hadn’t seen his mentor in weeks and he kind of missed the man’s steady support in his life. They kept in touch via email (both professional and casual) and the older composer often suggested things for Jonghyun to research, learn or incorporate into his work but it wasn’t the same as when they had weekly meetings.

The man’s office was exactly the same as he remembered. Piles of work sat, ever present, in the man’s inbox, a smaller pile gracing his outbox, his obnoxious paperweight (a gift from his wife) sat front and centre, an apple was placed on one corner, waiting to be eaten. Even the chair felt exactly the same and, as Jonghyun sat down, he felt a rush of familiarity wash over him.

“Long time no see, old man.”

Sungkyu sighed as if put upon and turned to look at his protégé, “Why always the comments on my age?”

“I can’t help it if I’m young and sprightly and you’re not,” Jonghyun winked, laughing when he saw the corner of the older man’s lips twitch. He was always terrible at disguising his amusement, Jonghyun could always tell when he was faking annoyance. It was very useful as it allowed the younger man to know when he was straying too far into dangerous territory and allowed him to get away with a lot more than many other people could.

“Yeah, yeah.” The man muttered, “So, why are you here? I thought I’d finally got rid of you.”

Jonghyun chuckled, “You wish. I just came to say hi, can I not do that?”

“Sure you can, but you usually have another motive.”

“Aww,” Jonghyun complained, “That’s not true. I just wanted to catch up, see how you were doing.” Kicking back in his chair, he crossed his legs, grinning.

“I’m glad you and that Onew kid finally got your act together,” Sungkyu commented. Jonghyun cocked his head in confusion, not sure what the man meant. “It’s nice to see you happy again. Dating this kid is clearly good for you.”

“Wait, what?” Jonghyun asked, doing a double-take. “Who said we were dating?”

“It’s obvious isn’t it?” The man said to a stupefied Jonghyun. “So congratulations to the both of you. Now, how’s your song writing going? Do you want to go over what you have?”

Jonghyun nodded absently, still not sure how his mentor had worked it out, “Yeah. Let’s do that.”


	49. Chapter 48 – Final arc begins

_www.kpopnews.com/article/2015/06/SHINee-Odd-Release_

**_SHINee_** ’ ** _s New Album Odd Released_**

 _18 May, 2015_ – _1:27pm_

 _Following a week of photo teasers, SHINee is back with an_ ‘ _Odd_ ’ _new album!_

 _The release of their new album_ ‘ _Odd_ ’ _and title song_ ‘ _View_ ’ _is today and it is a good one. The album is full of new styles and genres for the boys and it really shows off how much they have grown over the years._ _For the first time ever the score and lyrics for the album were entirely written by_ _one man, their in-house composer Kim Jonghyun._

 _[/Link to article_ ‘ _Kim Jonghyun hired as SHINee composer_ ’ _]_

 _[/Link to article_ ‘ _Kim Jonghyun causes controversy amongst SHINee fans_ ’ _]_

_In an interview last week, the boys commented on how much more input they had on this latest album_ _compared to their previous releases. They believe it is an album that truly represents who they are as people and their growth as an idol group. They hope to share with you those feelings through their music._

_[Link to video of SHINee interview]_

_Taemin also dropped a hint of future songs_ _in a recent interview with Nylon magazine, indicating there may be a repackage album upcoming._

_[/link to Taemin’s magazine interview]_

_Check out the full album below,_

_[/Link to SHINee Odd album]_

_-_

**_ShineBrightLikeaDiamond_ **

_10.17am 19.05.15_

**_Odd!!!!!!!!!_ **

_Hi all,_

_So I don_ ’ _t usually do this but I decided to post my review of SHINee_ ’ _s new album Odd._

_First of all can I just sayOMGGGGG new SHINEEEE!_

_Now that_ ’ _s over, onto the actual review._

 _The packaging is a little meh compared to some of their albums. The clown is creepy and it_ ’ _s been a long time since I got a CD in an actual CD case. Like what the heck is that? Long time no see plastic CD case. But the photobook is nice. The fashion is a little iffy. Baggy shirts, baggy shorts and unwashed hair aren_ ’ _t really my thing. But hey, loads of cute bonding between our boys_ _and some super cute duo shots between them. If you look carefully, Kim Jonghyun can_ _even be seen in some of the photos. He_ ’ _s the composer of all of the songs, if you didn_ ’ _t know. Like woah, he_ ’ _s a genius, I swear. Nice guy too (more on that after the reviews ;D)_

 _Ok, I_ ’ _ll go through song by song because that seems like the best way to do it, right? I_ ’ _ve only had the album for a couple of hours so I haven_ ’ _t analysed them as deeply as some reviewers will but hey, I_ ’ _ll give my honest opinions_ _based on my initial feelings and stuff :3_

  1. _Odd Eye: I like a lot. It_ ’ _s like SHINee grew up.It_ ’ _s still RnB like SHINee do but I don_ ’ _t know when but they went from boys to men between the last album and this one and I love it. Onew_ ’ _s bvocals are so amazing in this song and I just *melts*_
  2. _Love Sick: The smooth melty vocals. The synthesizers. I have nothing else to say *melts again*_
  3. _View: That music video tho. Omg like hot and heavy is right. Did you see all th people in the comments denying any sex went down (acted of course)? It was funny to me, they were completely insinuating sex tthere haha_ _and all the little kiddies just didn’t understand. Anyway, the song. House tho, I haven_ ’ _t heard house in kpop in so long and wow it works. It_ ’ _s so simple but so catchy. Did the chorus remind anyone else of Everybody. Just a little bit. Like with the repetitiveness and stuff? No? Ok, I_ ’ _ll shut up._
  4. _Romance: disjointed but works. In a really weird, I don_ ’ _t know why I like it so much but I really do kinda a lot. Plus, I mean, there are cowbells in there. Cowbells_
  5. _Trigger: this song is so not-chill compared to the last ones and I kinda like it for that. It_ ’ _s all powerful and strong and boom~! You know? You don_ ’ _t know but you will. Key is especially amazing in this one. Listen for it. He just_ … _Key_
  6. _Farewell my Love: So like their early stuff in a way and as good as any of those songs are. Taemin does a good falsetto deal. I like. All their vocals were really strong in this one (and all of the_ _songs) but especially this one._
  7. _An Ode to You: kinda kills the mood if you_ ’ _re listening to the album start to finish. The beat is so much slower and stuff. Is weird. But it_ ’ _s an amazing song if you ignore that. Gotta love ballads. Especially SHINee ballads .They_ ’ _re all so good at singing it_ ’ _s just ugh beautiful._
  8. _Alive: I was certainly alive after listening to this_ _(lame joke is lame). The chill of ballad to this is like a punch in the face. It was shocking. Good song tho, like woah. Key and Minho_ ’ _s raps are so intense. Minho has improved so much over the years its so amazing._
  9. _Woof Woof: can we all just enjoy that name for a while please? Like woof woof dudes. This song is so upbeat. All the SHINee members sounds so excited to be singing it and I love that. It_ ’ _s one of my favourites for sure_ _. The way they pronounce woof is kinda adorbs too. Like, English isn’t my best subject, but even I can tell there’s something not quite right there. They make it work tohugh :P_
  10. _Black Hole: Is it bad I was kinda meh about this? I t was a good song but kinda faded a little into the background. Sorry SHINEe I love you but this song is n_ ’ _t your best. Not your worst by any means (SHINee World anyone?) but not stellar :c_
  11. _An Encore: I want more encores please? Never leave me, that_ ’ _s all I ask. Also more ballads :DDDDD The vocals are so amazing and melt in your mouth delicious. Like chocolate. IT_ ’ _s so uplifting too, I love._



_So yeah, my review of my first listen of each song. Don_ ’ _t hate if I didn_ ’ _t like your favourite song (not that I disliked any, they were all good)._

_Now to talk about me… and Kim Jonghyun. Like I mentioned above._

_Did you know I had input on some of the ideas used in this album?_

_So, I went to SHINee_ ’ _s massive shows in Tokyo. I was so lucky to get a ticket,. They were so hard to get. I am so happy to have gone and so glad I live and work in Japan for this. And yeah, I went and the show was glorious._

 _But! Before the show, I was in the VIP line waiting to be let in (we_ ’ _d been there for like 8 hours, I was at the front almost) and security come and let this guy into the front of the line. So everyone starts angrily muttering and being annoyed. Then the guy turns around and greets us in Korean. Blow me down it was Kim Jonghyun! Claimed he was doing research for the album and_ ‘ _experiencing it as a fan_ ’ _. I think he was just fanboying. We all know he_ ’ _s a massive fanboy (see BlingBling_ ’ _s activities for reference :P._

 _Sp he_ ’ _s chatting to me and some other people who speak Korean and he_ ’ _s like asking our opinion on past and current SHINee things. Like what songs do we like, what do we want to see, who is our bias. Stuff like that. He wrote it all down and was all_ ‘ _I can use this_ ’ _. I wonder how seriously he took our opinions. He seemed super cereal about ti all. It was rad._

_Also, he totally got me and the others who were ralking to him backstage passes for after the show. We actually got to meet and talk to SHINee in their dressing room. I cannot believe._

_[/link to photos of her and SHINee]_

_So yeah, BlingBling if you_ ’ _re reasing this you should be proud. This album is a triumph. You and SHINee worked so hard on this and you deserve every bit of praise you receive. Keep pushing the envelope and make kpop the best it can be._

_Fighting!_

_< 3 Jieun_

**_Taeminnimint  
_ ** _You met SHINee!? No way, you lucky bitch_

**_Kyo1991  
_ ** _I need to make friends with this guy. Wow_

**_StuckOnew  
_ ** _The album is all around a beautiful thing. SHINee always do me proud with whatever they release. I am so impressed with their progress over the last few years and hope this album does wellfor them :D_

**_BlingBling  
_ ** _Am I that obviously a fanboy?_

**_UGLYprettyPeRfEcT_**  
_I really like Black Hole. It_ ’ _s one of my favourite songs frm the album. I want to see them perform it live so bad. Ithink it would be so amazing_

 ** _StuckOnew_**  
_Yes Bling, yes you are._


	50. Chapter 49 – Livestream for the fans

Jonghyun shifted awkwardly in his seat. He winced visibly as the impact of his knees against the underside of the desk made an audible sound, causing a few of the people in the room to turn and look at him. Turning to his right he smiled sheepishly at Taemin who was sat next to him and shrugged, as if to hide his nerves.

“Chill,” the dancer chuckled, “I don’t know why you’re worried.”

“I am chill.” Jonghyun protested.

Key, who was walking past the desk, snorted and looked down at the composer’s hands. “Sure you are.” He commented as he slipped into his seat next to the youngest member of the group.

Jonghyun stilled the movements of his hands self-consciously. Observing his cuffs he quickly straightened them back out from where he had been subconsciously picking at them. The previously pressed and neat material was already a little rumpled and worse for wear and he had only been wearing the jacket for around half an hour.

The composer was every inch the smart SM Entertainment employee today – well, the young, trendy kind of employee. He was decked out in a well-tailored suit jacket that had been thrust into his arms by a stylist of some kind as he walked onto the set. This was over his own shirt which, being a printed graphic tee, was deemed stylish enough to leave underneath the jacket. He had initially fully buttoned the slate grey material as his father had taught him the one time they had worn suits together – they attended the wedding of his second cousin or something. However, the stylist had rolled her eyes and slapped away his hands, deftly undoing each and every one, leaving the suit jacket open.

Funnily, his bottom half looked far less dressed up. He was wearing his own, slightly worn and beat up slacks which featured strange crease marks around the knees and tattered hems. He had washed his clothes the previous night and had failed to realise that all his more stylish work pants took a long time to dry, thus he had been left with no option. The stylists had declared that they didn’t have his size pants available – Jonghyun had huffed in annoyance when he realised they meant he was too short – and it didn’t really matter as the desk would hide them anyway. Jonghyun honestly didn’t think the pants were too bad. A little old maybe, but they still fit him well. The women seemed to disagree, however.

The SHINee members were equally as well dressed, although less business chic and more casual. They were each dressed in clothes that fit the theme of their latest release, Odd. The album that was, thus far, Jonghyun’s greatest triumph. He had personally composed every single song for it, with input from various sources, and had been almost completely in control of all creative vision. He was incredibly happy with how it came out. That album was precisely why the group was there. They were to do a livestream to promote their new release to the fans and give a little background information on it; which was why, in their infinite wisdom, the SHINee members had suggested that Jonghyun also come on camera with them. The composer thought they were insane. He had been terrible on camera the last time – six years ago when he had appeared as the composer of Juliette and made a fool of himself. Jonghyun couldn’t actually remember the interview at all because of the adrenaline but he had seen replays and they still made him cringe in embarrassment.

“Ready to go?” Onew asked from the end of the table.

Jonghyun looked up in shock, not having noticed Minho and his boyfriend taking their seats, he was so lost in thought. He and Onew had planned in advance to sit at opposite ends of the long table the five were to sit at for the stream. It wasn’t because they didn’t think they could hide their relationship in front of an audience, but it never hurt to take a few precautions nonetheless.

Affirmative responses sounded from everyone at the desk and quite a few of the people in front of them too. There were a lot of people in the room, from stylists to camera operators, all there to make sure the live stream event ran smoothly.

“Jonghyun,” Onew asked, “you ready?”

“Hmm?” Jonghyun asked, still not fully mentally prepared for this, “Yes, I guess.”

“You’ll do fine,” Taemin grinned, slapping the composer on the back enthusiastically.

Jonghyun felt himself bend forwards from the force of the hit and sent a strained smile in his friend’s direction. He didn’t feel ready. Pulling the laptop in front of him a little closer towards himself he used it as a sort of makeshift shield from the cameras. If he looked at the screen he could almost pretend the massive devices weren’t there at all.

“Ok!” A voice called from off-set, instantly silencing the hum of background noise that Jonghyun hadn’t even realised was going on. “Let’s get this show on the road. We are live in 3... 2... 1...”

“Hello, we are SHINee!” the four singers chanted as soon as the red light lit up on the camera, bowing in their seats.

“Welcome to our livestream for the release of our new album, Odd.” Key started.

Minho continued, “Odd was fully written and composed by Kim Jonghyun, with input from all of us and all of you,” He gestured at Jonghyun at the end of the table. The composer blushed bright red and took an awkward bow, flushing deeper when he managed to knock his head against the screen of the laptop with a clunk. There was no way that action hadn’t been picked up by the cameras, he was going to be ridiculed by Jiwoong for weeks because of that.

“He’s a little clumsy,” Taemin took over, chuckling at his friend’s awkwardness, “but he’s a super talented composer. You might know him from our previous song, Juliette, or from one of the other songs he’s worked on whilst at SM Entertainment.”

Onew finished off the scripted section, “The point of this livestream is to give you all a chance to ask all those burning questions you might have about anything and everything-“

“Within reason.” Key said, wagging his finger at the camera in a comical way.

“Within reason,” Onew agreed. “Jonghyun here will be our resident question reader and will choose all his favourites-“

“Stole my job.” Key muttered. Jonghyun shrugged apologetically, causing Taemin to stifle a laugh behind his hand at the look of sincerity on his face when the rapper was clearly joking.

Onew continued as if there hadn’t been an interruption, “Disclaimer time: no bullying, no rude comments, no vulgar questions, no spamming, nothing offensive or you will be banned. Does that cover it?” He asked, looking at the rest of the group.

Although Jonghyun was in charge of selecting the questions, there was a team of social media experts on hand and, although they couldn’t filter any of the results before they reached Jonghyun, they were ready to quickly delete or monitor what did go through. This not only prevented anything from disrupting the livestream but also ensured they could note the user names and IP addresses of the offenders for future reference.

“Pretty much.” Minho agreed.

“Cool,” Onew grinned, “So now that boring stuff is done, let’s get right into it. Got any questions there Jjong?”

Jonghyun looked at the singer blankly for a second before remembering he was on computer duty. Looking down at the screen, he hoped his blush had faded to a level that wasn’t noticeable. He had gotten completely absorbed in watching the banter between the members. It felt just like when he was only a fan and watching them livestream. It was nostalgic and a little amazing. Quickly scrolling though the comments he stared at the list with wide eyes.

“Yes,” he finally squeaked out, “You could say I have some questions. You could also say I have more than anyone could ever answer.”

Key rolled his eyes in a long suffering way, “Then give us some so we can try.”

“Sorry,” Jonghyun muttered, looking down at the screen once more. “Ok, this one is from...” Jonghyun said something that might have been a word, then tried again. Huffing slightly he gave up on saying the person’s username aloud, “... a name I can’t pronounce, I’m sorry.” Jonghyun looked legitimately apologetic that he couldn’t say the name, “If this is your question, I’m sorry. So, they ask, Minho and Key, how did you practice your rapping for this album?”

“The same way we always have,” Key answered, looking at Minho for input. The two explained briefly how exactly they went about working on their rapping and the techniques they used before they looked at Jonghyun once more.

“Taemin’s Angel,” Taemin winked obnoxiously at the camera in a way that Jonghyun was sure would make the poor girl faint, “wants to know when Onew got so hot.”

“Wait, the question isn’t for me?” Taemin pouted, “No fair, she’s got my name in her username.”

“Might not be a girl,” Onew commented mildly. “Jonghyun proves that.”

“I’m pretty sure she is a girl,” Jonghyun commented, “I recognise the username.”

“In answer to the question,” Onew said, before the group could get too off track, “I slept a lot. I find sleep really aids in making someone look better.”

“You just like sleep too much.” Key commented, raising one eyebrow.

“I still maintain, it’s beauty sleep.”

“And you’re a pretty princess.” Taemin quipped.

“That I am.” Onew said, fanning himself like he really was royalty Taemin snickered and Jonghyun found it hard to hold in his own laughter. The man looked ridiculous. He looked even more ridiculous when Key reached around Minho and cuffed him across the back of the head, ruffling up his hair. Onew squawked in shock and pouted at his group mate.

“You have a terrible sense of humour too.”

The questions and banter went back and forth for a while. Jonghyun remained mostly silent, only speaking to ask questions when prompted. He didn’t want to talk too much; he knew the fans weren’t watching the livestream for some composer they’d probably never heard of. He’d have hated it too, if some random guy took all the screen time from his favourite idols. So he remained mostly passive.

However, he got one question that completely shocked him; so much so that he didn’t ask it when he was prompted.

“Jjong, you alive?” Taemin asked.

“Sorry I just...” Jonghyun trailed off running a hand through his newly dyed, white blonde hair. The blue-grey had been his favourite hair colour so far but it was so difficult to maintain that he had given up and reverted back to his old standard of platinum blonde. “This question is for me.”

“Look at you, moving up in the world.” Onew commented. Although his words were jokey, his tone and the way he was looking at Jonghyun conveyed nothing but pride and happiness for the composer.

“Music is my Life asks, what inspired you to write the songs?” Jonghyun said, looking up briefly at the other men at the desk. “So,” He started, hesitating as he was unsure how to begin. “So, I should start by explaining my job, I guess. I am a composer at SM Entertainment. I used to work on one-off songs or editing songs for broadcast or remixes or live shows. Things like that. Then, last year I got a promotion. Apparently someone,” Key coughed obnoxiously and pointed at himself, “Someone,” Jonghyun reiterated, chuckling, “suggested I would be a good fit for SHINee’s next album.”

“We already knew Jjong, of course.” Taemin grinned, “He wrote Juliette for us and we came back in contact after he came to work at SM.”

Jonghyun nodded in agreement. “So I was to follow them around to every schedule, every event, every practice and see how they live and work. Basically I was to learn who they were and what they were best at and incorporate all of that into the songs for the album.”

“Basically he was our stalker,” Key commented. “He was in our house, in our hotel rooms, I even met him in the bathroom once.”

Jonghyun blushed bright red as the other members hooted and hollered at that revalation. “Everyone uses the bathroom! It was a coincidence.” Seeing Key’s expression he knew the singer didn’t believe him, “So yeah,” Jonghyun continued, clearing his throat awkwardly, ignoring the continued snickers of some of the members, “I drew inspiration from them as people, their strengths and weaknesses as singers and performers and, more than once, we sat down in our little free time and I got them to bounce ideas off of me. What kind of songs they liked singing, what vibe they like, that sort of thing.”

“It was refreshing,” Onew commented, “We usually get given completed songs to perform and, if we’re lucky we even get to choose which songs they are, but we’ve never had a chance to guide the writing of any quite like this. It was a new experience for everyone. I know I feel a much greater connection with these songs than I do any others we have sung. I’m sure the others feel the same.” All the members nodded.

Jonghyun smiled softly, feeling incredibly touched by the group’s words. “I also used you guys’ ideas.” He said, directing his comments at the camera. Staring into the lens was still incredibly daunting, it was like it was staring at him, but he tried to maintain eye-contact as best as he could, “I would read all the SHINee fan sites to see what you guys thought of different things and tried to incorporate many of those likes and dislikes into my music.”

“You just wanted an excuse to go on those websites.”  Key muttered.

“You just wanted to read the weird fanfiction,” Taemin joined in.

Jonghyun knew that that comment by Taemin would be causing many fans to go into total meltdown. He knew many fans liked to pretend that their favourite celebrities were unaware of the fanfiction, the weird fanart and everything else a little strange that they created. By saying that, Taemin had just confirmed that he knew and it would lead people to believe that he had also read them himself. Blushing slightly he shrugged in a motion that was neither agreement nor disagreement.

“I went to the Tokyo concerts too. Those days I stood in the crowd and queued up like every other fan. I used all of your ideas to build an album I hope you will all love.”

“It made the whole album so much more about the fans than our last ones. This is an album written for you guys to enjoy and we worked really hard to make sure you would love it as we did.” Minho said, smiling softly at the camera.

Jonghyun took this as his cue to stop talking and turned back to the laptop as the SHINee members began discussing how they had recorded the songs and what had inspired the choreography. He saw a few comments go through that insulted him in some way or asked who he thought he was, to be taking the screen time from SHINee. However, they were mostly buried underneath messages of support. It was a little humbling and a little amazing to the composer. He was finally being accepted as part of the SHINee fandom. It was something he had been striving for for years and to finally have that moment, it was fantastic. Each and every person leaving a nice comment honestly thought Jonghyun was worth their effort to compliment and that felt fantastic. Smiling widely, he began scrolling through for some more interesting questions to ask.

“This one is from my old friend Stuck Onew-“ Jonghyun began only to be cut off by a snort from Taemin.

“That name is genius.” The younger man chuckled, waving his friend off when he looked at the dancer, concerned. “Stuck Onew.” He repeated, punctuated by giggle and little snorts.

“I think it’s a mighty fine name.” Onew commented.

“Of course you would.” Key said, as if that was obvious. Which, Jonghyun mused, it probably was.

Seeing that Taemin had finally calmed down, the composer continued, “StuckOnew,” Taemin made another little snorting noise but Jonghyun ignored it and moved on, “wants to know if it was awkward having someone you don’t know following you around.”

“Far less awkward than having a camera crew behind us and we do that often enough.” Key said, making eye contact with Jonghyun and quirking an eyebrow he shrugged uncaringly. “Plus, he’s pretty easy to get along with.”

Jonghyun felt a rush of happiness at that statement. It was probably one of the nicest things Key had ever said about him. The two males could be considered sort of friends now however they were still awkward and a little wary of each other. So, to hear something like that out of the aloof boy’s mouth certainly felt good.

“Onew and Taemin had been friends with him for a while before he came to work for us,” Minho commented, “So it was like having another friend come around. It was very relaxed.”

“I actually stole him from Onew,” Taemin chuckled, jerking his thumb towards his leader, “He was Onew’s friend first and I decided he was too cool a guy to be friends with someone like our leader. So I stole him.”

“You think I’m cool?” Jonghyun asked, feeling touched.

“Of course you’re cool.” Onew said, looking across the desk to his boyfriend. Looking back at the camera, he spoke to the audience, “He’s super relaxed and knows when to stay out of the way. He’s actually helped us out more than once. Like one time when a staff member dropped all the scripts for a shoot. Jonghyun volunteered to sit and put them all back in order for us.” Jonghyun remembered that, it had taken hours. The staff member had been so thankful she had taken him out for dinner that night resulting in a lot of teasing from his friends and sister. “He also was available to talk whenever we needed it. I know Taemin often went to him to discuss issues he was having.” Taemin blushed lightly but clapped Jonghyun on the back and nodded at Onew’s words. “Jonghyun’s been a pleasure to have around. I’ll miss having him with all the time.”

Jonghyun looked down at the table, feeling a little choked up. He felt like a pathetic child right now but all their words were getting to him. He loved all these guys, especially Onew, and to hear those sentiments echoed back to him was just amazing. Looking up at the laptop screen, ignoring the wetness in the eyes and the thickness of his tongue, Jonghyun quickly found another question.

“This one is from LoveSHINe.” He said, his voice a little strangled. Taemin reached an arm around his shoulders and pulled him close as the blonde continued to ask the question. “They want to know, when can we next see something from SHINee?”

“Sooner than you think.” Onew said as Taemin fully hugged the composer, patting his back and offering him a grin of support. Jonghyun chuckled wetly and wiped his eyes, seeing the other three members of SHINee looking at him in support. Grinning at them he signalled his apology and gestured Onew to keep talking.

Onew did as was asked, talking to the camera whilst Jonghyun pulled himself together once more. The composer, eyes now dry, watched as the leader of SHINee effortless chaired the livestream. The easy banter between him and the other members was adorable and amusing in equal measure and he knew the fans would be eating this up. As the staff announced ten minutes left, Jonghyun turned back to the laptop determined to find a good question to end the stream on.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: We’re reaching the end. 4 more chapters and an epilogue in 2 parts.


	51. Chapter 50 – Art shows and graduations

“Where are we going again?” Onew asked, awkwardly adjusting his suit. The twenty six year old had been complaining all day about having to dress up like this and go out. He had time off from the promotions of SHINee’s latest release and had been hoping to relax at Jonghyun’s apartment for the day. The extent of his plans was ordering chicken and beer – an act that would make his stylists and manager hate him but one he would enjoy very much – and relaxing at home. There would probably also be some cuddling on the couch.

Jonghyun rolled his eyes. The other man had asked the same question more than once that evening and the blonde knew he already knew the answer. He was just being obstinate. “It’s Jiwoong’s first ever solo art showing. He was so excited, we’ve got to make an appearance.”

“Yeah yeah.” Onew agreed, dodging out from under Jonghyun’s hands where they were fixing up the singer’s hair. “I’m proud of the dork. I just wish it didn’t have to be today.”

“You’ve made that clear,” Jonghyun said, chuckling at the petulant pout on the older man’s face. “Let’s go, I didn’t put this damn suit on just to sit at home.”

“Ha,” Onew crowed as he followed his boyfriend out of the room, “you hate it too.”

-

The trip to the gallery was faster than they expected. Traffic was on the lighter side for a Saturday evening and the two were pleasantly surprised to arrive at the gallery ahead of schedule. Stepping out of the car at the venue, Jonghyun was pleased to see a number of people already milling around the venue. He may complain endlessly about his roommate but he did want the other man’s dreams to come to fruition. It would have been sad if no one had turned up.

Stepping into the venue, Jonghyun and Onew looked around. The room was large, painted white and grey with a dark wood-panelled floor. There were artworks Jonghyun vaguely recognised across the walls and statues he was sure he’d stubbed his toes on more than once placed carefully on small (or large) podiums.

Seeing the artist of the night at the back of the room, Jonghyun made his way over, looking back once to ensure Onew was following.

“Jiwoong! It looks good.” Jonghyun grinned.

Jiwoong smiled radiantly at his friend, “It does. Doesn’t it? Thanks for coming Jjong.” Seeing the other man behind his friend he gaped briefly before pulling himself together. “And Onew! I didn’t expect you to come to my humble show.”

“Wouldn’t miss it.” Onew said, smiling back at the artist. “This is a big night for you, I had to come.”

Jonghyun couldn’t believe the other man was saying this now, when earlier he had been so against coming. Although, he mused, the singer was one to support his friends any way he could. The chances of him not coming were slim; didn’t stop him whining about it all day, however.

“That makes the whole gang,” Jiwoong said happily, “Eunji and Youngho are around somewhere and Sodam is talking to my parents.”

Eunji and Youngho were still going strong. Eunji still occupied the apartment next door to Jonghyun but more often than not it was vacant these days. Jonghyun was sure that knowledge would completely horrify the girl’s mother; an unmarried woman cohabiting with a man, obscene. The older woman was very proper, he could tell that from their very first meeting. He had only met her the once – during university – and that was more than enough for him. He was certain the girl had never told her mother of Jonghyun’s preferences or he doubted the woman would have deigned to speak to him at all. As it was she looked down at him for studying music and not a ‘useful skill’.

 Jonghyun was sure his two friends would be tying the knot sometime soon. Any day now he expected an engagement ring to appear on his friend’s finger. The taller man had been hinting at it for weeks. So maybe her mother would finally be happy.

“The mysterious girlfriend didn’t show up then?” Jonghyun asked, “I want to meet this girl, you know.”

“I know.” Jiwoong said, not meeting Jonghyun’s eyes. “You will. Oh look,” He suddenly exclaimed, “my old high school art teacher just arrived. You guys have a look around. I want feedback.”

Onew raised his eyebrows as the artist practically melted into the crowds. “Why do I get the feeling he doesn’t want to talk about his girlfriend.”

Jonghyun waved his boyfriend’s words off, “He’ll break and confess eventually.”

“Sure he will,” Onew agreed. “Now, give me a tour.”

The idol and Jonghyun meandered around the room for a while, looking at the artwork. Occasionally, Jonghyun would notice one of the other attendees shooting Onew confused looks, as if they weren’t sure if he was someone they knew. The crowd in this room were not the usual idol crowd, so the two were not overly worried about causing a scene. Jonghyun was recognised far less often than his boyfriend, however, in fan circles, he was a well-known face. In this room though, the two men were (almost) nothing; just a friend of the artist. That didn’t mean they would act as anything other than friends, it wasn’t worth the risk, but it did mean Onew could attend without a disguise.

If they were recognised, Onew had reasoned, it would only be free publicity for Jiwoong and they knew the artist wouldn’t mind that. He would probably complain initially that it was unfair to every other starving artist who had to work their way from the bottom without a famous friend. However, he wasn’t the type to look a gift horse in the mouth. In fact, Onew considered, he could make some sort of SNS post about this show.

“Is that my toothbrush?” Jonghyun asked as he studied a small sculpture. It appeared to be an abstract... thing constructed from household objects including cutlery, kitchen sponges and toothbrushes.

Onew cocked his head to the side, observing the strange mass. It was aesthetically pleasing, if totally unidentifiable. He would give Jiwoong credit, he knew how to make works that were pleasant to look at, even if they were constructed from unusual materials. “It certainly looks like it.”

“Ok, he’s dead.”

-

“Suits again.” Onew complained, a year later, picking at his cuffs. “It’s always suits.”

Jonghyun rolled his eyes. At twenty seven, the singer was as whiny as ever when it came to dressing up formally. The composer could forgive him a little this time, however. They were heading to a university full of people who would likely recognise the singer. So, not only was he dressed in a smart suit, he was wearing a mask, oversized glasses and a hat, as well. Overall, it looked a little ridiculous and a lot uncomfortable. He knew that the singer hated those rare occasions when a mask was necessary, as did Jonghyun. The material pulled tight across the face and every breath resulted in a stifling moist heat that spread across the skin. It wasn’t comfortable.

“You know you love them really.” Jonghyun joked as he headed out the door.

“Oh yes, how could I forget? I love suits. The awkward chafing around the neck and crotch just gets me going.” Onew bantered back, following his boyfriend out. Pulling the door shut behind himself he headed towards the lifts. Shifting awkwardly, he pulled at his suit, trying to get the stiff material to sit right on his body.

Jonghyun looked at him and shrugged. The other man may complain but one couldn’t deny he looked damn fine in a suit. “You have strange kinks, who am I to judge?”

“The one who has to indulge me.” The singer whispered, leaning in close. The man smirked as he felt his shorter lover shiver as the heat of his breath breath ghosted across his face.

The blond pushed the taller man away, enjoying the look of shock that bloomed across his features. He clearly hadn’t expected Jonghyun to resist him. “We’re going to be late.”

“Your sister should be glad I like her.” Onew complained. “I wouldn’t do this for just anyone.”

“Yes you would,” Jonghyun said, as he entered the lift. Pushing the button for the basement level car park he quirked one eyebrow as Onew didn’t move. The man appeared to be deep in thought, as if considering what Jonghyun had said. Jonghyun knew he was right. If anyone (as long as long as the man knew them, obviously) had asked his boyfriend to attend an event like this, he wouldn’t have turned them down. He was so deep in thought that the lift doors began to close before he had entered – and totally not because Jonghyun had pressed the door close button, that would be preposterous.

The singer yelped and flailed towards the doors, one of his arms entering the lift and alerting the sensor to his presence. He entered the box quickly, looking around furtively as if to check if anyone in the deserted hallway saw that.

“Why am I dating you?” Jonghyun muttered, rolling his eyes. The quirk of his lips and the amusement in his voice gave away his true feelings, however.

“Because of my charming personality and stellar looks.”

“That must be it.” Jonghyun said, exiting the now stationary lift as the doors slid open once more. “Now let’s get going. We don’t want to be late.”

“Yes, sir.” Onew said, trotting after the composer as they headed to the car.

The trip to the university campus was one Jonghyun was well used to. He hadn’t attended the university in years and yet he still knew the way like the back of his hand. Guiding his boyfriend through the maze of buildings, the two men approached the main auditorium. The building was teeming with people: students in robes and hats, families decked out in their best, lecturers and teachers looking proud – or bored.

Looking around, Jonghyun pulled out his phone. “I’ll just find out where mum and co. are.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Onew agreed, observing the crowds. His voice was slightly muffled by the mask which he had subconsciously pulled higher up his face as soon as they entered the campus. He didn’t want to be recognised here. These people were all here to have their achievements recognised and the singer didn’t want to distract from that. In fact, he had considered not attending at all. However, Sodam was terrifying and persuasive when she wanted to be and had informed him he was attending and had no choice. He had honestly been a little touched by her invitation. He hadn’t expected it at all.

“Over there,” Jonghyun indicated, as he pointed through the crowds. By the main double doors, Onew could see a crowd of people he recognised. Jonghyun’s parents were stood, dressed up in their best, his mother waving, and for some reason, Jiwoong was also present.

“What up, losers?” The artist greeted, as the two approached.

“Not much, weirdo.” Jonghyun retorted.

“Boys, behave.” Jonghyun’s mother admonished, looking like she dealt with this far too often. Onew was amused as both roommates looked down at their feet and muttered an apology simultaneously. “Jinki dear, it’s wonderful to see you again,” the woman greeted the idol, smiling widely.

“You too, ma’am.” The idol responded. “And you, sir.” He addressed Jonghyun’s father who had remained as stoic and silent as ever, around Onew. “It’s been too long.”

“It has, you’ll just have to come for dinner sometime soon. We need to hear what’s been happening in your life.”

Onew smiled and nodded. He honestly liked Jonghyun’s parents. He had heard that his boyfriend went through some trouble when his sexuality was first revealed. However, the couple seemed to have fully come to terms with it at this point. In the years he and Jonghyun had been dating, he had interacted with the couple a fair few times. They were a little uptight and awkward at first but had soon come to accept his presence in their lives to be a long-term thing. Plus, Mrs. Kim was a fantastic cook.

“Can I come, Mrs. Kim?” Jiwoong asked, practically skipping behind the woman as the group moved into the hall to take their seats. “I do so love your cooking.”

Jonghyun’s mother raised a single eyebrow and looked him up and down. “If you think I would even consider letting you in my house, you have another thing coming.”

“Aww, come on, Mrs. Kim. You know you love me.” The artist pouted. It looked ridiculous; especially when taken in the context of his outfit. Whilst every other male in the group had gone with a sensible suit in a grey or black, the artist had decided maroon was his colour. Not only was it maroon but his suit, pants and all, was made from some velvety fabric that shone strangely in the light. He had coupled that with a royal blue shirt and a black leather tie and, overall, it all looked as eccentric as the man himself was.

“Last time you visited our home you stole all our spoons.” The woman deadpanned.

“That was for an art project. And he apologised.” Sodam’s voice came from behind the group. “Plus, that was years ago.”

“Sodam! You look fantastic.” Jonghyun exclaimed, spinning on the spot, looking at his younger sister. Hugging her tightly he ignored her struggles to get away.

“Jjong! Jjong, let go. Jjong, you’re rumpling my robe!”

Chuckling, the blonde man let go and held his sister at arm’s length. “Looking all academic. I’m so proud.” He wiped an imaginary tear from his eye and released his younger sibling. The girl endeavoured to put as much space between herself and the blonde as she could without leaving the small huddle the group had formed.

“You’re such a dork.” Jiwoong quipped.

“Why are you even here?” Jonghyun countered, sticking his tongue out at his roommate.

“Because I invited him, duh.” Sodam explained, like it was obvious. Which, to be honest, it probably was.

“Yeah, but why?” Jonghyun asked.

“Gotta have my boyfriend at my graduation. It’s like the rules.” Sodam shrugged.

“Yeah, that makes sense.” Jonghyun nodded absently before his sister’s words sunk in. “Wait! What?!”

“I’ve gotta go to my seat now, bye.” The girl said with a casual wave. Quickly pecking Jiwoong on the lips she practically skipped to her seat leaving a slightly stunned group staring after her.

“You have got to be kidding me.” Jonghyun lamented, staring at the artist like he had grown a second head. “You?”

“Me.” Jiwoong grinned, looking proud of himself.

“Wait, so all this time, the secret girlfriend? That was Sodam?”

“All this time?” Jonghyun’s mother echoed, horrified. “What do you mean all this time?”

“We’ve been dating officially for... I dunno like a year and a half now.” Jiwoong explained.

The woman made a strange noise that sounded somewhere between a groan and a sigh. “I guess I’ll have to get used to paint stains all around the house, then. You treat her right, Mr.”

As much as the woman complained about Jonghyun’s roommate, she secretly liked him a lot. Jonghyun had seen it time and time again, the woman would ban the artist from her house and then he would come over again, a few weeks later, to be greeted with open arms. Even his father tolerated the man. Which was impressive, considering his dislike of anything abnormal. 

“Will do!” Jiwoong saluted smartly, as if he was in the army. He ruined how smart and official he looked by the large grin adorning his face.

As the group filed into their seats, Onew leaned over to Jonghyun and said quietly, “I didn’t see that coming.”

Jonghyun didn’t reply but Onew took the strange wheezing squeak that left his mouth as a form of acceptance for the couple. Grabbing the blonde by the shoulders, the singer gently led the shell-shocked man to his seat and sat next to him, getting comfortable for what was sure to be a long ceremony.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: I call this arc the suit arc. There’s so many suits in this arc. In fact, I don’t think there’s a single chapter without suits.


	52. Chapter 51 – Wedding (but not the right wedding) part 1

Onew pouted as he rifled through his wardrobe looking for a suitable tie. Apparently, he had to have one, very specific, purple silk tie or their entire day would be a disaster. Jonghyun, who had just grabbed a simple black tie for himself, thought the man was being ridiculous.

“You don’t understand.” Onew complained, as he turned around and noticed Jonghyun’s judgemental face. “This is my wedding tie. I’ve worn it to every wedding I’ve ever been to. Did it get lost in the move or something?” He mused to himself. Turning back to the wardrobe, he renewed his search.

Rolling his eyes, Jonghyun pushed himself off of their shared bed and moved into the kitchen. He and Onew had moved into a new apartment around Jonghyun’s twenty eighth birthday and had been living there for just over a year now. It was nice. Jonghyun appreciated the extra space and he loved not having to worry about his possessions going missing or periodically becoming covered in paint. Onew had taken a while longer to adjust. He wasn’t used to being apart from the other SHINee members and had floundered at first. However, he had soon come to enjoy the freedom that living with just your significant other brought. That and their new apartment was an all-round upgrade for the both of them. The two bedroom apartment – one for guests – was significantly larger than Jonghyun’s old apartment and far better laid out than the SHINee dorm. They were also able to fully decorate the place as they desired. A fact which had only led to one or two arguments – mostly over Jonghyun’s desire to put a framed One Piece poster in the living room. They had compromised by placing it in the hallway, opposite their bedroom door and adorning the living room with a large abstract piece that Onew had found delightful. Jiwoong, when he had first visited, had snorted in disdain at the ‘poor brushwork’ and ‘shoddy colour scheme’, although Jonghyun had later seen him staring at it as if it revealed a whole new world.              

The other group members apparently appreciated their leader leaving too. They had each taken Onew’s moving out – with Manager’s permission, of course – as an excuse to move out themselves. Jonghyun knew that Taemin especially was enjoying his freedom. He had been regaled with many a tale of his exploits. Although, he also received his fair share of complaints from the younger male. Apparently, he hadn’t realised how much cleaning Key did around the SHINee dorms and was experiencing the joys of accumulated mess in his own apartment now he didn’t have a live in maid in the form of a rapper.

Perching on one of the kitchen chairs, he resolved to wait for Onew to realise the tie was in the tie drawer exactly where it usually was. The brunette man had looked at it multiple times during his search and hadn’t noticed it at all. Not that Jonghyun was going to tell him that. It was amusing to watch his boyfriend buzz around the apartment like a lost insect. Studying his fingernails, which were absolutely abysmal at the moment, Jonghyun didn’t acknowledge the whoop that echoed down the hallway. The blonde continued studying his nails as he ignored the loud clattering entrance of his boyfriend as he wandered into the kitchen once again.

Onew stumbled over his own feet, still trying to tie his tie as he walked and failing badly. Clattering into the room, he stopped in front of Jonghyun and waited for him to look up. The blonde, when he did look, had to stifle his laughs at the disheveled mess that was his significant other.

“I suddenly understand why your stylists get so annoyed at you.” He commented as he straightened out the singer’s jacket, smoothing down the collar and the lapels neatly. Grabbing the tie from Onew’s fumbling hands he deftly tied the fabric into a neat knot and tightened it up, ignoring Onew’s dramatic choking noises as he did so. “There you go, you big baby.”

“What would I do without you?” Onew asked rhetorically, heading towards the door.

“I ask myself that every day.” Jonghyun muttered as he followed the man out into the hall.

The drive to the wedding venue was long. The couple had chosen a small church outside of the Seoul city limits to hold their ceremony and a nearby hall for the reception. Well, Eunji had chosen it. Youngho had been passive about the whole event, not wanting to get into more fights with his wedding banshee of a fiancé. The girl, always controlling and demanding, had become positively terrifying when her upcoming nuptials were in question.

As the musical pair pulled up the long driveway, they could understand why she had been so insistent on this venue. The countryside was beautiful; the foliage was lush and thick, colourful flowers spilled from borders along the roadside and delicate vines covered the facade of the church.

After parking their car in one of the parking spots – quite a way from the church entrance as the two had arrived only a few minutes before the start of the ceremony – they made their way through the stone archway into the quaint building. It was a cute little church, with stone walls and hand-carved wooden benches. A long carpet in a rich red stretched down the centre aisle to the altar which was also hand-carved from stone and featured a detailed depiction of a cross. Above the altar was a single stained glass window, round and showing Mary cradling a baby Jesus. Along the walls were more windows, each arched and letting light stream into the room creating visible streaks which illuminated points across the room. One poor woman, wearing an overly large fascinator, appeared to be suffering for this pretty affect. Her eyes were squinted and one hand was hovering around her forehead, attempting to block out the bright sunlight.

“Bride or groom?” A family member – who looked to be in her mid-teens and was clearly very annoyed at having to do this job – asked, as the two men took in their surroundings from the church doorway.

Onew ignored the slight catch in her voice as she spoke and answered, “Both.”

“I see,” She said, suddenly seeming far more awake and nodding a little over enthusiastically. “Well, where would you prefer to sit?”

Looking at both sides of the room quickly, Jonghyun decided, “Bride’s side, please.” Seeing Onew’s confused look he shrugged, “Sodam and the idiot are sat that side.”

“I see.” Onew said, as the girl led them to their seats. The girl had perked up dramatically upon taking in Onew’s appearance. She practically skipped as she led the two males to their seats and actually curtsied when she had done so. Her enthusiasm caused Onew to chuckle and her face to flush a deep puce when she realised what she had done. Jonghyun was unsure whether the girl had recognised his boyfriend as the idol he was or whether she merely found him to be attractive. Either way, it was amusing to watch the young girl practically trip over herself to please the man.

On closer inspection, the girl bore a striking resemblance to the bride. If Jonghyun had to guess he would say she was a cousin, as he wasn’t aware the girl had any sisters.

“Thank you.” The idol said, eliciting a squeak and another strange half curtsey from the girl before the flustered teen scurried off to seat some other new arrivals.

“You’re mean.” Jonghyun commented as the two men sat down. It was now second nature to sit far enough apart that they would appear only friends. Neither male even had to think about how to act in public anymore.

“Every SHINee fan ever would disagree.” Sodam commented, leaning over her boyfriend to look at the singer “Hi Jinki, it’s been a while.”

“It has,” Onew greeted, “How have you been?”

“Good, really good.” She grinned. “Me and Jiwoong have been planning his latest exhibition.”

Jonghyun mumbled something unintelligible as Onew chatted with his sister about her latest project. More than a year on he still hadn’t quite come to terms with the fact that his sister was dating Jiwoong. The same Jiwoong that once borrowed Jonghyun’s underwear because he was too lazy to wash his own. The same Jiwoong that claimed he was God’s gift to women despite wearing socks with cartoon characters on them. It just didn’t work in his mind. His sister was meant to date a mature, intelligent, caring man. A man who could never do anything wrong. Not his ex-roommate who had once failed a class because he found the instructor to be too attractive to listen to.

Although, he did have to admit that if anyone could control Jiwoong, it would be Sodam. The girl was tough as nails and wouldn’t take any of his rubbish. She had definitely been a good influence on the man too. He was a much more responsible person now than he had been in the past. That didn’t mean that Jonghyun approved of the relationship, however. Ok, so maybe he did approve. In a strange way. But he would never admit that. Especially not to the smirking artist.

Soon enough, quiet music began to play through the building and a hush crept over the crowd as they all waited. Youngho had taken up his position at the alter five minutes previous and could now be seen watching the door with anticipation and a little bit of fear. He may look nervous but he was definitely happy; his grin looked like it was going to cover his whole face. Jonghyun watched as the man’s face changed. His anticipatory expression morphing to one of pure shock before happiness took over completely. He was leant forwards where he was stood, as if that would get the woman of his dreams to come to him faster and his eyes looked a little glassy. Honestly, it was probably the most emotion Jonghyun had ever seen on the man’s face and to know that it was put there by one of his closest friends was magical.

Talking of his closest friends. Eunji looked angelic. Her long hair was loose, falling simply down her back, a shimmering white veil flowing from a small tiara nestled gently in the dark strands. Her face was glowing. She wasn’t one to wear much makeup but today it was perfectly applied. She had gone for a simple look, nothing too extravagant or dark and it made her face look fresh and younger, almost. Though, perhaps her youthful appearance was due to the large smile that matched Youngho’s perfectly. And her dress. It was beautiful.

The material was an almost silvery white, the colour making her skin look paler and her hair darker. Jonghyun knew very little about fashion and dresses and what all the terminology was but he thought the dress was very nice looking. It was tight fitting to the hips, where it flared out a little and reminded the composer of mermaids.

“She looks beautiful.” Onew murmured from beside him.

Jonghyun turned to look at his significant other, as the bride approached the altar and her fiancé, “She does.”

“One day I hope to see you like that,” the singer commented as the ceremony wrapped up half an hour later. It had been exactly as Jonghyun had thought it would be. Incredibly touching but a little long at parts. The composer was never one for long church ceremonies, he had always found them boring to sit through. However, the look on his friends’ faces and the aura of happiness that was practically visible around them made the long speech the priest made bearable. 

“In a dress?” Jonghyun joked, quietly, as people began to head out of the church.

“That too,” Onew chuckled, as he stood up. “But seriously, one day I want that to be us.”

Jonghyun smiled a sad smile and stood up too. “I want that as well.”

“One day,” Onew said. The two men made their way out of the church and headed back to the car. They were to head to the venue where the reception was being held now, along with the rest of the wedding guests.


	53. Chapter 52 – Wedding part 2

“Hello everyone!” Jonghyun greeted the room. He looked to his left to where Eunji was sitting and smiled at her. She still looked perfect though she had removed her veil, leaving her hair to flow in loose curls down her back. However, the rest of her outfit remained the same as it had during the ceremony.

“So, I’m the maid of honour,” He continued, eliciting a chuckle from the assembled reception guests. The large hall contained over a hundred of the happy couple’s closest friends and relatives. Each round table contained five or six people and were overlooked by the head table at the front of the hall. The couple, their parents and their best man – a stoic looking man who was a close friend of Youngho, apparently – as well as Jonghyun were seated. From his chair, to the right of the bride, Jonghyun could see everyone and, honestly, it was a little intimidating. Thankfully, Onew, from the table he shared with Jiwoong, Sodam and some of Eunji’s less easily offended relatives, was looking at him in support. It allowed Jonghyun to continue talking to the room without stuttering or freezing from embarrassment.

“I realise the maid of honour is usually a woman and clearly I am not that,” This once again resulted in a ripple of laughter around the room. A yell of ‘are you sure?’ from Jiwoong as the laughs started to peter off restarted them once again. “Clearly,” Jonghyun emphasised, shooting a pointed look at his old roommate, “I am not a woman. I do appreciate Eunji choosing me for this job though.” Jonghyun stuck his tongue out at the bride as she kicked him under the table. “Now, many of you may not know me. My name is Kim Jonghyun and I first met Eunji when she was a dorky literature student in her first year at university.”

“Says the teacher’s pet.” Enuji snipped, crossing her arms. “I regret asking you to give a speech now.”

“You love me really.” Jonghyun countered. “I met Eunji when she was nothing more than a broke student. Even then, her love for Youngho was obvious. He’d always wait until her classes were done and take her for coffee or a meal and she would always prepare these cute little cupcakes and not let any of us have any, because they were for Youngho. Honestly,” Jonghyun said conspiratorially, pretending to whisper to the rest of the room, “I was totally jealous. I was painfully single at the time and these two were the perfect couple. It was sickening and beautiful at the same time.”

“Aww, sweetie.” Eunji said, patting Jonghyun’s leg in comfort. As she was sitting and the blonde man was standing, it was all she could reach.

Jonghyun smiled at her and absently noticed the woman’s mother wiping her eyes at the end of the table. He hadn’t even brought out the big guns and he was already having an effect on the audience. That definitely gave him confidence. “Then, a year and a half into university, we all decided it was time to move out of our parents’ houses and strike out on our own. Which, considering I ended up living with Jiwoong, might have been a mistake.”

“Oy!” A yell sounded from the gathered crowd.

Jonghyun shot a heart sign with his hands at the artist and continued speaking like there hadn’t been any interruption. “However, I also ended up living next door to Eunji. Don’t look at me like that,” He admonished, “nothing happened. She wouldn’t even look at me, not when she had this hunk at her back and call,” He gestured at Youngho who, to be honest, was a very attractive man. “Not that anything bad happened there either!” He quickly defended, seeing the worried look his friend was shooting him. “Damn gentleman this one. He was always out of the house and heading home by ten, he wouldn’t let anything happen before they were married, even if Eunji wanted it.” The blonde winked obnoxiously at the girl prompting her to huff in false annoyance. From years of friendship, Jonghyun could tell the girl wasn’t actually angry. When she was truly angry, her eyebrows furrowed in a very particular way, resulting in a wrinkle forming in the centre of her forehead and right now her skin was as smooth and unblemished as ever. Chuckling he continued talking, “These two have been the centre of many bets among our friends.” Eunji looked at the composer strangely, unaware of the bets he was speaking of. “I won by the way, Jiwoong, Sodam, you owe me my money. We’ve known they’ll get married for years and years so that wasn’t even worth betting on. We bet about when the wedding would be. Jiwoong, over there, thought they would get hitched right after graduation. Sodam thought it would be once they both got stable jobs. Jinki and I both chose the same option, we both believed they would wait until they were fully financially stable and could afford a house together. And that is exactly what happened. I can see it now,” Jognhyun said, wiping a fake tear from his eye, “they get back from their honeymoon, they move into a new house – two bedrooms, two bathrooms, on the outskirts of Seoul, near a good school and a farmer’s market – they start a family with multiple little Eunjis and Younghos. It’s beautiful.”

“You’re a dork.” Eunji muttered. The wetness in her voice betrayed how accurate Jonghyun’s prediction was, however.

“So, I’ll stop talking because I am sure you are all hungry. I definitely am.” Jognhyun said, chuckling at Eunji’s sigh of relief as she realised he hadn’t said anything embarrassing or incriminating at all. “I would like to raise a toast to the couple, Youngho and Eunji. The most perfect couple I have ever seen.”

As Jonghyun got himself settled into his seat and the food began to be served, Eunji leant over to her friend and embraced him gently, “Thank you for that. It was perfect.”

“I’m glad.” Jognhyun said, softly, “Considering I winged it.” He winced as the woman’s hand impacted the back of his head in an admonishing slap. “Oww, come on! You just said it was perfect.”

“Could have been more perfect if you planned it in advance.”

“Yeah, yeah, eat your food, woman.” Jonghyun shrugged.

“Don’t be rude to my wife.” Youngho commented, leaning over to look at the composer.

Jonghyun chuckled, hearing the pride in the man’s voice at being able to address the woman as his wife. “Can you pass the potatoes please?"

 -

Jonghyun wanted to dance. He fully intended to dance. He was an awesome dancer and the room as a whole deserved to see him dance.

He was going to go do it.

Pushing himself up from his chair, the blonde made his way towards the dance floor. He didn’t even stumble or fall over or anything on the way. Honest.

Grinning, he made his way towards Onew, Sodam and Jiwoong who were casually chatting near the DJ. The idol had sat Jonghyun down in a chair on one side of the hall around ten minutes previous and told him to stay there whilst he went to grab him some water. Apparently Jonghyun needed some time to relax and sober up or something. Jonghyun thought that was ridiculous. However, he went along with it for a while – only partially because it helped make his head stop spinning. Onew had apparently forgotten the water however, or maybe Jonghyun imagined that part of the conversation, as he was nowhere near the bar.

Looking up, Onew looked surprised to see Jonghyun approaching him, “Jjong, I thought you were resting.”

“Why would I need to rest?” Jonghyun asked, scratching his head in confusion, “I see no reason why I need to rest. I need to dance. Dance with me, Jinks.” He exclaimed, grabbing his boyfriend’s hand and trying to pull him towards the sparsely populated dance floor.

“I… Jjong, come on. We can’t dance.” Onew protested, grounding his feet and stopping the blonde in his tracks.

“I always forget he’s such a bad drinker.” Jiwoong commented, rolling his eyes at the singer. “Come on Jjong, I’ll dance with you.”

Jonghyun’s eyes lit up and he grinned happily. Letting go of Onew’s hand he instantly grabbed the artist’s instead and jumped once in place, pulling the eccentric man with him. “Let’s go. Let’s go. Let’s go.”

“I’ll be back,” Jiwoong said to Sodam and Onew. The artist was staying sober this evening; Sodam was unable to drive and hence Jiwoong was her designated driver. Onew was staying sober for the same reason and the two men were commiserating together.

Sodam, who was much better at modulating her alcohol intake, chuckled and waved mockingly. “Have fun, boys.”

Jonghyun pulled his sister’s boyfriend onto the dance floor and maneuvered the pair of them into the middle of the gathered family members. Placing his hands on the artist’s waist, Jonghyun ignored the strange looks a man he assumed to be Youngho’s grandfather was shooting them and started to sway his hips in time to the music.

“This song has a terrible melody.” He commented idly, pushing against Jiwoong’s hip to force him to start moving.

The artist grudgingly started to move along with his friend. Honestly, he acted annoyed by this but he didn’t mind hanging out with Jonghyun, even when he was drunk. He hadn’t had much time to hang out with the composer ever since the two men had gone their separate ways and stopped living together. He sort of missed their roommate days.

“I’m sure it does, Jjong.”

“It does,” Jonghyun said, starting to explain exactly why the melody was appalling. It made it a little difficult to dance, as evidence by his multiple stumbles and flails to stay upright, but he was willing to endure any hardships in order to explain the true horror that was the current song.

Onew watched from the side of the dance floor as his boyfriend tripped over his own feet as he attempted to dance. He appeared to be lecturing a very bored looking Jiwoong about something or other. Turning to Sodam he went to speak when he felt a light tap on his shoulder. Turning round confused, he smiled softly when he spotted the teenage usher from the church.

“Hi,” He greeted.

She looked at him with wide eyes and appeared to be struggling to think of what to say. Sodam snorted from behind the idol and Onew shot her an admonishing look.

“My name’s Jinki, what’s yours?” He asked, resorting to talking to her as he spoke to nervous fans at fan sign events.

“J- Jimin.” The girl stuttered. “Are you really Onew from SHINee?”

“Depends who’s asking.” Sodam chuckled.

“I’m Eunji’s cousin.” The girl said, looking nervous and like the girl would honestly send her away if she said something wrong.

“Sodam, don’t be mean.” The idol shushed her once more. “It’s nice to meet you Jimin. You have a very pretty name.”

“T-thank you.” The girl stuttered. “Can I, could you…” she trailed off, fiddling with the edge of her sparkly party dress nervously, “Could I have your autograph, maybe?”

“Of course,” Onew grinned, “do you have paper?” As he spoke the girl thrust a notebook and a pen towards him, blushing heavily. Taking the thin book, he opened it to a blank page and scribbled out a quick note along with an autograph for the nervous looking girl.

“Thank you.” She said, looking like she was going to explode with excitement and implode with embarrassment simultaneously. It was an interesting look and more than a little amusing. Sodam especially found the girl’s conflicted facial expression funny and burst into a fit of giggles behind her brother’s boyfriend. Looking at the amused woman in worry, the teenager looked back at her favourite idol and spoke once more, “How do you know- Why are you here?”

Onew chuckled at the girl’s blunt question. “I’m friends with the couple,” he explained.

A strange expression stole across the girl’s face. “Eunji never told me.”

“She respects my privacy.” Onew said softly. He was a little surprised the woman had never mentioned him to her family. He had never explicitly told the group that they had to keep being his friend quiet. He knew Sodam usually did, in part because few people would believe her if she had claimed that fact but he had assumed the others had been less discreet.

“I guess that’s true.” The girl said, pensively. She appeared to be overcoming her nervousness at being around the idol and had completely stopped stuttering and tripping over her words by now. “Hey, could I get a selfie with you? My friends will never believe you were here.”

“Of course,” Onew agreed easily.

“Sweet!” The girl cheered, causing another chuckle to erupt from Sodam’s mouth. The girl shot another strange look at the woman and shrugged, getting into position next to the idol. Sitting next to him, she shifted closer until their chests were basically touching. “You’ll need to move closer to get in frame.”

Sodam coughed loudly as the girl shamelessly moved closer once again. “Oh Lord,” she wheezed through her giggles.

Onew smiled into the phone camera, ensuring he looked good. He wanted to give this girl the best photo he could give her, considering the circumstances. He shifted slightly as he heard the noise of the photo being taken. Turning to the girl he opened his mouth to speak before feeling a pair of arms sneaking around his neck and shoulders.

Looking back over his shoulder, he spotted the eye-catching blonde of his boyfriend’s hair. “Hello there, Jonghyun. How can I help you?”

The blonde mumbled incoherently into the idol’s shoulder. Even Onew, who was a master of understanding Jonghyun-speech – honed over many nights where the blonde stayed up far longer than he should have composing – was unable to understand what the man said this time. The coupling of his muffled voice, due to Onew’s shoulder, and the amount he had drunk made his words nothing more than an annoyed sounding grumble.

“He didn’t appreciate the kid practically sitting in your lap,” Jiwoong commented quietly, so the kid in question couldn’t hear. The artist then moved out the way to greet his girlfriend and allow the idol to deal with a grumpy blonde by himself.

Onew idly noticed the artist taking a seat behind him, close enough to intervene if need be. It was another thing about this group of people that Onew was always endlessly grateful for. They were always ready to step in and help out if it looked like the couple’s relationship was going to be revealed to people that it shouldn’t be revealed to.

“Who’re you?” Jonghyun questioned, still draped over Onew. He shot an annoyed look at the teen, like she was scum underneath his boots and shifted a little so he could see her better. “You think you’re hot shit but you’re not.” He mumbled into Onew’s neck. “Think you can get hot on my man but you can’t.”

Luckily, it seemed like the girl didn’t hear Jonghyun’s angry mumbling, although Jiwoong clearly did. The artist had stood up abruptly at the blonde’s last comment and moved closer to the trio, coming to stand behind the idol’s chair like some sort of strange bodyguard.

“What did you say?” The girl asked, looking confused.

“He said nothing,” Onew said, pushing the blonde’s face into his shoulder effectively muffling his speech further. “Ignore him.”

Jonghyun struggled out of his boyfriend’s grip and hissed like a cat in the process. “Don’t ignore me. I’m not ignore-worthy!”

Sodam, who was still sitting at the table behind them had finally got her giggles under control once her boyfriend had stood up to defend their friends. However, the pouty look on Jonghyun’s face and the way he puffed up like an angry cat made her lose it once more. She erupted into a fit of laughter that left her gasping for air and had Jiwoong looking back at her in worry. Flapping her hand at the artist, indicating he should focus on Onew and Jonghyun, she tried to control herself. However, it was a difficult task. Her brother was always amusing, doubly so when he had had something to drink – he became as whiny and pouty as a twelve year old at times and the rest of the time he was just ridiculous. It didn’t help of course, that she wasn’t exactly sober either.

“Sure you aren’t, loser.” Jiwoong mocked, patting the blonde’s head eliciting a growl from the blonde as he snapped at the artist’s fingers with his teeth.

 “Are you bothering my friends, Jimin?” Eunji asked, floating over from who knows where looking like an honest-to-God fairy. The teenager, who had been silently observing for the past five minutes, looked up at her cousin in confusion and shook her head a little dazed. Eunji chuckled, fully understanding the girl’s confusion. After all, she had spent years with these people and was well aware of what they were like. However, they could be a little overwhelming at times, especially to one so young.

Jonghyun looked up at his friend in shock. With wide eyes he looked her over and gasped, “You’re really pretty. Did you know that?”

Eunji blushed and giggled quietly, “And you are drunk.”

“Yes.” Jonghyun agreed, nodding emphatically.

“Come on, drunky. You too, guys.” She said, addressing the rest of the group of friends. “My mum wants photos of the crew.”

Jonghyun stood up abruptly, stumbling in place. “Awesome! Squad, roll out.” He called, pointing to the sky like a cartoon hero. The assembled friends chuckled indulgently and headed towards the head table where the happy couple’s parents were standing, leaving Jimin still standing there looking lost and confused.

Shrugging, the girl pulled out her phone once more and proceeded to tell everyone she knew about how her dorky cousin’s wedding had suddenly become a lot cooler.


	54. Chapter 53 – End of an era

“We are gathered here today,” Jonghyun began somberly, “to remember the life of someone important to all of us. Park Sungkyu was an inspiration in the composing community and to all those he worked with.” Jonghyun raised his arms and spread them wide, as if encompassing all those gathered at the people. “He inspired us all to work harder, to be kinder and to do our very best each and every day. I think I speak for us all when I say that there has been a great loss in the composing community this day and it is unlikely the field will ever be the same.” Jonghyun rubbed his eyes with one hand before he continued speaking, “So, I would like to raise a toast. A toast to the most wonderful mentor a person could ask for and my guide over the last ten or so years. To Park Sungkyu.”

“Park Sungkyu!” The assembled people chanted, some more enthusiastically than others.

The group took up an entire corner of one of Jonghyun’s mentor’s favourite restaurants. The restaurant specialised in home-style Korean cooking and Sungkyu would often head there after work for a bowl of their stews. At the table were many people who knew Sungkyu in various ways, most of whom Jonghyun knew well – there was a couple at one end of the table that Jonghyun didn’t personally know but, judging by the male’s slick business suit, he was a big-wig of some sort.

All the people were all looking at him with varied expressions. The employees of the purchasing office, where Jonghyun used to work, were looking on with small smiles. The other big names from the composition crew at SM Entertainment had long-suffering looks, like they were too used to Jonghyun’s antics. The unknown-couple looked confused, as if they weren’t sure what to think of the blonde and Sungkyu’s wife and daughter looked disapproving. Although, their frowns could be due to their innate dislike of Jonghyun ever since he burnt a hole in their table cloth the one and only time Sungkyu had invited him for dinner at his home. In his defense, the blonde had been telling a story about how he was often clumsy and, to illustrate a key point of the tale, he had made a dramatic hand gesture and had knocked the candle off a decorative table decoration. The resultant fire hadn’t even been that big, the two women just held a grudge, apparently. Finally, at the very head of the table, the man himself had his face in his hands and was shaking his head in disbelief.

“You make it sound like I died, Jonghyun. I’m retiring, not disappearing forever.” The elder composer commented.

“You basically did, old man.” Jonghyun teased, flopping back into his seat and exchanging a high-five with Youngchul who sat next to him. “You cut me off and everything.”

All conversation halted as a waitress approached their table with a large pot of stew in her hands. She placed the meal in the middle of the large table and mentioned that she would be back with the remainder of the food momentarily. Soon the sound of many people serving themselves and beginning to eat permeated their side of the restaurant. The waitress, a young, nervous-looking woman in her early twenties (if Jonghyun had to guess), hovered around their table until she was certain everything was to their liking.

After five minutes of solid eating, Sungkyu turned to Jonghyun and placed his chopsticks down on top of his rice bowl, “I’m not cutting you off, you know?”

“I do.” Jonghyun said, his mouth full of kimchi. Chewing quickly and swallowing the mouthful, he continued to speak, “I was just messing around. I know you wouldn’t do that.”

“I wouldn’t.” Sungkyu agreed. “If you ever need help or my input, I’m always willing to give you it.” Jonghyun went to speak however Sungkyu didn’t allow him to, “But, I don’t think you need me. You’ve been in this industry for years now. You’re leaps and bounds ahead of where I was at your age. I mean, you’ve written hit songs for nearly every major group under SM Entertainment at this point. It’s a major feat and you achieved that all on your own. You don’t need me anymore.”

Jonghyun sniffled lightly, then much harder, trying to disguise the sudden burst of emotion his mentor’s words had given him. “Who would ever need you?”

Sungkyu chuckled, seeing straight through his protégé’s blasé words. Reaching out, he wrapped one arm around the blonde man’s shoulders and pulled him tight against himself. “Clearly not you.”

“Exactly,” Jonghyun agreed, pulling away from the older man and smiling at him. “Hey, this pork looks delicious. I gotta try some of this.” Jonghyun gasped and grabbed his chopsticks, grabbing a piece of meat and stuffing it in his mouth. The blonde ignored the stifled chuckles emanating from those of the purchasing department and from Sungkyu himself and pretended he hadn’t done anything embarrassing.

“Are you looking forward to your days of relaxation?” Junghee asked the composer. Despite not working in the same department, the woman had become fast friends with the composer during the time he worked in the office next door.

“Absolutely,” The man grinned, swallowing his mouthful of rice. “I have so much DIY I need to finish.”

The man’s wife coughed obnoxiously, “You’ll never finish those, dear. No matter what you say.”

The man puffed up, offended for a second, before the truth of the woman’s words hit him. “Yeah, I suppose.” He agreed, shrugging awkwardly.

Jonghyun chuckled, the sound muffled around a mouthful of broccoli. The man was famous around the office for his inability to finish any household project. At one point, Jonghyun and Sungho had had a running bet going about when the man would finish rebuilding the step outside his house. However, after over a year of the man continuing to say he would finish it ‘eventually’, the pair had given up the bet as pointless as it was never getting done. At least, not by Sungkyu himself – a professional had eventually been called by the composer’s impatient wife and the project had been finished without Sungkyu’s input, much to the man’s chargrin.

“So, Jonghyun,” The blonde’s mentor spoke, ignoring the laughs of his ex-coworkers and his wife, “how’s your composition going? I heard SHINee approached you again.”

Jonghyun chuckled, seeing the man’s question as exactly what it was – an evasive measure, “They always approach me, you know that. Onew loves me.”

Jonghyun was willing to be candid around these people. Sungkyu was the only person at the table who knew the true nature of his relationship with the idol. However, the other people at the table – with the exception of the big-wig couple – knew Jonghyun well enough to assume he was friends with the man. Thus, his statement, if overheard by those at the table, would not sound too suspicious.

“I hear Taemin also approached you about his latest solo project.”

“He did.” Jonghyun agreed.

“I’m jealous of how much SHINee loves you.” One of the other composers at the table commented. Jonghyun wasn’t sure he knew the man’s name. He was younger, a new hire, roughly twenty five years of age, who worked in the composition office. Jonghyun, due to the overcrowded conditions when he first started to work at SM Entertainment, had avoided ever having to work in that office and, after his placement with SHINee, the blonde had been relocated to his own personal office. The higher-ups were apparently very impressed with his work and determined that he would function better with his own private work space.

“It’s well earned.” Sungkyu commented. “Few people have such innate understanding of a group’s musical skills as Jonghyun does for SHINee.

Jonghyun grinned at his mentor, feeling proud. “Thanks boss.”

“Not your boss, anymore.” Sungkyu commented, idly.

Jonghyun pouted, stuffing a piece of meat in his mouth. “You’ll always be my boss.” He commented around his mouthful.

“And you’ll always be the pretentious nineteen year old I first met. With your punky three-toned hair and a closet love for SHINee.”

Jonghyun pouted, “You said my hair was good.”

“I thought it looked good,” Youngchul commented, reaching over Jonghyun for access to the kimchi.

“Did you ever even see that hair style?” Jonghyun asked, unsure.

“I don’t know. I just wanted to be involved in the conversation.” The purchasing manager shrugged. Jonghyun snorted a laugh and patted the man on the shoulder. The older man shrugged off the appendage and grabbed another load of kimchi, shoving it in the blonde’s mouth before he could say anything in response. “Eat up and pipe down. The adults need to talk now.”

Jonghyun swallowed loudly and gasped, the kimchi was spicy, “I am thirty years old! How am I not an adult?”

“Pretentious nineteen year old.” Sungkyu commented, chuckling.

Jonghyun pouted and crossed his arms. Sungkyu, taking pity on him, patted him on the head and said, only a touch condescendingly, “Honestly, you’ve grown into a fine man. I’m honoured to have called you my pupil.” Jonghyun sniffed a little, taking another bite of his rice. “Your compositions were always good but, over the years I have watched you learn and grow and now you are writing some incredible pieces of music.”

“They aren’t that good,” Jonghyun denied, waving off the compliments.

“I have learned many things from you-“

“Not as much as I have from you,”

Sungkyu continued as if he hadn’t been interrupted, “and your work inspired mine in many ways. When you got offered that job with SHINee, I was so proud. I felt like you had finally matured and become a composer in your own right. It might be a little selfish of me, but I like to attribute a little of your growth to myself.”

“Nearly all my growth is because of you.” Jonghyun said, his voice suspiciously uneven. “Although, being offered the SHINee job was only because I was friends with Onew at the time.”

“That might be why you were initially considered,” Sungkyu agreed, “but you know you wouldn’t have gotten the job if you didn’t have the talent.”

Jonghyun looked up at the man. He did know that, innately. However, he still had doubts about his work and he was always appreciative of people complimenting him. “I guess so.”

“I know so. I also know that now, now that I have retired, you will thrive even more. As one of the greatest composers I have ever met, I know that you will be able to handle any and all challenges sent your way from now on. I know for a fact that you just got asked to compose the title track for that upcoming new boy group.”

“That was you!?” The same young composer from earlier exclaimed. Apparently, he was still listening to their conversation. After a quick scan of the table, Jonghyun confirmed that it wasn’t just the young composer. Absolutely everyone else at the table was listening too. Which would have been fine but Jonghyun could feel his face getting red and his eyes getting wetter, the more his mentor spoke. He knew he cried easily and he knew that he wasn’t the cutest crier out there. He wasn’t sure this was how he wanted to be seen by many of his coworkers.

“I know that you will do as amazing a job as you have on any of your previous pieces and I know you will continue to do so in the future.”

“I thought we were here to honour you. Not to talk about me.” Jonghyun said, wiping his eyes in his napkin, sniffing obnoxiously.

“Come here,” Sungkyu said, gesturing towards the blonde. Jonghyun hesitated for a second before giving in and embracing the older man fully. “You were rarely at the office at the same time as me anyway. It’s not like anything is going to change with me gone.”

“I know,” Jonghyun said, his voice muffled in his mentor’s shoulder, “It just feels like the end of an era.”

Sungkyu pulled him closer temporarily before releasing him. “You’re still the teenage sap I first met.”

Jonghyun pulled away completely, ignoring the coos from Junghee and the snickers from Youngchul, and smiled wetly at his mentor and, by all intents, one of his closest friends. “Good luck with your retirement. I hope you get all those DIY projects finished.” Jonghyun said, “You deserve all the relaxation and rest you can get after putting up with me all these years.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER NOTES: and that’s the end of the official chapters. Only the epilogue(s) left to go now.


	55. Chapter 54 – Epilogue part 1

_www.kpopnews.com/article/2021/01/SHINee-final-concert_

**_SHINee announces final ever concert_ **

_21 January, 2021_ – _2:58pm_

_Following a six month hiatus after the release of their latest album, the 4-member group SHINee announced that they will be holding their last ever live concert on Valentines Day (February 14th) this year._

_An SM Entertainment representative commented that:_ “After 13 years together, this concert will be SHINee’s last performance as a group” _and Taemin confirmed on his social media that the information was correct._

_Following their final show it is unclear what will become of the members. However, with successful solo careers already under their belts it is likely that the foursome will not disappear from our screens any time soon._

_Concert tickets go on sale at 11:00am on February 1st at [/link to ticket sales website]. Will you be there?_

_Source:_ SM Entertainment, Taemin SNS

_-_

**_StuckOn_ ** **_ew_ **

_10.50pm 21.01.21_

**_The end of SHINee_ **

_Today is a sad day in the SHINee fandom. If you weren_ ’ _t aware, SHINee announced today that they are going to split as a group._

_[/link to news article]_

_[/link to Taemin_ ’ _s social media post]_

 _I am happy for the group to go off and do their own thing. We all know Minho has been getting more and more into his acting recently. Taemin_ ’ _s solo work is really kicking off. Key has shown a lot of interest recently in creating his own fashion line or hosting his own show on TV. Onew_ … _I_ ’ _m not actually sure about Onew. He_ ’ _s been dropping ambiguous hints recently about settling down and getting out of the spotlight for a while. I personally think he would make a fantastic behind the scenes guy. I can see him training all the newbies in the industry. Compared to every other idol out there, he_ ’ _s had so few scandals, he_ ’ _d be the perfect role model for the kiddies._

_Anyway, enough about Onew, this post is about SHINee._

_So, I_ ’ _m going to do anything to get a ticket to that show. I know it will be a fantastic show and I know they will perform a proper farewell. I can_ ’ _t miss that. Who else will I see there?_

_I guess, as a sort of tribute to SHINee, we could all comment our favourite SHINee moment from the past 13 years._

_My favourite moment has got to be way back at the beginning. Remember when SHINee won their first ever award for Love Like Oxygen? Their expressions were so cute and amazing. The only member who didn_ ’ _t cry was baby Taeminnie, it was so cute. He even gave the speech because the other members were all dying tooo much. It was so amazing. Then Onew, looking like such a child bowed so thankfully and was so so happy for himself and his group. I_ ’ _ve never seen Key so emotional before or since. He was so worried to show his face. Then their performance. They covered their tears and wavering voices so well. I remember being so proud of all of them. I was such a new fan at the time (we all were, it was so close to their debut) and I was totally in love already. They were everything (still are tbh)_

_[/link to video of their first win]_

_I_ ’ _m sorry I couldn_ ’ _t find a better quality video. This is from so long ago that it_ ’ _s so hard to find good quality ones. I really tried._

 _So, what_ ’ _s your favourite moment? I_ ’ _m really interested to know._

 _And let_ ’ _s support all the boys in their future endeavors. I know they will continue to do great things and I wish them all the best._

 ** _Taeminnienini  
_**_It_ ’ _s so sad. I really don_ ’ _t want them to break up as a group D: ****  
Oh, favourite moment. My favourite moment is definitely when they performed at the Tokyo Dome for the first time. They were so excited and so thankful. It was beautiful to watch. I loved it._

**_Angels1253_ ** **_  
_ ** _THEYRE BREAKING UO?!!?!!! NO THEY CANT I CANT NO MY HEART HURTS WHYYYYYYYYY_

**_Keytar  
_**_My favorite moment isn_ ’ _t really one moment. I just love all their interacts and the way they seem to be the best of friends. Its so rare_ _to see amongst idol groups, especially some of the more recent ones, and it makes me really sad. To see SHINee so happy together is my favourtie._

**_TaemintToTheMax_ ** **_  
_ ** _Aaaaaaaaaaa!!!! THEY CANT BREAK UP!!! D: my favourite moment was when I saw them live for the first timein 2011, they were so gooooooooddddd_


	56. Chapter 55 – Epilogue part 2

Jonghyun wasn’t mentally prepared for this. He and the rest of SHINee – along with all their staff, Manager and other associated personnel – had been planning, organising and working out the logistics of this event for months now. However, in all that time, Jonghyun had not had enough time to fully come to terms with what was happening.

SHINee was over. This was the last SHINee show he would ever see. Something that had been so integral in his life for so many years was coming to an end. He wasn’t sure how he was meant to react to this.

He was happy, of course. This ending signified a new beginning for the SHINee members, both as people and in their working life. They had been discussing the end of the group for a while. Each member had other projects they wished to work on that were not possible if they remained as a group. However, each member had also presented reasons not to end their group promotions, each and every time it had come up in conversation. Maybe there was this new song that Jonghyun had written that they really wanted to release. Maybe Onew had a big charity event coming up and he didn’t wish SHINee’s end to eclipse that news and reduce the amount of good he could do. Maybe a terminally ill child had wished for them to visit for Make a Wish. Maybe Key just got hired as the MC of a new music show and didn’t want to lose his spot. Every time there was something, small or large, that made splitting up the group a bad idea at the time.

However, recently, Minho had been approached to act as the lead in a drama. It was a big role, far more long-reaching than his previous roles, and would require a significant dedication of time to complete to a satisfactory degree. When he had approached the other members, looking apologetic yet excited, a few months previous, the offer clutched in one hand, he had broached the topic of a final end for the group once more.

Finally having a definite reason to end, the other members had agreed easily and plans had been set in motion. The higher-ups had needed a little persuading to accept the members’ choice but they soon agreed. There had been a few stipulations to the break up that the SHINee members were more than willing to comply with; The group was to release one final album and complete a large farewell concert – as well sign an agreement that best-of albums could be released in the future. In fact, Taemin had confessed to Jonghyun after their meeting that, if the higher-ups hadn’t stipulated that, the group would have suggested it anyway. It only seemed far to the fans who had stuck with them all this time.

However, this process was clearly not easy on the members, despite their unanimous agreement this was the best option for their futures. Jonghyun had never seen them perform their choreography as enthusiastically as they were on this stage and he had never before seen them give so much to their performances. Onew’s voice was reaching heights Jonghyun hadn’t heard outside of the recording booth and Minho’s rap was more powerful than it had ever been. Each member looked happy to be out on that stage, bathed in neon light and cheered on by thousands of fans, but they also looked sad, with an underlying current of desperation and loss. There was an tinge of melancholy surrounding the entire stadium at the realisation that this was their last shot at this, as a group. Sure they may come back together in the future, as a one-off reunion or for a special performance, but it wouldn’t be the same. Not like it was now. Not like this.

From backstage, Jonghyun could see the tears Key tried to hide as he danced his way across the stage. From the end of the very first song, his eyes had been suspiciously red and wet, however he had hidden it well. The others were also looking a little emotional. In their first speech segment, Onew’s voice had wobbled suspiciously at times and even Minho’s deep timbre sounded a little less steady than normal. Taemin, the little shit, appeared as unaffected as ever, however, Jonghyun could see his emotions in his dance moves. They were sharper, more powerful and more filled with emotion than Jonghyun had ever seen them before. Like Taemin was conveying all the emotions he couldn’t convey on his face through the way he moved his body.

Honestly, Jonghyun was also emotional. For so many years, he had been going to see SHINee in concert. Initially he had attended as a closet fan, using his sister as a shield, and watched, awed but trying to hide it, as these vigorous young men danced and sang to the best of their ability and were so _so_ happy to do so. Then, Jonghyun had attended as an open fan. The idols were older then but no less enthusiastic as they performed; Their joking and playing around on stage made Jonghyun love them all the more. When Jonghyun attended as an SM Entertainment employee, the concerts felt different in so many ways but exactly the same in others. Their performance was as polished as ever and their songs were the same ones that made the blonde man fall in love with the group in the first place but he also had new knowledge to apply to the situation. He knew exactly how long that one dance move during _Why So Serious?_ had taken Minho to perfect and exactly how many hours Taemin had worked on that high note. He knew Key spent hours making sure his outfit was perfect before the show and he also knew that Onew had been asleep from the end of rehersal until five minutes before curtains up. The most recent shows he had seen he had even more knowledge to apply, that gained from many many years of friendship and camaraderie. He knew when Onew had performed a move slightly wrong because his facial expression would become glassy and fixed as he tried to hide his pain and annoyance. He knew how frustrated Taemin became when he messed up a dance move, even though he was the only one who would know he had done so. He knew that Key and Minho had worked for weeks and weeks to choose and create a performance for their collaboration song in order to make it enjoyable for the audience.

Jonghyun knew all this and to know that after this show, these events would only be memories and this road ended here was a little sad. Grinning at the stage, as he saw Onew looking over at him, he wiped his eyes with one hand. He was a little shocked to feel how wet they came away, he hadn’t realised how much he had been crying.

He chuckled wetly as Taemin also looked in his direction, spinning around fully to look at him between songs. The idol stuck his tongue out, clearly mocking how emotional the composer had become. Jonghyun sent a rude gesture back, resulting in a scandalised look from Key, who had happened to look over at that moment, and a laugh from the youngest SHINee member.

The music ended and Jonghyun observed as a strange stillness stole over the crowd. The idol group had just finished performing one of their newer songs and had entered a talk segment of their show. Usually, the group would leave the stage as the video played and they changed outfits, but this time, they remained, watching along with their fans. The group watched as intently as the crowd did as the message played.

Jonghyun had been with them as they filmed this message. Instead of the usual cinematic, arty clip, the group had instead gone for a tour of important places to them. It started with Taemin, who took the camera to the dance practice room, the wall deliberately redone with the iconic blue clouds. This was a place that was well known to SHINee fans. The videoed Taemin spun around in the room, laughing as he fell to the ground as he talked about the many hours he had spent in that room, both alone and with the rest of the group. He mentioned the fun times they had – the times when Onew fell and managed to wipe out Key and Minho as he did so, the times they ate together, played together and filmed together - as well as the sad times – the times when they felt like they had failed the fans, when they spent more time crying than anything else. The camera then switched to Key who took the camera crew on a tour of a small office deep in the bowels of SM Entertainment, explaining that this small room was where he and the rest of the group were first informed that they were to be just that; a group - prior to that they had been a rag tag group of trainees with no particular purpose and after that moment they became a family. The shot changed again, switching to Minho who was kicking up a football in a small field. Jonghyun, along with many of the crowd chuckled as the male talked about how he used to play football here with the members when they all lived in their first apartment and how it helped them bond and come together, no matter how much some members complained about the activity. The camera shot then changed one final time, this time focusing on Onew. SHINee’s leader was sat out the front of the very venue they were currently in. He talked about how far the group had come and how incredibly proud he was of all they had achieved. He mentioned how they had started, performing to their vocal and dance instructors in a training room, to debuting in front of a live audience and feeling like their hearts were in their throats. He talked about their growth, playing shows across Korea to steadily larger and larger audiences, their discovery that they had fans abroad and even managing to perform stadium concerts in a country where no one spoke their language. To their end, he thanked everyone profusely, fan, staff member and group member alike and wished them all the best in their future endeavours.

As the final shot of the film – a panning shot of the stage set-up – faded, the hush of the crowd remained. When the screen fully turned to black, that silence was broken all at once. A ripple of noise started from the VIP standing area and moved back through the venue until every person in the crowd was screaming and crying in support of the group.

Onew chuckled into the microphone, the sound strangely choked and muffled, “Thank you. All of you. It’s because of you that we could come so far.

“And we are endlessly grateful for all the support you have given us.” Key chimed in, speaking over the noise of the crowd.

 “We’ve come to the last song.” Minho commented, waiting for the screams of dismay and boos of dislike to stop before he continued to speak. “I know, I’m sad too.”

“We won’t disappear from your lives.” Taemin said, grinning when the crowd screamed in response to his words. “We’ll all still be around in some capacity.” The crowd screamed once more.

“If you ever see us, out and about, come say hi. I know I’d love to reminisce!” Key said, grinning, even as tears streamed down his face.

Jonghyun couldn’t judge the rapper for his emotions. That film had been incredibly moving and had drawn tears – not long dried from his face – from his eyes once more. Looking out into the crowd, although it was hard to see from the side of the stage, many of the fans in attendance also seemed to be crying. Some had their arms around their friends, others appeared to have their faces buried in their hands. Honestly, Jonghyun understood all their emotions and he empathized fully. He had had far longer to come to terms with this than they had and he still didn’t feel prepared.

“I will continue with my solo work!” Taemin exclaimed, “Come see my shows and support my performances?” He asked, throwing a heart at the audience. From the screams he received in response, Jonghyun assumed they would do just that.

“I got an acting role,” Minho chipped in, grinning himself when the crowd screamed their approval. “It’s a big deal, I hope. I can’t tell you what yet but I hope it comes to fruition. I’m excited.”

“I got an MC spot.” Key said, “I’d love to see your comments in the contact us portion of the show.” He too threw a heart at the audience, smiling through his tears when they screamed back at him.

“I have nothing definite planned,” Onew said, drawing chuckles from the assembled crowd. “But before we go, I have something I would like to confess to you all.” Onew said, drawing strange looks from the other members of SHINee. Apparently he had not informed them of this ahead of time. Jonghyun was also unsure what was happening, Onew had given no indication he was going to say something special at this show.

“Wha-?” Taemin uttered, looking at his leader in confusion.

Onew ran a hand through his hair, as if unsure how he should start, “I guess I feel like I’ve been lying to you a little and you should know.” Murmurs of confusion spread through the crowd, sounding like a loud buzzing in the room. “For the past, hell close to ten years, I have been seeing someone wonderful.”

The assembled group members looked at the singer in confusion and worry as the crowd erupted in screams of shock. Some screams sounded happy, some sounded upset and some sounded heartbroken. Jonghyun chuckled at the strange shifts of emotion visible in the crowd.

Onew stayed quiet until the news sunk in. He lowered his microphone and conversed quietly with the other SHINee members. Jonghyun couldn’t hear their words, due to their lack of microphones, but he did see their expressions even out a little in understanding. Clearly, Onew had soothed their worries about his plans.

Taemin took over speaking, his words cutting through the sound of the crowd and causing them to gradually quiet down. “As some of you may know, Kim Jonghyun has been one of SHINee’s primary composers for years and is a close friend to all of us.”

“He’s basically the fifth member of SHINee with the amount of time he spends with us.” Minho chimed in.

Jonghyun watched in confusion as the group started discussing him. Apparently, the majority of the crowd was also confused by this sudden change in topic. Although, looking closely at the VIP section at the front, there were a few people whispering furiously to their friends and pointing at the stage. Apparently they had worked something out.

The composer was so distracted observing the crowd that he failed to notice Key approaching where he was standing. He certainly did notice however, when the rapper grabbed his wrist and pulled him onto the stage. He stumbled in an ungainly manner and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as he realised thousands of people had just witnessed him tripping over his own feet.

As he approached the other SHINee members he looked at them all in confusion, “What am I-“

“This,” Onew said, talking over the blonde, “is Kim Jonghyun. SHINee’s not-so-secret weapon. Can we show him some love?”

Jonghyun blushed a furious red as the crowd complied. The sound was so much more intense from here on the stage. The sounds of thousands of voices all screaming and cheering at once washed over him and it was exhilarating and terrifying in equal measure.

“This,” Onew repeated, “is also the love of my life and the man I hope to marry someday.”

Jonghyun spun around on the spot and looked at his boyfriend in shock. He had never heard those words from the man and, despite gay marriage not yet being legal in Korea, it was an incredibly touching sentiment. One he wholeheartedly agreed with. However, what was more shocking was that Onew had just outed himself to the entirety of this crowd and soon, the entirety of Korea.

Gay rights were slowly gaining momentum in the country. More than one celebrity had come out with their sexuality and been accepted by the public with minimal backlash. However, none were as famous as Onew and none had done so in such an obvious and startling manner.

Luckily, the crowd didn’t seem adverse to the idea. Jonghyun supposed that was partially because many had already put two and two together from the idols’ previous statements and those who did disagree were drowned out by the screams from the rest. Their screams had changed in pitch and intensity and there was a strange undercurrent of other noise underneath that Jonghyun was sure were many people expressing their shock.

The blonde didn’t have much time to consider these facts as his boyfriend approached him, unbeknownst to Jonghyun who was deep in thought, and kissed him firmly on the lips, knocking all rational thought from his head.

Jonghyun looked up at the singer as he pulled away and knew his face must be a picture. Shock and confusion were the two emotions he was feeling most strongly at that moment and he wasn’t quite sure how he should act in this situation.

“Now,” Onew continued, “we have one final song to sing. I would like to invite Jjong to sing along with us-“

“Jinks?” Jonghyun asked in shock as a microphone was thrust into his hands.

Onew ignored his boyfriend’s words and carried on speaking. “This is a song written specially for this event to honour you, the fans.”

“Let’s go!” Minho cheered, pumping his arm in the air as the backing track began to play.

Jonghyun felt himself being swept along with the atmosphere as he clutched his microphone and moved in close to the SHINee group huddle that was forming.

“Let’s do this!” Taemin cheered, whooping happily.

“Fighting!” Key and Onew cheered.

Jonghyun chuckled as he too whooped. This may be SHINee’s last stage. He may currently be on stage in front of thousands of people. He may have just been outed to the same people. But he couldn’t care less because he was here with Onew. Onew and some of his closest friends and they were all about to blow the roof off this building.

Sure, there were many challenges to come. That’s a given in life. However, Jonghyun couldn’t care less. He was exactly where he wanted to be.

His life was nothing like he could have imagined it would be when he was nineteen.

No, it was better.

Here he was, on stage with his favourite group, openly dating his favourite member and unashamed to admit any of it. He was finally able to say that he was the BlingBling he had wanted to be when he was nothing more than a closeted teenager afraid to tell his friends about his favourite group.

He was a SHINee fanboy and he was proud to admit it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>    
> CHAPTER NOTES: So… that’s it. That’s the end. Thank you for coming along for the ride and thank you for sticking with me for so long. This fic has been in my life for so long (well over a year now), that it’ll feel strange to not have it anymore.
> 
> Once again, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it <3


End file.
